Nothing beats the blues by spending time with your best friends…
They’re those who are always looking after for your best interest and tells you as it is, even if the truth hurts. And, when you start feeling bad or cry, they’re always there to give you a big ready hug, and tell you the ultimate truth: that everything will be fine and they’ll always be there for you.
It’s great that even in the midst of chaos, you have good friends you know you can lean on. At least, you know they’re there.
Guess in that way, I’m extremely lucky.
“You have to treat yourself better,” says Karen. “You are always too nice to your men that they walk all over you. There’s a difference between being nice and being a pushover.”
“But I’m not a pushover,” I insisted. “It’s just that not a lot of things bother me. I’m very laidback.”
“You always put your guy first,” says Karen. “If he wants to buy you things, you are embarrassed. If he wants to pay for dinner, you don’t let him. YOU HAVE TO PUT YOURSELF FIRST. It has nothing to do with being selfish.“
It’s funny. I realized that I’m super-duper nice and I’ve often times put everybody first. Nice people are always yearning for approval, and is willing to go a long way to get it.
My conversation with Karen made me realize that enough is enough. She’s right. Every time I deal with people, I put their feelings and thoughts first. The question is, what is it that I want? I’ve always put aside my wants to accommodate other people.
But what do I want?
My ex wants me to be friends… is that what I want? *starts thinking*
All throughout the past two weeks, my mind has been going on over-gear. My mood has been going up and down and I’ve been in a reflective mood lately. It’s bad in such it takes my focus away from work and my organization, but first, I can’t help it. And secondly, it helps clarify what is it that I want.
What is it that I want from life? From my relationships? From my career? From my friends? From my social life?
What do I want?
I think it’s high time for me to start being selfish and think about what I want, instead of what other people want.
It’s been a difficult week and a half for me… I feel that I’ve been cheated out of something, and am utterly helpless to do something about it. There’s something being frustrating about not being in control of the situation, and feeling helpless… I hate that feeling. Nevertheless, keeping in mind the 90/10 principle, I feel a lot better.
So far, I already understand why it happened. And though I do not agree with the reasons given, I do know that decision is irreversible and final. It’s sad, but things always happen for a reason. And historically, whenever something unfortunate occurs in my life, something better always comes.
What I am still processing right now is my healing process and how to deal with the future. People say that I am healing very well given my circumstance and I look great despite the crap that’s been happening around me. But again, I’m still figuring out what I do want… and once I make a decision, I’ll let you guys know.
To be, or not to be friends… that is the question.
Mary Anne told me that she’s pickier with her friends now. “You really are affected by your friends. Surround yourself with those people who drink and party, and you’ll find yourself to be more shallow. Surround yourself with those who like outdoor activities, and your outlook in life changes.“
Being the peace-loving Libran that I am, I wouldn’t mind having another friend in my belt. It never hurts to have more friends.
But everyone tells me that it’s difficult to remain friends with an ex. Most women here can’t do it.
“Look at it this way,” a girl-friend said. “He enjoys the pleasure of your company without the commitment. Don’t you think that’s being selfish?“
Hmmm… aren’t friends like that? They enjoy each other’s company but share no intimacies that boyfriends and girlfriends do.
“You’re still hurting,” they say. “Just quit cold turkey or at least, give it more time…“
Another girl-friend said, “He’s a nice guy. He wants to be friends with you because he’ll feel less guilty. Nice guys don’t want to feel bad, or make other people think they’re bad people.“
Argh, drives me nuts. So I need to think more…
Is keeping the friendship worth it? Or do I have enough friends?