Not Perfect

Blogger Grace, writes this in her profound yet real entry in her blog:

“When you’re single, it’s so much easier to pretend that you’re perfect. You’re on top of your stuff at your job, at school, and you seem to be a great friend. When you’re very close to another person, he/she sees everything — when you’re jealous, self-centered, unresponsive, cruel, or needy. He/she sees you as the pile-starter, bad cook, and chronically-late friend. Intimacy is the great magnifying glass of one’s flaws. But somehow, once in a while, you meet someone who’s willing to put up with all of that. Isn’t that the magic of it all?”

That’s so true.

Right now, a lot of people who don’t know me very well think I’m perfect.

I’m competent — the leader of a social/professional organization, with over 1,000 members…

I work in a multinational company… with a work visa (Trust me, some people think this is a big deal).

I have an active social life, with something going on almost every day and every weekend. I’m actually going to Green Island this weekend… yay!

They usually see me as this extremely happy and positive person with a great personality! Because they find me extremely friendly, lots of people like to be around me.

They like to be me, because it seems as if I don’t have a care in the world…

==========================

But behind closed doors, a different me appears.

For example, close friends know that I’m neurotic, and that I think too much. They know I worry about a lot of things, such as my parents and them letting me stay longer in Taiwan. I’m insecure about myeslf sometimes as well, and I question my abilities to achieve greater things.

People see me as this ultra-confident woman. But they don’t know that I get nervous before every event. I worry that the event won’t be successful, and I pray that it’ll be. Before I get onstage, I pep talk myself to be strong and confident in front of others.

I’m not always happy. I have my down days as well. I get slightly depressed when things don’t go my way, life-wise. One time, after attending a Happy Hour, my close friend saw a sad me (a rare occurence), troubled by the pressures I’ve been facing recently. And he realizes I’m not as strong as everybody thinks.

I am vulnerable. If everything in my life goes well, I’m as strong and confident as a tigress. But once one thing unravels in my foundation, I become weak and vulnerable. It is important that my family life, my love life and my life is all in order for me to operate well.

I’m not as smart as everybody thinks. Yes, I know that I’ve achieved in some ways most 25-year olds don’t. But my colleagues know that I say stupid things sometimes, and I say these because I hate silences. I can’t stand them. So my colleagues especially think I’m not particularly smart. And I’m embarrassed by it.

==========================

But you know what?

Sometimes, I care about what other people think about me.

I get hurt when people criticize me, or put me down. I’m not as strong as people think.

But then again, I realize, why strive to please those who don’t really care as much about you?

Yes, listening to feedback is important. And I’m not saying I’m throwing all caution in the wind by doing whatever I want, whenever I want it…

But the most important thing to remember is that — the people who really care about you — they put up with your sh*t.

My close friends know I’m neurotic… but they still are patient enough to listen to me anyway.

My friends from the organization know that I’m a worrier… but they give me constant feedback and help me improve, teaching me how to improve myself and the organization better. And they support me when they can.

My boss knows I’m not super woman… but is always kind to me.

Yes, I’m lucky.

There IS magic, after all.

About Bonita

I'm a forgetful person. But I think a lot. Every day, a lot of thoughts enter my head. That's why this blog came to be: first, to keep my memories alive through the years, and two, to actually see how I and my thoughts have changed. Please note that I seldom draft or edit my posts. Sometimes, if I'm not careful, I offend some of you, my readers. And while I apologize for making you feel uncomfortable, I am not sorry for being honest or for making well-intentioned mistakes. I will however be the first to admit if I change my mind. Hence, do read and proceed with caution. My life is as colorful and as boring as you make it. I complain many days, but offer some encouragement in others. Life is fluid, it changes. So keep the positives and throw away the negatives, and I do hope that at the end of the day, you will enjoy reading the blog and leaving comments here and there if my posts touches you. Happy reading!
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Not Perfect

  1. Flex J! says:

    Hi!
    I am always impressed by honest people showing their vulnerability…..It’s rare nowadays.

    I can sense real humility here…

    Don’t strive to please people it’s a suicide,(I think) just strive to be a better you, to contribute well…

    There is no magic..I suppose, there is just knowing and admitting the real you…it’s a start to greatness.

    Nice one here! God Bless!

    Keep on…
    flex

  2. Mr Pogi says:

    ditto! there’s no magic here….been following your blog for awhile and i can tell you’ve got skills & talent…are you sure you’re 25? hmmm…impressive!

    cheers!

  3. raven says:

    Hi Mr. Pogi, yes, I just turned 25 last weekend! ๐Ÿ™‚ Thanks for visiting, been following your blog as well! Great blog!

    Flex, thanks for the encouragement. Showing your vulnerability is always a risk, and to tell you the truth, been hurt several times because of my openness. But then again, I’ve realized to just be true to myself and if others can’t accept that, tough. Oh well, you live, you learn. ๐Ÿ™‚

  4. j_e_s says:

    loved that quote on being single.. hehe i sooo agree. things tend to look easier to deal with when you’re single kasi you won’t have to text someone where you are, etc. you really have your own time. and i’ve been telling that to my friends everytime they ask for my advice on their LQs. seeing me single, they think my life is perfect

    people who don’t know me that much think that i’m such a happy-go lucky person who doesn’t worry much. but my really good friends know that i’m also always worried of what people say about me, that i’m paranoid, etc. i hope i’ll get to realize stuff before/ when i reach 25! still have 5 years to go! =P

  5. raven says:

    Jes, thanks for leaving a message. Yes, seems like we have a lot in common! Enjoy your single life! As they say, it’s merely a transitional period where you get to learn more about yourself and improve yourself better till you find the One for you! ๐Ÿ™‚

Leave a Reply