Oh Your Cheating Heart

Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi has been caught multiple times with his pants down cheating on his wife. Actually, his vagrant exploits is published all around the Internet. You just cannot help but feel a tad sorry for his soon-to-be-divorced wife Victoria Lario who’s pictured with him here:

prime

A cougar cannot really change his spots, while a playboy cannot really stop his naugty ways. It’s not as if Berlusconi feels sorry for his actions. At most, he denies ever having paid for sex.

On similar recent news, South Carolina governor admits to being unfaithful following his week-long hiatus to Argentina. I’ve heard that his wife wasn’t really as pink as peach and you cannot help but actually take his side for wanting to get out of her hair, but still — people think that he’s cheated and that makes him a bastard.

What are my thoughts on this?

The world isn’t really separated to black and white. If you are terribly miserable in your marriage, does it justify cheating? Many would accuse you of cowardice — if you are really unhappy, then why not just divorce?

If only it was that simple — do you think that it’s a walk in a park to simply separate whenever you want to? What about the legal proceedings, the talks and whispers in the halls, the want to maintain a comfortable status quo and most importantly, the kids if you have any?

There are those like Berlusconi who pursue women for the challenge. It makes his life a lot more exciting, that prospect of a sexy hot woman who is at first hard-to-get but melts in your arms be it with your sweet words, expensive gifts or debonair charms. Sometimes, it just takes the right mix of words and actions to get us into bed. The trick is just to find the right combinations…

There are also those like Sanford who’s trapped in an unhappy partnership and wants out, but finds it difficult given his status and position, his public persona and of course, his kids. Hence, instead of just cleanly breaking it off, they guiltily carry on the affair, hoping against hope not to get caught.

I pity the second kind, and have encounters with one. Given that I know so many people, it’s just about time when I’ll ever meet such a man and get to know his story.

He has been married for almost a decade and have two kids with his wife.  He’s high up in his organization, powerful enough to create a mini scandal if he ever does anything to divorce his wife, has enough assets that makes it a hassle if in case they need to split them, and trapped because of the kids who has yet to finish school. It’s been months since he ever slept with her, and now co-habitate as if they were brothers and sisters.

So what does he do to escape his fate and his boredom?

He starts an affair.

It’s so easy to do that. Wedding rings are easily removable and in a highly mobile world where business trips are common and women abound, it’s not that difficult to start one.

However, an affair is a dead-end relationship.

On the part of the man, sleeping with someone else doesn’t mean that there’s any change to the status quo. It doesn’t make you divorced and it doesn’t change your fate. For the woman, it’s being with someone emotionally unavailable who can never be yours without enough tears, pain and heck, heartache.

An affair usually starts simply. Sometimes, the woman knows he is married, and sometimes not. However, if he is, he starts off by saying that he is unhappy with his marriage because of so and so reason, and he’s looking to escape but is just waiting for the right opportunity and reason.

Hint: You may be that reason. If you’re with me, I may consider divorcing my wife.

The girl knows that the chances of that happening is next to nil given his position and the hassle of changing the status quo. Then again, all you need is a sliver of hope, right? He is unhappy in his marriage and you are saving him from his terrible wife who is a (place reason here – a nagger, a cheater, an abusive partner, a bad mother, etc.).

He coaxes you with nice wine, entertaining conversations and the promise of exciting yet comfortable companionship. He’s on his best behavior, shoes shined and face so interested in you that you cannot help but feel the most beautiful woman in the world.

In time, you give in. You sleep with him.

Game over.

The power of a woman shifts to the man the moment she sleeps with him. Blame it on oxytoxin or whatever but the moment you give yourself to the man, it’s over. The pursuer runs in the other direction and it’s up to you whether you’d like to start the chase.

Of course, he’s still there because he has his able supply, but chances are, he’s almost half gone. The challenge is over, moving on to the next conquest.

You sleep with him a few times before you realize that 1) it’s almost always about sex, 2) he’s probably never going to divorce his wife, and 3) you’ve just been screwed.

Now women are mushy creatures. We think that there’s glory in trying and trying until we’ve already squeezed out every single bit of pride we have left. We chase even though it’s obvious that we’re not wanted. We create excuses for men’s availabilities, and we pathetically throw ourselves at men who don’t care.

I say stop. Stop, and just walk away.

Realize that it was fun, you’ve made a mistake (hopefully a salvageable one at that) and just walk away.

You start something, roll in the punches then end it with hopefully, not too many battle wounds. And find someone who can actually be truly yours.

I’ve been with emotionally unavailable men before.

It was fun because it was always so exciting to be with them. When they don’t call you for a few hours, you wonder if they’re thinking about you. When they disappear for days, your imagination wonders and you miss them like crazy. Hence, when you finally have them in your arms, you cannot seem to want to let go of them because you’ll never know when you’ll see each other again.

Passion rose high and you cannot help but feel like you’re on top of the world.

Then morning comes and you feel like crap. Okay, you’re done and you feel empty. He’s there but he’s not yours.

Crap. Shit. Crap.

You vow never to see him again, knowing that you’ll probably break that promise. You bitch and moan to your friends and try to get their sympathy, but everyone knows that it’s stupid you who got yourself in this trouble in the first place, and the only way to get out is to nip the relationship in the butt and rid him from your life.

But it’s so hard. You want him too darn much.

In time, you realize that everything is moot and you do manage to get him out of the system. How long it takes you to do it really depends on your amount of self-respect and how much your heart can roll in the punches.

Mine took 1 month to start, 1 month for me to start having doubts and another month to get out of it. 3 months and one of my shortest relationships, but hell, better 3 months than 3 years.

Do I regret being with an emotionally unavailable man?

Hmmmm… not really.

That’s just part of life, and you had to go for that experience at least once in your life. At the very least, it made me appreciate being with an emotionally AVAILABLE man like Trader is (big difference, ladies… BIG difference).

My brief experience made me realize the difference of being in an open loving relationship like Trader who sticks around even when times get tough (our fight btw exploded in our faces. Whoops.), and doesn’t just disappear just because it gets messy. It made me less keen to be with men who aren’t mine, and to just leave them to women who are happy to eat scraps instead of the main course.

So ladies, it’s really up to you.

Do you want to share a guy with someone else, or would you rather have one for your own? 🙂

Up to you — but don’t cry and complain if you choose wrong. Have a great weekend, everyone!

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About Bonita

I'm a forgetful person. But I think a lot. Every day, a lot of thoughts enter my head. That's why this blog came to be: first, to keep my memories alive through the years, and two, to actually see how I and my thoughts have changed. Please note that I seldom draft or edit my posts. Sometimes, if I'm not careful, I offend some of you, my readers. And while I apologize for making you feel uncomfortable, I am not sorry for being honest or for making well-intentioned mistakes. I will however be the first to admit if I change my mind. Hence, do read and proceed with caution. My life is as colorful and as boring as you make it. I complain many days, but offer some encouragement in others. Life is fluid, it changes. So keep the positives and throw away the negatives, and I do hope that at the end of the day, you will enjoy reading the blog and leaving comments here and there if my posts touches you. Happy reading!
This entry was posted in Boyfriend, Men, Personal opinion, Relationships. Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Oh Your Cheating Heart

  1. Nicole says:

    I agree. A relationship with a married or otherwise taken man never works out. I mean I have been down this road. Even when they leave the wife the eventually begin to cheat on you as well. So how you are the wife/girlfriend waiting up at 4am for your man to come home. Its called Karma.

  2. bonita says:

    Hope not. Sometimes, we make mistakes. The important thing is to learn from it and move on. 🙂

  3. Jo says:

    Your experience has struck a nerve, how did you manage to keep it to only 3 months? I’m writing out of desperation and i wonder if you can help. A dear friend of mine is caught in the cycle and she can’t get out. She’s a mistress and she can’t see the damage shes done to herself. In the few months they’ve been together I’ve seen her mood and health deteriorate. I keep telling her that he’ll never leave his wife for her but she’s still hanging onto the hope. Like you said, it started off with his stories and excuses of being unhappy in his marriage. She’s even planning on introducing her boyfriend to her family (they don’t know he’s already married).

    I’ve tried everything I can so far, the only thing left to do is something I hope you can help with. The boyfriend is Taiwanese and works in ING Bank Taipei. He’s called Vincent and is a trader. I’ve confronted him about how he’s been treating my friend, and i can be certain he’s not going to stop unless he gets caught. In his own words, he said my friend is big girl and doesn’t need anyone else telling her what to do. He can’t have his cake and eat it, he needs to make a decision and everyone can move on.
    Is Taipei small enough to be able to find his wife and tell her? Or is this just a futile exercise and all i can do is sit and watch as my friend gets taken for a ride.

  4. bonita says:

    The financial world is super small and it’s not difficult to find out who Vincent is from ING Bank Taipei. However, I’ve actually talked about this with Trader (I basically discuss hypothetical scenarios so no worries), and our consensus is that when other people has problems like this, though it hurts us to see friends we care about getting hurt, there’s really no good result if we get involved.

    The boyfriend will hate you. Your friend, due to her love for the guy, will not listen to you and will avoid/hide things from you because she knows you’re not open to her relationship, all negatives will come in, etc. And despite you doing it, your friend will most likely not listen to you.

    So disagree or not, this is their life, not yours. Yes, it’s tough to accept but we cannot control others no matter how much we think they’re going over their line.

    The cheating husband will still go behind his wife’s back if he can get away with it. The wife may actually be aware, but choose not to know just to keep peace in the household. And your friend still does it even though she knows it’s super unhealthy because she can’t help herself.

    So I understand you care but caring means being a friend. A friend who listens, udnerstands and will be there for her when shit hits the fan and it undeniably gets too hard. Hopefully, you’re the only sanity left in her life to keep her from going the edge. Hope this helps!

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