Giving up = failure?

The thought of giving up haunts us.

Ever since we were young, we were thought to believe that to give up is to admit failure. To discontinue something worthwhile that must be finished, otherwise we wouldn’t had started it in the first place. We feel let down when we give up, as if we’re not only letting other people down, but also ourselves down for not following through.

Yes, the thought of giving up sometimes scares us, the fearless, so badly that we refuse to give up even when all odds are against us.

We do not want to be called a failure and so we insist in trudging on. Continuing even though it doesn’t make sense to continue.

One of the hardest things to give up is something we really love and treasure. Someone which forms part of our memory, where we remember the good times more than the bad times. One of the hardest things to give up is someone we’ve loved very dearly, but for some reason, no longer loves us back.

Last night, I had one of the more enjoyable evenings having dinner with a corporate contact in Hong Kong. She was 31-years old, professionally competent and beautiful. But for some reason, couldn’t manage to give up her ex-boyfriend with whom she’s broken up with for the last 1.5 years.

Do you think I should stop writing him an email every Friday?” she asks me.

Does he write you back?” I asked.

No,” she replied. “My emails usually go unanswered.”

“So why the hell would you even write him back?” I inquired.

So that he won’t forget that I exist,” she answered a matter-of-factly. “So he knows what’s going on with my life.”

I am dumbfounded.

Here’s an extremely pretty woman who can be anybody’s catch, pining for someone who doesn’t really want her at all. And it’s hard when you’re pursuing someone who doesn’t really want you back. It’s painful, crushes your heart and your pride in a million pieces, and even if you get him or her in the end, you’d never really forget just how much humiliation you had to go through to get that prize, making it worthless in return.

Ladies, time and time again, when will we start listening? If a guy likes/loves/cares for you, you’ll know. Because you’ll see it in his actions. You’ll just know.

I was browsing the Internet when I came upon this excerpt. The topic was, “How do you know if a man loves you?”

The author’s answer:

First, Harvey says, he’ll have no problem professing his love for you to anyone who’ll listen. Second, he’ll want to provide for you and make sure you’ve got all you need. Lastly, when a man truly loves you, he’ll do anything to protect you. “When you’ve got a man’s love, anybody who says, does, suggests or even thinks about doing something offensive to you stands the risk of being obliterated,” Harvey asserts.

I find this to be absolutely true.

A man who absolutely loves you will do everything to make you happy, and if he can see you cry, bear it and then walk away, then hell, you should definitely re-evaluate your definition of the word, “love.”

Sherry Argov is the witty writer of  “Why Men Love Bitches,” an easily misunderstood book which educates women that we don’t really have to be mean to be loved. We just have to be in control of our lives and never accept less than anybody’s respect (and deservingly so) in our relationships with anybody. In her lovely book, she writes:

If you have to second-guess whether he loves you, and you’ve been together for a long time, you might be settling for less. What the men shared with me is that it’s often the little things a man will do for a woman that’s most telling:

1) “You know a guy’s in love when it’s a Monday night and she says, ‘Why don’t we do this?’ and he does. He’s in love when he starts to regularly pick her over his friends.”

2) “When he seems overjoyed. Suddenly he’s really happy and he seems different. When he suddenly appears more alive to his friends and family.”

3) “You know a guy is ‘in deep’ when he’ll let the girl keep feminine stuff in the house. Suddenly he’s proud to have feminine decor. He’ll buy furniture that she likes, and he’ll let her keep tampons under his sink. He’ll want her in his life in every way.”

4) “He’ll start taking better care of himself, and he’ll start to think about long term. Financially, physically and in every other way.”

5) “He’ll go out of his way for her. He’ll fly to see her. If she has a craving, he’ll get out of bed to get her a doughnut in the middle of the night.”

6) “Men are into variety until they fall madly in love. If he really wants one woman, it doesn’t really matter who else he can have because he wants to be with HER. Other women arent a threat when he’s attached. A lot of temptations go away when you really fall hard.”

7) “When he thinks about her all the time, when he does thoughtful things for her, or when he’s always thinking of ways to please her.”

8) “Suddenly he feels like he can stop looking around the corner for someone else.”

9) “When he’s willing to do something out of character to please her. He never thought of having children or getting married, but with this woman, he is willing to do all of the above.”

10) “She won’t have to ask. She’ll just know in the gut.”

Personally, I like being in a relationship with someone who adores me (and I equally adore back). Sure beats the way it used to be when I used to wait by the phone, willing it to ring but it doesn’t. It just makes life a lot lot easier and I think that given just how complicated life is already, why complicate it even more?

Yes, failure can be a disappointment.

But sometimes, insisting to fight may only let you win a battle but not the war. Would you rather get the guy’s attention and he’s being irritable and difficult? Or would you rather be with someone who couldn’t help but want to be with you and just adores you and thinks the world of you?

I say, sometimes, we fight battles only worth fighting for.

And you should really think really hard if that battle you’re fighting for, is it something that will make you truly happy? Because you know, there’s really no shame in giving up.

It just shows that you’re opening yourself up to new possibilities and to someone better.

I gave up.

And I’m very very happy with my decision. 😀

Maybe you can as well!

Have a great week everyone!

 

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About Bonita

I'm a forgetful person. But I think a lot. Every day, a lot of thoughts enter my head. That's why this blog came to be: first, to keep my memories alive through the years, and two, to actually see how I and my thoughts have changed. Please note that I seldom draft or edit my posts. Sometimes, if I'm not careful, I offend some of you, my readers. And while I apologize for making you feel uncomfortable, I am not sorry for being honest or for making well-intentioned mistakes. I will however be the first to admit if I change my mind. Hence, do read and proceed with caution. My life is as colorful and as boring as you make it. I complain many days, but offer some encouragement in others. Life is fluid, it changes. So keep the positives and throw away the negatives, and I do hope that at the end of the day, you will enjoy reading the blog and leaving comments here and there if my posts touches you. Happy reading!
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4 Responses to Giving up = failure?

  1. Dragonstalker says:

    Looking in retrospect, was that poll you posted before all of this (about which person to spend time with) helpful in making you give up? 🙂

  2. bonita says:

    Hmmm… yes and no. I liked looking at everybody’s opinion, but in the end, t’is a question on who loves you and can make you smile more. And Trader won hands down.

    When I looked at him that evening when I agreed to be his boyfriend, I knew he was going to make me a happy woman and am not wrong so far! 🙂

  3. @l says:

    hahah here i was thinking that you maybe running out of material ^^

  4. Patty says:

    “One of the hardest things to give up is something we really love and treasure. Someone which forms part of our memory, where we remember the good times more than the bad times. One of the hardest things to give up is someone we’ve loved very dearly, but for some reason, no longer loves us back.”

    This one hit hard. 🙂

    I didn’t give up. He did. So is it his failure, mine or both?

    Ah the list you gave…he did it all a few years back. And then stopped.

    I can relate to your friend. 🙂

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