I Feel the Changes

Five weeks since the breakup.

But I will not talk about my breakup. Instead, I will share with you the many internal changes going with myself.

Past is past, and the best thing to do in a failed relationship is to realize your own shortcomings and learn from them so you don’t make the same mistakes ever again.

Personally, I have become more mellow. More introverted.

Yes, I still do go out and have fun. My friends are terrific in that sense. But I feel a little bit more distant to what’s going on. I get a bit pickier. If I like it, I get involved. If not, I watch from a distance.

This was different — I’ve always liked being in the center of attention. Being an observer is interesting.

I’m also more careful.

I try and try being the operative word, to listen first before talking. I try to listen more, ask more questions, find out what the other person is trying to say.

It’s interesting to stop serving the ball and just return the ball.

I’m also pickier. Maybe it’s the breakup, but it takes me a longer time to warm up to people. Ever since I broke up, I feel that guys are swarming to offer their comfort, which I appreciate. But I won’t be this easy woman who is in the hunt for her next rebound.

I used to tell my girlfriends, “Kiss someone else after you breakup, and it will be easy for you to get over him.”

Funny — I am not practicing what I preach.

Not that I don’t have the option. I just don’t want to. I would rather wait for now, thank you very much.

My priorities are changing as well.

*Laughs*

It’s amazing. The whole 2.5 years I was together with Trader, he kept on selling me the ideas of family and children and domesticity, and I’ve never listened. Now that we’ve broken up, I’ve realized that I want those too.

I want to get married. πŸ™‚

I want two children.

I actually like cooking. Just yesterday, I cooked some delicious chicken fillet with salad and brown rice. Ha! Let’s see how many women can actually cook (Though not you Jidi, I know you’re an amazing cook!).

I am also stronger and less complacent.

I was happy to let Trader run the show before, satisfied with the thought that if we did get married, my primary role was to support him and my career was secondary. Well, we knew how that relationship ended up, but I think I would want to work for myself now, thank you very much.

Which is why I’m starting the pet project I’ve talked about earlier. πŸ™‚

I’m less scared now.

Thanks to my mom and brother.

A bit more confident. And hopefully, tough yet soft at the same time.

I feel the changes.

Though it came at a high cost, thank you Lord for making the breakup happen because I am changing for the better, and I am becoming the daughter you want me to be.

Have a great weekend!

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About Bonita

I'm a forgetful person. But I think a lot. Every day, a lot of thoughts enter my head. That's why this blog came to be: first, to keep my memories alive through the years, and two, to actually see how I and my thoughts have changed. Please note that I seldom draft or edit my posts. Sometimes, if I'm not careful, I offend some of you, my readers. And while I apologize for making you feel uncomfortable, I am not sorry for being honest or for making well-intentioned mistakes. I will however be the first to admit if I change my mind. Hence, do read and proceed with caution. My life is as colorful and as boring as you make it. I complain many days, but offer some encouragement in others. Life is fluid, it changes. So keep the positives and throw away the negatives, and I do hope that at the end of the day, you will enjoy reading the blog and leaving comments here and there if my posts touches you. Happy reading!
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One Response to I Feel the Changes

  1. Pingback: To Conclude the Trader Story… « Nameless in Taipei – Hong Kong – London – Manila

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