Why are we so much a martyr and allow ourselves to be tortured by some impending doom?
I know what will happen and still, strap myself tight and go for the ride. I know I’ll get hurt sometime in the future, and yet, with two eyes open, I decide to still go through it.
How crazy is that?!
My guy friend gave me a call last night bickering and moaning about a failed non-relationship.
He really liked this girl and kinda pursued her, asking her out for dinner, walking her home and spending time with her in the park. Heck, he even turned down sex just to spend two hours mindlessly walking around with her.
Then, she dropped the bomb and told him yesterday that she decided to go out with a Korean dude.
My guy friend was dumbfounded.
Didn’t they have that connection? When they talk, don’t they share much in common? Aren’t they compatible in so many ways?
And how about this Korean dude?!
“Well, I don’t know,” she mumbles. “When I’m with him, I can’t speak… my heart beats a million times a minute…”
And my guy friend thinks, “How can you hook up with a guy with whom you can’t even speak with?! Where’s the communciation there?”
But there lies the problem — With him, she feels comfortable and can be herself. But the difference is that she feels a spark with this Korean dude. She feels breathless when she’s with him and couldn’t even speak.
Doesn’t really matter that they share nothing in common and can’t even talk to each other so long as they have that undeniable spark.
I can feel my guy friend banging his head on the wall.
“Spark my ass!” he’d say.
How important is the spark really in a long-term relationship?
If you didn’t have that spark, would you give up?
I usually describe my relationship to be easy, comfortable and peaceful. My boyfriend and I are compatible in so many ways it’s funny. We make each other happy and enjoy each other’s company. We share similar interests and are satisfied in just zoning out watching a video or engaging in outdoor activities such as river tracing last weekend.
Is it as passionate as my previous relationship?
I thought my ex was very, very sexy. One look at him and I start to drool. My boyfriend is also a sexy man. And I am very attracted to him.
But our relationship is not as passionate as my previous one. My past relationship was a tumulous roller coaster ride full of emotional highs and lows that literally drove me out of my mind. I was crazy in love with my ex at that time, while my current relationship is more about being happy and satisfied with each other’s company.
Not that I’m comparing since they are apples and oranges… but what I’m saying is, the spark does not make mature relationships.
Say, you meet 10 people, all of whom are single and available.
You go out with each of them once or twice.
Crazily enough, the chance is big that the person with whom you have the most intense spark with, is the person who’s the least compatible with you in the first place! He/she will drive you crazy in the long run and life with him/her wouldn’t be as happy… but you still pursue it anyway because of that magical, mythical spark!
How f*cked up are we, really?!
But we can’t really change the other person’s mind, can we?
We can’t strongly shake them and tell them that they’re merely chasing that overrated myth that is the spark.
And that’s the most frustrating thing of all — Being able to see things clearly, and yet, the other person cannot see it…
Personally, I want that spark. It’s good to have that spark. You can’t imagine the ultimate high you get when you’re with someone whom you share the spark with. I know, I had it before.
But I also understand that ultimate highs come with supreme lows.
You can’t imagine how many tears I’ve shed in that previous relationship. It was like a drug that I was addicted to, and couldn’t get myself out off.
I look at my boyfriend now and I realize that ours is a sound, healthy relationship with a firm foundation of friendship, respect and commitment. As the days go on, I grow to respect him as a person, a partner and a man. And I adore him.
When he hugs me, I feel safe. When we talk about issues surrounding our lives, I feel as if I have someone to share my life with.
The spark — that falling in love feeling so to speak — is not as strong as it was in my previous relationship. But it’s there… for me, it’s like a growing ember of fire. Gradually building up and growing…
It’s not as fiery hot as it was before, but it’s being built up… little by little…
And I think this is what long-term relationships should be based in.
So what are your thoughts? 🙂 Please do share, I’d really like to know what you think…
Other points of view: