Why can’t I nEXt the Ex?

I can’t believe I’m mentioning him again…

My friends think I’m crazy for trying to maintain my friendship with the ex. In fact, my girlfriend asked me how I am able to be friends with my ex. “I don’t know how you do it, girl!

She was also in a similar boat as I was.

I told her, “Well, like you said, we can only control ourselves. I’m not perfect but I try put myself first. I don’t succeed all the time, but it helps. Distance is definitely key.”

So is keeping yourself busy, and slowly but surely building a life without your ex as a vital part of it,” I continued.

That’s what I’m doing… keeping myself so busy that even the guys who are interested in dating me, can’t find the time to ask me out because they’re unsure which day I’m free.

For example, Java guy wants to ask me out this week. Unfortunately, my schedule’s already packed till Sunday afternoon. 🙁

But as I’ve said, it goes up and down.

Unbeknownst to all my friends who think it’s great that I’m moving on so successfully (one friend even said that when she breaks up with her boyfriend, she’d like to be able to make a friendship similar to mine and my ex), I’m still hurting.

Last night for example, after going on a day trip with my ex and another friend, I walked home and cried myself to sleep, feeling sad because it’s so hard to have something you want, is right in front of you, and yet, is so out of your reach.

But of course, nobody knew this. Nobody saw this, and I’d die if friends not from my inner circle know how much I hurt.

I called up Mike.

I can’t do it, Mike,” I moaned. “I thought I can, but I can’t do it! Every time he mentions another girl, it hurts. Every time I see him smile, it hurts. Why am I torturing myself like this? Why am I allowing myself to be hurt?

Mike merely listened and said that it’s the choice that I made. And given the choices, I know the consequences. “It’s over,” he said tenderly. “Move on.

I sniffed and vowed to distance myself once again, with more deciciveness. I know how weak I can be. Hence, it’s my choice… I will not allow myself to be weak if I can help it.

It’s over, Raven.

Move on.

And yes, slowly yet surely, I am.

It would be great though if I can find time to juggle Java guy and French hottie into this week’s schedule. 🙂

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Java guy update: After being concerned about turning him off because I was too blunt with my email response, he surprises me with a text message this Sunday saying that he’s been studying whole weekend for his CFA exam in June and that he hopes we can get together this week.

Point one for Raven and her not taking crap from wishy-washy men! 😀

French hottie update: We went wallclimbing last Saturday and it was fun! He was absolutely graceful on the wall, and though some friends showed up afterwards, we still got a lot of one-on-one time!

He’s so cool and cute, and interesting because he’s also in clubbing, taichi, and extreme sports such as skiing, bob-sledding and more!

Since I had a play afterwards, we rode to the Shida night market in his scooter and he treated me to some peking duck roll and made tentative plans to go wallclimbing again this week!
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Weekend’s been busy.

There’s dinner and a walk at the Taiwan University last Friday, where I got to see the beautiful flowers just starting to bloom.

It can be pretty romantic, so long as you bring your mosquito repellant.

Ang daming lamok (So many mosquitoes)! :0(

There’s also the wallclimbing “date” last Saturday afternoon, followed by the funny/witty/poignant Vagina Monologues in the evening, which was also a reunion for the entire Expat community of sorts.

We had Starbucks coffee after, and a walk in the Daan park (Hahaha, don’t you notice how much I love walking around!).

On Sunday, we went to Pinglin to check out the tea plantation capital. Pinglin is between Taipei and Ilan.

God, the company was great, despite the wet and cold weather.

But heck, save your time and go to Wulai instead.

There’s really nothing in Pinglin aside from a river full of carps, a not-so-impressive tea museum (good thing they didn’t charge) and a Guanyin golden statue.

Even my flyfishing friend was a bit disappointed. He brought flies when carps love worms.

Oh well.

Afterwards, we had a delicious dinner at Carnegies and went home.

Not bad for a weekend, ey?

Can’t wait to see what this week’s going to be like! Weeeeeeeeeeeee! ;-D

About Bonita

I'm a forgetful person. But I think a lot. Every day, a lot of thoughts enter my head. That's why this blog came to be: first, to keep my memories alive through the years, and two, to actually see how I and my thoughts have changed. Please note that I seldom draft or edit my posts. Sometimes, if I'm not careful, I offend some of you, my readers. And while I apologize for making you feel uncomfortable, I am not sorry for being honest or for making well-intentioned mistakes. I will however be the first to admit if I change my mind. Hence, do read and proceed with caution. My life is as colorful and as boring as you make it. I complain many days, but offer some encouragement in others. Life is fluid, it changes. So keep the positives and throw away the negatives, and I do hope that at the end of the day, you will enjoy reading the blog and leaving comments here and there if my posts touches you. Happy reading!
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6 Responses to Why can’t I nEXt the Ex?

  1. malu says:

    Raven: I can totally relate. Been there, done that (several times even) and as everything else in this world goes, it ultimately depends on you. I guess it’s just a question of whether you’ve already outgrown the feeling or you’re still holding on. If you think you are on the second (which I think you are) then don’t be chummy with him. Once you say you want to be friends with him, you have to make sure it’s just friendship that you really want, not hopes for a possible second chance. It’s a big risk and believe me, the second time you get hurt by the same person, it’s not just painful, it’s embarrassing even. To be there before and not have learned —my girl friend would just say. “Ay tanga”.

  2. raven says:

    Thanks Malu. Glad to know am not alone. But trying to move on… 🙂

  3. Will says:

    when i broke up with girlfriend she asked if we could still be friends. i granted her that wish because it was the least i could do for someone whos heart i tore to shreds.

    we were friends for about 4 months before she couldn’t help it but confess that she still wanted us to work.

    Im disappearing from her world now because i want her to move on.

    out of sight, out of mind.

  4. raven says:

    Will, ouch.

  5. bombfunck says:

    There is an office collegue, I like her and I proposed to her 4-5 months back. At that time she

    specifically mentioned that she has a boyfriend and that she can only be friends with me. I was very

    understanding at that time and she told me that she would even support me emotionally. Her boyfriend

    was not in town as he was working in some other city. I used to call her everyday and she used to

    discuss all her problems with me. We used to meet everyday as we were in the same office and even on

    weekends for movies, just the two of us. At that time she was having a hard time with her boyfriend

    and I supported her, but in the meanwhile my feelings grew even strong with her. Now her boyfriend

    is in the city and they are going to marry in a few months. But, i feel so hurt and jealous whwnever

    she mentions his name eventhough she made clear on the first day itself that she has a boyfriend.

    Sometimes I feel that I should stop talking to her as maintaining distance would be a good option

    for me, but that would break our friendship also and we both connected really well and I do not want

    to end our link but at the same time it really hurts when I see her soo happily with someone else.

    What should I do? Should I completely stop talking to her or should i maintain distance without

    breaking the link. time heals eveything but then again if it is true love that I have for her then

    all the feelings that I have for her are going to come back and I’ll be hurt again.

  6. raven says:

    Bombfunck, after proposing to her 4-5 months ago, this girl already knows where you stand and how you feel about her. You were her pseudo-boyfriend, and allowed her to gain emotional support from u AT YOUR EXPENSE. She’s no fool, she knows how much you like her, but unfortunately, doesn’t like u enough to break up with her bf and choose you instead. How can she like or miss u when you’re always there pining for her, waiting for her call, etc.? People want what they can’t have, and guess what…? She has you.

    I’ve been through the same situation as u before; I was afraid to break the link bec we had a lot in common. My advice: LET HER GO. The friendship u can always salvage later on. But u have to take care of urself first. The more u hang out with her now, the more hurt u get and I don’t believe in punishing oneself. Instead, move on, start living a life without her, and if she comes back, great. Otherwise, you’re a stronger person for it, and u deserve someone better who can see you as somebody valuable, instead of a psuedo-bf. Just my .02 cents. Be strong! 🙂

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