Regaining My Self-Respect

Here’s a conversation I had earlier with my friend, James:

Raven: I think I lost my power, James. He (Ex #2) has been ignoring me for 2 days straight now. What shall I do?

James: Do u want him or do u want your pride?

Raven: My pride first. Not pride… respect.

James: Then don’t go back.

Raven: If I want him?

James: if you want him, try getting on your knees and beg him instead?

Raven: Will that EVER work?

James: No.

Raven: Seriously James…

James: Move on. Can’t believe he’s letting u go. Accept and move on.

Raven: That’s how to get him back — accept and move on?

James: You won’t get him back. He may be back but then he’s gone again This person has some issues to resolve before he can be with anyone.

James: You can’t solve his issues.

================================================

You see, ever since we broke up around two months ago, I had been waiting for the sidelines for my ex to see the light, and value me for who I really am.

My logic was, there’s this terrific guy whom I believe I can live comfortably with. We share so many interests, similar personalities and beliefs, it’s a miracle we were able to find each other. And being stubborn, it’s not easy for me to give up someone I really care about.

But alas, after weeks and weeks of the same pattern, it’s becoming destructive. I don’t want it to get to the point that I hate my ex, because of his inconsideration of my feelings. Sometimes, it’s better to cut your losses and move on.

I’m going to do that now. My friends don’t respect me any longer because of what I am allowing him to do to me (e.g., use me whenever he wants me), and even I don’t respect myself any longer. And I want my respect back

Mike was right. “It’s Michan all over again,” he said.

The only way I can regain my respect back is saying “no” with more conviction. And not just a simple “no,” in particular, it should be “no more” and “never again.”

Seriously, I’m now letting go.

In the past few months, I’ve felt the love, care and support of my close friends and family… why the heck would I allow myself to be treated half-way? Now, I’m not saying my ex is a bad man, he’s not.

But Mike’s right… maybe I have the tendency to turn even the nicest man bad.

I mean, who would say no to a free meal?

Hence, I go back to what my father have taught me, “If you let someone bullsh*t you, they will.”

So now, I’ll put my foot down and learn from this. I’m alarmed to see that my past two exes were like that — I liked them a lot more and let them use me in their own ways. I don’t want to make the same mistake the third time around. Hence, I’d like to reflect on my past behavior.

Karen gave this advice, “Why you were attracted by them? That’s the thing you have to think about… what made you fall for them. So that you can prevent it from happening again.”

Anyway, point of the matter is, I’ve got to have more confidence about myself and respect myself more. I don’t want to make the same mistakes again.

Till then.

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About Bonita

I'm a forgetful person. But I think a lot. Every day, a lot of thoughts enter my head. That's why this blog came to be: first, to keep my memories alive through the years, and two, to actually see how I and my thoughts have changed. Please note that I seldom draft or edit my posts. Sometimes, if I'm not careful, I offend some of you, my readers. And while I apologize for making you feel uncomfortable, I am not sorry for being honest or for making well-intentioned mistakes. I will however be the first to admit if I change my mind. Hence, do read and proceed with caution. My life is as colorful and as boring as you make it. I complain many days, but offer some encouragement in others. Life is fluid, it changes. So keep the positives and throw away the negatives, and I do hope that at the end of the day, you will enjoy reading the blog and leaving comments here and there if my posts touches you. Happy reading!
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