People usually complain because they’re dissatisfied with something.
We’ve all been a victim of this — we complain about our mates, our work, our salaries, our bosses, our family… the list just goes on and on.
This morning, I overheard my colleague complaining to her boss.
Basically, she was telling her boss that she thinks that she’s overworked.
Because he’s a workaholic, she feels pressure in staying late in the office with him.
What’s more, as he’s starting to cover more companies, their workload has increased immensely, and she’s buckling from the weight of it all.
That’s why, the last few weeks, I saw her boss slaving away at work till around 11-ish or midnight with her gone.
And she’s her associate for goodness sakes!
Personally, it’s none of my business. What’s their business remains theirs.
However, this doesn’t stop me from voicing out my thoughts on complainers.
It’s simple — if you choose to do it, don’t complain.
If you don’t like it, quit.
Whoever thinks that life is easy must be shaken up from his/her slumber.
Wake up to the real word, mister!
Since when has life ever been a free lunch?
Work and you get paid.
Don’t work and you starve.
That simple, really.
Everybody looks at my colleague with envy — She works at one of the top-tier banks in the industry, working for one of the nicest bosses around. She already knows two different industries quite well, and her quantitative skillsets are valuable when she looks for any other job.
My gosh, ain’t that sweet?
Getting training and getting paid well for it — and she’s not yet 26 years old!
And yet she complains.
I am tempted to categorize her as a cao mei zu (strawberry-hearted), which is a criticism common among the youth these days.
Decades before, our parents were made with harder stuff.
They took working as a blessing and slaved away regardless of exhaustion just to survive and feed the kids.
No more does this happen nowadays — I remember my assistant complaining of the overtime. My golly, that would’ve been a valid complaint if he was working his ass off while I was out partying.
But quite the contrary!
He worked till 11pm, while I was up till 3am finishing up a project! And I had to get there way before him as well!
So who was he to complain?
He knew what he was getting into while getting an offer!
It wasn’t as if I promised a tenure of milk and honey and gave him vinegar instead!
He knew the work was tough but was dying to work in a top-tiered company that he promised to give it his all.
So instead, he complains.
Look, what good does complaining do anyway?
When you complain, does the work get lighter?
Do we as bosses feel better when our staff complain?
To provide constructive feedback is different. You’re improving efficiencies.
However, complaining is negative — a lot of yakity-yak, lost time and nothing else.
The work doesn’t get any lighter, the pressure doesn’t go away, and heck, do you feel a bit better by getting it out of your system?
If you can’t take it, then just drop it. Leave.
If you choose to stay, then zip it.
Yak about it with your friends and family if you wish, but if it really bothers you enough, quit. It’s not as if you’ve never had a choice to leave anyway.
“Bonita, it’s all about the money,” they say. “I am just doing it for the money.”
Well, if work is making you miserable, trust me, the money just ain’t worth it.
Think about it as well.
Maybe you aren’t cut out for the job.
If you were in a different industry, maybe you’d be happier even if you are paid less.
A good compensation package comes at a price.
It’s not as if you don’t work, and money falls into your lap. That’s just hilarious.
What’s even more hilarious is complaining about what is the job/person’s nature.
For example, how can a garbage collector complain that he has a dirty job? He’s dealing with trash day in and out… of course it’s going to be a bit messy!
It’s the same concept in the financial industry — if you work at one of the most stressful, competitive industries out there, then prepare to sell your free time, work till the sun comes up and find yourself doing things beyond your job description!
For example, when I first started in this job, I was only supposed to do A and B. Little did I know that am currently doing all throughout the alphabet now!
It’s the same as finding your mate.
Complain about your significant other (be it your boyfriend or wife) if you wish.
But then again, if he/she is making you THAT miserable, then what’s making you stay?
Blame the kids, your parents, traditions or the threat of losing face. But heck, it’s YOUR life. You make a choice. Not them.
Look, you’re not a dog.
You have free will.
If you want to leave, get your luggage out, pack your stuff and then leave.
But please, save your friends the time and effort of listening to you complain about how your husband isn’t treating you well, how you wish he’d be better, and other blah blah blahs.
If he was really as bad as you’ve painted him out to be, well, you shouldn’t have married him in the first place, right?
“But Bonita,” you argue. “You know how people are in love. You see your partners in rose-colored glasses. People put their best foot forward when you’re dating. So you only discover who they are when it’s too late.”
Ummm… no matter what, you knew what you were getting into — If he hits you when you were dating, then duh, he’ll probably hit you when you’re married as well.
If he puts you down in front of your friends/family, then he’ll probably break your self-esteem when you are back at home as well.
And it’s not as if you were dating him in a vaccuum.
People around you would’ve given comments about his/her character.
If he’s an asshole, am sure one of your good friends would’ve mentioned that to you.
If he’s cheap, you’d know that as well.
If he has a drifting eye, heck, am sure that one of your many friends would’ve caught that too.
And puh-lease, if you’ve seen any red warning signs, pack up and leave from the beginning.
Don’t get married, have kids, complain a lot and then leave.
That’s just so… irresponsible and reckless.
Lastly, don’t complain about things you cannot change. That’s just… -_-
Don’t date someone and complain that she’s too young.
Jeez, if the age really bothered you, why start dating her in the first place?
Same logic goes for those of a different race — a Caucasian doesn’t become Asian if you date them.
Or a shorter guy become taller.
These are just a few things you cannot change no matter how much you rub that oil lamp and wish for it.
In life, there are things you can change and others you can’t.
Wisdom comes in knowing the difference.
So change what you can, and make do with what you can’t.
And if it really bothers you, do something about it.
Don’t complain about your seemingly useless life, and then stay at home and watch TV all the time.
Don’t complain about not finding a job, but never really having sent that CV to a company.
“But Bonita,” you say, “I am looking for a job. Asking for people to refer. I’ve sent two resumes last week, but haven’t called back for an interview. It’s not my fault that I cannot find a job now given the bad environment.”
Good people are always on demand.
At present, my company has three openings, and this is just in my department.
We get a lot of half-hearted applications and it shows.
These applicants do not have the hunger.
During the interview, people are just so forgettable. They don’t care whether they get the job or not.
They’re passionless, and these people who don’t get the job.
If you want that job, apply to every company you know.
Find out which industry you want to get in, customize your resume to that company and then send it.
Send 10 resumes A DAY until you get 1 interview.
Even then, you don’t stop until you get an offer.
2 resumes mean nothing — life is a numbers game.
Send out as many resumes as you can and be diligent and disciplined about it.
10 a day is definitely a good place to start.
Same goes with dating — If you can’t stand your partner, then cut your losses and leave.
Sure, there will be some lonely nights but who cares?
Surely beats all the nights you waste crying your eyes out for a person who doesn’t treat you well.
I’d rather be happily alone than with someone who just wastes my energy and doesn’t even give me anything for it.
If you want to go abroad, be it Italy or New York, then start finding out a way to do it.
Survey around and see what are the options available for you and start moving in that direction.
My roommate for example wants to marry an Italian guy. However, she cannot speak Italian and has no clue where Italy is.
Ha, bet you USD1,000,000 she probably won’t end up with an Italian!
Find out your destination, then work back and see how you can attain it.
Life’s really that simple.
The most common, biggest problem is that most people have no clue who they are, what they want and where they’re going.
So they’re always somewhat dissatisfied with their own lives, but make no movement towards changing their paths.
Because they freaking don’t know where else to go, and just start drifting through life till they die.
So when am impatient with these sort of people, please do not get angry and blame me for not sympathizing more with them.
“Hey Raven,” you scold. “It’s not their fault la. You should give them a break.”
I am — by distancing myself as much as I can, and leaving them be.
Heck, hanging around with these complainers are of no benefit to me, and it’s not as if anything I say will make them think any better or less of me.
It’s not as if I talk to them and their life suddenly gets much better.
When you change your thinking, you change your actions.
When you change your actions and decisions, then your life will also change.
Till then, whatever I say will be meaningless for you.
A depressed person finds it hard to be happy.
An optimistic person finds it hard to be sad.
A realistic person finds it hard to be fluffy.
People do not stray much from their basic self.
People don’t change.
They remain true to their natures.
So yes, stop complaining.
Realize how blessed you are, and either work on being content with what you have or quit.
Trust me, there are a lot more people who would give an arm and limb just to be in my colleague’s lucky position.
And it’s up to her just to see how lucky she is.
Hope she does it in time!
Let me know if you have any complaints about this posts!
Me complaining about the complainers, the irony huh?
Okay, showering now. Night night!