I met a really cute guy yesterday. Let’s call him IR.
IR is in many ways a geek. He likes drafting, cosplaying and making his own anime figurines. IR is smart, as he graduated from the top university in the Philippines.
Confident, buffed (he really likes to exercise), and standing at 5″7′, IR is in many ways, a GREAT catch. Hell, even my boyfriend thinks so. In fact, my boyfriend introduced me to him.
Like many good-looking men however, IR wants it all.
He wants a 10 in terms of body, face, personality and brains.
Unfortunately, God is fair. He never really gives someone everything, and even then, these fortunate people die early, or are cursed with miserable relatives.
So when IR meets a woman, either they’re shallow, super pretty but not so interesting.
Or smart, interesting, but there’s no spark.
Given his confidence on who he is as a person, IR wants the perfect lady for him.
In a way, I agree.
You only marry once so it’s important you marry the best woman/man there is. And if you meet someone who’s perfect except (insert quality here), then you’d damn well grab this person and try to change this person into your ideal.
Unfortunately, this is NOT a lasting proposition.
Like I’ve said before, people cannot really change too much, unless a dramatic thing happened to them. Like for me, it took a breakup to bring me down to the floor.
Change has to be internal. From within. You can neither force it or will it.
Take for example, my brother’s girlfriend. She is a non-practicing Catholic. So every Sunday morning, we wake her up and invite her to go to church with us. My family is born-again Christians.
You can practically hear her drag her feet. In the beginning, she used to not be able to wake up for church, leaving us to go without her. Now, she’s a lot better but I have yet to hear her ask us to go to church that weekend.
In other words, she is making this change for my brother, and for the survival of their relationship since religion is something important for us. And yet, how sincere is this change, I do not know.
A sincere change by the way is when the change still keeps even though the reason for the change is no longer there. So you know she is sincere if (and it’s a big IF) they breakup and she still goes to church.
Well, I wouldn’t count on it.
Anyway, IR tries to keep on changing the women he dates. He wants them to be Christians and to be everything he wants. Which leaves him frustrated and angry. In the end, it doesn’t really work out because the women feel that they are disappointing him. When in fact, it’s not really their fault.
People do NOT change too much unless they really want to themselves.
I asked my boyfriend what he wanted changed about me.
Maybe it’s because we’re still relatively new (a happy 3 months old), but he told me that I’m perfect as I am, and there’s not a lot of things he wants to change about me, except maybe when he drives, and I become a backseat driver. That’s just irritating for him.
I am thrown back to my past relationship where I am perfect, and yet asked to change.
Change to being more domestic. More of a housewife.
Change to being more polite. Less tactless. Less direct.
Change to being less pushy. Less aggressive.
“No, you’re perfect as it is,” my boyfriend said as he kissed the top of my forehead. Of course, no one is perfect, but hey, at least close to perfection is good. 🙂
His friend asked me if there are still things I’d like to change about him.
I thought hard but quickly replied, “Hmmm… even if I want him to change, I don’t think I can really change him to someone he is radically not. And if I want him to actually change something, I think he would agree that it really needs changing.”
I don’t think I can make my boyfriend more polite. Less direct. Less arrogant. More docile. More superficial and knows about social graces.
No, my boyfriend is a bit too polite for most people. A lot rougher around the edges than other men.
But I knew that from the beginning, anot?
Despite his “imperfections,” nothing can really beat him being a great and generous person. Who works hard and is good at what he does. Someone who can lead and I can follow. And someone who makes me happy in a daily basis just because.
So yes, maybe I can change him.
But maybe changing him will transform him to someone I don’t even know.
Nope, that would be unfair.
Instead, the best way to accept him as he is, as he is accepting on who I am.
Because yes, he is IMperfect.
But for me, he is imperfectly perfect.
Have a great weekend ahead!