Restlessness

Recently, I’ve been talking to people who are sick of living in Taiwan. Most of them have been here for more than three years (some have been here for 20), and it seems to them as there’s nowhere else to go.

Most people here are just boring,” Mark commented. “They’re never ready to go do something. Like after we do our brunches, most of them just want to go home.

Mark is thinking of moving to Hongkong because there are more opportunities, professionally there. He is sorta getting sick of the people here too.

People here just don’t interest me,” another friend said. “Most women are just interested in shopping and superficial stuff. Do you know what impresses me? Seeing someone reading the ‘Economist.’ and you can’t really find a lot of that here.

I agree. After being here for over three years, it’s very hard for me to be impressed by the people here. And what impresses me btw?

First is sincerity and the genuine-ness of a person.

For some reason, I find a lot of people here to be superficial. When they befriend me, I can’t help but feel that they are friendly because they need something from me and that if I was lying on a hospital bed, not one of them will care enough to come and visit me.

Second is intelligence and knowledge.

Even with their masters and PHds, I find that most people I meet here just don’t have the substance that interest me. The most interesting conversation I’ve had recently was with YHS who talked about the education system in Taiwan and Matt D. whom we talked about the Six Sigma and the different styles of management. Other than that, conversation topics range from dull restaurant reviews to “How’s your Chinese New Year holidays?

Boooooring…

I don’t know.

I like living in Taipei. It’s clean, super-convenient and has tons of things one can do (e.g., indoor wallclimbing, walking around the city, traveling around Taiwan via train), but I’m not intellectually-stimulated here.

Harry was more direct, “Raven, I think you’re basically looking for a soul-mate. Problem is, you can’t find that here. You’ll find most people terribly dull and can’t keep up with you.

He’s unfortunately right.

Maybe I’m just bitter because although I’m blessedly single and enjoying my life here… if I’m looking for a lifetime partner, I don’t think I can find it here. Local guys don’t really interest me mainly because I dominate them very easily, while the foreign men… well, Taipei’s just a temporary port for most and one cannot have high expectations for a long-term relationship.

BIG sigh.

Then again, a thought suddenly popped in my head — “Happiness is what you make it. Happiness is found from the inside.

Maybe it’s not Taiwan that I’m actually complaining about. Maybe it’s not the scenery. Maybe the problem lies in myself.

I remember a peaceful period last year — it was the time when I was “attached” and that lasted till the rug was pulled out of my feet. That was comfortable and peaceful… aaaah, too bad good things don’t last.

Hence, even if I moved to Shanghai, Hongkong or Singapore, given three years, I’d bet I’d still feel the same thing.

My heart has this restlessness in it. Restless, due to the lack of deep connections that fulfill me. Years ago, I felt deeply connected to Taipei because of my Japanese friends, followed by my close friends here, and then some ABC ones.

But my Japanese friends already have their own lives to live. My close friends too, while my ABC ones… sigh. I realize that most of them aren’t really there for me if you think about it.

Home is where the heart is, I repeatedly say.

But where is home?

My home is not yet found in Taipei. Maybe in the future, but not now.

My heart is restless. Where can it stop and just be at peace?

About Bonita

I'm a forgetful person. But I think a lot. Every day, a lot of thoughts enter my head. That's why this blog came to be: first, to keep my memories alive through the years, and two, to actually see how I and my thoughts have changed. Please note that I seldom draft or edit my posts. Sometimes, if I'm not careful, I offend some of you, my readers. And while I apologize for making you feel uncomfortable, I am not sorry for being honest or for making well-intentioned mistakes. I will however be the first to admit if I change my mind. Hence, do read and proceed with caution. My life is as colorful and as boring as you make it. I complain many days, but offer some encouragement in others. Life is fluid, it changes. So keep the positives and throw away the negatives, and I do hope that at the end of the day, you will enjoy reading the blog and leaving comments here and there if my posts touches you. Happy reading!
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2 Responses to Restlessness

  1. algol says:

    We shall not cease from exploration

    And the end of all our exploring

    Will be to arrive where we started

    And know the place for the first time.
    Little Gidding
    T. S. Eliot

  2. raven says:

    Beautiful Algol and very timely…

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