Update on my non-existent love life

Note: This post has been written a week and a half ago… it was a time when I didn’t know where my non-existent love life is going. There’s been some progress since then, but I’ll just save it for my next post. Happy ending? No, I honestly don’t think so… but I truly am enjoying the ride. 🙂

I believe I’ve mentioned that I’m “seeing” someone right now.

Whether or not that’s dating, I don’t know. As I’ve indicated in my former entry, Dating VS. Hanging Out, I have no clue whether or not I’m dating someone or merely hanging out.

Well, it’s up to you to judge…

I met this guy a little over a month ago. And from the very first day we’ve met, we’ve sort of “clicked.” From the first to the third week, we have been MSNing almost everyday for hours. And except for his brief week-long business trip abroad, we have been seeing each other — either just the two of us or in a huge group — an average of 3 to 4 times a week. Sometimes even 5.

That’s quite a lot, huh?

Anyway, I’ve already indicated my interest, and asked him what his deal was… He said that he was also interested, but that he wasn’t ready for a relationship at this moment. However, he would like to see where this goes…

Uh-oh, usually when a guy says this, it means that he’s not ready for a relationship WITH YOU, but would like to continue to have fun with you without the commitment. But he seems to be a super nice guy that the sucker in me decided to stay for the ride in the meantime and just see where it goes.

And so far, it’s been going quite well. I can say that I’m content.

For one, he treats me really well. I mean, my ex is no comparison whatsoever. And is generally, a very fun person to be with. I just feel so comfortable in being with him. And at least for me, I feel that we can communicate well. I can talk to him about my life, my parents, my job and anything under the sun, and I feel understood.

Some of you may know the feeling… it’s nice, isn’t it?

Anyway, point being, I believe we’re kinda dating.

Haha, am quite sure, a lot of people would want to bonk me in the head right now saying, “What do you mean ‘kinda?!’ HELLO!!!

But yes, kinda.

Because I’ve always had this stereotype that when you’re dating someone, you treat that person in a very special manner and show it. In the company of acquaintances, you “stalk” your territory and growl whenever any “competitor” comes even near your significant other.

But with us, nada.

Though we hang around all the time, to the point that his friends are already asking what our deal is… we don’t really acknowledge outwardly that anything’s going on. There are even times when we don’t really talk to each other in a gathering, and just spend most of the time mingling with other people. When needed to, he introduces me as his friend. But bottom line is, in the company of others, we treat each other as common friends.

So… we’re kinda dating.

====================================

I’ve never really liked ambiguity.

Drives me nuts.

And right now, it’s déjà vu all over again…

My friend Michael couldn’t help but roll his eyes after I told him about this guy.

You can hear him thinking, “Oh no! Not again!

He’s actually had the nerve to make a bet with me — that I wouldn’t be unable to date anyone if I was seeing this guy. He doesn’t think that I can date anyone if I’m already interested in someone.

And that’s sad considering this guy and I are not dating exclusively.

Meaning, we can both date other people, and no one has the right to say anything about it.

The prize: One expensive dinner at Friday’s.

*Groan*

The competitive side of me readily accepted the bet. I knew that there were a couple of men who were kinda interested in me, and with just a few words of encouragement, may muster up the courage to ask me out on a date.

One is actually in a business trip right now. He’ll come back next weekend, I think. Should ask me out anytime he’s back… he seems quite interested.

But as the day passes on, am starting to doubt my capacity to date two to three men at a time, regardless of the no-commitment with this guy.

It’s just not me.

I realized this especially when Mike-Vibe (See Vibe Adventure Part I series to get an idea who Mike-Vibe is) emailed me earlier this week asking for my number. He’s now in California and he wants to call me. He says, there’s so many things he wants to tell me, and he believes writing emails are impersonal.

Uh-oh. Sounds serious.

*gulp*

The fact that I’m hesitating in giving him my number is a bad sign already. I shouldn’t, since this guy and I aren’t in any way committed.

If I was sane and practical, I’d explore EVERY option available… even if he is in L.A.

Sigh, we’ll see though. Maybe I can prove myself wrong by pretending that going out with other men is equivalent to “hanging out.” Geez, I’m such a prude.

A lot of Taiwanese women do that though — keeping their options open and dating the next guy that comes along. Doesn’t matter if they’re already exclusively dating someone, or going steady. Must be the culture.

*shrug*

I can’t though. 🙁

The good news is, maybe this guy am seeing can’t as well. So far, from the time I’ve met him, he hasn’t really been “dating” anyone else. Or at least, not in the same frequency as me.

We’d joke that we’re “cock-blocking” each other. And I wonder if that’s really true…

====================================

People say that there is joy in uncertainty in dating.

You know, the part where you don’t know how much he/she likes you… if he/she will call or contact you today… if what both of you are going to do this week…

But I thoroughly dislike it.

I live my life in a schedule, and go partially nuts if I don’t know what the deal is.

I waste so much time overanalyzing stuff (must be a Libran trait) and figuring out where the thing is going, and all that stuff.

Should just relax and enjoy the moment.

Easy to say… hard to do.

This we’re-dating-but-there’s-no-commitment thing is driving me nuts.

On the upside though, at least, this gives me the equal chance of getting to know him better. I mean, oftentimes, we give so much effort in trying to “win” over the affection of someone, that we realize — too late — that this person isn’t really compatible with us in the first place.

It’s just that our pride cannot accept defeat.

Nobody wants to be rejected, you see.

Nevertheless, this “dating” thing may be good.

Now’s a good time to figure out if this is really the man I want. And I can take my time while I’m at it.

What will happen? Well, we’ll see. Am actually attempting to take it easy this time and see where this goes…

Hope this really goes well…

*crosses my fingers*

About Bonita

I'm a forgetful person. But I think a lot. Every day, a lot of thoughts enter my head. That's why this blog came to be: first, to keep my memories alive through the years, and two, to actually see how I and my thoughts have changed. Please note that I seldom draft or edit my posts. Sometimes, if I'm not careful, I offend some of you, my readers. And while I apologize for making you feel uncomfortable, I am not sorry for being honest or for making well-intentioned mistakes. I will however be the first to admit if I change my mind. Hence, do read and proceed with caution. My life is as colorful and as boring as you make it. I complain many days, but offer some encouragement in others. Life is fluid, it changes. So keep the positives and throw away the negatives, and I do hope that at the end of the day, you will enjoy reading the blog and leaving comments here and there if my posts touches you. Happy reading!
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Update on my non-existent love life

  1. Manila Office Worker says:

    exploration is, i believe, highly underrated in a relationship. there are some advantages to ambiguity, after all. take the time to explore yourself, your prospective partner, and others. you could be surprised by what you find.

  2. raven says:

    MOW, yes, I am having a lot of fun just enjoying the ride and going with the flow… exploration, as you’ve said. But I admit, the uncertainty and ambiguity drive me absolutely nuts at times!

Leave a Reply