June 14, 2014
We are two weeks into our marriage, and I’m writing this entry enroute to Amsterdam, our first stop on our extensive 3-week European honeymoon trip.
So how does it feel to be Mrs. XXXX?
For one, it’s obviously a change in status.
I call him My Husband now, and for those who are married, you can understand just how scary the initial days of doing this can be. People call me Mrs. XXXX now, instead of my usual Ms. <Unique Surname>.
“Don’t hyphenate your surnames,” he said. “Just use Bonita XXXX going forward.”
I know my husband would love for me to change my passport to reflect this status change. But given the hecticness of our schedules given our honeymoon and the hassle of making these official changes, I instead concede my updating my Facebook name for now.
Two, it’s also a transfer of families — from the protection of my own family to his.
Girls, be careful who you get married to. It’s true — you not only marry the man. You also marry the family. So when getting married, consider your future in-laws.
From the day I got married, I can no longer run to my mother’s without risking my husband’s anger. “She would think I am not taking care of you enough,” he reasoned out. “If you are happy and content, you usually don’t need to run to your mother’s for help.” The day before my wedding was the last day I’ll probably sleep beside my mother.
It only sinks in after the ceremony.
And you immediately miss something what you know you can never have in your entire life.
I guess that’s why people are so distraught about breaking up. Not that they really love that person that much, but more of bidding that person farewell, forever.
Three, this of course means cutting off part of your family. The relationship changes. Instead of placing your own family on higher priority, you have to place your husband and his family on a higher priority than yours.
My mother-in-law shares that when her younger daughter got married, she transferred her care to the husband. “I trust that he will take care of her now. So I don’t worry.”
“Leave and cleave,” my husband’s parents chide me. “Your mom needs to understand that you are in good hands. She doesn’t need to fuss as much anymore.”
My mom still calls me every day. She has a hard time leaving and cleaving. All throughout her married life, she’s always had someone by her side. When my dad was alive, it was my dad who kept her company all the time. In his death, it was either myself or my brother.
She calls me and asks how we are and reminds me of things I already know. I welcome these phone calls. I don’t think it’s a problem but my husband worries that my mom is having a hard time letting go. I think it’s safe to say it’s the both of us. Maybe he’s right, and I don’t deny it. But I think given how drastic the change is, it’s best to dip your feet into the pool instead of jumping in it immediately.
“Let her be,” I consoled my husband. “It has nothing to do with you. Rather, I’m her only daughter and I’m one hell of a daughter. So if it makes her happy giving me a call, let her be.”
Fortunately, my husband lovingly understands and let us be.
It’s a nice thing to miss family members. Sometimes, you take them for granted.
Lastly, it means that I have a constant companion for life. This can be a good or bad thing, depending on how you look at it.
It’s great in such that Mr. XXXX is always by my side. When I wake up. Get a bite to eat. Work. He goes off to his shop, but I see him later afterwards and we have dinner. Then we take a shower and relax by our TV.
It’s not that great when we are cross with each other.
That means you’re stuck with the person and have to resolve the issue together. It’s not like dating where you can dump each other and find somebody else. Marriage is for life, and you can see it as either being trapped, or being protected in the marriage in such that nobody leaves the other regardless of the reason.
And given that you’re stuck with each other, you make the best out of the relationship.
You realize you can’t do whatever you want and piss the other person anymore because damaging the relationship now would come back to you a gazillion times in the future. Hurting the other person meant hurting yourself if not now, then sometime tomorrow. So you grow the relationship. You do little things to improve it. You boost your partner up.
Because a happy partner means a happy life.
You know the adage, “Happy wife, happy life?”
Well it goes both ways.
When Mr. XXXX is happy, he makes me happy too.
So marriage do change people. Like for us, we do the same things as we did when we were dating, and yet, there are some differences.
And the differences is a good/bad thing depending on how you look at it.
Almost in Amsterdam for the first leg of our honeymoon.
Amsterdam: why Amsterdam?
Well, there’s the three Ws — Weed, whores and windmills. What’s not to like?
To more posts about being married. Sorry for the long hiatus, been really busy with wedding stuff. I’ll post wedding stuff when they’re available.
Love you all!