Born to Submit?

My boyfriend is asking me to listen to him first, do as he says and ask questions later. “Sometimes, it’s inappropriate to answer you at that time,” he explained.

My gosh, he’s not my husband or my dad and now acts as if he is. And if this is how it is in our first three months of dating, then wonder how would it be for the rest of our lives if we get that far.

I wonder if most couples have the same dynamics as we do. I love to ask questions and usually ask him, “Why this… and why that?” It irritates him a bit because he thinks I don’t trust his judgement. “Dear, why don’t you just trust my hindsight that my decision is correct? Why do you always have to ask why?”

“Well, that’s what happens when you choose to date a very logical woman,” I replied. “I know that you’re right, but can I request for you to be patient and explain to me first why you’re deciding to do something before you enlist my involvement to do it with you?”

Metaphorically speaking, my boyfriend expects me to just hop in the car and just trust him to take me for a ride. When you ask him where he wants to take you, he merely answers that he knows where he’s going and that it’s for your own good, and you should just do it.

Sheesh, are most couples like this? I wonder…

I asked my recently married friend whether it’s the case with him and his wife. For an extermely independent person, I’m finding it hard to just take things in face value and just do what a guy says just because he says he’s right.

My friend MY has this to share: “What I learned in marriage prep class is that we shouldn’t analyze a situation from the angle where it will lead us to the question if the partner chooses something or ourself. Instead we should just look at the concerns of the partner making the decision and see how we can adapt to it .”

“So are you saying that I should just be accepting of his decision given that he’s acting in love, he’s already taking my concerns into account when making them? ” I asked. “It’s like marriage prep is asking us girls to just follow — to just accept and understand.”

“Well, from the Christian model., the guy should act from love,” MY followed up. “Only then can a girl can act in submission. And of course vice versa.”

“But seriously, what if the guy makes the wrong choice?” I stubbornly asked. “Does that mean that a girl must submit all the time? Oh no…”

“Then a mistake is made,” MY concludes. “That’s why a guy must make a decision based on love. The reason why God ordained the husband to love their wives and the wives to submit to their husbands is because those are the hardest things to do”

“So how about your new wife?” I asked. “How is she in submitting?”

“She’s really good,” he answers, “because she trusts me totally, and trusts that I will make good decisions. And if I can’t make a call, I will discuss with her and so she let’s me lead.”

Hmmm… is this true? Are women born to submit?

All thoughts welcome…

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About Bonita

I'm a forgetful person. But I think a lot. Every day, a lot of thoughts enter my head. That's why this blog came to be: first, to keep my memories alive through the years, and two, to actually see how I and my thoughts have changed. Please note that I seldom draft or edit my posts. Sometimes, if I'm not careful, I offend some of you, my readers. And while I apologize for making you feel uncomfortable, I am not sorry for being honest or for making well-intentioned mistakes. I will however be the first to admit if I change my mind. Hence, do read and proceed with caution. My life is as colorful and as boring as you make it. I complain many days, but offer some encouragement in others. Life is fluid, it changes. So keep the positives and throw away the negatives, and I do hope that at the end of the day, you will enjoy reading the blog and leaving comments here and there if my posts touches you. Happy reading!
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6 Responses to Born to Submit?

  1. Blackdove says:

    “Sheesh, are most couples like this?”
    I don’t think so. Decisions that affect the couple are mostly collaborative.

    “Are women born to submit?”
    Born to negotiate is more like it. =)

  2. Dragonstalker says:

    One of the best things about a good relationship is knowing that you can follow someone else’s decision without wondering whether it sucks or will hurt you (as we usually do). Of course, everyone will still elaborate most of the time, but isn’t knowing you can safely skip it a good thing?

    As long as the guy doesn’t order you around (i.e. takes time to explain his logic and compromise if you ask why), it should be fine imo.

  3. Blackdove says:

    “…do as he says and ask questions later.”
    Hmmm, military background?

  4. j.xu says:

    Hehe, couldn’t agree more BD.

    Well, I think that to have a relationship. You need two peeps for that and these two INDIVIDUALS have their own individual thoughts and ideas. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t.

    It’s all about giving and taking, compromising.

    “My boyfriend is asking me to listen to him first, do as he says and ask questions later. “Sometimes, it’s inappropriate to answer you at that time,” he explained.”

    I can understand with what he is trying to say, but it does depend on the situation.
    Well, when you’re in a gathering with a lot of peeps and he does something with all eyes on him and he doesn’t want to lose face or whatever~ it’s understandable that he wants the questions later, not in the heat of the moment.
    –> if it’s in these kind of situation.. than I do wonder, couldn’t he warn you before hand? Give you the headsup so you know what to expect and hereby you wouldn’t have questions in the first place.

    But to be honest~ he knows who you are and every normal person IMO, would ask questions when they don’t know which way they are heading or even stand in life/a situation.
    So I think that he must be considerate about you and talk to you about this first, since you both again, are INDIVIDUALS in a relationship together.

    And girls only there for submitting?? O.o

    Why do we girls otherwise have brains and a voice no? 😉

    I’m sorry I haven’t commented on the other posts, but I went away for two weeks and yes~ FYI, I like your posts :).
    I’m not the paparazzi~ here to stay in the bad AND good times 😉

  5. ArtC says:

    HILARIOUS!!!…. i think my gf would cut off my balls if i responded this way. we usually disagree when both of us are too lazy to make decisions.

    on the other hand, whenever one of us takes a lead on something, and the other one wants an explanation, there is one to be given. if the time is inappropriate to elaborate, i have no problem saying, i will give you one when we are in private. if that isnt sufficient i can give a quick short sentence response and end it with a i can tell you more when we get home.

    but also, we trust each other so usually dont mind whatever she decides and vice versa. the question now is does trader give you the same respect and space he requests from you. if you decide something and ask him to hop along does he? or is this a one sided deal?

  6. bonita says:

    Blackdove, negotiate is quite right but it’s a flowing discussion so quite interesting in that sense.

    ArtC, think it’s about who wants it more. If he wants it more, because I love him, I give way. If it’s really really important to me, then I give way. So far, Trader respects me so he gives way at times. That’s why, we’re going to Japan for our vacation (something he wants) later this Nov, while we do Malaysia sometime else (something I want). Not bad as a trade.

    JXu and DS, good to have you back!!! 😀

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