I’m Different

I worry about things most women do not worry about.

For one, I worry about money and income, and how to become financially independent. When I think about salary, I think about how your compensation is worth the time and effort spent into an activity. I think about how long I can stay doing that particular job and if long-term wise, it is of any use for me. Hefty salaries don’t really impress me that much, but how the job would work in my long-term goals do, and I am willing to work for cheap(er) if the job can teach me something, or can be a stepping stone for something long-term.

When I look at a property, I think about association dues, yields and how much rent or selling price per sqm. I look at who their previous tenant was, and how much rental can the surrounding areas be. I wonder how lucky or unlocky that property can be, and how you can make more money out of the property — even if I’m as poor as a mouse and don’t have any resources to develop one.

When I look at the person, I look at their eyes, to see how fast their eyes dart around, and how smart their answers can be especially when I throw them question after question in rapid-fire sequence. I observe how well traveled they are, and if they think the world is bigger than what we usually encounter after we wake up, eat then go to work. I like to work and chat with smart people. If your English is kind of poor, and if you’re left with uhms and ahs, that’s not a good sign and I quickly get bored.

When I go to the restaurant, I look at the ambiance, quality of food and service. But at the same time, I cannot help but wonder how much their rent is, on how much their overhead can be and whether the restaurant can make money, and how.

I worry about my livelihood and what business I can do in the future. It bothers me a lot that I don’t have a business I can call my own yet, and I worry that if I don’t build one soon, I would be left behind. Sure, it’s a me issue and nobody’s pressuring me to make more money (because I don’t), but still, I hope I can build one soon so I won’t worry too much.

I worry about whether a guy thinks I’m attractive and whether he feels I am interesting or not. I get a bit worried about crossing the line, and ensure I don’t give guys false hopes.

I worry about aging and looking good. And I worry about looking like an old aunt if ever I have children, if even I have any.

What do I not worry about?

I don’t worry about the trivial things.

Or dream about my wedding day. While I do know I hate the bridal march and want Pachebel Canon, I am resigned to my fate of actually being single for the rest of my life if that is what God wills it. I know I hate Chinese and prefer to have a sit-down dinner instead of a buffet, but that’s about planning I’ve done so far vs. other women who’s been dreaming about their wedding day since they could talk.

I don’t worry about not having close friends. I am okay with meeting my good friends once in a while, chatting and catching up with them, but I don’t mind if the next time they see me, or I see them is 6 months later. For me, friendships are forever and people are busy, and if they don’t return your call immediately, that’s fine. It’s not the end of the world.

I don’t really worry about being liked by everyone. I can say I am a bit of a polarizing spirit and that’s okay with me. As long as I am true to myself and I hurt no one, then it’s all good.

Fortunately and God willing I don’t really worry about my relationship with Boyfriend even though this year had been full of ups and downs. I’ve always believed that a woman should be with someone who treats her well and makes her happy. He does in both aspects, so yeah, on we go!

So in summary…

I am different, and I thank God for that. I am uniquely made — full of quirks and all. I know I am not perfect and I’ve made my fair share of mistakes but if I died tomorrow, I wouldn’t regret anything.

I’m different and so are you! Let us all celebrate our differences together!


About Bonita

I'm a forgetful person. But I think a lot. Every day, a lot of thoughts enter my head. That's why this blog came to be: first, to keep my memories alive through the years, and two, to actually see how I and my thoughts have changed. Please note that I seldom draft or edit my posts. Sometimes, if I'm not careful, I offend some of you, my readers. And while I apologize for making you feel uncomfortable, I am not sorry for being honest or for making well-intentioned mistakes. I will however be the first to admit if I change my mind. Hence, do read and proceed with caution. My life is as colorful and as boring as you make it. I complain many days, but offer some encouragement in others. Life is fluid, it changes. So keep the positives and throw away the negatives, and I do hope that at the end of the day, you will enjoy reading the blog and leaving comments here and there if my posts touches you. Happy reading!
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