The Ex Files

Last weekend, I finally met up with Ex #1.

He arrived to Taipei last Wednesday, gave me a call Thursday night but since I was having my lovely prime rib thanksgiving dinner, we decided to meet some other time.

That other time seemed to be yesterday when he called me up at 10:40AM and wants to meet up with me at 11AM.

My first reaction was — Are you freaking nuts?!

*angry face*

Who do you think I am?! Last minute afterthought?!

Anyway, my friend was also with me, and since I’ve already promised to go have brunch, I decided to tell him to f*ck off (in a nicer way) and just meet him when he has time.

I gave him the option of meeting up that evening or on Monday, but he said he was busy so fine.

Some other time then.

After brunch, I went back to my apartment. It was around 2PM.

Then, the phone rang.

It’s Ex # 1.

He said if I was home, and he wanted to meet up in 10 minutes.

I told him I’d rather meet up in a café, but since he just had pearl milk tea, he said he’ll just meet me at home.

After much debate, I said, fine.

He came at around 2:10PM and sat on the bed.

He hasn’t changed much, still quite sexy.

And yet, as we were talking, he tried to “get close” to me as if it was old times.

I subtlety turned down his advances as I pretended everything was normal.

At around 4-something, he left.

And I breathed a sigh of relief.
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You know, it was great to see Ex # 1 again and gossiping like old times.

What saddens me is that he came with an expectation that we’ll be doing something. 🙁

Not that it’s any of a big deal to turn down his advances… it’s been months and though he’s still an attractive man, I’ve already and completely moved on.

I listened to his stories — Almost 28, he is still the same guy as I’ve known three years ago. His life has no direction and he’s still spending almost 6 days a week playing “pachingko.”

He hadn’t grown up, despite going back to Japan for a year.

It’s kinda sad seeing how aimless his life had become. Full of hope and promise, he had wasted his time.

When I asked him what has changed, he said, “Nothing.”

I cannot be with a man like that.

I would like to be with a man I can respect, and Michan has done nothing for the past year that made him worthy of my respect.

So moving on…

Closing that chapter of my life now…

Funny how much can change in a year. I see him differently now. I do hope I can feel the same way with Ex # 2 after some time passes by.

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By seeing Michan, I’ve also experienced an epiphany…

Don’t take this as an insult honey, but you and Michan have so much in common.

Not in who you are… I know Ex # 2 has achieved far more than Michan will ever dream of. I believe Ex # 2 is a nicer man than Ex # 1.

But what you share is your expectations from me even after the breakup.

What you share is a conscious/unconscious lack of respect for me and my well-being.

Even after we broke up, you still had some expectations from me. You told me that you loved me and missed me and just needed time.

What I didn’t realize was that you just needed time to get over me and not seeing me all the time.

And I have foolishly given it to you.

I had made the breakup easier for you… and a lot harder for me since we were somewhat acting like boyfriend/girlfriend after the break.

But you knew how I feel about being in the gray zone.

You knew. I told you. I told you about Michan and how hurt I was then.

And yet, you selfishly still allowed it to happen, and even encouraged it.

Regardless, it’s not your fault.

It’s not as if I was kicking and screaming.

I admit I was a willing accomplice and I do enjoy you and your company.

But I’ve come to terms that I have to deal with this on my own. It’s almost been two months — way too long to get over someone — and I’m still in the same place as before.

I refuse to be used any longer.

I think I have more respect for myself than that, even though your respect for me has significantly diminished because of what I have allowed to happen.

I’m sorry, honey. It’s not that it’s your fault, but I think these are the demons I have to conquer, whether or not I have your help.

Finally, I’ve realized what you’ve been telling me all along — that we’re not each other’s THE ONE.

The One for me will not disrespect me like this.

The One for me will treasure me as if I’m the most priceless thing on earth.

You’re a great guy.

But you’re not the One for me no longer.

I don’t really believe there’s only one person for us.

But I do believe that our actions and decisions dictate who the One is.

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The Gala was a great success! Around 240 people came at the Sheraton and though there were a couple of glitches on the way, it was all in all, a smooth ride and everyone more or less enjoyed themselves.

I was wearing this really nice black dress, and I believed I looked stunning.

Overall, a successful event for my organization… and all of this is because of the collaborative effort of everyone involved.

We’ve given blood, sweat and tears for this project, and now, it’s finally over.

Now, we can rest.

Yay!

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Yesterday, I watched Libby C. and her band perform at the Riverside Café. Libby is ABC but performs her own songs and they’re all beautiful.

Reminds me so much of Mojofly from back home.

I was tipsy with the glassful of Long Island Iced Tea (deadly drink there!).

But I had a great time.

The weekend also composed of going clubbing at Roxy 99, where I had a great time dancing to the tunes of the infamous “Chicken Little” song.

“Du-da-du-da-deeeei…. Du-da-du-da-du-da-deiii…”

Great danceable song.

Oh and the Gala last Saturday. And meeting up with friends for dinner sometime this weekend.

People think I’m a party animal now because I have something going on every day.

Geez, just think staying home is boring, and I love to go out and not be lonely.

Hope you had a fruitful weekend as well!

C’est La Vie!

About Bonita

I'm a forgetful person. But I think a lot. Every day, a lot of thoughts enter my head. That's why this blog came to be: first, to keep my memories alive through the years, and two, to actually see how I and my thoughts have changed. Please note that I seldom draft or edit my posts. Sometimes, if I'm not careful, I offend some of you, my readers. And while I apologize for making you feel uncomfortable, I am not sorry for being honest or for making well-intentioned mistakes. I will however be the first to admit if I change my mind. Hence, do read and proceed with caution. My life is as colorful and as boring as you make it. I complain many days, but offer some encouragement in others. Life is fluid, it changes. So keep the positives and throw away the negatives, and I do hope that at the end of the day, you will enjoy reading the blog and leaving comments here and there if my posts touches you. Happy reading!
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2 Responses to The Ex Files

  1. Blackdove says:

    “What saddens me is that he came with an expectation that we’ll be doing something. :-(“
    Well, given the scenario you described, ALL men have only ONE thing in their mind. The fact that he insisted he meet you at home instead was a dead giveaway.

    “I subtlety turned down his advances as I pretended everything was normal.”
    To avoid complications, yes, you did the right thing. He probably saw the futility of it all.

  2. raven says:

    If that’s the case, it saddens me that a lot of men are like that. 🙁 Don’t they have any respect for us women? Anyway, it’s over and I’m quite disappointed… haha, at least, am glad that at least, he came out disappointed as well.

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