I think marriage is about getting along with another person.
Day in and day out, you’re pretty stuck with each other. And if you don’t get along well with each other, then life can really be hell.
That’s why it’s really important to marry someone you can really get along with, someone who shares the same wavelength as you. The more you have in common, the better your chances would be.
Imagine marrying someone with a different values system or religion as you. My husband insists for example that those who do not believe in the Lord Jesus Christ would not be saved. It would be an issue if I did not share the same beliefs. We will fight… unnecessarily.
It’s inevitable. When you do not share the same beliefs, arguments will come, tempers will flare and problems will escalate. Marriage is hard enough as it is.
I remember disagreeing with my husband last week. He said something that was hurtful to me, and because I was hurt, I refused to submit and follow him.
The more I became stubborn, the more frustrated he got. The angrier he got, the meaner things he said.
At that time, I did not want to touch him or talk to him.
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Why was my husband saying these things to hurt me, especially when we both knew that what he said were not true?!
“You wouldn’t want the answer,” my husband replied. “Actually, when I get angry at you, and you hurt me, the temptation to fight back and hurt you back is strong.”
It’s true what they say: Just like any other relationship, marriage is like maintaining a bank account. For every nice thing you do or say, you add money to that bank account. For every mean and hurtful thing you’ve done or didn’t do, you significantly reduce money from that bank account.
There are marriages that become depleted after so many hurtful exchanges. Imagine years of saying or doing things that would hurt each other!
Consequently, man and wife no longer sleep on the same beds. Or they live with each other, but do so out of tolerance and sheer obligation.
Conversations become dry.
When they do talk, it’s only about their children or their work. Gone are the times when they used to talk about sweet nonsense and their deepest thoughts.
As I look back in our seven months of marriage, I realize just how easy it is to fall into that trap of resentment.
“Matigas kasi ang ulo ng tao,” my mother would say (People are stubborn). “They always want to win. They never want to give way. But look, they may win the battle, but lose the war.”
A good friend of ours gave us this helpful tip before we got married, “What’s the use of being right if your marriage fails?”
“In the end, it’s all about submission,” my husband explained.
“Submission?” I asked.
“Yes, the Bible said women should submit,” he continued. “At first, it sounds so masochistic but actually it makes a lot of sense. Men have a lot of pride. If the woman is stubborn and does not submit, the husband’s pride would feel slighted, and the more he will not give the woman her way.”
“He will also start resenting her,” he added. “Hence, he wouldn’t like to talk to her, be with her, or have sex with her…”
“Are you saying that men would actually say no to sex?” I asked.
“Well, if you’re pissed at me, would you want to have sex with me?” he asked.
“No!” I answered.
“Well, there you go…”
Resentment is a tricky thing.
Resentment creeps in your marriage like a thief in the night.
At first it starts with one argument, then the next. Before you know it, you’ve thrown your husband out of the house and changed the locks!
So again, who is the bigger loser?
The husband who is out of the house, or the wife who is out of her marriage?
Fortunately, I am a lucky wife.
My husband for example knows how to say sorry. When he says hurtful things, he does apologize for them and do a lot of cute things that help you forgive him.
I also know how to say sorry.
Of the 10 things I say when I am angry, 50% is usually true and must be said, 30% is usually true but should NOT be said and 20% is very unfair and shouldn’t even leave my mouth.
In the end, we would rather choose to be married than to be right.
And once one gives way, everything falls back in love again.
“Are we friends now?” I asked my husband whenever we fight.
“Yup, we’re good now,” he says as he gives me a hug.
Marriage is all about getting along with your husband all day, every day.
So are you getting along with your husbands? To those who are single, still think that marriage is a walk in the park? 🙂