The Pros of Online Dating (And How I Met Someone There)

There were also a lot of cool surprises in the New Year.

I met someone in the end of August 2012.

After exchanging a gazillion emails, we met and hit it right off.

Everyone thought we were moving too fast. People became worried about this whirlwind romance.

But I was carried away.

I liked him for a multitude of reasons.

He also sent me flowers in my office (swoon!).

Did I tell you my weakness are fresh flowers? 🙂

I was giddy.

Even got a bit of flack on it by a long-time reader of my blog (Peace A Fan of B!). (Side note: Trader got engaged last November to someone whom he met when he was still dating me. Haha, and no, I’m not bitter.).

No matter — I am happy.

He makes me happy. 🙂

happy

Compared to before, I find myself laughing out loud a lot more. He can be funny without knowing it, and I laugh along with him.

It’s been awhile since I’ve laughed. Aloud.

I also like to know what he thinks. I actually enjoy talking to him.

He’s pretty smart and has a lot of amazing ideas so it’s really nice that when I share things with him, he doesn’t just nod his head and pretend that he’s listening. Instead, he actively gives his feedback and it’s practical advice I can use.

What’s more, he’s honest to the point of tactlessness.

As his mom had said, “He’s not for everyone. Either they like him or hate him. There’s really no middle ground.” Some people cannot take it — but after experiencing guys who would be super polite and nice on the outside and manipulative on the inside, this honesty is like a breath of fresh air.

It is refreshing.

So instead of telling you how we met, I would rather share with you his email to a friend on how we got together. Think it would be rather sweet that way. 🙂

——————————————————

Not what I expected

This would actually be a good read for your friend who is looking for love, and cannot seem to find it.

A testimonial of how online dating works so to speak.

And how you are not what I expected and happily surprised on when I first met you and how everything turned out.

I first tried online dating at the insistence of my sister, who actually tried and found her future husband online.

At first, like most people, the first reaction is “Online dating is for losers who don’t have a life and don’t know how to talk to women.” The final hope for nerds, dorks, geek and socially inept social rejects.

It all starts from emailing and through the website’s messaging system.

Match.com isn’t that great as I quickly found out, because it tends to throw you quantity and rarely quality. I don’t recall how many times I have read “I’m a simple girl who wants a simpe life…” as an opening statement, which I totally hate and scratch off immediately as a match.

I’ve had two matches and it started out with PMs, progressing to emails, then exchange of numbers, texting and eventually meeting up.

Needless to say, the two matches sounded better on paper than in actual in the flesh.

The first one had a lot to say in writing but is quiet as a mouse in person, unless I fed her copious amounts of alcohol.

Match # 2 didn’t generate any sparks because I didn’t find her that attractive when she finally sent her real pic. But I did try it out and she is a nice girl. But alas, no spark means no spark.

Then I chanced upon eharmony.com in a TV show of all places. I got intrigued because of the “date lab” they had where they would scientifically try to quantify attraction. So what have I got to lose?

I logged in and signed up. It is free to just signup after all.

The TV special wasn’t kidding. There were a gazillion questions you have to answer and I answered each one honestly and truthfully, complete with my smart ass intro and About Me section answers.

I fully expected to start receiving matches right away the next day.

And to my surprise, nothing. As in not a single match zip zero.

And still nothing on the next day, or the day after and the day after that.

A month has passed without any email, any notification.

Then a little after a month, I got a match.

One solitary match.

It was from a girl named Bonita, (my age), 5’6” in height, Chinese and Christian.

Then the words “wall climbing, steak dinner and red wine” caught my attention.

That sounds kinda off-beat and I like off-beat, none of this likes books, movies and music stuff.

I must admit the lack of a picture had me a bit intrigued. So I wrote a short message (around 2 paragraphs) and the next day I received a reply.

And I was being asked to pay $63 for.

Match.com costs only $30 for the whole year and this one is asking for twice the amount for 3 months. But I figured what the hey.

So I paid it and was pleasantly surprised to see a pretty lengthy reply, not just a one liner.

And from that one message, many followed until I was checking my mail almost every hour waiting for a reply from Bonita.

And then she uploaded 3 pictures.

Okay, she’s singkit (chinky eyed) as in Chinese singkit, which is good.

Another picture had her with shutter shades on, and the third picture was her back, sitting down, in a cap, ponytail, barefoot and facing some temple ruins.

bagan

That was my favorite picture.

And from the messages, we proceeded to texting and the phone would really hit the low battery mark not even at the end of the day.

From there I found out that she works in the same industry as I do and that I knew her brother! What are the odds of that?!

We scheduled a Friday night date and I went home extra early that night to dress up. Even bought a new shirt for the occasion, plus a new suit the week before.

7PM she said, and I was there at 7pm ready to fetch her.

And when I first saw her, she was not what I expected.

She was tall, sexy and had a huge smile on her face, the kind that made her eyes disappear into slits.

Like I said, singkit. Definitely not something you can tell from just pictures.

And we spent the next 8 hours talking, laughing and getting to know each other.

I knew after that night that I wanted to see her again.

That was 3 months ago. And this Christmas is made all the more special because I now have someone very very special to call mine.

——————————————————

No, it was not what I’ve expected either.

The Wall Street Journal had this interesting article on the science of online dating. On how Amy Webb, a successful journalist/writer tried her hand on online dating and failed miserably. Only to find out that guys don’t seem to care as much as what you do and how successful you are, but rather on how you are as a date and partner. As she herself had written:

What did I discover? Popular profiles used aspirational language (like “I want
to travel” or “A big ambition of mine is…“), kept descriptions short and generic
and lied about various physical characteristics (though not the ones you think).
Their style was easygoing, youthful and spontaneous. I’d never once referred to
myself in writing as “fun” or as a “girl.” But it was easy to see that I had
been far too stuffy and professional in my presenting myself (I’d gotten lazy
and cribbed from my résumé).

It makes sense.

Who would you email?

The person who was successful and seems full of themselves? I mean, it’s an online dating site, not LinkedIn. Or the person who seemed like a fun person to go out with?

Personally, I liked men who were nice to date. In a way, I would rather go out with someone for an experience (e.g., I wouldn’t mind going out with a musician so long as they were interesting), and I knew I would have fun.

Dating anyway is not about finding the right person as to having a great fun experience.

The fact that they can pay for online services is already a good filtering system. You needed to have a job to be able to afford the fees that eHarmony was asking for. It also meant that you had continuous access to a stable Internet service. Not something you would try from an Internet cafe.

So yeah, inasmuch as it may be potentially embarrassing to admit that I’ve met someone online, the excitement and joy of actually meeting someone great clearly outweighs the risks of being laughed at.

No harm to try anyway.

And no, eHarmony is NOT paying either of us to crow the pros of their services to the world.

Anyway, more updates coming soon. 🙂

Take care!

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About Bonita

I'm a forgetful person. But I think a lot. Every day, a lot of thoughts enter my head. That's why this blog came to be: first, to keep my memories alive through the years, and two, to actually see how I and my thoughts have changed. Please note that I seldom draft or edit my posts. Sometimes, if I'm not careful, I offend some of you, my readers. And while I apologize for making you feel uncomfortable, I am not sorry for being honest or for making well-intentioned mistakes. I will however be the first to admit if I change my mind. Hence, do read and proceed with caution. My life is as colorful and as boring as you make it. I complain many days, but offer some encouragement in others. Life is fluid, it changes. So keep the positives and throw away the negatives, and I do hope that at the end of the day, you will enjoy reading the blog and leaving comments here and there if my posts touches you. Happy reading!
Aside | This entry was posted in Boyfriend, Dates, Men. Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to The Pros of Online Dating (And How I Met Someone There)

  1. cannotcook says:

    i miss your posts! good to see you’re back.

  2. Bonita says:

    Thanks CannotCook! 🙂 Good to be back as well.

  3. jxu says:

    I’m swooning over here! Lost track of your blog, but here I am again! I’m so happy for you! 🙂

    I do think that I owe you a steak haha :P. Met my guy over internet as well hahaha

  4. Bonita says:

    OMG Jidi, you’re back! It’s great to see you again! How are you btw?

    Do tell your love story as well! What happened? Details, please!

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