Heartbreaker or Ego-Buster?

I bumped into a guy last Saturday at a party.

In his drunken state, he was surprisingly honest. “You made me feel like crap,” he said. “When you didn’t show up, you made me feel like shit.”

Admitedly, I’ve never stood anybody up before.

However, over a month ago, my first time happenned.

The guy was someone I met at the beach, with whom I enjoyed a nice evening of wine and cheese at his flat (along with his roommates, so it was entirely PG-13).

He was young, and slightly arrogant, boasting, “I’m the most competitive man you’ll ever meet.” Hmmm… he should be aware which industry I belong in, otherwise, he wouldn’t make that comment.

Anyway, we had an inside joke, and to soothe his hurt ego, I was supposed to treat him to some yummy Cold Stone Ice Cream. “Peanut butter,” he said. “That’s my favorite.”

Hence, we decided to set up a date that Saturday afternoon at 4:00 pm.

It was an appointment I couldn’t make.

Long story short, I overslept.

His call woke me up in the afternoon. “I’m already here,” he said. “Where are you?”

My voice groggy as I saw the clock.

SHIT, SHIT, SHIT.

He was on time, and I was still in bed.

You see, that week, my body was entirely exhausted. I was so pooped that I even went home earlier that week just to take a rest.

Of course, that still didn’t stop me from pushing myself and drop by Barcode that Friday evening as a friend of mine was leaving for China. Of course, as they dragged me to Room 18, and who else did I bump into but him?

He must’ve thought I hooked up with a guy and stood him up.

Wait, please give me 30 minutes and I’ll meet you there,” I implored. “Really sorry but I overslept…”

He demurred and afterwards, we mutually hung up. I tried to make call and make amends, but with his pride hurt, he didn’t really reciprocate.

To be honest, I really feel bad with what happened. It was my fault for oversleeping, and for going out partying the evening before. Of course, who would’ve thought that I would oversleep till 4 freaking PM?!

No excuse la, it was truly my fault though. Unintentional but still my fault.

Fast forward a few weeks later, he was still rightly pissed.

I don’t consider myself a heartbreaker, but for this instance, guess am the ego-buster. 😦

So it was no fun bumping into him last weekend again, especially when he’s drunk enough to tell you how he really felt about you. “I didn’t know you’d be here,” he blurted out.

Wow, he must really be drunk…

He’s given me another chance though — “Don’t fuck it up this time, or I’ll never talk to you again,” he said. I am looking for the right time to do so, though I wonder if he’s forgotten that he’s given me another go.

We shall see, what is there to lose save for the fact that he’ll return the favor and not show up. If so, then we’re even. At this point, any relationship potential has already gone down the drain as it’s not good to start off in the wrong foot by standing up a person by default.

I am both looking forward, and not looking forward to this meeting.

This man intrigues me — truth be told, I only go out with those I am sincerely interested in. Underneath that rough exterior, there should be an intelligent man lying beneath. Let’s just hope that he’s forgiving as well.

Why am I not looking forward as this meeting?

This is because him and me, we wage a battle of egos.

You see, there are some men with whom the conversation merely flows and you end up enjoying yourself and the evening thoroughly. Somehow, you just click and you feel so comfortable as if you’ve known this man for a long time.

He is not such a man.

This guy is someone you battle wits with. Lots of verbal sparring and there’s a winner and a loser in every sentence. It’s tiring to be with him as you’re constantly thinking of witty comebacks against what he throws at you. It is equally thrilling and yet exhausting. There is no boring moment with this type of man.

Men like these are special, and they know it.

I tend to mostly attract these type of men. For some reason, they take great pleasure in coming and going, sparring and talking, winning and losing.

And that makes them interesting and dangerous, if you’re not careful.

Let the games begin.

===================================

It’s hard when a guy tells you that he felt that you have a connection, and you look at him, and feel… nothing.

Not that you don’t thoroughly enjoy his company. Conversing with him is an absolute pleasure and you find that an hour and a half has gone before you say goodbye.

Though it makes you closer, that doesn’t automatically make you more attracted to him.

So whereas he’s been dreaming of a white picket fence and a family with you by your side, you’re instead concentrating on the delicious pasta and dessert.

Whereas he tries to change his schedule so he can spend more time with you, you instead feel suffocated and make plans to spend time with your girlfriends over the weekend.

Whereas he texts you and asks you when he’ll see you again, you ignore the message by rushing to your next appointment thinking that you can always respond once you’ve defined a spare time to meet him given your tight schedule.

Most women would free up their weekends to be with the guy they want. Instead, you continue on your original plan and stick him into wherever’s convenient.

I’m usually not in this type of role of avoiding a man’s attention. Most of the time, am darn too busy at work and with my life to even bother.

However, when a guy thinks that you’re the one, and you’re thinking that he’s just one of the interesting men you’ve recently out with and that you merely enjoy his company, then Houston, you have a problem. 😦

I hate being put on the spot — I dislike being asked to make an instant decision on whether I like a guy or not. I like to take things slow, and it’s hard to do so when a guy contacts you a few times a day asking when’s the next time he can see you.

Nonetheless, the most important factor is that he doesn’t really rate high on the Kiss Test.

What is the Kiss Test?

If you can imagine yourself kissing the person, then that person passes the kiss test. If you actually want to kiss the person, then yes, there is chemistry and no way you’ll see or treat him as a normal buddy.

However, if you cannot imagine yourself even kissing the guy, well then just don’t force it. He’s been relegated to the status of a buddy.

And for this guy, he has yet to pass the Kiss Test.

Btw, just to be clear, not that he’s a stalker, he’s not.

He’s been very much a gentleman all thorughout the time he was here. And yet, admittedly, he did give me more pressure than what I’m used to, and am not totally comfortable with that.

Still, it makes me feel bad.

I hate it when someone tells me that we have something, and you don’t necessarily agree. You hate to let him down so fast, but how can you not when he demands an answer right away?

Enough of the ranting.

Yen fen (Fate) will tell who’s really the right one. If ultimately, it’s this guy, then so be it. Otherwise, there will always be someone else who is more persistent and more patient than he.

Sigh, but why force it? Some guys are great being friends, while others are great to be lovers. I think at present, this guy is more of the former… but time will tell if that’s really the case.

Gotta shower. Night night!

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About Bonita

I'm a forgetful person. But I think a lot. Every day, a lot of thoughts enter my head. That's why this blog came to be: first, to keep my memories alive through the years, and two, to actually see how I and my thoughts have changed. Please note that I seldom draft or edit my posts. Sometimes, if I'm not careful, I offend some of you, my readers. And while I apologize for making you feel uncomfortable, I am not sorry for being honest or for making well-intentioned mistakes. I will however be the first to admit if I change my mind. Hence, do read and proceed with caution. My life is as colorful and as boring as you make it. I complain many days, but offer some encouragement in others. Life is fluid, it changes. So keep the positives and throw away the negatives, and I do hope that at the end of the day, you will enjoy reading the blog and leaving comments here and there if my posts touches you. Happy reading!
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