Trader and I have recently been discussing travel plans and he’s tentatively invited me to his family holidays in South Africa this December 2011. Hence, not wanting to make any radical decisions, I’ve asked my mom for advice.
Her wisdom surprises me. Just to give a context, my brother’s kinda-girlfriend accompanied our family last December to Boracay (an island in the Philippines), and I’ve had reservations on why a girl from a good family is even allowed to do so. Usually, conservative families would like to “save” the girl’s reputation and not allow the woman out of their sight (much less a family vacation) unless they are married. My mother uses this as an example on what a girl should do if ever she was allowed to join her future in laws on vacation:
I think she knows me very well and shares the following problems:
Personally mom thinks it is ok but it is very crucial for you and ithink it would be very difficult for you.
1) Before going to boracay, i told your brother’s girlfriend (let’s call her Ann) that this trip dad is observing her.
so her center of attraction is for dad. same for you , your should be the one doing the choir and keeping the mother company at the trip
2) dont give too much attention to your brother because dad is very jealous if other gets more attention than him
so you have to keep your distance from benson and be like a good daughter in law for Trader’s family
3) you have to always keep your good mood and good smiling to the other members of the family
in short, the whole trip you have a berden of a feeling that you are bEING WATCHED AND GRADED AND SIZED UP
kNOWING you Bonita, i dont know if you can be like mom. For the whole trip, you will like be LIVING FOR OTHER PEOPLE.
do you get what i mean?
if you are too close to Trader, they will jealous,
If you dont help, then you are not a good daughter in law.
If you spent too much, gastador ka. This means you spend a lot. (you should not buy too much. but buy for them, siyempre is ok)
if you pay for the dinner or lunch, you are pahambok (or arrogant)
If you dont pay for the dinner or lunch every now and then, you are a burden to them financially
if you dont help carry luggage, you are not useful
if you dont make kuwento (tell stories) to parents, you are not interesting
if you sleep too long at night, takaw tulog ka (you are lazy). you should be up early and preparing for the day.
with you going with them, of course the parents would like to relax, sit back and enjoy. anyway, there is this Bonita whom they can try out naman
think about it. but maybe mom is too conservative lang. maybe mom just worry too much.
if i may suggest, let us give dad this email about your brother’s girlfriend and about the discussion of is it ok ba to go with Trader’s family or not
but second thought, if you REALLY LIKE TO GO and dad dont agree with it, then asking his permsission will make your trip impossible.
but if you just go without letting him know and he found out later, then you and Trader are in deep trouble. deadball na rin si Trader kay dad. dad will condemn him of doing things behind his back.
dont really know but asof NOW, Bonita. MAYBE LET Trader GIVE YOU THE ANSWER.
FIRST Trader has to decide if he is TO INVITE YOU TO GO WITH HIS PARENTS ON A TOUR.THAT MEANS SEEING THEM AND BEING WITH THEM FOR THE PERIOD OFTHE TOUR
SECOND let Trader decide how HE IS GOING TO ASK PERMISSION FROM DAD after he decides to ask you to join. It should not be your worry but throw the ball back to Trader. so that whatever outcome he be responsible NOT Bonita
AS of now, you sit back, relax and enjoy your study. DONT let Trader feels that you are worry about going with his parents for the trip. but MOST IMPORTANTLY Bonita, show Trader that you ENTRUST THE WHOLE SENARIO TO HIS ARRANGEMENT.
Maybe it’s just me but I see the wisdom in her words. 🙂