“How does one get a FUBU?” my innocent boyfriend inquired yesterday as we were cyberdating via Skype, our regular nocturnal activity nowadays given that we’re in a long-distance relationship.
He didn’t really want to hear my answer after I’ve told him that I myself had been through one. Guess there is a limit to hearing what type of activities your girlfriend had gone through B.U. (Before You).
However, just to clarify, I am neither a slut or a whore for me to ahve participated in these evil activities. In fact, I’d like to think that many women would want to at least have the opportunity to try it out if only they weren’t as afraid. Anyway, I digress. Admittedly, I didn’t go as far as to be a FUBU to someone, or to make someone else my FUBU. But rather, I did experience having and being a MOBU.
MOBU – so what’s a MOBU you ask?
Make out buddy, silly man. 😀
Same concept, but one with clothes on, while the others, without.
But these are just technicalities. The question we are trying to discuss here is how the hell do we get ourselves into such situations? From where point do you go from going out on a date, and moping and groping someone fully making out with them?
Actually, you never really can tell who is and who isn’t. It’s not like a smoker whom you can smell from a mile away. A person who is a FUBU — or in my case, MOBU — can be you or me or anybody else. Hell, it can even be one of your siblings.
So how does it start?
It starts as a simple unassuming date.
A man, a woman deciding to meet, just the two of them so that they can get to know each other more intimately than with a bunch of friends. You can’t really get to know someone in the company of many other people. Most of the time, I’m just an ass in a group setting, cracking tons of jokes and teasing others incessantly that they cannot really see me in that way.
Sometime into the date, you realize that you kinda like this guy. That he’s not weird, he doesn’t smell and actually he ain’t bad lookin’. You either agree to another hopefully successful date but no matter how many dates you go for, what starts a F.U.B.U. or a M.O.B.U. in my case is when sometime during the date, you start making out with the man.
There’s a quiet moment and somehow one of you or both find yourself leaning closer to each other till your lips touch. You start kissing the lips with your lips closed at first, testing out the waters. However, if he/she doesn’t really move away, you get a bit bolder and heck, even the tongue comes out.
Anyway, I’m not here to give a lesson on making out. What is important here is that you start giving out before either of you have yet to realize where exactly you want the relationship, if any, would like to go for.
If you’re a normal girl, you kiss him in the hopes of making him your girlfriend.
If you’re a normal guy, forgive me but for the sake of the discussion and heck, this is my blog so I can say whatever I want to believe, then you make out with her in the hopes of getting laid for the evening. Of course, who would want to be kissing this hot chick and then thinking, “I hope she’ll agree to be my girlfriend!”
No you don’t. You just want her to agree to remove her panties.
You may either do the deed or not, but nonetheless, if the kiss is quite good, there will be a replay of this action. It starts off pretty innocently, maybe a quick dinner or drinks, and then one of you go back to another person’s place and then start making out, or doign more than making out.
P.S. In my case, I never did go past making out, as I was too chicken to go any further believe it or not.
However, it becomes such a regular occurence that sometime, the guy calls you up late at night with the hopes of not being alone for the evening. “I miss you,” he whines. “Can I stay over?”
And the girl, who is quite lonely herself and misses the guy (heck, we tend to fall in love with whomever we make out with regularly it seems, agonizes to her girlfriends where the relationship stands (Answer: nowhere – you’re neither here or there) but still lets him in her front door because heck, she just can’t stay away from him. Tsk, tsk, temptation temptation.
So the girl wonders if she’s the girlfriend because heck, if they aren’t, then why are they doing the boyfriend and girlfriend stuff.
Meanwhile, the guy is happy with the arrangement. Where else can you go out with the boys, try to pick up a girl from the club and if unsuccessful, still have Plan B on hold waiting for you to warm her bed?
And there you go — F.U.B.U.
Usually, the relationship can go eternally unless someone puts the breaks on it. Usually, it’s by someone who couldn’t really take it anymore, or somehow, manages to get her self-respect back. These types of arrangements are quite painful because you dearly want the guy to want to be your boyfriend, while the guy wants to keep his freedom just in case someone better comes along.
Sheesh, anyway, for me, I think that if you kiss without any sort of commitment, you’re leaping off the building without knowing which floor you’re in and you’re bound to get hurt. And if you continue to accept that type of crap, well, youg et what you wish for. Remember, no guy will ever treat you badly unless this is how you wanted to be treated.
So the cycle stands until you call it off.
My MOBU lasted for a few months till I couldn’t take it anymore. I didn’t like being in the gray area and being with a guy who wasn’t into me wasn’t doing my self-esteem any favors. It was embarrassing to admit but I really did a few things I wished I didn’t do and even though our MOBU arrangment thankfully didn’t bring out any unhealable scars, I wish I actually spent more time with someone who valued me more than he did.
Anyway, we’re all human here and having been in that situation myself, I am not the person to judge anybody badly. Nonetheless, if you are in that sort of relationship and you want more, note that this is just an evil cycle and you do actually deserve better than what you’re getting right now. What’s more, any guy who agrees to enter in this sort of unclear relationship with you is an ass, and if you’d like to keep him as a friend then fine. But anything else, just cut this SOB off.
My happy ending was not that happy — my MOBU did actually become my boyfriend. My first actually, officially this time after I determined not to make out with him unless we become official. Given that I forced him somewhat to be my boyfriend, he wasn’t the most wonderful boyfriend I’ve ever had and thank goodness, we broke up after a year of officially dating.
It was a precious lesson that I wish to impart though.
Any idiot can easily get into a MOBU/FUBU relationship. All you have to do is give out without any commitment. Most guys will not say no to a free lunch.
However, it’s a lot better to wait for someone who really wants a relationship with you. There is beauty being with someone who loves and misses you as much as you do him, and life is a lot lot more better if you’re with someone who cherishes you as you deserve. There is a lot of time to be hs MOBU/FUBU if you wish. But make sure that this lucky guy realizes that he’s a lucky guy being with you.
I know I am. 🙂