When people hear that I’m in a long distance relationship, their mouths go agape and immediately forecast impending doom. “Oooh, long distance relationships does NOT work. How can you be far apart from each other THAT long?”
I sincerely don’t know. Trader and I have been doing this for the last year and nine months and we’re still going strong. I would even go further and say that despite our ups and downs, our relationship has actually strengthened with the distance.
For example, because we’re in different countries, Trader doesn’t have to swallow me whole. I can be quite a handful so the distance allows him to become more comfortable with my hecticness a day at a time.
I can also control my temper better. As I have a bad temper, I easily blow up. However, the fact that Trader is asleep and cannot be waken makes me a lot more patient. Despite the temptation to just change my relationship status in Facebook to single, I hold myself back and we somehow work it out the next morning when he calls me up and we talk our issue over.
Trader says that our successful relationship is due to him and I do agree. He’s the more level-headed person between the two of us and it’s true what they say, “In a relationship, only one person can get mad at a time.”
If both get mad, this ensues:
Not good at all. 😦
So a long distance works if both partners are truly committed to it. Though it may be crazy to remain committed to someone whom you don’t see very often, I don’t see how it can work if you have one feet inside and the other feet waiting to leap at the next opportunity. There must be that essence of not giving up, no matter what.
In a way, it’s like a marriage. Given the fragility of the relationship, you really can’t give up at the first opportunity. Otherwise, once the other person agrees, then it’s over. A potentially good relationship may go down the drain.
“I don’t care. I deserve better than this,” you may huff during one of your lover spats. However, despite being justified with your anger, there’s nothing wrong in stopping and thinking whether what we’re angry about is actually quite reasonable or not.
“But he should know what pisses me off, right?!” you ask. “Why do I even have to tell him?”
Guys aren’t really fortune tellers. Quite contrary, though quite susceptible to suggestions, they cannot guess what is on our minds. Remember: “COMMON SENSE IS NOT REALLY THAT COMMON.”
I have a rule when fighting with Trader. It’s this: If Trader does something to piss me off, I do explode with anger but we do try our best to focus on the issue instead and come up with an agreement to ensure he doesn’t do it again.
For example, though girlfriends may look in envy to see Trader calling and emailing me this often while he’s on vacation (he’s in Sydney at the moment with his friends), I calmly explain to them that this was not always the case. Trader used to go back to Manila and not call me because he was just too busy with family stuff.
In the end, I got tired of him disappearing just like that so we agreed that if he was away, he should still contact me at least ONCE a day via email, text message or call. His choice his mode of communication but he must do it because I need it as a reminder that we’re good and he loves me.
Crazy I know – but the request is reasonable enough. Even though Trader doesn’t understand why I need a regular reminder, it’s MY thing and he respects that. And if this is something minimum he needs to do — and remember, once a day won’t kill you — then he’ll happily do it.
He’s been emailing/texting/calling me once a day during his trips and we’re both happy.
But this wouldn’t had been resolved if I focused on my anger and not tell him what’s bothering me. I would still be pissed off to this day if we focused on the issue instead of agreeing to something that works for both of us.
Now, if Trader forgets to contact me once a day, I have a right to be angry. We have an agreement so how dare does he not do it? Hoewver, he does it so we’re both good.
A relationship has to be give and take. I do the same to him as well. When he makes a request, I also do my best to accommodate. I’ve come to realize that it’s not a good thing if we’re always stubborn and say, “This is how I am. He better accept me for who I am.” because hey, not everyone is perfect.
Are you perfect?
So imagine that he too sees your flaws and points them out to you. What do you think would happen to the relationship if you carried an “I don’t care” attitude? If the request is reasonable enough, then I think there’s no harm in giving way.
So I don’t think a long distance relationship is that bad. Trader for example is visiting me next week so happy days are coming soon. Again, our relationship isn’t perfect, but there’s a lot of things I’m thankful about.
Remember, it’s not your fights that matter. It’s how you deal with them that counts.
Have a great week ahead!