You’ll hate me for this…

What’swrong with not wanting to have kids? 🙁

Yesterday’s dinner conversation gradually revolved around childbearing given that I’ve met up with two of my old high school friends last weeknd. One was already a mom to a smiling 10-month old toddler, while the other is a soon-to-be mom of a hopefully healthy baby boy.

I don’t want kids.

Honestly, say whatever you want, but personally, I find myself irritated when I hear a toddler scream and cry in a restaurant. Babies, I can understand. They eat, sleep and poop. Sometimes, they pretend to be cute so they can make you smile.

But toddlers, women! Do discipline your crying spoiled kids! If they’re throwing a tantrum in a public place, then by golly, keep them in your home. Don’t bring them out to inconvenience the rest of the public.

I think this post will get me into trouble and I can imagine some hateful comments coming soon, but then again, am here to speak my mind. At present, I don’t want kids. Yes, I may change my mind later on and am sure whoever I  marry will try to change my mind, but unless I get that feeling in the future, heck, I’d be okay if I was childless.

Why?

First, they’re not economical.

Don’t get me wrong — I am utterly grateful to my mum and dad without whom I would never be born, but my golly, am I expensive!

If you can calculate my daily necessities, my cups of coffee, clothes and other frivolous and necessary expenses, the costs would’ve been astronomical. I have no clue how they managed to pay for my good education, take my brother and I on our annual trips (imagine, how much a trip to the US would’ve cost for 4-5 people!) and still have a house over their heads. If you list down all expenses, I’m sure I would find NO way to repay them all back.

Second, inasmuch that I’m sure my parents are so proud of me right now, there are also times when I brought them lots of pain.

Sure, I wasn’t really a super spoiled brat but I was no porkie pie either. Every kid, no matter how well behaved, comes with their own set of issues and it’s just a matter of range. Are you more behaved, or the son of the devil? Personally, I was a pretty good kid. I was sufficiently ambitious to study hard in school, didn’t really cause too much trouble and had my first boyfriend when I was an older 22 years old. To date, I haven’t tried smoking or drugs.

Then again, I was also a bad girl. I kissed many a boys that my dad would’ve disapproved of, went to multiple countries behind their back (the logic was, if I was paying, why even ask for permission), and pretty much did whatever I wanted. So long as I kept the image of being a good girl, then that was more than enough. Everyone’s happy.

Yet, it makes me admire my parents, and make me feel unworthy of being one. How the hell can I top my parents’ love? I am the selfish one, the woman who wants to be her husband’s queen all the time. When the kids come, down fall the queen, right? I want everything to be mine, mine, mine!

Third, I don’t want kids just for the sake of tradition.

It’s my body, thank you very much. If you want us to have kids, then I will fully support if YOU get pregnant not me. They DAMN HURT. Everybody says that looking at your child’s eyes after over a day of labour makes the pain worth it. But my gosh, they also admit that it’s the most painful thing you’ve ever been through in your entire life.

I hate pain. I have a low threshhold of pain.

When I was 8 and had my teeth pulled, it shames me to admit this but I’ve had three people hold me down while the dentists pulled my tooth. I was screaming and writhing but heck, the teeth got pulled.

Labour is a few hours of pain, and they can last for over a day. That’s over 24-hours of PAIN. Whoever says it’s worth it, well, I don’t debunk that. But my god, it will hurt.

So if I’m going to have kids, it’s only because it’s a mutual conscious decision by my husband and myself.

I’m not going to do it to leave a legacy because we now know that it’s bullshit depending on how you bring up your kid. For every good child that takes care of their parents is another bad child that puts you in a nursing home and leaves you for dead. So it may be better to save up instead for your medical bills because it’s hard to depend on your offspring for anything nowadays.

My mother said to give Trader hope that he may change my mind. We’ll see if he’s really sweet but seriously, I’m not going to be a mom because society says so. I’m going to be a mom only if I feel we’re ready and my gosh, we’re ready for the ultimate sacrifice.

 And lastly, I don’t think I can be a good parent.

I’m selfish, whiny and heck, prolly hateful to many of you reading the post right now. Am sure that many of you feel sorry for my future children if ever I do bear them in the future. Most of you would ask Trader to run far, far away.

But seriously, we don’t need to bring more kids in the world if we can’t raise them well. I’ve seen so many parents abuse their kids. In McDonalds, I’ve seen a mom hit her misbehaving kid and then wrap her arms around the child and say, “I’m sorry, I love you. I love you.”

What the hell is that type of discipline?

I’m sure that will be a kid with issues not knowing how to differentiate abuse and love. There are a lot of fucked up kids out there and it’s just too bad that parenting doesn’t come with a step-by-step guide. By the time you already know how to raise one, they’re already all grown up and anybody you’d like to pass the message to, feel that you’re an irritating hag who should keep her nose out of their business.

Anyway, my point being, there’s really nothing special about a woman not having kids. Yes, I do admit that they’re cute but having your own kid also means that you have to support them poops, bad tempers and all. Parenthood is the most selfless act and at this time, I can’t really say with much confidence that I’m ready for it.

Trader laughs and tell me that he wants kids, but not yet. “You’ll change your mind,” he states. It’s as if he’s 100% sure or is this a testament to my lack of willpower and all he thinks is that what I say is bluster and no substance.

Regardless, this is my stance. Sure, Trader may be a great dad but I don’t want my future kids to hate their mom because she’s terrible,

Then again, time will tell.

Hope you had a great weekend. Mine was really peaceful and I had a lot of nice fattening meals. Yum, yum! Also watched Michael Jackson’s “This is It.”

Wow, he was really a legend. A perfectionist. The king of pop. His brilliance just encompasses most artists and the world really lost somebody special when he passed away.

Have a great week ahead, and will try to update soon!

About Bonita

I'm a forgetful person. But I think a lot. Every day, a lot of thoughts enter my head. That's why this blog came to be: first, to keep my memories alive through the years, and two, to actually see how I and my thoughts have changed. Please note that I seldom draft or edit my posts. Sometimes, if I'm not careful, I offend some of you, my readers. And while I apologize for making you feel uncomfortable, I am not sorry for being honest or for making well-intentioned mistakes. I will however be the first to admit if I change my mind. Hence, do read and proceed with caution. My life is as colorful and as boring as you make it. I complain many days, but offer some encouragement in others. Life is fluid, it changes. So keep the positives and throw away the negatives, and I do hope that at the end of the day, you will enjoy reading the blog and leaving comments here and there if my posts touches you. Happy reading!
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