Sometimes I Wonder…

…why do I sometimes care too damn much?

I’m not talking about what other people think of me — most of the time, I couldn’t care less.

People who like you will always find a way to defend you, and those who dislike you will always have something to say.

What I mean is when it comes to doing things, why do I care too much?

Which is why I stay up late working in the office…

Why I sometimes overstay leading an organization a year and a half too late…

Why I pour 120% of my effort in an endeavor when a measely 75% is sufficient….

Why I fight for my causes even though it’s useless… ending up disappointed because you give too much and receive too little…

Sometimes, I wish I can be an Ice Queen who doesn’t care.

Que sera sera, what will be… will be…

But I do.

I do care.

And sometimes, I wonder…

Is it because I care too much that I end up getting hurt, becoming more anxious and feeling more exhausted…?

Or is it because that I care too much that for some reason, I am what I have become, that I am here right now in Taiwan?

Is it because that I care too much that I’ve lived a life worth living? And worth relating when you’re sick and old?

Because if you care too much and pour your heart into something, you live a life with no regret.

Because at the end of the day, you know that you’ve tried.

Nobody can ever say, “You could’ve get it if you’ve tried harder.”

Because at that point in time, you gave it your very best shot.

So I hurt.

I feel.

I pain.

I get frustrated.

But at the same time…

I am satisfied.

I am proud of what I’ve done.

I am never regretful.

So which do you want to be?

C’est la vie.

About Bonita

I'm a forgetful person. But I think a lot. Every day, a lot of thoughts enter my head. That's why this blog came to be: first, to keep my memories alive through the years, and two, to actually see how I and my thoughts have changed. Please note that I seldom draft or edit my posts. Sometimes, if I'm not careful, I offend some of you, my readers. And while I apologize for making you feel uncomfortable, I am not sorry for being honest or for making well-intentioned mistakes. I will however be the first to admit if I change my mind. Hence, do read and proceed with caution. My life is as colorful and as boring as you make it. I complain many days, but offer some encouragement in others. Life is fluid, it changes. So keep the positives and throw away the negatives, and I do hope that at the end of the day, you will enjoy reading the blog and leaving comments here and there if my posts touches you. Happy reading!
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