The Breakup Letter


Fact: I am very happy that you’re flying here. I’ve missed you and it’ll be great to see you again.
 
My mind is just exhausted from Spring semester but let me try to explain myself. What I’ve heard today is a big clue as to where the relationship stands, and where it is going.
 
Whereas a small band of women find V-day to be unimportant, I am a part of a larger group of women who gets tickled with the opportunity that for a few times a year, we get to celebrate our love and relationship. There are a few important occasions: our anniversary, our birthdays, Christmas and NY, and Valentine’s Day. It may sound a lot especially for your pocket, but bee, it’s more of the thought that counts. The gesture need not be an expensive gift, but more of the effort. From one who loves to the other.
 
For example, last Valentine’s, there was a gift and a card in order. I still wear the gift but treasure the words you wrote because I know words don’t come as naturally for you, so reading them means a lot. On my birthday, I got a card that was late, and only because I asked for it. On the card, there was no “I love you.” Putting your earlier and later letters side by side, it seems that they’re written by different two people. The first from a guy in love, and the other, more of a friend who “whoops, forgot my birthday.”
 
Being your girlfriend for almost two years doesn’t mean that the romance ends. There are many inexpensive ways to be romantic. It doesn’t even have to cost anything. But the fact that you choose to forgo the effort makes me sad. A nice dinner is of course nice. But a person who forgets a Valentine’s can also book a restaurant. I am unsure though if your lack of effort is more of a sign of complacency. If our relationship is tiring, then it seems it doesn’t have enough firepower. Am okay with that but please let me know so I don’t have to exert as much effort on you as well.
 
I love you and you make me happy. I ALWAYS appreciate the things you do for me. But I sense that effort to do things have faded. It’s faded because I have to remind you of things you used to do naturally. Likewise you feel I am being unappreciated for all that you’ve spent on me so far. I believe that you feel that I’m nagging and are getting more impatient. You’ve raised your voice. Several times. I’ve mentioned this a few times already.
 
A loving couple gets better in time. Not worse. You may disagree, but I think that though we fight less, the heart is slowly but surely no longer there. It’s those little things that doesn’t seem to matter that kills. If such small efforts cannot even be made, what then about the big things? What else should I expect? Though I think we’re moving forward, at this rate, I don’t think it really fits my timeline. There’s no longer any sense of urgency and I feel this. And though we may have invested a lot in this relationship, the opportunity cost for inaction is more expensive for me than it is for you. And that isn’t really ideal for me. 
 
Fortunately, I’m an optimist. We will both be okay. Your business would do very well and you’ll find more time freed to succeed. I have and always will believe in you.
 

About Bonita

I'm a forgetful person. But I think a lot. Every day, a lot of thoughts enter my head. That's why this blog came to be: first, to keep my memories alive through the years, and two, to actually see how I and my thoughts have changed. Please note that I seldom draft or edit my posts. Sometimes, if I'm not careful, I offend some of you, my readers. And while I apologize for making you feel uncomfortable, I am not sorry for being honest or for making well-intentioned mistakes. I will however be the first to admit if I change my mind. Hence, do read and proceed with caution. My life is as colorful and as boring as you make it. I complain many days, but offer some encouragement in others. Life is fluid, it changes. So keep the positives and throw away the negatives, and I do hope that at the end of the day, you will enjoy reading the blog and leaving comments here and there if my posts touches you. Happy reading!
This entry was posted in Boyfriend, Hong Kong Life, Relationships. Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to The Breakup Letter

  1. blackdove says:

    “…the opportunity cost for inaction is more expensive for me than it is for you. And that isn’t really ideal for me. ”
    How is it more expensive for you?

    • Bonita says:

      Blackdove: Tick tock… time’s awasting. Sigh… and besides, we always think we have options. So it’s like the opportunity cost of dating him is not dating someone else.
      Jxu: Guys get complacent. It’s part of their DNA. But to be fair, once they realize they are complacent, they do try to make up for it. 🙂

  2. jxu says:

    Wow, I love the following sentence~

    “It’s those little things that doesn’t seem to matter that kills.”

    I’m sorry to hear that he hasn’t been as attentive as he used to be. I do wonder, why guys do that? Is it because they don’t bother to chase any more, since they know that “they already have you”?

    I would like to quote Steve Jobs:

    “Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle.” Steve Jobs

    Take care always~

  3. Fili says:

    (even after reading the followup post…) wow :O
    so that’s how girls see this type of situation.

    • Bonita says:

      We overreact and we explode. Our poor boyfriends know it’s a temporary thing but let’s us rant and rave until we get tired. Then they swoop in, sweet nothings and everything is all right again.

      We never said we were rational. We do make our guy’s lives more interesting. Hahaha, as to whether it’s worth it… I don’t really know!

  4. Nice post. I was checking constantly this blog and I am impressed! Very helpful info specially the first part. I care for such info much. I was seeking this certain information for a long time. Thank you and best of luck.

Leave a Reply