A friend of mine messaged me for a talk. For some reason, friends would call me for no-bullshit advice on love and relationships.
As it turns out, my friend who is a he, was in serious like over a great-looking woman who “gets” him. This meant that she like him, also shared a similar cultural upbringing. “She kinda spent many years abroad,” he explained. “She’s definitely not local.”
He then told me that three years ago, they went on a date and she invited him up her apartment. However, given many reasons, they really didn’t do anything and after that instance, even though he tried to keep in touch, he found her offline most of the time and unreachable for dates. That is, until they met each other at a common friend’s party recently.
“She was still as beautiful as I remembered,” he cooed. “And she said that she didn’t really keep in touch with friends in the past.”
She was also hot and cold. Even though my friend was still interested, she didn’t really make any effort to get to know him better. She broke dates and was not very nice to him.
And yet, he was still interested.
**Bonita slaps her head and tells herself: “Aaargh, men are stupid!”**
So he tried one last time. His dad gave him free tickets to the Fish Leong concert and of course, he invited her. Surprisingly, she said yes. Turns out, she was a big Fish Leong fan.
After the concert however, he invited her for dinner and she said that she had to work overtime and to call her after two weeks for dinner since she’ll be very busy.
So that’s why he gave me a call: to find out what he needs to do.
One friend said, “Just tell her how you feel man. Nothing to lose!”
Another friend said, “Well, you can still call her if you believe in second chances.”
My take: “Cut your losses and get rid of this bitch.”
Of course, I used nicer, more politically language but that was the essence of the message.
His rebuttal: “But she is nice. In the last three years I’ve been in Taipei, I haven’t really found anyone who gets me. Who shares the same background as I do.”
My point is, “It doesn’t really matter if you are perfect for each other. It doesn’t really matter if she gets you. It doesn’t really matter if you’re 100% compatible. If a person treats you like shit and doesn’t respect you, you shouldn’t be dating this person.”
Because it’s a lose-lose situation.
If you continued pursuing this girl and have to bribe her with very nice dinners, gifts, concert tickets, and etc. and still not get her, you’ve managed to waste a lot of money, time and effort that could’ve been spent in someone a lot more worthwhile and nicer.
If you DID get this girl somewhat, as you’ve seen the meanest of her, it’s really not a good future to look at. Imagine if your girlfriend was a bitch, broke dates and is unappreciative with whatever you’ve done. It’s just not a very fun dynamics for a partner.
There are so much many fishes in the sea. If you’re not getting the partner you want, maybe change your strategy, but for goodness sakes, do NOT settle with someone who cannot even treat you with some decency.
“It’s a very high opportunity cost,” I said. “We’re nice people, so we don’t easily switch partners as we want to. Imagine you’re with this girl who doesn’t treat you nicely but because you’re nice, you can’t really dump her. Then you find someone who is really wonderful. You might have to forgo someone wonderful just because you’re already dating this woman.”
I personally think the opportunity cost of being with someone is high.
It’s not just about finding a filler for your heart, but the human tendency is, if you are already with someone, it’s kinda hard to really consider anyone else. You cannot really date or flirt without much guilt. Sigh, tell me about it especially so many eligible men out and about and I cannot really do anything about it.
“If you are to be with someone,” I continued. “Don’t you want it someone who you actually really like to be with and is a decent person?”
Long story short, my stance is clear: AT THE VERY MINIMUM, DATE SOMEONE WHO TREATS YOU DECENTLY.
Regardless on whether he is rich, or sophisticated, or someone you really admire, if this person treats you like shit, he of course fails the bare minimum on what a boyfriend needs to be.
If you really value yourself, find someone who cares about you truly. The rest can take care of themselves.
Agree or disagree?