Don’t ask — Don’t get

A lot of women are very funny.

No wonder guys find it difficult to understand us.

For them, they usually say what they mean. Plus, their needs are pretty simple — food, sex and sleep. Not usually in that order, of course.

But women, we want them to care for us, cuddle us, pamper us, shower us with attention, so on and so forth…

And here’s the catch, we don’t really want to ask them to give it to us.

At least for me, the logic usually is, if you care about me so much, YOU’LL KNOW WHAT I WANT WITHOUT ME TELLING THIS TO YOU.

We want them to be seasoned psychics, who understand every one of our want, desires and needs, without us telling them.

And why not?

I don’t know about you girls, but I feel uncomfortable demanding things from my boyfriend.

For example, now that he’s in a month-long vacation, I would really appreciate it if he contacted me daily.

Text, phone, email or MSN… take his pick! But yes, I do want regular contact.

But I don’t want to voice it out. I don’t feel comfortable asking him to do this (not that he won’t… I’ve asked him recently, and he’s perfectly fine with it).

There’s an element of pride in the picture. And I don’t want to be depicted as that demanding, controlling girlfriend who nags her boyfriend constantly.

No wonder a lot of men can’t figure us out.

Betcha they’re scratching their heads right now. For most of them, if they want something, they ask. We women usually just keep our mouths shut until we can’t hold it back anymore.

For example, we want them to call us regularly… we want them to want to see us… we want them to cuddle with us and pamper us.

But we don’t want to tell them. ‘Cause for me in particular, I have to set aside my pride and ask. I think it’s more of the fear of being rejected.

For example, what if it’s too much a bother, and he says no?

But as I’ve learned, if you don’t ask, you don’t get.

Simmer all you want, but if your guy has no idea what YOU want, how can he give it to you?

Besides, as they say, communication is key in the relationship.

Well, so far, every time I ask, I get it. But I try to make sure that all my requests are reasonable.

I’m learning. More often than not, I still expect my sensitive boyfriend to immediately understand my wants. But that’s not always the case.

Even how considerate he is, he sometimes still needed to be informed on what I want.

But I’m learning. 🙂


Here’s an example on how complicated women may be:

My boyfriend recently asked me what I want for him to buy for me from the States. Since he’s been gone for a month, it seems expected that he buy me something.

“So, what do you want for me to bring you?” he asked.

My thoughts, No freaking clue. Never really thought about what I want him to bring me… for one, Taipei almost has everything I want. And secondly, I just want him home.

“It’s up to you,” I then sweetly said.

“Well, let me bring you a loaf of bread then,” he laughs.

*stunned silence*

Umm… I think you can be a lot sweeter than that,” I replied.

See, it’s pretty funny. I’m really not asking for anything, but likewise, I’m not expecting that he comes home empty-handed. Unconsciously, I want him to pretty much know what I want or don’t want, and bring that to me.

Grrr…. He’d better not bring me a loaf of bread.


About Bonita

I'm a forgetful person. But I think a lot. Every day, a lot of thoughts enter my head. That's why this blog came to be: first, to keep my memories alive through the years, and two, to actually see how I and my thoughts have changed. Please note that I seldom draft or edit my posts. Sometimes, if I'm not careful, I offend some of you, my readers. And while I apologize for making you feel uncomfortable, I am not sorry for being honest or for making well-intentioned mistakes. I will however be the first to admit if I change my mind. Hence, do read and proceed with caution. My life is as colorful and as boring as you make it. I complain many days, but offer some encouragement in others. Life is fluid, it changes. So keep the positives and throw away the negatives, and I do hope that at the end of the day, you will enjoy reading the blog and leaving comments here and there if my posts touches you. Happy reading!
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8 Responses to Don’t ask — Don’t get

  1. Chrish says:

    now, this one is for us guys!! but you know? this is true… we guys are very literal and we don’t appreciate mind games, even ones coming from those we love… when i was in HK, i also asked my girl the same thing… and she said the same thing, “nothing, sweetie, i just want you home“…

    but i wont be fooled by that, no ma’am! not this boy!! hahaha… so? i bought her a loaf of bread!! HAHAHA!!

    have a good day, raven!!

  2. Anonymous says:

    Don’t worry he won’t buy you just a loaf of bread because you told him to be “sweeter”. He’ll include some fillings too. Just kidding.

    This is what guys don’t really like about girls (as was shown in a local TV show). Girls want guys to “guess”. But sometimes guys do not want to assume otherwise they may end up with their egos high or they may end up wrong.

    Still, the best way to patch these kind of things, if ever need patching, is communication 😀

  3. raven says:

    ChrisH, great joke about that! 🙂 But yeah, I do hope he brought me something back. Don’t care what, so long as it’s not edible. I’m carefully watching my weight. 😀

    Anonymous, that’s the thing though. We women have our pride. Even if we want something, we keep our mouth shut because we don’t want to seem “demanding,” hoping that you can guess what we want and fulfill our expectations. We don’t want to ask. We want you to give it because YOU want to… and not because we asked. And the only way to find out is to NOT ask.

    Women’s pride. *shrug*

  4. @l says:

    Imagination boys, imagination !! lol

  5. chekwa says:

    NT$100 says he brings u a loaf of bread and a box of splenda. 😀

    still need help with ur template thingy?

  6. raven says:

    Chekwa, haha, he didn’t buy me a loaf of bread, but he did buy me some chocolates and candy. The safest gifts around, bound to make you F-A-T. But it’s the thought that counts.

    Chekwa, yes I do. But how will we work this? 🙂 I tried cutting and pasting link format from Blogger help, but for some reason, it won’t register when I publish. Maybe there’s something wrong… 🙁

  7. China Shark Mike says:

    My exwife once told me that I should know what she is thinking??? {yes she is a Chinese woman}. Guys are clueless without clear direction. I’de take it for granted that if I was away for a month I would instinctly buy her something if the relationship was real. It’s ironic because my current girlfriend used to play these mind games about buying her stuff, now we reconciled and if she wants something she needs to ask and not expect me to read her mind.

  8. Bonita says:

    Yes, I have always been direct with Trader. And give him the freedom to follow it or not. Works for us, me thinks! At least he doesn’t have to spend hours trying to figure out what I want. 🙂

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