There’s just something about the Married Man which makes some girls swoon.
He’s powerful, brilliant influential, high up in the ranks of any organization and yet despite his hectic schedule, pays attention to YOU.
He takes you to the nicest restaurants. No longer do you have to be embarrassed when you suggest a dining venue beyond your budget. You understand that these places are his cafeteria and he has no qualms in ordering the whole shebang plus wine and charge it to the corporate card.
He sweeps you off to an island somewhere. You don’t really need to take trains. Everywhere is chauffeured and you don’t really need to stay in dinky restaurants.
In any event, he’s the star of the show. His slightly graying hair is more of a turn-on than a turn-off and people around him hang on to his every word.
And when all is said and done, he takes you somewhere private and gives you all the love and attention you need. The sex is average but then again, you don’t mind.
And of his wife? They are now in the outs but given appearances and the kids, he needs to stay with her and you as the understanding mistress must be considerate.
Being the understanding woman, you cannot really complain if he can only call you in the weekdays as weekends are time for kids.
On public events, he needs to put on the face of the loyal husband till the party dies down and then he’ll be all yours. Till then, you can flirt but you cannot take home another man. That would’ve been sacrilegious.
He will give you gifts on occasion but none of himself really. He pays for the meals but you do know that it’s the price he must pay for your company. You feel like a whore but then again, you love each other so it doesn’t really count.
You ask about the time he lets the cat out from the bag. “It’s complicated,” he said and mentions about the kids and his job. In some countries, a cheating husband who divorces his wife has to support his wife for the rest of his working life. You understand that you are dispensable but his wife who has first dibs has him for show. Hell, they probably don’t even have sex (or so he says) and she probably has cheated on him with someone else.
Married men are usually very upfront with you, and for some reason, this twisted honesty turns you on. “At least, he’s being honest,” you tell your friends. “And he loves me.”
Sure he does.
He loves you because it’s convenient for him to do so.
He sees you under his own schedule, receives your engaging company when he’s bored and he doesn’t have to give up anything else because he can keep married to his wife and doesn’t need to earn the ire of his colleagues for being a cheating bastard.
Yes, I understand.
I understand that it’s difficult to break the cycle. It’s really really tough because you love him and if you believe him, he loves you too.
You understand that you’re just hurting yourself if you continue on but you just cannot help yourself. On a night of lonely sanity, you vow to break it off and stop seeing him. However, when he calls again, your heart thumps and you say, “Well, it’s just one harmless dinner.”
Wrong. That one harmless dinner leads to something else and before on, you’re once again in the muck of it.
And even if an available man asks you out, you hesitate to accept. Why? Because in your heart, you are already unavailable even if you know that you actually are, but are you just fooling yourself in thinking that you aren’t.
The only reason to get rid yourself of this misery is to go cold turkey.
Just. Say. No.
“But it’s hard to do so when you have nobody beside you!” you scream. “It’s lonely many times!”
True my friend. Very true. It’s hard to say no to an invite if you have nothing on your hand. You’re still single, so what’s wrong with that?
Well girlie, it’s wrong because you close yourself from other opportunities because you already have someone, even if you don’t truly have it.
It’s wrong because when the cat is out of the bag, you’ll be seen as the mistress, and no matter how professional you are, people will just see you as the woman who seduced someone else’s husband. Shit hits the fan and rumors fly. You don’t want to be seen as the girl who sleeps around with someone who’s taken every step of the way.
It’s wrong because even though you have him, you are still miserable. Why? Because you realize that it’s a short-term thing and your dream of permanently having him as you grow older is just that, a dream.
It’s because you know that this is a relationship with no end goal in mind. Most likely, he will not leave his wife and kids for you. He will not quit his job for you, and no, he will not marry you even if you begged him to. Think of what other people will say!
It’s tough – but life is tough.
It’s only when we can let go of our short-term desires that we’re able to find someone who truly wants to be with us, love us and marry us. A guy who puts his money where his mouth is in every sense of the way.
I can’t tell you to quit. Only you can do that with your addiction.
However, no matter what you or he say, he’s still married and until he gets divorced, is just a source of heartache. I’ve been there, my friends have been there and it’s nowhere a great place to be. I am no way self-righteous to say that it’s going to be easy, but for goodness sakes, you deserve better.
Have a great week ahead, and jia you!