Why Can’t You Have It All?

Marriage is tough. The first week of my marriage, I felt stuck.

“This is for the rest of my life!!!” my mind screamed.

As a Christian and married to a twice married man, I knew that divorce for us was not an option. After fighting tooth, hand and nail for this relationship, failure is not an option. My pride couldn’t take the numerous “I told you so!” from families and friends!

It gets worse during your first fight. It makes you question as well if you’re ready for marriage, and if he is… And it can be scary just how uncaring both of you can seem to be.

That is why, it’s important to marry someone you really want.

Not because it’s “time” even though for women, I know that the ticking biological clock can be stressful.

Not because you’re forced to marry someone just because someone got “accidentally pregnant.” There are no accidents by the way. I wrote about that here.

Not because your parents or somebody else wants you too.

And not because you’ve been dating for a while and it’s what other people wants you too.

Don’t marry someone just because he’s a nice guy and you’re supposed to marry someone who can take good care of you. Don’t do it if the feelings aren’t really there.

Marriage is a risk. It’s a big leap forward. And damn it, if you’re going to take that chance, at least be man or woman enough to make that choice yourself.

The first days of marriage pushes this issue. You really have to marry your choice, and your choice alone. You really have to ask yourself, “Do I really really want this?”

Because hell, this is for the rest of your life.

Hence, the feeling of stuck issue. After the vows has been said and people are gone, it’s now just you and your partner. To be honest, you’re stuck with each other… For the rest of your life.

And honestly, despite our flaws, my husband makes it nice to be stuck with.

I’ve talked about how he made instant noodles and gave me a spoon. Simple joys but a reinforcement that my husband is not inconsiderate.

Yesterday, he made me coffee. Of course he didn’t have to and he didn’t know how to operate my Nespresso, but he tried and succeeded. And I was able to spend more time in the bathroom and also get my coffee. Sweet, ano?

My husband also helps fix things in the house. He did our laundry, put together our shoe rack and installed internet in our house. Now, that’s amazing for me. My own dad for example never lifts a finger in the house.

During our honeymoon, he tried as best as he can to bring my luggage.

Yes, my husband is very nice to me. He takes initiative and very sweet.

But him being nice isn’t enough. My ex, Trader, was nice but for the life of me, I couldn’t figure out why my feelings couldn’t exceed a certain level. With Trader, the anticipation wasn’t really there. I was bored.

Come hubby, so far, still not yet bored.

Despite an abundance of cute guys out there, I still find him cute. Sexy. “You look like one of the dudes in F4,” I teased him.

I think it all boils down to husband being my choice. I literally fought for him and believed in the relationship when others doubted.

If it succeeds, credit to us. If it fails, the blame falls on me too. I have nobody else to blame.

To have it all, you need to make your partner your choice. Otherwise, you would second guess him/her every step of the way.

I made my choice.

Have you made yours?

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About Bonita

I'm a forgetful person. But I think a lot. Every day, a lot of thoughts enter my head. That's why this blog came to be: first, to keep my memories alive through the years, and two, to actually see how I and my thoughts have changed. Please note that I seldom draft or edit my posts. Sometimes, if I'm not careful, I offend some of you, my readers. And while I apologize for making you feel uncomfortable, I am not sorry for being honest or for making well-intentioned mistakes. I will however be the first to admit if I change my mind. Hence, do read and proceed with caution. My life is as colorful and as boring as you make it. I complain many days, but offer some encouragement in others. Life is fluid, it changes. So keep the positives and throw away the negatives, and I do hope that at the end of the day, you will enjoy reading the blog and leaving comments here and there if my posts touches you. Happy reading!
This entry was posted in First Days of Marriage, Husband, Marriage, Personal opinion, Relationships and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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