Just for Fun?

The weirdest place I’ve ever met a guy in was at the Alexander Gym. Back when it was still in operation, Alexander Gym was a place I frequented three times a week. Sometimes, I’d go to their pilates classes, while others, I would do some crunches, weights and jump some rope.

It was there where I met Leon.

I don’t know who spotted who first, but I noticed that he was one of the cutest guys at the gym. He must’ve held the same sentiment because it was he who first struck up a conversation with me.

You’re holding your weights wrong,” he commented as he proceeded to show me how to use the weights. I tried it and felt they were too hard to do, and resumed the normal way I do weights.

Afterwards, as I saw him at the gym twice or more, we struck up a friendship.

I learned that he was French, and he was here because he wanted to see how life was in Taiwan. He didn’t really like it here, but believed staying in Taiwan was a challenge and wanted to succeed here. Leon was a proud man, and it showed in the way he challenged himself physically, and how he refused to admit defeat.

Of course, I invited him climbing. Truth be told, I am usually open to inviting all those interested in climbing to go climbing with me. He promised to go one of those days.

It was a simple friendship — nothing too complicated.

He had a girlfriend and had known her ever since he was in France. His life was also complicated. Though he was merely 30, he already had an 8-year old daughter who is living with her mom in France. I don’t think they ever got married.

So there was once he went climbing with my friends and I. Then afterwards, I introduced him to my Taiwanese friend who introduced him to a decent job. I met his girlfriend, who was equally lovely, but noticed the level of contempt between the couple.

I don’t think they’ll last,” I told Karen after we separated. “There’s too much blame and animosity among the two that don’t think it’s a relationship that’s meant to last.”

“Well, it’s none of our business,” Karen said. “Just let them be la…”

Sure, it was none of our business and I thought little of it afterwards. Leon was a proud man and it was tiring to maintain any sort of relationship with him. For example, he refused to give up when we were climbing. He didn’t like to rest and pushed himself to the limit despite being afraid of heights. While others may be in awe with his never-die attitude, I was a bit bothered by his inability to be laidback. When he was unable to finish a climb, he blamed somebody who was on his way.

I am a loser,” he complained. “I cannot even finish the damn wall.”

“Don’t worry, Leon,” I tried to console him. “I didn’t even finish the wall the first and second time I climbed. People climb for fun, not to punish themselves.”

“Why are you always happy?” he asked. “Every time I see you, you are always smiling?”

“Hahahaha, that’s because I’m with you,” I teased him. “You always worry about something and everything. Always glass half empty. That’s why, I always feel as if I have a devil may care attitude when I’m with you.”

It’s true, compared to this grumpy bear, I am such a ray of sunshine. As he is usually in a worrying mood, he makes me look so laid-back, it’s silly.

Anyway, we lost touch and sometimes, he’d leave me a message in MSN just to say hi. But that was our extent of our friendship.

However, three weeks ago, he messaged me again. This time saying that he’d like to join me climbing that day.

I obliged — why not? It’s been awhile since he climbed the wall…

That evening, he told me that he and his girlfriend already broke up.

He asked if I was still single or if I was dating anybody.

I told him that I was still single, and dating for me isn’t really a good thing. I was honest. Guys for me definitely come, but more often than not, they also go. Come and go, come and go… thus, the pattern of the guys in my life the past few months. 😦

Why don’t you date me?” he suggested. “I am now single. I’d want to date you.”

Silence.

Ummm……… how do I reply to that?

I tried to deflect the question and change the topic but he asked me again. He asked me out for that weekend, to which I agreed. However, when the weekend rolled up, he was caught up with something, and I must admit, I was thankful that I had an excuse not to go out on a date with him.

Admittedly, I find Leon extremely attractive.

He’s the type of guy who’d make any girl stop on her tracks. He is tall, muscular, French and a real man. Definitely sexy in terms of body and face, Leon has women swooning all over him. I would say he looks like Tom Cruise, but with the height and without the bi-polarity.

Leon is the type of arm candy any girl would want in their hand. Seriously.

However, I have qualms with regards to his outlook in life. Spending time with Leon can sometimes be a chore. Often times, I feel I act too much like his cheerleader, encouraging him to go forward and that he is doing great. Sometimes, I feel like he’s a child who needs constant praise and recognition and this tires me out.

How would you feel if you were to spend your time with a pretty pessimistic person? Wouldn’t you get tired as well?

In addition, a life with Leon doesn’t seem to be sustainable.

He isn’t really ambitious and I usually find him worrying about this and that, but somehow not doing anything to solve his problem.

Once he decides on a solution, he becomes stubborn and insists on his own way.

Leon is the type of person who may find it difficult to get far in life mainly because he wants to carry his burdens by his own, and one cannot succeed without the help of others.

For all his good things, Michan, my first ex, was a bit similar. He had his own mindset and it was hard to convince him otherwise.

That made him determined — but also stupid if his decisions were folly.

It was extremely difficult to convince him to do anything he didn’t want ot do.

What’s more, he has an 8-year old daughter — not really that bad, but still some baggage that may complicate things if anything progresses from a relationship.

Why not just go out with him for the sake of it?” my friend Matthieu suggested. “Just have fun and enjoy the company. No need to be so serious.”

That’s the problem with me though.

I’m generally okay with going out and hanging out with men, but it’s hard for me to date anybody casually. Once I know that the guy is indeed interested, it puts me in a rock and a hard place and I unconsciously feel pressured in making a quick decision on whether I like him or not. I feel that I must somehow reciprocate, otherwise, I shouldn’t waste his or my time… 😦

And what if he asks me up his place, or if he asks for some sort of physical affection?

Then what?

I am sick and tired of having guys repeatedly ask me to go over their humble abode or sleep over. Look, I’d like to take it slow okay? Don’t pressure me!!!

Anyway, I am over analyzing this again. Maybe I should just let this simmer for a few days and see how I feel.

If his attractiveness far outweighs my concerns on his long-term potential, sure why not? As I’ve said, Leon is a very sexy-looking man and it would be great to feel somehow what it’s like to be in a company who finds you equally attractive, but it all depends if I can get over my inhibitions and stop from thinking about my inability to say no when put on the spot, and my ability to loosen up and just go with the flow.

So what shall I do? Again, decisions… decisions… shall I go out with him, or shall I just play it safe, watch HBO and deflect such decision?

Haha, if you were me, which one would you choose and why?

Don’t get me wrong. I am not complaining. I know that I should at least count myself lucky that a guy is indeed asking me out, and a super cute one at that. But aiyo, for some reason, gotta deal with my issues first before I indeed manage to enjoy myself and sing “Que Sera Sera.”

Anyway, it’s late and I’ve just had a long day at work, and a fun-filled evening of Mexican food and a food massage. The weekend’s coming up so hope everybody’s doing something fun!

I know I am.

Happy weekend everyone!

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent. 🙂

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About Bonita

I'm a forgetful person. But I think a lot. Every day, a lot of thoughts enter my head. That's why this blog came to be: first, to keep my memories alive through the years, and two, to actually see how I and my thoughts have changed. Please note that I seldom draft or edit my posts. Sometimes, if I'm not careful, I offend some of you, my readers. And while I apologize for making you feel uncomfortable, I am not sorry for being honest or for making well-intentioned mistakes. I will however be the first to admit if I change my mind. Hence, do read and proceed with caution. My life is as colorful and as boring as you make it. I complain many days, but offer some encouragement in others. Life is fluid, it changes. So keep the positives and throw away the negatives, and I do hope that at the end of the day, you will enjoy reading the blog and leaving comments here and there if my posts touches you. Happy reading!
This entry was posted in Friendship, Men, Relationships, Things I Ponder About. Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Just for Fun?

  1. Anonymous says:

    Hi Raven,

    Just wondering whether this guy “Leon” has not been in an oppressive state of mind due to his relation and the situation that brought with…. Now, there’s freedom, the new job you mentioned, and… renewed hope to happiness?! Go out with him, and just see if he can indeed be more relaxed now or not. If not… I believe your over-analyzing already points out enough worries for the long term…

    Anyways, good luck!

  2. Anonymous says:

    so my question is, did you say yes?

    -ann-

  3. Anonymous says:

    I remember, once you wrote, that your parents will be “not happy” with “none Chinese”…^_^

    Beside this, more important, is citizenship. After years in relation, there will be definitely the question, in which country you want to settle down. I am actually in this situation… In Taiwan you can’t stay without working visa….or Taiwanese husband. Could “Leon” live in the Philippines, or could you in live in France until end of your live?

    Flute

    By the way, there are basically three reasons for foreigners to stay in Taiwan
    Study, delegated from company or run-away….do you know that in Europe you have to pay alimony for your children, regardless being married or living together?

  4. Anonymous says:

    Wow,

    These last two “anonymous” seem to take it all a step futher…too far… What’s the point in even looking at a foreign man then?!…. Can’t be the alimony or?…

  5. raven says:

    Anonymous, personally don’t think people change. Happy people are always happy even if the clouds are dark, and pessimistic people always think that the sky is falling. But you’re right. Always good to give people a chance. I’m giving Leon a chance to show his more attractive side, so we’ll see how it goes. Abangan!

    Ann, dodged the bullet but he got me cornered. Finally said yes, but have yet to go out. Things may still change. Maybe he’ll forget to followup so we’ll see…

    Flute, parents are against non-Chinese. But it’s a date, not a marriage. Sometimes, it’s good to go around and discover what’s out there before listening to pre-conceived notions of who you can or can live without. If we’re compatible, then we can talk about moving where, but for now, just go with the flow.

    Btw, yes, he’s probably paying alimony. Lots of baggage huh?

    Anonymous 2: A foreign man can sometimes be more interesting to date. There’s an element of surprise or not knowing what to expect. Every foreigner is also different. Every date is special. So why even look at a foreign guy? Well, why not?

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