I had an interesting talk with my good friend, Michael, the other night. I was retelling him the story of the guy I met at Vibe, and the events that happened afterwards. Mike-Vibe texted me, and my friend Michael is against guys who text.
In his own opinion, if a guy was really interested, he would call. Text is a lazy-man’s game. For him, no matter how personalized the message can be, you can always just forward messages.
“If a guy is really interested in you, he’d call, because he’d like to talk to you and hear your voice,” he opines. “He’d like to get to know you better.”
I voiced out the practicality of calling a woman. I mean, calls are costlier, and most guys don’t know what to say. In addition, the Philippines is the text-capital of the world, and so, texting is normal between guys and girls.
But Michael said, if the guy texts, dump him. He’s not that interested in you.
I was again bemoaning that a lot of guys are players. They just want an easy lay. Again, given the experiences I’ve had of men here in Taipei, I’ve come to conclusion that most guys are jerks. They play around with women and dump them after they’re done.
“Look XXXX, what do you expect? You go to bars to pick up men,” Mike replied. “What type of men will you usually see in a bar? Guys who are boyfriend-material? You’ve got to be kidding me!“
“Look Michael, first, I don’t go to bars to pick up men,” I staunchly defended myself. It was true anyway. “I go to clubs to dance.”
“Whatever your reasons may be, you’re looking at the wrong places for guys!” Mike fired back. “Why not go join other social organizations so that you can find decent men?!“
At this time, the talk got even more interesting…
“Look XXXX, you’re always saying that guys are jerks. As if there are two types of men: jerks and the nice guys,” said Michael. “That’s not true. Though there may be a few certified nice guys and a few certified jerks, most of the time, they’re just the same guy.”
“What do you mean?” I asked. “Expound.”
“For most guys, it’s not an ‘either or’ thing. It’s not that this guy is a jerk. And this guy is a nice guy,” he explained. “A guy who women see as nice can be a jerk, and a jerk can be nice.”
“For example, I’m nice to you because we’re friends. But I’ve been to the bar scene before, and I had picked up women. I’ve had one night stands,” Michael explains. “Does this make me a jerk? Or am I a nice guy? You know me, I’m a nice guy. But if something’s offered to me for free, who am I to say no?”
He then explained that men, naturally, would get whatever is offered to them. Why would they work if women don’t demand it? If a woman offers up herself to him, why would he say no? Of course not! If a girl is offering free sex, more often than not (and unless he’s already attached), he would say yes. It’s free.
“That’s why there’s such a thing as FUBUs and friends with benefits,” he said. “Because usually women don’t demand for more than they deserve. Once they like the guy, they’re willing to settle for what they can get, cause they’re afraid to lose him.“
“And of course, for a guy, this is perfect. He gets the benefit — without the commitment,” Michael continues. “He doesn’t need to get to know her better or work for it. He gets what he wants for free anyways so why not?”
And Michael then continued his spiel. He said that when men can’t get what they want firsthand, that’s the time when they’ll decide if you’re worth it or not. If he is interested and wants to get to know her better, he will. He’ll stay and work hard for it. But if he doesn’t, then he’ll leave.
“But then again XXXX, you wouldn’t want those guys anyway,” he concluded.
At that moment, I got it.
No wonder women think guys are jerks. Whereas women tend to see guys as taking advantage, they’re not. They’re taking advantage of us because they CAN. It’s only because we allow them to be one. However, if we don’t accept their crap, then you give them the decision. if they go away, then good riddance. He wasn’t there for your great personality anyway. But if he stayed, it’s actually because he’s interested in you.
But most women, if they like the guy enough, don’t operate that way. They can be bitches when the want, but if she’s considerably attracted to the guy, she becomes an open book, allowing the guy to shit on her whenever they want. Funny, huh?
Bottomline is, how can a guy respect you if you can’t even respect yourself? It’s that simple. Guys will be jerks if you let them. It’s human nature to try to get what you can. If that makes a guy a jerk, then so be it. But actually, he was merely acting the way he’s programmed to act.
Easy come, easy go.
I asked him to the solution to this problem.
“Make him work for it,” Michael answered. “Don’t be so eager or so easy. Prove to him that he can’t get away in being a jerk.”
Of course, this doesn’t mean you’d have to play the game. I hate games. But it does mean that sometimes, women should set the pace of the relationship as well. Take the time to get to know the guy better.
Because as Michael said, in most cases, if the guy knows that they can’t have you that easily, then that’s the time they’ll take the time to really get to know you. Otherwise, they’ll just take everything they can.
So maybe, it is unfair to say that all guys are jerks. Guys are guys. Same way as it is unfair to say all women are manipulative and shallow.
That night, I felt like I’ve just had an epiphany. And in some ways, I had.
Guys are jerks only when you let them be jerks.