Being Twenty-Something

I’m a 20-something — 25 to be exact. If I should live till 100 (hopefully), that means I’m reaching the quarter of my life.

I got this article years ago, and it amazes me on how much I could relate to it. That’s why, I’m posting this in my blog… to see if you guys also feel the same way. At the same time, I’ll try to revisit and see how much I have learned in the past couple of years since I first read this article when I was 21.

Ah, almost three years has passed since I arrived in Taiwan… and it still makes ne shake my head in awe on how much I’ve changed since then.

Raven at 21 was good…

But Raven at 25 is also good… just very different from whom she started.

I find myself to be more decisive (though still quite indecisive), and more firm about what I want and don’t want. Less nice in the traditional sense of the word, but more sure of who she is.

It’s funny on how much I’ve grown in the past 3 years as compared to the years I spent back home. I guess, that’s because I got the chance to spread my wings and find out who I am, instead of who my parents want me to be.

A trivia before we start, when I first came to Taiwan, I thought I was in love with beef stew noodles.

Why?

Because we’d eat it at least thrice a week. We’d especially go to Ongpin (Chinatown) just to taste those delicious beef noodles.

However, after I came to Taiwan, I realized that it was over a year before I even had a craving for beef noodles…

I mean, within this year, I’d try rice, bread, pasta… but never beef noodles.

It was then that I realized that it was not I who wanted it. Instead, it was my father who loved it.

Makes you realize how much you’ve spread your wings. Anyway, read on, and happy reading! I wrote this last September 17 btw during happier times… just posting it finally into my blog.


They call it the “Quarter-life Crisis.” It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are a lot of things about yourself that you didn’t know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

So true… if you ask me where I’d be in a year or two, I’d tell you that I don’t know.

What scares me is that it’s true. I have no f*cking clue where I’d be a year from now… more so in 2 years.

Would I be in Taiwan? In Hongkong? In the US? Back in the Philippines?

One thing I know though, I don’t want to go back home yet.

And as for the present on where I am, no freaking clue as well. I know I am enjoying life to the fullest, but then, I’m wondering if I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing… why am I not fulfilling the dream of working in a consumer goods multinational company doing branding?!

That was my dream since university…

It also scares me to realize that I’m a worrier. I worry so much.

I don’t like that about me.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren’t exactly the greatest people you have ever met and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you do not realize is that they are realizing that too and are not really cold or catty or mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You got that right. I’ve come to realize that a lot of the friends whom I thought were friends disappeared when I was in need. And there were a lot of acquaintances whom I wouldn’t give a thought about came to the rescue… I’ve also came to realize that my best friend whom I haven’t talked to in months, mean a lot to me.

I guess, in age, you come to realize that the wisest thing you can do is find out who your real friends are… and who are just there because it’s convenient for you and them.

You look at your job. It is not even close to what you thought you could be doing or maybe you are looking for one and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and are scared. You miss the comforts of college, of groups, of socializing with the same people on a constant basis. But then you realize that maybe they weren’t so great after all.

If you told me that I’d be working for a computer company in university, I’d laugh my head off…

But here I am… writing for them. Truly ironic.

Aside from Friendster, I don’t really keep in touch with friends from university. Sure, aside from the pleasantries we exchange when I go to visit, and one dinner at a nice restaurant, that’s basically the amount of contact I have with them.

It scares me to know that if they die, I’d probably won’t shed a tear… and if I die, they’d shake their head and say, “What a waste!” but they won’t shed a tear too.

It scares me that the friends who are my world right now wouldn’t mean as much two to three years down the line…

But maybe, that’s how life is.

We choose friends, enjoy our time with them… and sometimes they stay, while others go their own separate path.

As a good friend once said, “Savor those moments, because you’ll never know when they’ll happen again.

Even in friendship, there’s really no permanence in this world… 🙁

I guess, that’s why people get married.

You are beginning to understand yourself and what you want and do not want. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging a bit more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and add things to your list of what is acceptable and what is not. You are insecure and then secure.

I know a lot about myself now than what I did before. Although for example, I disapprove of first-date sex myself, I wouldn’t mind if others did it. It’s their life, NOT mine.

You learn to think more for yourself, instead of what your parents brainwashed you with… you come to realize that although parents are always doing things for your well-being, they are not always right.

A lot of my opinions have changed…

I used to think that premarital sex, living-in, doing drugs, cheating and debauchary was bad.

Heck, I thought smoking was the absolute evil thing when I was still in high school.

Now, I’ve realized that not because I won’t do it myself, don’t mean it’s bad.

The world’s no longer black and white — it’s mostly gray — live with it.

And I try not to judge too often now, because I’m afraid that I’ll be doing the same things I’ve judged wrong a few years ago.

You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

The only thing permanent right now is change. And yes, there are moments that I feel so alone.

I have a close-knit family, but can still accept the me I am right now? If I don’t do what they say, will they still love me?

I have a lovely boyfriend, but who knows what will happen if God-forbid we broke up.

I’ve learned that friends come and go… they get boyfriends/girlfriends, they move away… you lose touch. How can you hold on to them?

I’d like to think I have a strong support group, but I really don’t. The only thing permanent is yourself.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you or you lay in bed and wonder why you can’t meet anyone decent enough to get to know better. You love someone but maybe love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you are not a bad person. One-night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap and getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic.

I had my heart broken once, by a guy whom I loved. I cried, I mourned, but life goes on. What’s amazing is that when God closes the door, He opens a window — and I met my boyfriend.

The only difference with this quote is that I did meet someone decent. And I’m very happy with him.

I’ve had my two hook-ups before, and they pale in comparison with what I have right now. Maybe this is a good thing, I didn’t have to kiss too many frogs to find my prince. Or I’d like to think that I’ve come to appreciate my prince when he came.

You don’t have to be burned so many times to find out that fire can hurt you.

You go through the same emotions and questions over and over and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans and money and the future and making a life for yourself and while winning the race would be great, right now you’d just like to be a contender! What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

And that’s why my friends are sometimes sick of hearing me talk… but I love them anyway for sticking up with me even though we’ve talked about these a million times… 🙂

Do you feel like this too? Maybe it will help if you know that you are not alone in there state of confusion…

Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, small minds discuss people. The only graceful way to accept an insult is to ignore it. If you can’t ignore it, top it. If you can’t top it, laugh at it. If you can’t laugh at it, it’s probably deserved. When life throws you lemons, make lemonade. When life gives you scraps, make quilts. Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you respond to it.

Make Every Day Count!

C’est La Vie!

About Bonita

I'm a forgetful person. But I think a lot. Every day, a lot of thoughts enter my head. That's why this blog came to be: first, to keep my memories alive through the years, and two, to actually see how I and my thoughts have changed. Please note that I seldom draft or edit my posts. Sometimes, if I'm not careful, I offend some of you, my readers. And while I apologize for making you feel uncomfortable, I am not sorry for being honest or for making well-intentioned mistakes. I will however be the first to admit if I change my mind. Hence, do read and proceed with caution. My life is as colorful and as boring as you make it. I complain many days, but offer some encouragement in others. Life is fluid, it changes. So keep the positives and throw away the negatives, and I do hope that at the end of the day, you will enjoy reading the blog and leaving comments here and there if my posts touches you. Happy reading!
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