Easygoing is boring

I’d like to believe I’m a pretty easy going person.

Most of my friends have no qualms hanging out with me for a longer period of time. I would like to think I can listen well, am open to feedback, I generally keep my word, and extremely generous to those I care about.

Geez, even when I’m mad, I’m still easy going!

For example, am not the type who would throw a tantrum in anger, and resort to hitting a person with everything but the kitchen sink when I get pissed off.

Most likely, I’ll quietly say to myself, “Fuck,” and leave it at that.

The problem with still waters is not only they run deep, but they’re also uninteresting in the long run.

Have you ever been to a peaceful wildlife park, bask in the sunlight and wonderful scenery, finally relieved that you’ve found paradise? And three hours later, you’re bored out of your mind and can’t wait to get back to the hustle and bustle of city life?

That’s one reason why Thailand or the Philippines may hold more attraction than a more boring city like Singapore, Adelaide or Honolulu? These are beautiful places — weather’s great almost 95% of the time, people are well-behaved and clean, and the sights are just breath-taking. However, after spending three weeks there, you wish that life wouldn’t be as perfect, and goddamn, you’d like something more interesting to happen!

This is who I am — easy going, easy to live with, and easy to be taken for granted.

I can’t help it.

I’m a Libran, remember?

I abhor conflict and shouting matches, preferring balanced relationships and peace/harmony.

However, it puts me up for disappointment in the long run, me thinks.

For example, in the dating game, people say that you “have to play the game.”

Gazillions of books and websites have published articles on the need to play hard to get.
Keep the distance.
Be unpredictable.

Keep your guy on his toes to build excitement.

Unfortunately, I’m the type of person who keeps her word.

If I make a date with you, I just don’t cancel just because.

Why?

Because I’d expect the same conduct. The same respect.
If I’m a little bit late, I’ll let you know.

If I am attracted to you, I find it difficult to be hard to get.

If I’m free, why pretend that I’m not?
If I am comfortable with your company, why should I derive myself of that pleasure?

Regardless, dating is a game, and if I can’t play using the rules, I’m setting myself up for a fall, with no one to blame but myself.

My brother advises me to be sweet, but unavailable.

To be super friendly, but never let anybody take me for granted, by never giving anyone everything they want.

Create emotional distance by being wishy-washy. That way, a guy is never sure how you feel about him and it keeps him guessing and you in his mind.

As for me, if it takes this much trouble, I’d rather cut my ties and run.

Last night, I was thinking of cutting contact and moving away because I can’t really stand getting hurt. I’ve been working my ass to hard and long to handle such emotional stress, and it’s better to hold onto someone who can appreciate you better, than to second-guess yourself all the time and be unsure if he’s interested or not.

If he lets you go,” my super-biased brother said, “He’s stupid.”

Thanks J, though I’d rather not blame him for being so.

Who’s stupider?

The stupid guy who can’t appreciate an amazing girl when he sees it — or the girl who’s liking this stupid guy?

I don’t like punishing myself. I dislike being vulnerable, and I hate getting hurt when all the warnings signs are all there.

And the warning signs are the little things — for example, yesterday, he didn’t invite me out for our regular gathering because he expected that I’ll keep my word and be there. Strike one.

He was late, and he didn’t make contact, knowing that I’ll be able to take care of myself. For a moment, I was worried he wasn’t going to show, and to be insensitive to others, is just wrong. Strike two.

I won’t even share strike three, but it’s these little things that worry me, and I doubt anybody would disagree.

Sigh, I was happy, but now, my mood has shifted to mellowness. Do you think I’m merely overthinking this, or shall I listen to my gut feel and back off when I feel that the guy isn’t reciprocating the interest as much as I’ve wanted him to?

This is depressing indeed. How fast the winds change, huh?

On the upside, I’d rather look into the pros, and at least, with my dating life on hold, I’d be able to concentrate better on my studies, which is far better in the long run.

So yes, feel free to envelop me with your caring arms and tell me everything’s going to be all right. I don’t really need anybody’s pity, but it would be great for you to share with me how you play this dating game, and hopefully share with me some tips on how to weather this brewing storm.

If love is a game, I’d rather not play it. Blame it on being a true romantic, but I believe that love should be real, go with the flow, comfortable, and easy — just like how I am in and out of love.

I don’t think love in its truest sense is not easy going.

I think the best types of love are those that come, and we grab and hold it, knowing just how much it’s worth. There’s more than enough issues that can sustain a relationship than starting it. If it takes too much trouble to start something, then heck, I wonder how the actual relationship would fare?

So yes, I’m starting to let it go.

And this makes me sad, because I am really starting to care for the man… 😦

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About Bonita

I'm a forgetful person. But I think a lot. Every day, a lot of thoughts enter my head. That's why this blog came to be: first, to keep my memories alive through the years, and two, to actually see how I and my thoughts have changed. Please note that I seldom draft or edit my posts. Sometimes, if I'm not careful, I offend some of you, my readers. And while I apologize for making you feel uncomfortable, I am not sorry for being honest or for making well-intentioned mistakes. I will however be the first to admit if I change my mind. Hence, do read and proceed with caution. My life is as colorful and as boring as you make it. I complain many days, but offer some encouragement in others. Life is fluid, it changes. So keep the positives and throw away the negatives, and I do hope that at the end of the day, you will enjoy reading the blog and leaving comments here and there if my posts touches you. Happy reading!
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3 Responses to Easygoing is boring

  1. J. Xu says:

    Well love… dear Raven….. where should I start…. the things that are connected to this powerful word, it can make you glow… or break you, till the bone.
    I think that there isn’t a real plan that you can follow through this whole dating game… and being wishy-washy, I agree with you, that’s not the way to play it. Well heck, how can a person always be sweet all the time? We also have our moments and when we let it show, and they haven’t take the first bus to the next town, they are the ones to keep.
    So…, but how do you know that they won’t take the next bus? You never really do, unless you just… very simple…… be yourself . I know, it’s easier said than done… because heck, you like him and you don’t want to go down in his eyes, so you’ll be the sweet girl that he recently met.

    As like you, I also believe that if someone is really interested, he’ll do anything to make you happy… and the sky ain’t the limit!
    *(so, buyin’ that lovely brownie (me liky liky very much) for me on your way isn’t that a big of deal I would think;).
    Yes I am also a still water… actions speaks louder then words, I strongly believe this(because they reflects a persons feeling) and if you even couldn’t do this one simple thing… it will make me frown, but if the strikes continues, I won’t look the other way, but I also won’t say a thing.

    So he must prove to you why HE is right for you (yes, I’m also very conservative)… and not the other fishes in the sea.
    But darn, people nowadays…. I can understand why people have changed. We live in a different setting  we’re a consumption society; we live in a very fast-paced life and… I don’t want to be just another wastebag, if you know what I mean.

    “Last night, I was thinking of cutting contact and moving away because I can’t really stand getting hurt. I’ve been working my ass to hard and long to handle such emotional stress, and it’s better to hold onto someone who can appreciate you better, than to second-guess yourself all the time and be unsure if he’s interested or not.”

    I have also thought about it and… I’ve cut the contact and have moved away recently, without him knowing.
    I’m very spontaneuos, but I have never did something so drastic like this before. But heck, feeling was still there and… me calling him

    *me slapping myself

    So, in that time… I haven’t spoken to him for like 2 weeks and when I finally called (flesh was weak)…… he was very normal. Life just goes on, without him noticing me saying goodbye… while I was cryin’ my eyes out and feeling sh%t for the past 2 weeks, he lived his life very normal…. that was the BIG EYE-OPENER for me!

    It was good of me to call him. Now I know for sure… that I need to move.
    So few weeks later, I have changed my number again and… bye bye Pokémon (it’s my nickname for him -.-“)

    *me waving… but also pinkin’ a tear away

    Till now, I haven’t have contact with him anymore. You’ll just know when it’s really over and… it’s…. this is really sounds bad, but I think that I’ll see him someday –> there is still a stick preventing the door from closing, but heck, till that day comes

    *me wavin’

    I would like to tell you more, so you don’t feel alone in this… like I have. I would like to give you, courage, love and everything in this world, which can make you feel better.
    I haven’t talked with anybody about this chapter in my life, while this had been a huge impact, but there wasn’t a lot to say… I just felt it, and that’s enough.

    But I have to run now and I’ll be gone for like almost 2 weeks.

    One thing I would like to share with you before I go… I have written something in my diary on 29th of February 2008…. maybe that you can find any solace in it, like I’ve had.

    “it used to be like heaven
    it used to be like… *me blushin’.
    violins playing an symphony… now it’s gone….. away
    nobody wants to know the truth, till their hearts broken

    now I am telling you, that my heart has been broken, so I have to look at the truth and realise that this can’t go on like this…

    tell me why everything feels so different now that I am with you..
    we used to talk all night, when our love was new…
    now you don’t have time, ’cause you have to work all night… you say… o.O
    well I don’t know…
    I don’t know…. anymore
    … the only thing I know righ know is that I have to say goodbye… pick up the pieces of my broken heart…
    … wipe my tears… turn around and… walk….. just walk away

    ..

    before there is no turning back.”

    Dear Raven, just keep in mind that… you’ll be in my mind (^-^)and… caring for somebody isn’t a bad thing… it just what comes after that, that we hope… it won’t happen again

    *sights

    Life is a circle…..

    I have to run now, but just now that, at the other end of this world, there is a girl who wishes you the best!!

    With lots of love, kisses and huges…

    J.

  2. Anonymous says:

    That was very interesting to read, and I do quite understand the subjects here. Like you said, the entire system of those “political realities” and “rules of…” is quite distasteful to me, and I don’t want to pretend around people just because someone is expecting that. Well, on the other hand I am somewhat shy so the impression is sometimes the same.

    While I do think that refusing to play along those political realities can lead to hurts… in the long run, I don’t think I’d have it any other way – or rather, perhaps I wouldn’t be able to go with it and remain at peace with myself.

    Certainly all of us ponder those questions from time to time, which is why I (and hopefully others) enjoy your writing(s). I don’t have any wise words or fortune cookies to give though, except a simple ‘best wishes’ and perhaps ‘be happy’ or ‘you’re feeling right’ too. Regardless, your post did strike a chord with me.

    Best wishes!
    Goran

  3. raven says:

    J Xu, my friend William said that love is a game, and you just have to know how to play. We’ll see what happens. As you can see in my later post, I’ll just take it easy and step away. If he does pursue, then it’s meant to be. Otherwise, you’re saving yourself with a lot of heartache in the long-run.

    I empathize with your situation. Girlie, if a guy ain’t appreciating you, then don’t give him the pleasure of your company. I know it’s really hard. I am having a hard time too. However, it’s the right move for both of us. William says partners are like food. There are more people to love in the world. Why go after the food that’s just bad for you? Sure KFC Chicken’s finger-licking good, but if it’s unhealthy, you’re just hurting yourself in the long-run. William is way older than us, so am really going to listen. 🙂

    Regardless, be strong J. At least, the answers are clear. If a guy doesn’t care to keep in contact, try not to care too much. You can do it. Actually we can do it. Have a safe trip and hope it helps you get over Pokemon!

    =================

    Thank you Goran for leaving a message. Thank you for making me feel less alone. Much appreciated!

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