Emptiness…

Last night, I went climbing with David T. at the Shipai gym. It was just the two of us this time, because both of us want to climb as much as we can. If I went tonight, there will be tons of people, and we’ll just find ourselves sitting on the bench most of the time and socializing with friends.

We wanted to climb, and so we went.

David T. climbed 11 walls, while I clocked in 7. I didn’t mind though since my arms and muscles were already very tired after last Sunday’s climbing marathon. It was a wonder that I was able to climb as much as I did. Afterwards, we headed over to the Shilin night market to pack in the calories!

Overall, fun! I found David T. to be good company. He’s a skateboarder, frisbee player, drummer, English teacher, half-Czech/half-Canadian and more — all in one go! After meeting up with so many dull people here who’d rather just go home and watch TV, David T. is like a breath of fresh air.

What’s more, he seems sincere. This brings back my conversation with Mike S. last Sunday where he said that he noticed that English teachers seem to be more genuine than professionals.

I completely agree.

After being the head of a professional organization over 6 months, I can honestly say that I can count my close friends there on one hand — ironic, since I know just hundreds of people. But who has my back when I need ’em? Practically no one.

I am tired of the superficialness of being kind to people who don’t give a sh*t what happens to me or not. I think this is unfair. I guess, that’s the Libran in me talking, but I’d like people to be considerate of me as well, after I’ve been considerate of them.

Of course, I’m all for unconditional love and all that, but dude! If you’re giving way more than you’re sowing, there’s something wrong in the formula there!

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I’m starting to miss home.

It’s a weird feeling because I’ve never really been homesick with my over three years of stay in Taiwan.

I guess, after encountering so many people who come and go, I’d like a pier I can anchor in.

Sure, I’m a caged bird back home, but at least, I know that these are the people who love and care for me for good and for bad.

I’ve always said, “Home is where the heart is.

I don’t know if my heart’s in Taiwan anymore. Sorry to say this, but who here in irreplaceable? And there’s always the Internet to keep in touch. I used to think that my heart lay in Taiwan, but I guess I was wrong.

There is no sense of permanence here, and this bothers me.
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A thought has been going around my head these past couple of days.

I think I’m almost ready to move away from here.

Yes, I know that I have it going here. I’m already well-adjusted to the Taipei life and culture, I have friends, am a leader of a big-ass organization, I have a good job…

But I know wherever I go, I can have the same good life as I’ve had here.

It’s not really where you go. I know wherever I go, I will still get a good job, find good friends, get adjusted and most likely, be part of another big-ass organization because it’s my nature to organize things and get involved in community/social issues.

I’m not sure yet, but I feel that if this emptiness I feel doesn’t go away soon, I will think more about this. Maybe I don’t want to go home yet. That would be like caging a wild tiger. But I’d like to target and live in another country before settling down.

Maybe Shanghai? Or Australia?

But I’d like to look into this more…

We’ll see how much change I have in the next couple of months.
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I feel attractive recently.

I guess, it’s because of the larger amount of male company I’ve had lately.

Are they dates?

No.

Too much pressure. 😉

But I do love hanging out with ’em and merely exchanging ideas.

Yesterday, a friend told me that a guy saw me and was interested in me because I “have style.

Don’t get it.

He said that he agrees that I do have style.

It’s in the way that I talk, and act and dress, and simply just how I carry myself. Like Robert Redford, Sandra Bullock, or whomever… they have a distinct style they can call their own.

Girl, you got style!” he claimed.

Hookay…

Till tomorrow!

About Bonita

I'm a forgetful person. But I think a lot. Every day, a lot of thoughts enter my head. That's why this blog came to be: first, to keep my memories alive through the years, and two, to actually see how I and my thoughts have changed. Please note that I seldom draft or edit my posts. Sometimes, if I'm not careful, I offend some of you, my readers. And while I apologize for making you feel uncomfortable, I am not sorry for being honest or for making well-intentioned mistakes. I will however be the first to admit if I change my mind. Hence, do read and proceed with caution. My life is as colorful and as boring as you make it. I complain many days, but offer some encouragement in others. Life is fluid, it changes. So keep the positives and throw away the negatives, and I do hope that at the end of the day, you will enjoy reading the blog and leaving comments here and there if my posts touches you. Happy reading!
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One Response to Emptiness…

  1. Andy says:

    I think I understand this feeling of emptiness that you talk about. Most people who come to Taiwan are here only temporarily. Only a few end up staying. I guess this leads to the mostly superficial friendships. I’d like to say more but I think there’s a limit to the comment box. Send me an email and I’ll tell you more. I’ve been here like forever and I’m not leaving anytime soon!

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