Being Carrie Bradshaw

 My friend thinks I’m like Carrie Bradshaw.

I’ve missed you so much,” he exclaimed when I had dinner with him last night. “You just say absolutely anything that comes to your mind and you’re so refreshingly open about it.”

My boyfriend is more secretive than I am. You can talk to him for hours and he tells you almost nothing about himself. I wish I had his gift. After our first date, he already had a pretty good idea on what type of woman I was to my dismay. 

That’s scary hon,” I told him. “There’s no mystery anymore if you know me too well. I should be less than an open book and more like you.”

Bonita,” he said. “Some people need the packaging but you don’t. Just be yourself because you do it so well.”

Great, easy to say but difficult to do — do you know how hard it is to keep a guy interested when he can read you so easily?

Excitement comes from the unknown. When you don’t know if he likes you, if you don’t know when he’ll call or what he’s thinking, it makes you think more of him, and you miss him more. Admittedly, I miss him more when he doesn’t contact me because I wonder how he’s doing.

For you readers out there, you come back and read because you wonder what I’m going to talk about today or tomorrow. Will I talk about my boyfriend? My job? My friends? That’s the reason why you come back for more…

I wonder sometimes if I’m revealing myself too much. Carrie would often be less careful and say stupid things that kick her in the face afterwards. One of the reasons my ex broke up with me was because of this blog. He grew troubled that I would mention him at all, and I can assure you that he was an avid reader after we broke up. Of course, that didn’t stop him from reading, but still… my blog was one of the reasons for the breakup. I made our relationship public and he wasn’t comfortable with the idea.

People can see you as refreshingly open — or surprisingly stupid. A mean acquaintace, Adam, who became an avid secret reader once wrote how stupid I was for whatever topic I was writing about at that time. Well, if he felt it was so stupid, then he shouldn’t come back and read!

That’s the problem though. I don’t think I can stop writing or expressing myself. I’ve tried closing my blog several times but for some reason, I write not because of you, the readers, but mainly for myself. When I write and express my thoughts, they naturally organize themselves and I feel more relieved.

It’s like when you’re pissed and instead of shouting at that bitch, you just write it down and never press send. Afterwards, you read what you wrote and laugh because you can’t believe how much pain you’ve had to live with that time.

Just hope that this trait won’t bite me in the butt too much in the future. When you’re so open, people either really really like you, or not. There’s no middle ground. When people don’t know about you, they can’t say anything about you. But when you’re naked out there, anyone could pelt you with rocks and then scream that you’re stupid for revealing too much.

Oh well, c’est la vie. This is who I am. Take it or leave this blog. Anywho, not wanting to write anything in particular but just wanted to get some words off my chest.

===================

Btw, am still racked with a bit of guilt when someone told me this to go home with him. “Come home with me and I’ll show you a good time,” he said. I was not rude to him because despite his crudeness, I still count him as a good friend of mine, albeit an extremely horny one.

I’m sorry but I’m seeing someone,” I said. “And what I am is that I don’t screw around.”

So am I,” he said. “I’m seeing someone too. Come on, no one will know.”

I love this guy, but sometimes, I wonder how I get myeslf in these sort of shit. 😦

I adamantly said no, and then later on we said our goodbyes. I don’t know if I should even let my boyfriend know that I’ve been given an indecent proposal especially since he’s so far away. Not that there’s any danger of me in cheating on him, but I don’t know if he’ll be as comfortable knowing that his girlfriend is lusted over by others… and this was me not even being flirtatious at the very least.

But you know how men are… sometimes, they cannot help but think with their little heads instead of the BIG heads. When they go caveman, they don’t care who you are. They just want to screw you and to hell with the consequences.

Sigh, but I woke up this morning with the thought that I have to be more careful in the future. I shouldn’t put myself in any of these tempting, dangerous situations. My love life is complicated as it is… why make it complicate it even further?

So I’ll ask for your opinion. Guys, would you want to know if you’re girlfriend has been lusted over by one of her friends? Would you be mad if she was extremely honest with you when you asked her, “So did he want you?” and she would say, “Very much.”

Would you rather not know?

As for women, I know we mention these stories to make our guys jealous. I have no such intention. But being the open person that I am, how can you keep this to yourself? Is it better to just shut up of this episode or will you tell your boyfriend about it?

Your thoughts appreciated.

Have a great week everyone!

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About Bonita

I'm a forgetful person. But I think a lot. Every day, a lot of thoughts enter my head. That's why this blog came to be: first, to keep my memories alive through the years, and two, to actually see how I and my thoughts have changed. Please note that I seldom draft or edit my posts. Sometimes, if I'm not careful, I offend some of you, my readers. And while I apologize for making you feel uncomfortable, I am not sorry for being honest or for making well-intentioned mistakes. I will however be the first to admit if I change my mind. Hence, do read and proceed with caution. My life is as colorful and as boring as you make it. I complain many days, but offer some encouragement in others. Life is fluid, it changes. So keep the positives and throw away the negatives, and I do hope that at the end of the day, you will enjoy reading the blog and leaving comments here and there if my posts touches you. Happy reading!
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3 Responses to Being Carrie Bradshaw

  1. @l says:

    hmmm it really depends on what stage of the r’ship it is right ? ( it’s not linearly dependent on time )… when your r’ship can handle that .. i suppose it depends on the bf too … some ppl well stress no matter what stage the r’ship is

  2. bonita says:

    Hi @l, great to see you back again! Been awhile since you’ve left any comments.

    Anyway, don’t think any exclusive relationship can handle cheating. If I did anything with my friend, then my current relationship is doomed to fail and despite his many faults, my boyfriend doesn’t deserve that. So, we say no… and we live with a clean conscience.

  3. alatus says:

    forgive me for starting with this line but here it is: it depends.

    it depends on the the delivery and the way it was framed.

    if you’re going to tell me, tell me all the reasons it didn’t happen, and how you might change your perspective of your relationship with him going forward. take me both there and back, so to speak, not just there.

    leave the compliments, flattery, intimacy to me. i’ll give you plenty provided you’re not telling me with the intention of keeping me on my toes. that’s just disrespectful.

    hope that helps.

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