My best friend just broke up with her boyfriend of four years three weeks ago.
Out of the blue, he sent her an SMS saying that “He wanted time to think.”
Troubled, she gave him a call and he told her that it’s just that he was having doubts with their relationship and wanted to take a break. She was stricken: he didn’t even have the guts to meet her face-to-face.
His friends had pushed him to tell her how he felt after he started having doubts for awhile.
She was of course upset.
Why didn’t he just approach her directly about his doubts so they could’ve worked it out between themselves? Why did he wait till his friends pushed him before he had to face her?
Even then, he didn’t even want to face her directly…
Personally, I rejoice for her.
Rejoice may be too strong of a word but it’s really important that for a life partner, you’re with someone who can protect and lead in the relationship. How could he have protected and led the relationship if he didn’t even have the integrity and courage to face her?
Yes, the would hurts today, but better today than tomorrow where the investment is so much greater. There had been cases where men who married their wives and had kids chickened out one day and simply walked out. I would rather see her crying today, than really becoming filled with dispair tomorrow.
I told Trader about this. She is after all my best friend and I like to share with him what’s going on.
He told me that before, there was actually a time when he did think about breaking up with me.
I was like, “WHAAAAAAAAATTT???!”
All the while, my Trader had been always super sweet, reliable, patient, and (insert positive adjective here). He never gave me a thought that he would’ve wanted to break up with me. In fact, I was the one who wanted to break up and he would have none of my bullshit.
Later on, he explained to me that six months in our relationship (when I thought we were shaky yet steadily proceeding in our relationship), he started getting cold feet.
“Guys get cold feet,” he explained. “It’s a fact of life. It happens when you think the relationship is changing and you’re like, ‘Oh no! It’s do or die!'”
He said that he really valued his quiet times. With me, there isn’t really much quiet time. In fact, his friends jokingly call me “Tornado Bonita” as I was always these short bursts of high energy. He tires when he’s with me…
Then a few months in our relationship, he realized that I may be the girl he could be with for the rest of his life. And he thought of his bachelor days and what he would probably be losing out of if he was with me. He would miss his quiet moments and lazy afternoons.
“How would you want it if I was playing computer games the whole weekend?” he asked. “Would you have allowed it?”
“I would if you were productive the whole week leh,” I answered. “Then you deserved the break.”
“Weekends are breakdays,” he said.
The funny thing was that I never even knew he was having these dangerous thoughts. So I asked him what changed his mind…?
“I talked to (his best friend in Singapore) when I was having these thoughts,” he replied. “And he said that regardless, you were still okay. Not bad. You should be thankful to him.”
I didn’t realize that I had his best friend’s passive support. I’ve always liked his friends, but never would I have expected that they would have been that supportive of me.
My main point is that Trader also has cold feet.
I think many people do… people just don’t realize how precious some moments can be. We take it for granted. At that point, our relationship could’ve gone — POOF! — and I would be like my best friend, left cold in the rain.
The main thing is, he got over it. Fortunately, I didn’t know so I didn’t even freak out.
Now, I hear him retell the story and I’m still not freaked out.
Actually, I think the entire process was good for him. At the very least, it showed that he was actually thinking serious thoughts earlier on instead of just taking me for a ride. If it proved that I wasn’t really the girl for me, it would’ve been good for him to cut loss at an earlier stage so that I won’t need to waste my time for him.
Fortunately, he thought otherwise. We do have our tense moments but at least, nothing as dangerous as months ago.
Hope our moments still continue.
Have a great week ahead!