Feelings of discomfort

I have a confession to make.

Every time someone asks me if my boyfriend and I are dating, I get uncomfortable.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not ashamed of my boyfriend… quite the contrary.

But almost every time someone asks me the confirmation, I unconsciously brace myself for their reaction.

Doubting that two people are going out is one thing.

Confirming that they are is another.

And it takes a while to get used to friends knowing that you and your hubby are dating… especially since my boyfriend and I have this huge age gap.

*And don’t ask me how big, cause I won’t tell*

Case in point: After confirming with me that my boyfriend and I were dating, my guy-friend asked me where my relationship with my boyfriend is going.

I admit I was caught unawares.

For the life of me, I had no idea how to answer his question.

It’s not as if marriage isn’t a possibility. But he made it sound bad that my boyfriend and I aren’t seriously thinking about marriage yet.

Maybe I heard him wrong, but in my head, it seems that I heard him say, “If you guys aren’t seriously thinking about marriage, or anything super serious in the future, then why are you guys together?! Are you guys just playing around?!”

Of course, it didn’t help that he started the conversation with, “Sometimes, a guy is lonely and needs some company… and when a girl is available, both of them hook up. But it doesn’t mean that they’re serious. At the first encounter of difficulty, they go their separate ways…”

Then, he also asked the question, “Once he moves to Hong Kong, will you relocate there with him?!”

*Gulp!*

Was he just talking about me and my boyfriend?!

Is the fact that we’re enjoying each other’s company and feeling out the possibility a long-term relationship wrong? For example, I’d like to find out if this is the guy I can live with for the long-term and vice-versa.

And so far, so good.

But it doesn’t mean that since we’re not seriously considering getting married in the next 6 months, our relationship is merely a casual one.

I don’t think I can do casual relationships. The more I’m in one, the deeper and more vulnerable I get.

My boyfriend is the same way — he’s a one-woman man. And I doubt he’d waste his time in a relationship that’s not going anywhere. He has made it clear several times in the past that this isn’t a fling/rebound, and that it’s serious.

But to answer my guy-friend’s question: Frankly, I don’t know if I’ll relocate with him to Hong Kong. But you know what? The more I get to know him, the more confidence I have in doing that, if there’s the need.

Sometimes, you may not be as sure now… but you’ll be surer as time goes along.
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Does the age issue really bother me?

In a way, it does, because I know my parents would freak out once they find out how old he is. His parents would also disapprove of him dating someone way younger than he is.

But you know what?

Here’s a guy whom I can get along very well.

We share similar interests (e.g., traveling, exploring and trying out new experiences, watching movies, eating out, etc.).

Our personalities mesh very well (e.g., we’re both laid-back, outgoing, optimistic and positive about life).

He never even once made me feel I was young and stupid, a common trait amongst guys dating younger women.

Bottom line is, I never feel he’s his age whenever I’m with him.

I only feel his presence, his care and his comfort.

So does age matter?

Some people say it does… but in my case, no, not at all.

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Recently, life has been super-duper hectic for me. I don’t know if most 24-year olds go through the stress that I’ve been going through.

And the funny thing is, most of my concerns are self-induced.

I should learn to focus more on the positive, rather than all the negative energy around me.

For example, org-wise, I’m very fortunate to have a strong group of people cooperating with me. I tell ya guys, these people kick ass with their “can-do” mentality! And you know what? They’re very competent and capable.

Friends-wise, I have a few really close friends I’m very tight with. Sure, they’re busy with their respective lives, but I know they’ll be beside me immediately if I ever do need my help.

Love-wise, gosh, where can I start? I so adore him. He has enriched my life in so many ways that I find it difficult to imagine how pale life was before he came (mind you, this isn’t parasitism… I don’t need him to live, but he does make life look so much better!). God is definitely good. I don’t think I can ever think my boyfriend up! 😀

Work-wise, my colleagues aren’t too big a pain in the ass, and my boss is terrific! She’s super cool that she encourages us to take vacations if we’re too harrassed. Plus, the fact that I finally got my stocks put a smile in my face. Not that much, but still — MONEY!

Family-wise, my little bro is doing well in school. My parents are lovely, though strict. Even with their imperfections, I know that they’re doing their best.

So regardless on how down or stressed I may seem recently, there’s still so much to be thankful for. All I need to do is remember to count my blessings! Cause we have so many of them. 😉

About Bonita

I'm a forgetful person. But I think a lot. Every day, a lot of thoughts enter my head. That's why this blog came to be: first, to keep my memories alive through the years, and two, to actually see how I and my thoughts have changed. Please note that I seldom draft or edit my posts. Sometimes, if I'm not careful, I offend some of you, my readers. And while I apologize for making you feel uncomfortable, I am not sorry for being honest or for making well-intentioned mistakes. I will however be the first to admit if I change my mind. Hence, do read and proceed with caution. My life is as colorful and as boring as you make it. I complain many days, but offer some encouragement in others. Life is fluid, it changes. So keep the positives and throw away the negatives, and I do hope that at the end of the day, you will enjoy reading the blog and leaving comments here and there if my posts touches you. Happy reading!
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2 Responses to Feelings of discomfort

  1. chekwa says:

    u know young grasshoppah, if u and this guy are getting along really well and it feels like u’re on top of the world.

    everything else is just noise.

    u just have to block them out.

  2. raven says:

    Thanks Chekwa, I’ll do that!

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