After coming out from a silly argument with Trader, I rang out one of my few good friends from Hong Kong. We met at a nice pasta place in Admiralty’s Pacific Place and it was so nice checking up with him again.
That’s what we need to do. When we feel like shit, we meet people who care and boost our ego. Then we feel better again. Everyone needs to have their battery charged once again, and I’ve had been somebody else’s battery charger as well.
My friend has always wanted to marry his girlfriend from the very beginning. “I want to marry you and have kids with you,” my very in-love friend kept on telling his significant other. However, his significant other would shy away from the offers because she was having some paperwork done and couldn’t legally got married yet.
Finally, she had her papers signed and packed two weeks ago. She was finally free to step into a new life with my friend.
And guess what? My friend got cold feet.
“Bonita, seriously, I mean, what’s the rush? We already live together, bought a house together and hey, if she gets pregnant, I’d love her to be the mother of my children,” he explained. “What’s the big deal about getting married?”
“I guess it’s the feeling that you’re mine and I’m yours for the rest of your life,” I shrugged. “Sure, it’s just a piece of paper but it does symbolize ownership in a way. Wearing that golden ring around your finger symbolizes that you’re taken. Forever.”
“But it makes me feel as if she doesn’t trust me,” he added. “As if she doesn’t trust my words that I’ll love her forever that she’ll need that marriage for reassurance that I love her.”
“Well, when Trader and I have a fight, I don’t feel very loving as well. Trust me, feelings are very unstable and can change all the time,” I replied. “You can easily break up with a boyfriend but it will be more expensive to break up with a husband. You just don’t, it’s for life.”
True — what’s the big deal about getting married? It’s just a piece of paper. However, I do want that piece of paper and everything that paper symbolizes, and if a guy cannot really respect that, then that’s okay.
My conversation with my good friend made me realize that even the best of relationships can have cracks in between. Trader told me, “Nobody is perfect Bonita. Not you, nor I. But we love each other and we’ll work this through.”
Things may feel crappy with you right now till you look at your neighbors, as in really really look at your neighbors and realize that things are even crappier with them as well.
Case in point, if Trader keeps on telling me that he wants to get married and then all of a sudden pushes back, I’ll probably call him on it and then walk away if he cannot budge. That’s just life.
“Don’t get me wrong Bonita. I love my girlfriend,” my friend said. “But I don’t want to be pressured into a timeline. I want to be in charge of my own timeline and not to be expected to pop the question now that it’s okay to do so.”
“Hmmmm…. maybe you need her to walk away to prove how much you really need her,” I replied.
Anyway, I’ve come to realize that Trader loves me very very much. If not, how can he tolerate my craziness? 🙂
I’m not perfect, but looking at everyone else’s relationship, nobody is anyway. The best thing I have is being with someone who loves me (and I love as well) and realizing that he’s made of something stronger and will hopefully stick with me in the loner run.
That quiets my heart a bit and makes me thankful for what I have. 🙂
Enjoy the one-day vacation (if you’re in Hong Kong)!