How do you show your interest?
And how do you know if a guy is interested?
My friends and I were having this intense discussion a few nights before.
My friend, BA, was just telling me of her new love interest.
However, she wasn’t sure if he was interested in her or not.
Sure, they saw each other last weekend… they had Thai dinner together and watched a movie last Saturday, and on Sunday, they went bicycling together.
But it was in the company of two other friends.
“If he was interested,” she complained. “He would MSN you constantly. But he doesn’t MSN me very often… the last time was last Thursday (four days ago).”
“But BA, you saw each other on Saturday and Sunday,” I gently reminded her. “And you’ll see him again this Wednesday, Thursday and Sunday! Why would he want to MSN you if he can just talk to you face to face? Why go for pasta, if you can go for steak?”
“Ummm… the more, the merrier?” she cheekily replied.
I just laughed.
But really, how do you know if a guy is interested in you?
Personally, I don’t know. I didn’t even know if my boyfriend was interested when we first started hanging out together. That’s why I made that stupid bet with Mike.
The bet — if he’s interested, I treat him to dinner in Friday’s.
BAM! Two weeks later, I got my answer… and gone was the money I spent on Friday’s.
It wasn’t cheap, I tell ya!
When I told my boyfriend this, he just laughed. “Serves you right for making bets about us!”
Mike was absolutely sure though.
“Guys don’t MSN you every day if he’s not interested! He invited you for dinner. He made the first move! The fact that you spent almost every day together. HELLO!!!” Saying this while rolling his eyes, “Dude, he’s interested.”
Still, my point was that I didn’t know if he was interested in me or not.
Girls are pretty much dense about it. We don’t want to assume a guy’s interested, cause it’s embarrassing if he’s not.
Bill, another guy friend gave this suggestion, “The quickest way to know if a guy is interested or not, is to subtly show him your interest… If a guy is attracted to you, he’ll bite. If not, he’ll reject you kindly.”
“Unless…” he continues, “The guy is a player. Then, it works differently.”
Great, so I’m taking my chances that the guy isn’t. And what if he is? Then, we’re screwed?
I asked my boyfriend if he usually knows if a girl is interested in him or not.
His answer: “Sometimes I know, and sometimes I don’t.”
I then asked him if he knew I was interested in him before?
“Nope,” was his only reply.
So I guess, for both men and women, they more often than not have any freaking clue if a guy/girl is interested in them, or is just being friendly.
“Guys are really simple,” my friend Bill says. “So long as the girl’s attractive, and is available, the guy’s usually interested.”
“The only conflict is, guys differ in what they think is attractive.” he explains, “Like every guy has different tastes in women.”
Great, that made me feel so special. Thanks Bill.
My boyfriend was only attracted to me because I was attractive to him, and at that time available. Knowing how men are, am pretty sure he found loads of women attractive!
“Dude, you’re an idiot with self-esteem issues,” says Mike. “I told you a gazillion times, chance got opened the door… the rest was up to you two.”
“Think about it!” he explains. “Chance introduces you to tons of guys ALL THE TIME. But how often does it become a relationship?!”
“Dude, he liked you…” Mike reiterates. “Yes, calling and asking you out was because you were pretty. But he’s gone out on dates before, and bet you these other women were pretty too. But he’s not your boyfriend because you’re pretty… or rather, not JUST that.”
“Christ, did you want him to love you on the first date?!”
Ummm… Mike, that wouldn’t be a bad idea, right?
Anyway, I asked him, “As to what point did attraction start becoming like then?“
Mike just shrugged. “He probably doesn’t even know himself,” he said. “It’s not like one day it was like… ping!!! I like her. It just kind of happens a little bit at a time.”
“But he likes you now… so don’t know what you’re worrying about!!!”
Okay Mike, point taken. 🙂
So then, I asked Mike how he knows if a girl is interested.
“Personally, I prefer the American way… it’s all pretty much right up front,” he opines. “You tell her you’re interested, and she tells you pretty much if she’s interested or not.”
“Asian dating thing sucks bad though,” he retorts. “”Cause you don’t know if it’s a freaking date or what…”
That’s actually true. I’ve had friends who have been out with Asian women before, and it drives them up the wall because they don’t know if the girl’s interested.
Like my other guy friend who was interested in these Burmese chick.
He groaned to me the other day, “If you saw us at Danshui yesterday, you’d think we were girlfriend boyfriend already. The way we leaned and touched each other… Heck, she even slept on my shoulder!”
But as they were going home, they were talking about being attracted to people and he finally told her he was interested. And instead of her telling him that she was interested in him too, she had this pained look in her face, which clearly showed him her disinterest.
Ouch. That really hurt his pride.
Seems like we Asian women are very good in giving out mixed signals. But then again, guys do too.
So guys and gals out there reading, how do you usually show someone your interest? And how do you know if that person’s interested in you too, or just being extremely friendly?
Your thoughts please!!! Thanks!