Why You Have to Love Yourself

There’s a saying that before everyone else can love you, you have to love yourself FIRST.

That’s the problem with sayings, you never fully understand them when you hear them at first. It’s like someone telling you some feel good bullsh*t and you just nod your head and you go on your day.

I have a daughter and I want her to have the best life she can have. And as I reflect on my own life, I can to a strong realization: Actually, I’ve always had guys I’ve dated follow me to do my biding.

Every guy I dated did my laundry.

One guy even picked my dirty clothes from my place, launder it, hang it, fold it and deliver it back.

He stuck around despite the fact he was my personal labandera.

One guy dated me for 2.5 years despite the fact that he was a super light sleeper and I was sadly the snorer.

He still stuck around. No wonder he was so exhausted all the time!

My husband still married me despite my crazy episodes. There we were in beautiful Santorini and I was bawling my eyes out and complaining to a random woman just because he wouldn’t want to accompany his wife to see the sunset.

We did see the sunset eventually. It was fine.

For every woman I know who walks on eggshells around their significant others, there was me who would tell her husband off if he’s being a complete ass who keeps on shouting at his wife.

Just the other day, I called him out because he refused to help out unless I ask him using the correct terms. He had a problem on how I phrases the question,

It eventually ended in an argument where I felt he was criticizing the question because he was too lazy at that time to even bother helping. I didn’t talk to him for an hour or too.

For everything that I dare do with my husband — like to drag him seeing musicals that I love even if he cares nothing for them — there is an equivalent woman who shuts up and meekly follows her husband even to the detriment of her needs and wants.

My heart breaks when I see this.

Women beaten.

Women cheated on.

Women who force themselves to be silent.

Women who demur their needs over someone else.

Women who are afraid of their bad tempered husbands.

Ladies, WHY ARE YOU AFRAID?

It boggles my mind when abused women do not leave because they are afraid of losing their men, their very source of fear.

I don’t understand why a woman will accept another person’s bad treatment, up to the point of being depressed themselves, just because they love him.

Ladies, that isn’t love.

Guys who love you don’t beat you up.

They don’t cheat at you because they know they will lose you when they do.

They don’t scream at you to submit and control your every move just because they assume you are cheating elsewhere.

Guys who love you shouldn’t scare you to death.

As I scan through my Facebook page, I saw happy photos. They were of my weird friends. The crazy ones who always followed their own beats and danced at the party as if no one was watching.

They were different — The way they talked, walked and ran their lives.

These weird friends had a great time just being themselves and didn’t give a shit on what anyone thought.

I honestly thought they would end up being single the rest of their lives.

Like seriously, who would want them?

More personally, who would want me?

The woman who spoke her mind all the time even if it was inappropriate.

The woman who snored.

The woman who placed her work above family.

The woman who hated doing domestic work and would let her laundry pile up for months.

The woman who refused to be wrong and will argue to you to death until proven right.

Everyone thought I would remain single.

Ironically, I ended up with someone who accepted all my thoughts and more.

Did I just get lucky?

Did I win the lottery?

Not really.

I think because I didn’t care too much of what other people think, by time and natural selection, I unconsciously filtered out those guys who wouldn’t like me until I found the guys who accepted and adored me and my quirks.

We are so afraid to lose the men in our lives that we hold onto them even if they make us unhappy.

Since I wasn’t too afraid to lose them, I ended up with guys who followed me and allowed me to be me.

And since they already know who I am on the get go, the men in my life usually lets me be when I do crazy things most women cannot get away with.

And since I am just being me, I am a way happier and fulfilled person.

I don’t sacrifice myself, my principles or my being to please anyone. I live my life fully at my own terms.

Unlike other women, I was single for years at a time. Most guys who met me scoffed and went for the meeker sheep who followed and serviced them all the time.

I didn’t service guys too much. They can get their own water thanks very much.

I turned off the very guys who would have made me unhappy. Because being with them meant I had to sacrifice my being me to be aith them.

So I ended up alone, until I met guys who thought I was the greatest thing ever.

They were the guys I dated, and one of them stuck long enough for me to marry him.

Why don’t other people be themselves more?

Are you afraid people will not like or care for you if you don’t?

If your friends cannot accept that, then why are you friends with them still?

If your boyfriend/partner frowns upon it, do you think you can tolerate such partner for the rest of your lives?

If your family can’t deal with it, who says you have to be with them 24/7?

My point is, it is very liberating to be yourself. To march in your own drum.

Loving oneself = Having the courage to BE YOURSELF.

You can be yourself and still be loved.

If other people don’t, that’s their problem, not yours.

Why do you not start loving yourself today?

Comments appreciated. Happy Mother’s Day everyone!

About Bonita

I'm a forgetful person. But I think a lot. Every day, a lot of thoughts enter my head. That's why this blog came to be: first, to keep my memories alive through the years, and two, to actually see how I and my thoughts have changed. Please note that I seldom draft or edit my posts. Sometimes, if I'm not careful, I offend some of you, my readers. And while I apologize for making you feel uncomfortable, I am not sorry for being honest or for making well-intentioned mistakes. I will however be the first to admit if I change my mind. Hence, do read and proceed with caution. My life is as colorful and as boring as you make it. I complain many days, but offer some encouragement in others. Life is fluid, it changes. So keep the positives and throw away the negatives, and I do hope that at the end of the day, you will enjoy reading the blog and leaving comments here and there if my posts touches you. Happy reading!
This entry was posted in Advice, Boyfriend, Conflicts, Favorite Posts, Filipino Men/Women, First Days of Marriage, First Experiences, Husband, Life lessons, lovelife, Marriage, Men, Reflections, Relationships and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply