Oh no.

I am starting to miss him.

Do I miss him because as creatures of habit, missing something or something is natural whenever something is removed (if so, that’s truly bad of him)?

Or do I miss him because I’m starting to care?

Shit.

Shit.

Shit.

Nonetheless, the reason is negligible.

Two weeks shy of my upcoming birthday and a month or two from a big life change, I really don’t need these sorts of complications to shove me off center.

What’s more, pursuing this endeavor is like opening a Pandora’s box of worms.

So why am I going forward with this though?

Cut the emotional crap, but the main reason is, on hindsight, the things I regret the most are the things I didn’t do than the things I did do. How can I nail a stake in someone’s heart if I have no basis on whether this would have a future or not?

The second reason is his persistence.

Everybody likes to be wanted.

Do note that this doesn’t mean that I can’t handle being alone or that I’m desperate.

Quite the contrary.

However, it does make me feel good to know that someone admires me as I do him.

It’s a great feeling indeed.

Though I am very much aware of the risks, I will not run away this time though as I’ve done so many times.

If a man is willing to invest his time and energy in me, the least I can do is to respect that and likewise, give this a chance.

And if it goes nowhere, that’s fine. At least, you’ll never ask yourself, “What if?”

But as adults, we leap in with both eyes open.

And that is what makes life worth living.

These are the days — the struggle, the wait, the vulnerabilities — that make us human.

These are the days that make life worthwhile.

Even though it can be a bitch sometimes.

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About Bonita

I'm a forgetful person. But I think a lot. Every day, a lot of thoughts enter my head. That's why this blog came to be: first, to keep my memories alive through the years, and two, to actually see how I and my thoughts have changed. Please note that I seldom draft or edit my posts. Sometimes, if I'm not careful, I offend some of you, my readers. And while I apologize for making you feel uncomfortable, I am not sorry for being honest or for making well-intentioned mistakes. I will however be the first to admit if I change my mind. Hence, do read and proceed with caution. My life is as colorful and as boring as you make it. I complain many days, but offer some encouragement in others. Life is fluid, it changes. So keep the positives and throw away the negatives, and I do hope that at the end of the day, you will enjoy reading the blog and leaving comments here and there if my posts touches you. Happy reading!
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2 Responses to Oh no.

  1. j.xu says:

    … hmmm, I think that… the first impression/energy you get from someone.. says it all…. .. I strongly believe in the moment when you lay your eyes on a person… in that instance.. you’ll know if he/she will play a role in your life..

    .. so..
    “If a man is willing to invest his time and energy in me, the least I can do is to respect that and likewise, give this a chance.”

    -> there are a lot of man who is willing to invest his time/energy on you, but the question that you have to ask yourself is.. do YOU also want to invest that time/energy in him?.. is he that interesting, that he is worthy your time.. don’t forget, people don’t change .. no mather what they say -> everybody can blabla.. but the actions speak louder than words..

    .. so, you really REALLY like him, like ‘raising one leg when kissing’ kind of guy :P… or….. ? ..

    .. but I’m glad to hear that everything is going ok -> you deserved it!! … and.. the first month is indeed nice huh?! 😛 .. you chasing hem (sort of) and he chasing you.. teasing eachother.. 😀 ..

  2. Bonita says:

    Haha, the day we met, he already said that he liked me. And I liked that. It shows me something when a guy courageously just makes that declaration. Confidence is such a turnon.

    Glad to see you back, J. Xu! Btw, am not chasing him la! Am just reciprocating so there’s a difference!

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