Too Many Singles!

I wrote this on September 15, 2005 — too busy to change the entry so I’m publishing this as is…

My friends complain they haven’t found their significant someone yet.

It makes me realize that there are so many single people in Taipei.

They’re pretty, smart, and successful nice people — and yet, they are lonely. And they want a boyfriend/girlfriend.

I’m becoming jaded,” complains my friend James. “Every time you get put down, you become a little jaded.”

I can’t really say. Before I had my first boyfriend, I’d bitch and moan that I’d die a spinster. But seriously, there wasn’t any real desire to have a boyfriend. After I broke up with my first, I then met my current boyfriend. So I never really got to enjoy my single-hood.

Though I think it’s cool that you can date around as many as you want. It’s like being in a buffet where you can go out with him on Monday, and another guy on Wednesday — and don’t feel guilty about it.

“It gets old pretty fast though,” says a girlfriend of mine. “Nobody wants to get hurt. And every time you go and meet someone, and it doesn’t work out, you get hurt.”

I look at my friends again. One is a dentist, good-looking and a graduate from Harvard Dentistry. In his 30s, Jerry He is considered a “catch” in Taipei given his good looks, good education and nice smile.

I teased him that he should be having the time of his life because he has his choice of women since he has all the right stuff.

He disagrees.

“First, I work all the time and my schedule is inconvenient,” he says. “Secondly, if I had a choice, I’d rather be settled down than running around on dates.”

The grass is definitely greener in the other side, ey?

Novembergrace expresses my thoughts so well in her blog:

“I know some amazing women. They are kind, gentle, intelligent, diligent…They are often Ivy-league educated professionals. Physicians, lawyers, professors, nurses, artists. They are the kind of girls who volunteered in hospitals on Friday nights when everyone else went out drinking in college. They are the kind of girls who bought sheet music instead of shoes with their first pay check. They are the kind the girls you hope you brother would marry.

But somehow, they are alone, and this is not by their own choice. Sometimes I wonder: what’s wrong with all the guys in this world? Do they not see how wonderful these women are?

Inner beauty is a wonderful thing, but sadly it doesn’t help you much in some arenas in life. Then again, why should a good woman change who she is to please someone else?”

And this isn’t just for women. There are also a lot of nice men who are still single, lonely and looking…

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It puzzles me though, how so many nice people are still single.

And ironically, they’re not exactly single by choice.

They just haven’t found the right person yet.

It’s not that they don’t want to be alone for the rest of their life. Yes, they do want to get married and have kids… but it’s just not happening.

I don’t know why.

*scratches head*

Case in point, another girl-friend of mine.

Let’s call her Carol.

Carol is 31 but looks 26 because of her petite height and cute look. She works in marketing, great with kids and a truly nice person.

At 31, she has never had a boyfriend in her entire life.

“Maybe you’re just picky,” I suggested.

But she answered, “It’s not that I’m picky… it’s just that no guy has ever asked me out. Give me anyone and I’ll go out with them!!!”

We always think that most people are single by choice. But talking to these people, I’ve come to realize that it’s not that they’re single by choice, or are just being picky — but really, they don’t seem to come across people they like/attracted to.

Chance isn’t that good to them, it seems.

Of course, not that I think that boyfriends/girlfriends are the end-all and be-all of life. But if they’re so nice and they’re willing, why can’t they find anyone suitable for them?

I admit, my meeting my first boyfriend is indeed magical in such that I believe that it’s part-chance and part-choice, but really, if you think about it, how difficult is it?

Or maybe chances do abound.

But we’re just being so picky… that one day, you realize, you’ve missed your chance.

Sometimes, we just have to grab it.

I remember when I was first “hanging out” with my boyfriend, my gosh, just a few change here and there and we probably wouldn’t have gotten together. Mike was right, chance made us meet, but it’s both our choices that made us happen.
My best friend complains that she can never have the guts to approach a guy. She’d rather have him approach her so that she’ll know how much he likes her.

I’m like, good luck.

But girl, this is the 21st century. Actively approaching someone won’t kill you, and life’s too short to miss those chances.

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Being part of this huge organization, I get to meet so many new acquaintances in a regular basis.

Many of them are nice — and single.

I guess, that’s why they join such activities… so they can meet like-minded singles as them.

So far, since I’ve been active six months ago, there have only been two successful matches — one of which is my honey and I.

What is it that starts a relationship? Is there something missing in the equation? Is it really that hard to meet that special someone?

If so, then seriously, I may have hit the jackpot.

Do enlighten me when you get the time.

My head’s going bald with all these scratching… 🙂

About Bonita

I'm a forgetful person. But I think a lot. Every day, a lot of thoughts enter my head. That's why this blog came to be: first, to keep my memories alive through the years, and two, to actually see how I and my thoughts have changed. Please note that I seldom draft or edit my posts. Sometimes, if I'm not careful, I offend some of you, my readers. And while I apologize for making you feel uncomfortable, I am not sorry for being honest or for making well-intentioned mistakes. I will however be the first to admit if I change my mind. Hence, do read and proceed with caution. My life is as colorful and as boring as you make it. I complain many days, but offer some encouragement in others. Life is fluid, it changes. So keep the positives and throw away the negatives, and I do hope that at the end of the day, you will enjoy reading the blog and leaving comments here and there if my posts touches you. Happy reading!
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One Response to Too Many Singles!

  1. eventuallypretty says:

    raven,
    i also have a lot of friends like yours. also i have been single since birth for 26 years til i went active on the dating scene a year or so ago.

    you are right. sometimes you just have to grab the opportunities. or make things happen for yourself. i don’t believe in the saying that you don’t have to search for love, it will come to you. in this day and age, we have so many opportunities to meet and get to know other people that those who wait get left behind. but i’m not saying that there is no truth to the saying though. 🙂

    so tell your friends to go and find someone. they could even find interesting and worthwhile people even if they don’t discover true love. that’s what i tell my friends 🙂

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