Humpty Dumpty

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall,
All the king’s horses and all the king’s men
Couldn’t put Humpty Dumpty together again!

Do you remember this simple rhyme song?

I do, it still rings in my head.

And underneath this song, holds a valuable lesson.

After Humpty Dumpty fell, not even the king’s horses, or the king’s men, couldn’t put him together again.

He must be talking about my heart. 😦

It’s not very easy to hurt me.

God is good: he gave me a short-term memory when it comes to anger.

Meaning, the most I’ve been pissed off is a couple of hours… half a day at the most, after which, the anger mysteriously dissipates.

Hence, even though I was thinking of killing the person I’m angry with, seeking revenge, or not speaking for that person for the rest of my life, these negative feelings disappear along with my anger.

I’ve never been the type to hold grudges.

And that’s one of the reasons why I’m still able to remain my happy, optimistic self despite being raised under a critical, negative and paranoid father.

But one thing with me though is, if you hurt me too much and too many damn times, I remember.

The anger, I forget.

And I hold no hard feelings nor do I seek revenge.

But I do remember the hurt.

When you crack a crystal ball, you may try to put it together again, but it can never be whole. Despite your best efforts, you can still see the cracks, and they will never disappear.

I’ve had this feeling twice so far.

Once, when I was in grade school and wanted to fit in with the “smart” crowd. Unfortunately, this clique was headed by my batch valedictorian, whose nose is forever facing up the sky. She was adamant that I never joined, and had hurt me badly that though we’ve kept loosely in touch, she’s forever crossed out in my book.

The second person was my best friend, with whom I hung out for 2 years straight in high school. However, in our third year, she finally got a boyfriend and completely abandoned all her friends. To top it all, she made me apologize to him after he completely embarrassed and shouted at me — all to keep the peace. I couldn’t forget what she begged me to do. Of course, in the end, she realized what a jerk he is and they broke up, but I cannot forget what she did. She’s tried to make amends afterwards, but our relationship never went back to the way it were.

I just didn’t trust her anymore.

In the back of my mind, I can never erase the fact that she’s capable of ever hurting me, and I saw the limitations of our friendship.

It’s the same as when someone you love(d) betrays you for the first time.

It catches you off guard.

Surprised, you ask yourself over and over, “How the heck can he/she be capable of hurting me this much?”

And the fact that he/she knows your pet peeves and weaknesses and uses it against you, fully intending to piss you off, makes it worse.

And even though you forgive them, it’s so hard to take the thought that he/she can do it again away.

You can forgive, but it’s so hard to forget.

So no matter how hard he/she tries to make amends, it’s so damn difficult to trust them again.

That’s it — the loss of trust.

Once it’s gone, it’s so hard to get it back again.

Hence, somehow, you can never really open your heart to them as you did when you guys first met.

You hold your heart close, with much caution.

Because you know, anytime, anywhere… they are capable of breaking your heart again in a million pieces. And they may do that again.

As the saying goes, “Fool me once, shame on you… fool me twice, shame on me.”

And who would be stupid enough to be fooled again?

So yes, I see the cracks.

And what’s worse, I’m a hard nut to crack.

Yes, the opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference.

And guess what, at this point, I don’t f*cking care anymore.

When it reaches that point, is it still possible to redeem oneself?

I do wonder.

I wonder how much my heart’s been damaged, and whether or not it can be put back together again, just as it was before…
===============================

Sorry for the blogging hiatus again! I’ve been enjoying my “in-between” job status that I’ve totally ignored my blog. My apologies.

But don’t think I’ve been slacking off.

For today alone, I’ve met up with a friend for lunch at Warner and updated each other with our lives, and then took Chinese classes before heading to the Songjiang/Nanjing area for a PR (Public Relations) forum.

Yesterday, after trying out Capone’s NT$270 (+ 10% tax) lunch buffet with a friend, I’ve been busy running around buying clothes in preparation for my new job at Taipei’s clothing haven — Wu Fen Phu. Overall, I’ve probably spent more than a month’s rent in clothes.

God, I’m so poor right now.

But heck, the food at Capone’s is good. Check out the pics on the left and right — there’s yummy caesar salad with croutons and bacon bits, asparagus with shallots, GARLIC MUSHROOMS and sauteed shrimp, vegetable salad with vinigiarette, some simple soup…

Not to mention, the seafood pizza which my guy friend was lookng for, juicy delicious pork ribs, creamy seafood and scallop lasagna, spicy pasta with angel hair noodles, slightly spicy seafood pasta in squid ink noodles, grilled chicken… and god, so much more.

ALL OF THIS FOR FREAKING NT$270!!!

Okay, around NT$300 if you count in the tax!

You know me, and that I heart food, so I thought the entire thing was a pretty good deal considering the variety of stuff you can get.

To top it off, the dessert includes some NY cheesecake, creme brulee and some fruit, which is nothing to jump for joy about, but heck, for NT$300?! Not bad la!

What the heck are you complaining about?!

And yes, in my personal opinion, it’s better than the salad buffet at Sizzlers and Pizza Hut! 😉

So overall, I’m satisfied with the quality of food and the price — at least for their business lunch buffet (meaning, it’s only available from M-F).

Here’s their information if you need it:

Capone’s
Address: 312, Zhongxiao E Rd, Sec 4 Taipei (台北市忠孝東路四段312號) — right at the SYS Memorial Hall MRT Exit 2
Telephone: (02) 2773 3782

http://www.taipeitimes.com/News/feat/archives/2005/09/02/2003270119

Anyway, I’m enjoying my vacation so far! My only concern is that I’ve been enjoying it too darn much, and I may need to clock in more hours in the gym, or suffer the consequences… if you know what I mean.

And on Thursday, I’ll enjoy it way more by taking a 2-day break to Alishan! Yahoo!

Haha, I’m going with a “friend,” but due to a logistics problem, we’re sharing one BIG bed.

My guy friends are now betting whether or not they’ll be any hanky-panky going on that night.

IM asked, “Do you think this guy is interested in you or not?”

“I think so…,” I replied.

“Well then girl, you’re just asking for trouble!” he exclaims as he playfully punches me on the arm. “Imagine this, just the two of you, at romantic Alishan, with just a single double bed… what else do you think will happen?!”

Mike was more direct, “You’re single, he’s single… and walaaaa! Nobody’s single after this trip is over!”

I laughed.

Frankly, I don’t know what to expect.

I’ve given up expecting what’ll happen already, but one thing for sure, I definitely wouldn’t miss Alishan’s sunrise for the world.

So stay tuned for updates!

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About Bonita

I'm a forgetful person. But I think a lot. Every day, a lot of thoughts enter my head. That's why this blog came to be: first, to keep my memories alive through the years, and two, to actually see how I and my thoughts have changed. Please note that I seldom draft or edit my posts. Sometimes, if I'm not careful, I offend some of you, my readers. And while I apologize for making you feel uncomfortable, I am not sorry for being honest or for making well-intentioned mistakes. I will however be the first to admit if I change my mind. Hence, do read and proceed with caution. My life is as colorful and as boring as you make it. I complain many days, but offer some encouragement in others. Life is fluid, it changes. So keep the positives and throw away the negatives, and I do hope that at the end of the day, you will enjoy reading the blog and leaving comments here and there if my posts touches you. Happy reading!
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2 Responses to Humpty Dumpty

  1. Pericles says:

    Hi! I came across your blog and I wanted to comment on your entry.

    And even though you forgive them, it’s so hard to take the thought that he/she can do it again away.

    You can forgive, but it’s so hard to forget.

    The Bible and Jesus urge us to forgive our friends and enemies. Where would we be without His forgiveness, “for all have sinned and fallen short of the Glory of God”? Forgiveness is tough but the Bible never says we should/will forget the wrongs perpetuated against us. “Forgive and forget” is human wisdom, not God’s wisdom.

    We learn from other people’s actions, both good and bad. So even though it hurts, bad events have a purpose. It’s not true that God wants us to be happy and painfree, despite what many people believe, He wants us to be mature and Christ-like, then we will be happy and painfree in all circumstances.

    If there is something that you want God to help you to forget, forgive that person and ask God to help you forget repeatedly. Keep on praying and believing in His grace.

    True forgiveness comes when we can recall the hurtful event without feelings pain, anger or regret. It just takes time… and God.

  2. Blackdove says:

    “Hear me squack”? What’s ‘squack’? Or do you mean ‘squawk’?

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