It’s a Saturday evening and am alone at work, finishing up some travel arrangements for a handful of clients flying in this week.

I just realized, it’s kinda lonely here. Raven is a bit lonely.

I’ve practically spent the whole day alone — doing my facial and coming to work in a weekend. I ate a nice tomato and mushroom pasta at the Mitsukoshi foodcourt, and now, coming back to work to finish it off before heading to the gym.

Aside from a brief 30-minute call from CW who said “Hi,” (I think it’s because he felt guilty for abandoning me last night for the company of two chicks), I really had no interactions with anybody else.

In a way, it’s liberating — you get to do what the hell you want, and heck, your productivity shoots up.

But you kinda feel sorry for yourself.

When I was walking to work, I thought, “Maybe that’s why people marry… they yearn for the companionship. They hate to be alone.”

And yet, on the other hand, if I’m stuck with a partner who brings me more pain than pleasure, being alone is still a welcoming option.

Aussie guy popped in mind today. “At least, the emotional roller coaster’s ride is over,” I thought. It’s been weeks since I’ve been in contact.

All my fault la. Not his. He did give me a missed call last Saturday and emailed me asking if I was still alive earlier this week.

I didn’t answer of course.

Am sick and tired of games, and wanting what I can’t have.

I’d rather give it up entirely.

Anyway, I’m still content. I partied hard last night, drank a few glasses of wine and suffered a slight headache for drinking too much. Then, it’s Carnegies till the wee hours of the morning where I said my regular greetings to my friends at the door before heading home.

This is my penance.

And I embrace it.



Because heck, though some of you may pity me for being alone (or surprised that I even am), at least, I know the direction where I’m going and am truly content. And if there’s somebody to be by my side, let him prove himself worthy!

Which brings a side note of, my repeat disappointment with men in my life.

I thought CW had a chance when I went with him to the wine-tasting yesterday, but he failed the unspoken test — know where your loyalties lie.

Anyway, I digress.

Like I said, no regrets and I don’t feel sorry for myself.

It’s kinda different… and we embrace what is different.

I’m babbling here so I’ll just leave this post for another day.

Hope you’re out partying tonight!!!


About Bonita

I'm a forgetful person. But I think a lot. Every day, a lot of thoughts enter my head. That's why this blog came to be: first, to keep my memories alive through the years, and two, to actually see how I and my thoughts have changed. Please note that I seldom draft or edit my posts. Sometimes, if I'm not careful, I offend some of you, my readers. And while I apologize for making you feel uncomfortable, I am not sorry for being honest or for making well-intentioned mistakes. I will however be the first to admit if I change my mind. Hence, do read and proceed with caution. My life is as colorful and as boring as you make it. I complain many days, but offer some encouragement in others. Life is fluid, it changes. So keep the positives and throw away the negatives, and I do hope that at the end of the day, you will enjoy reading the blog and leaving comments here and there if my posts touches you. Happy reading!
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