My friend wants to breakup with her high-profile boyfriend because surprisingly, he is not a generous person.
Okay, so that’s me becoming more diplomatic and politically correct.
In Bonita’s wording, he is cheap.
“My friend’s sex buddy treats her out to nice dinners like every three days of the week,” she complained. “My boyfriend don’t even try to do it that often.”
Though I do not agree that we should all aspire to be sex buddies (no, there is no pride in doing that), I told her that by nature, sex buddies and mistresses in general do get treated better than regular spouses. Take it from me: they do. Free trips, luxurious dinners and gifts — I don’t know with you but my friends have received it all from their sex friends.
And yet, that’s what they are: just people you call when you’re horny. No more, no less.
So anyway, I told her to focus more on the character than the amount of money he pours into her. Note that we are all just students and cannot really afford to treat women to dinners outside campus on a regular basis.
Hell, even Trader who HAS a job still put limits on his spending with me. If he could have his way, he would rather spend a lot lot less than he does at the moment.
“Don’t worry, Trader is the same,” I laugh. “He’s pretty cheap too. In fact, my father had warned me about Trader’s tight-fisted ways…”
“But he treats you so well…?” she bemoaned.
“Actually, we fought about money all the time in the beginning,” I replied. “In the end, we both train each other: him to be more generous and me to be more accepting of less luxurious things.”
Whereas I could’ve been happy with a branded bag with an ex, Trader has given me a Coach bag instead. Holders of luxury bags know that Coach is a bit lower in the branding food chain.
It’s the thought that counts and I use his gift on an almost daily basis: not because I’m a big fan of Coach (because I am not – except their recent designs are actually quite good), but rather because he gave it to me, and gifts should be treasured.
In the end, it was all about compromise.
My friend wants to break up with her boyfriend because it’s too much work. “Why constantly ask for things all the time? It’s too hard… I’d rather go out with a guy who can pamper and treat me to nice things.”
“Just be careful that you’re looking at the guy’s character instead of the amount of money he spends on you,” I warned her. “Any idiot who makes okay cash can treat you… for a time being.”
I don’t ever brag I have the better end of the deal. Trader and I do have issues, but I do value the fact that we try to work it out. I think in the end, this is more valuable than any nice dinner at Amber, which we know that we can always afford but not spend on.
That’s why we work hard — to earn money.
If I wanted a nice bag, I buy myself a nice bag. No more no less.
And if Trader is cheap, so long as he values ME more than his money, then he’s still worthwhile to be with. 🙂