Disturbed by the Noise

Before you read this post, I’ll leave you this link. If ever I forget to add this link by the end of the post, you may go back up again and click on it. That’s how I feel about Trader and why I love him.

The issue of the week is this — given that I have tons of guy friends who somehow open up to me with their dirtiest, darkest secrets, often with issues surrounding their girlfriends, I’m very much exposed to ever Tom, Dick and Harry’s sins.

Yes, since I have the uncanny ability to be totally un-judgemental when it comes to my guy friends, I do know for a fact that one guy friend who recently just moved in with his girlfriend does so grudgingly and thinks that sex with her is bad sex.

I also do know that another guy friend who’s happily dating a Goldman girl has slept with another sexy little bitch during his trip to Thailand. She was most likely a whore, but who knows?

Fact as well: some of my guy friends secretly have a crush on me, and are just waiting to see for an opening before taking that leap (yes, guys take calculated risks too). “You know, my friends think that we’re compatible,” one guy friend hinted the other day. And unfortunately, guy friend also has a girlfriend somewhere. But yes, he does harbor a crush on me.

Being exposed to all of these dating truths that many of my guy friends are jerks to their girlfriends had made me even more paranoid to Trader’s potential sins.

What if he’s the same way?

What if he’s not as different as I would think and he’s a lying, cheating jerk just the rest of them?

True, I may be non-judgemental with my guy friends more because heck, I’m NOT their girlfriend so I do know how to mind my own business. But heck, I DO care when it comes to my boyfriend, and hold him unfairly I must admit, to an even higher standard.

Poor Trader gets the major brunt of it. I wonder at times how the hell hasn’t he ran away before especially when I ask him questions like…

“…are you sure that you’re not harboring interests with all your other girl friends?”  in response to two of my guy friends who have a secret crush on me;

…do you think you’ll ever get tired of me and how do you know that I’m the One?” in response to my guy friend who wonders if this girl is the best he’ll ever get and he’s waiting for time to show him that she’s the One;

“…are you sure that you’re not using me because I make you feel good?” in response to my guy friend who’s with his girlfriend just because it’s relaxing to be with her and he doesn’t need to be non-commital;

“…there’s so many other nicer women out there so why would you want to choose a more complex woman like me?” in response to guys who think that they’re not that compatible to their girlfriends but are too afraid to cut their girlfriends lose.

Yes, many of you feel pity for Trader already. It can be tough dating me, I must admit.

Trader’s response is simple — “Because I love you so much darling and you’re the only one for me.”

He sweetly follows it up by saying, “Because I sleep better at night when I’m with you because you give me peace of mind. Because you make me happy and you’re more than a handful for me to love. Because I like it that I just share a meal with you, spend time with you, snuggle with you and just being with you. It’s pleasant, it’s nice and I’m just happy.”

And my concerns, once noisy and loud, are silenced.

It’s my hope that my doubts, which I’ve unfairly imposed on my boyfriend for faults that are not even his, would one day disappear once and for all. I do admit that it must be grating to have your love questioned by the girl you date especially when you’re very sincere and true to the relationship.

Then again, time will prove that Trader’s words are true. That he’s truly in love with me. That he’s really in it for the long run.

Tonight, I asked him, “My friend asked me tonight why in my right mind did I get mysef in a long-distance relationship? It made me feel bad that our relationship is being questioned, babe. I love you, but I do hate the distance. How did we get ourselves into this in the first place?”

“Because it’s you, darling,” he answered. “Because we’re worth it.”

“And I know as well that it’s not permanent,” he continued. “I know for a fact that this is just for the meantime and it will make our inevitable joining together even sweeter.”

I’m not perfect. Despite my outward loud appearance, I harbor many insecurities as well.

Trader does the best he can to quiet these doubts and often succeeds. Which is why I love him.

An acquaintance I’ve met today tells me that she dumped her first boyfriend because he was just so nice and dependable. “It got boring later on,” she explained.

Trader himself admits that he’s a boring man. A creature of habit. He predictably follows the same formula in Singapore and I am part of his habit. I basically know what time he’ll SMS or call, and when’s the time we’ll see each other next.

If Mr. Nice Guy is his first monicker, Mr. Dependable is the next.

But that is how we define OUR love. It may not be lightning and fireworks all the time, but it is this. Trader and I have a wonderful thing going on that he’s teaching me that I should stop listening to the noise and just look into his loving eyes and focus only on our relationship.

True, potential complaints may include those of this woman’s, but I’ve learned earlier on not to take Comfort and Security for granted. That boring doesn’t really equate to goodbye, but to hello. That feeling secure is a wonderful feeling.

This is our way, both Trader’s and I. And if the shoe fits us, then we shouldn’t really give a damn what other people think. And if people get noisy again, I should just look at the hand I’m holding, and remember that he loves me, and I him.

And this is what’s really most important.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend!

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About Bonita

I'm a forgetful person. But I think a lot. Every day, a lot of thoughts enter my head. That's why this blog came to be: first, to keep my memories alive through the years, and two, to actually see how I and my thoughts have changed. Please note that I seldom draft or edit my posts. Sometimes, if I'm not careful, I offend some of you, my readers. And while I apologize for making you feel uncomfortable, I am not sorry for being honest or for making well-intentioned mistakes. I will however be the first to admit if I change my mind. Hence, do read and proceed with caution. My life is as colorful and as boring as you make it. I complain many days, but offer some encouragement in others. Life is fluid, it changes. So keep the positives and throw away the negatives, and I do hope that at the end of the day, you will enjoy reading the blog and leaving comments here and there if my posts touches you. Happy reading!
This entry was posted in Boyfriend, Hong Kong Life, Life lessons, Men, Personal opinion, Relationships. Bookmark the permalink.

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