One of the most frustrating things I experience is being lied to.
People lie to me everyday.
Now when I say the word “lie,” I mean this in the strictest sense. A lie is a false statement. There is a deliberate intent to deceive.
And while I believe that many people lie every day, many do so with a clear conscience.
Maybe because they don’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings. The truth hurts so maybe they believe that they’d want to spare that person’s feelings so as to maintain a good relationship.
Maybe because they believe that it’s better to lie and to shrug off the issue, than to confront the other person of the truth. Because why pick a fight when you can just gloss things over?
Maybe it’s because they believe that a little white lie won’t hurt. So lying a small lie is the price to pay to not be hated.
There are a gazillion reasons to lie. Here are at least 13 of them. People do not think they are bad people for lying, as long as the intent is not malicious.
But for me, lying hurts. Lying deceives. And lying causes many problems in the long-run.
Personally, honesty for me is at the utmost priority.
I actually married my husband because he’s very direct and brutally honest, almost at a fault. He will say in your face that you are stupid if you ask stupid questions. He will say that you’re lazy if you didn’t get things done. And he has no qualms to say you’re a bad person if you indeed did something bad.
Sometimes, I get hurt too when he tells me things I don’t like to hear. Husband can be very tactless, and sometimes, I have to tell him to tone it down a bit.
But hey, overall, I cannot complain. I asked God for honesty, and He gave me honesty. And as much that the truth hurts, it’s better to be slapped with the truth than to delude yourselves with lies.
I carry the same standard over my life and business.
I like to surround myself with people who will simply answer my questions already and don’t mask their incompetence with lies.
Sure, it doesn’t mean that my people are never negligent or incompetent — because they are at times — but at least they do not delude themselves into thinking that they are so good, when they are not.
I prefer them to look at the mirror and see the naked truth. It is the only way they can change and improve.
So I tell myself and them, Talk is cheap. Tell me WHAT YOU HAVE DONE.
In life, it’s better to focus on what’s been done than to what the person is saying.
People can talk about their dreams. Their delusions. Their ambitions. And what they want to do.
Very few people actually do it.
I learned that it’s better to see what people are doing, than what they are saying. Here are a few quotes that I truly believe in.
So if someone tells me, sure, I’ll get it done. I tell them, “Okay, I’ll wait until you’ve almost finished because I believe you.”
If people say we can depend on him/her to do a good job, I pause first and wait and see what he does first before trusting the person.
Not everyone does what they say.
Talk is cheap.
But actions — you follow the actions.
A close relative for example is a man of many words. He can babble the entire day and the entire night. One of his dreams is to be an entrepreneur, and he talks about building and managing his own business so he can be rich.
The only problem is, after years of knowing him and listening to all of his business ideas, none of his business ideas seem to stick. Something, somewhere falls apart and he is left with a bruise ego, an irate and angry investor and a lot of failed dreams.
He still talks of his dreams and ambitions every day.
Personally, I think they are delusions… delusions until something concrete comes out from it.
Talk is cheap. What do you have to show for it anyway?
This close relative has expressed surprise on why I am so performance based. “Do you mean that if your daughter achieves nothing, you will feel she is nothing?” he asked.
“Actually yes,” I answered. “To more is given, more is expected. And she has no excuse but to fail.”
I think you have to walk the talk. You have to show something for your words. There must be concrete actions and consequent results.
Otherwise, everything’s just bullsh*t.
Yes, people lie everyday. Maybe we need to make ourselves feel better. Maybe we feel that we need to hide from the truth because we don’t want to admit we are incompetent losers who can’t get shit done.
But I’d rather be honest with other people, and with myself.
I am still far away from the success I want to be. To be honest, I still have a long way to go. But admitting it is not a sign of weakness. It’s the truth. And before I delude myself into thinking this is the best I can do, I would rather challenge myself to be better.
How about you? Do you walk the talk?