You can’t force someone to like you…

Just finished reading John Irving’s “Cidar House Rules” last night. Great book, although I believe “A Prayer for Owen Meany” is a lot better. Funnier. Plan to watch the movie soon so I can compare the book and the movie. Also can’t wait to borrow “The World According to Garp.”

I’m sure it’ll be another enjoyable book.

I’m a voracious reader; don’t you notice?

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Something I’d like to share from the book which I felt was so poignantly true:

And the thing about being in love,” Wally said to Angel, “is that you can’t force anyone. It’s natural to want someone you love to do what you want, or what you think would be good for them, but you have to let everything happen to them. You can’t interfere with people you love any more than you’re supposed to interfere with people you don’t even know.”

And that’s hard,” Wally added, “because you often feel like interfering — you want to be the one who makes the plans.”

It’s hard to want to protect someone else, and not be able to,” Angel pointed out.

You can’t protect people, kiddo,” Wally said. “All you can do is to love them.”

— Excerpted from John Irving’s Cidar House Rules

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Oh, so true.

Yesterday, while waiting for some friends, I managed to drop by the 24-hour Eslite bookstore near Dunhua. On the shelf, I perused through the bestseller, “He’s Just That Not Into You,” which has been making waves all over the world. Written by two writers from the award-winning show, “Sex and the City,” the book is praised by women as their Bible to the dating world.

It makes sense though.

If a guy wants you, there’s no way in the world that he’d keep away. If not, you can come up with so many excuses all you want, but the point is, he’s just not into you. (During the dinner, I did ask my guy pals… and yes girls, this is absolutely true).

And I had to learn this the hard way. Damn!

When my ex liked me a lot, he took the trouble to ask me out, bring me a touching gift from Japan (custom-made by his Aunt), called me from overseas, blah blah blah…

But when his interest waned, he was just “too busy” to even send a once-a-week email, or call his girlfriend at least once every other week.

Too busy? Nope. Just not that interested anymore. The truth hurts, but if I didn’t face up to the truth, I would’ve dangled from this relationship much longer than I should have. So yes, if he’s not making an effort, take it from me, he’s just not that into you.

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Which brings me to the point in John Irving’s book: You can’t force anyone to love you.

Either they do, or they don’t. It’s true what they say — it just happens.

And nothing you can do can change that.

Sucks, huh?

Especially for me, I’d like to be in control. I like to take the bulls by the horns and be in charge of the situation. Especially in matters of the heart.

Since I’m putting my heart at risk, I’d like to at least make sure that the odds are with me.

But the thing is, that’s impossible.

We can chase someone all we want, hound them, stalk them, woo them… do everything we can to make them like us back.

But ultimately, the hard truth is, you can’t control anyone but yourself.

And the only thing you can do is to love them, in the hopes that they’ll love you back. How they react to you is really up to them.

But like I’ve said before, if they cannot realize your value, it hurts, it sucks, but that’s okay. You’ll find someone who’ll love you for the real you. So move on.

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I know it’s a painful pill to swallow.

I’m in that situation as well. A lot of times, I don’t know where I exactly stand with a guy. This sucks if I am especially interested with a guy.

I’d like to grab his head, and shout, “WHY CAN’T YOU REALIZE HOW VALUABLE I AM?!!! DON’T YOU KNOW YOU’RE SO LUCKY TO HAVE ME?!!!”

Not being big-headed here, but I really do think any guy would be lucky to have me.

And of course, in the ideal world, the guy would fall head over in love with me, and we’ll live happily ever after…

Unfortunately, this isn’t la-la land.

We can “interfere” all we want, but chances are, we’ll just chase them away. Truth is, act too eager, and you lose your chances. No one wants a desperate man/woman.

So the best, yet hardest thing to do?

Just wait and see.

No really, just wait and see. Strut your stuff, and show him the real you.

Don’t even attempt to fake yourself. Don’t even be someone you’re not. Because if he falls for someone who’s not even the real you, you may get the guy, but you’re subjecting yourself to so much future pain.

And guess what? If he wants you, he’ll come. If he doesn’t, try to move on. He’s just not that into you.

And this, even for me… is a hard pill to swallow.

About Bonita

I'm a forgetful person. But I think a lot. Every day, a lot of thoughts enter my head. That's why this blog came to be: first, to keep my memories alive through the years, and two, to actually see how I and my thoughts have changed. Please note that I seldom draft or edit my posts. Sometimes, if I'm not careful, I offend some of you, my readers. And while I apologize for making you feel uncomfortable, I am not sorry for being honest or for making well-intentioned mistakes. I will however be the first to admit if I change my mind. Hence, do read and proceed with caution. My life is as colorful and as boring as you make it. I complain many days, but offer some encouragement in others. Life is fluid, it changes. So keep the positives and throw away the negatives, and I do hope that at the end of the day, you will enjoy reading the blog and leaving comments here and there if my posts touches you. Happy reading!
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5 Responses to You can’t force someone to like you…

  1. abe says:

    –i can relate to this one—

    “You’ll find someone who’ll love you for the real you. So move on.”


    You mentioned “move on” twice (i’m not sure though), i hope you already moved on…care to share… I don’t know how, I’m still stuck, don’t know what to do 🙁

  2. raven says:

    Yes I have. I can look in his picture without feeling the tug in my heart. Also came to realize, am better off without him. If I see him again, I’d thank him. Because you know what? I deserve better.

    One way is to surround yourself with friends. When you’re lonely, call them, and they’ll remind you why you deserve SO MUCH better. Another thing is to keep yourself busy and fill up your social calendar. When you realize how nice other people are, and how they treat you better, you’ll realize how much of a loser he/she is.

    Bottom line is: Why pine after someone who can’t appreciate you? You deserve so much more than that!

    Easier said than done though. Hope you get out of your phase right now. I know it hurts, but promise, all this will pass…

  3. leahtong says:

    hey, i’ve read that book, “he’s just not that into you” and yes, its the new Bible. i know what i should be doing and what i should NOT be doing but when stupidity knocks, i happily open the damn door and welcome stupidity in! so much for reading that book. but i guess, when dealing with life (and love) no book could actually tell us what do. in the end, its just a matter of choice, your choice. if you’re going to be in a pseduo-relationship or not and how long are you going to be in that kind of a relationship. dont just settle coz in the end, its just going to be you and your heart. good luck. =)

  4. raven says:

    Hi Leahtong, nice of you to drop by. You’re right: the mind tells up to stop, but our heart still can’t control what we do. We head towards self-destruction, but there’s really little we can do…

    Sad, huh? But that’s the reality of love, I guess… it’s going to hurt. But it’s always worth it in the end. About psuedo-relationships? Been there, done that. You’re right. Never good for the long-run.

  5. algol says:

    it is Cider not Cidar

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