No More Miss Nice!

Don’t you see that you’re more agreeable when you’re younger?

You want everyone to like you…

You smile a lot more, leave your heart out on the open and speak your mind whenever you want.

Think of a wild horse running in the green fields… unbridled and free…

But after people hurt you a couple of times, after you experience a couple of disappointments, you wonder…

Does it pay to be so open and so nice?

Ah, nice. It’s the word almost everyone who knows me describes me. It’s a word we all aspire to…

But by being so nice, people trample all over you. You’d have to listen to them b*tch and moan, and plaster a smile on your face because you want them to like you still.

I remember when I was studying at Shida, I had a healthy number of close friends who were guys there. Ah, those were the good old days.

Now, people who know me know that I’m very affectionate with people I’m close to. Mostly, I like to hug my friends, give them beso-beso… and am just very touchy-feely once I am very comfortable with you. It’s probably that Spanish/Filipino training (In contrast, Taiwanese people are not very affectionate, except maybe in private).

So every time I’d see my close friends, I’d shout out their name and rush to them, enveloping them in a nice bear hug.

Unfortunately, because I have a couple of guy friends, people assume that I was a flirt, who will do anything to get attention. Little did they know that these are men who I’m extremely close to, but we’re both clear where the lines of our friendship lay.

Still, it hurt.

It hurt a lot.

I remembered, when I heard my friend told me that people were talking to me behind my back, I felt so bad I wanted to vomit.

I hate it when people talk about me, and most importantly, if they misinterpret the situation before them.

I felt bad for a week.

Finally, I told my close friends about it. And do you know what their reaction was?

They were mad.

They were really REALLY mad on my behalf.

Do not listen to them!” they told me with clenched teeth. “They are only jealous of you. You know who you are, we know who you are… and we love you for who you are.”

“It doesn’t matter what they say,” they continued. “You can’t please anyone and they don’t care about you anyway! Talk all they want, but it doesn’t change the fact that we know what you really are — a genuine person — and we love you for that!”

I couldn’t help but smile.

But it was my first life lesson upon coming to Taiwan — You can never please anyone. You can always be agreeable and try to get more people to like you, but in the end, you’re fighting a losing battle. Because you can’t ever please everyone around you.

There will always be people who do not like you.

There will always be people who do not like what you do.

And there will always be people who will put you down.

And yes, these are the people who talk the loudest.

What is important however, is you know who to listen to and who to block yourself out from…

People will always talk. You listen, and you take their words with a grain of salt. Why? Because they don’t know sh*t about you.

I have a rule on separating who to listen and who not to listen to…

It’s pretty simple:

If you get sick, and these are the people who’ll visit you in the hospital and take good care of you, listen to them.

If you know they won’t show up, well, ignore them like there’s no tomorrow.

It’s hard…

and I’m still learning…

But it’s getting better.

And this important lesson has helped me deal with recent situations.

==================================

Recently, I’ve heard a few people tell others that I’m a “difficult person to work with.

Hmmm…. *scratch head*

Concerned, I asked my co-worker and trusted friend whether or not the claim was valid since I have always seen myself as someone who is very easy to get along with.

In times like these, I am not afraid to ask for feedback because if the claim is valid, I would like to change myself for the better. Sometimes, you yourself cannot see your own mistakes and require someone to help you see them.

You did what you had to do,” he said. “At the end of the day, you had a job to do… and you did all you can to do it. They may talk all they want, but this is very normal.”

“At work, they will always complain about you or about the project,” he continued. “But ultimately, you did what you had to do. And if they’re unhappy about it and decide to abandon the project half-way… well, do you want to work again with this person?”

Yes, you really can’t please everybody… I had a job to do and I did it. And I’m still doing it till we finish this project late in November.

They had a job to do, and when faced with a couple of obstacles, they realized they were unhappy and quit.

Sure, they may blame it on how you managed the whole process… and how you managed everything…

But quitting is not the answer.

Communication is.

I have already apologized for whatever mistake I may have done, and taken steps in making amends.

And if it’s still not enough for them and they abandon an important project…

Well…

What else can I say?

………………………………. really, I can say nothing.

But actions speak louder than words.

==================================

So there I go again… no more Miss Nice.

I’m not going to be b*tchy or difficult… but enough of being Miss Nice and trying to please everyone.

That’s more difficult than climbing Mount Everest.

Instead, I’ll be reasonable, but when push comes to shove, we have a job to do. And it’s either you’re with me or not. But we have a goal we need to work towards to.

Till tomorrow everyone…

About Bonita

I'm a forgetful person. But I think a lot. Every day, a lot of thoughts enter my head. That's why this blog came to be: first, to keep my memories alive through the years, and two, to actually see how I and my thoughts have changed. Please note that I seldom draft or edit my posts. Sometimes, if I'm not careful, I offend some of you, my readers. And while I apologize for making you feel uncomfortable, I am not sorry for being honest or for making well-intentioned mistakes. I will however be the first to admit if I change my mind. Hence, do read and proceed with caution. My life is as colorful and as boring as you make it. I complain many days, but offer some encouragement in others. Life is fluid, it changes. So keep the positives and throw away the negatives, and I do hope that at the end of the day, you will enjoy reading the blog and leaving comments here and there if my posts touches you. Happy reading!
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply