My Daughter is Raised by a Community

I have never prided myself as a Supermom.


The first time I bathed my baby was when she was 13 months old.

That was also the time I cleaned up my baby’s poo.

My husband was absurdly hurt, and I was left to clean and bathe her while he was having his bleeding hand stitched in the Emergency Room.

During the daytime, I have our maid bring her to school early in the morning. The babysitter comes in our room at 7:15am to bring her to the nursery in time for class at 8:00am. The driver drives both of them there.

My mom’s driver picks her up at 10:00am and takes her to lunch, where she is then sent to another playschool at noon till 3:00pm. Then she watches sing-along videos in the office till 7:00pm.

The only time I have time for her is after work in the evening.

In the daytime when I cannot be a proper mother, I have hired the babysitter, the driver, the nursery teachers, my staff, and even asked for the help of my own mother to take care of my own offspring.

I do this without shame — as I find it impossible to earn a living and raise my daughter at the same time.

Thankfully, despite my lack of motherly competencies, my daughter still adores me and still gives me a big smile when she sees me come home.

It is because of my lack of time, energy and experience that I’d have to say — My Daughter is Raised by a Community of People who Adore and Love Her.

If she ended up reasonable and sane, it is to their credit that she turned out okay.

That’s why, I thank yaya for waking up early and bringing her to and from school. I know that a lot of other mothers do this, and I’m sorry I do not. But I try my best to be there for daughter on very special occasion and performances, and hope that yaya’s constant presence at school bring my daughter comfort that at least there’s someone looking out for her while I am gone.

I thank her teachers for being patient with her. It warms my heart to hear them comment on how my child is doing, and how she refuses to sit for long periods of time. The teachers are extra pairs of eyes who watch over my child and teach her the right and wrong way. They are the reason why she knows “burger,” “pail,” and “pack away,” words that I know she learned in school.

I thank my mom for adoring her only granddaughter. Since we aren’t super rich, my mother has been such a blessing for us. She has bought for us Pampers since my daughter was born. My daughter has never been in need for any material things because of my mom. For this, I thank you. That, and for doting on my daughter whenever she can.

I thank my in-laws too for taking care of my daughter in the evenings. For feeding her mango and for letting her use the iPad, especially since she can’t do it when I’m not around.


I thank my staff for entertaining her, feeding her, watching over her, and for obliging her when she is in the office. I hope that she learns all of the best things about you guys and see you as her extended family.

I thank the Lord for always watching over us. For keeping us safe. And for keeping us relatively healthy. We are blessed a thousand times over, and none of this is possible without God’s watchfulness.

My daughter is now two years old, and is raised by a community.

She is the ways she is not because of me and her father alone, but rather, because of a slew of people who helps us in raising her and ensuring she is well taken care of.

She is never lacking of love, care and attention. Even when I am not around, they compensate for my absence, and the accumulation of all of us produces what my daughter is today.

So thank you to the community who raised her.

And thank you to the daughter who brought us so much joy.

Happy birthday, little pea!

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Why I celebrate my daughter’s 2 year old birthday even though she’s too young to remember

My husband thinks I’m crazy.

Why do you even need to celebrate her birthday party? She’s only two,” he said. “She is way too young to remember.”

He sees me buying stuff for her lootbag. I am very happy with my purchase:

From left to right, I’ve prepared a small cute sling bag, ball that lights when it hits the floor, a large coloring book, a Big Book of English Words, a spill proof tumbler, a set of 8 jumbo crayons, plastic letters and numbers, and a spoon/fork/chopsticks set. Basically, stuff I’d like to gift my own child. 

It’s always been a pleasure for me to share life’s blessings. I’ve always prided myself as a good gift giving person, so in a way, preparing all of these for my daughter’s classmates/friends also give me joy. 

I also bought a simple chocolate cake and took out McDonald’s Happy Meal for the class. Even though they’re still very young, they’re never too young to munch on french fries and drink pineapple juice.

I know that at 2, my daughter may be way too young to remember. However, I still celebrate her birthday because of the following reasons:

1. I want her to remember that her birthday is a day of joy, and she’s worth to be celebrated.

Even as I near mg 40s, I still make a big deal out of my birthday. No matter how husband insists that I not make a big deal out of his birthday, I have always insisted that he makes a big deal with mine. 

This reinforces self worth. 

You may or may not agree with me, but for one day a year, it’s my birthday, and I get to selfishly celebrate it however I want. Any other day is a non issue, but come my birthday, I want my loved ones to make an effort to celebrate my birth.

So husband makes plans even though he’s more of a spontaneous person. 

I get a nice gift that I don’t get everyday.

I eat a nice dinner with people I love and get to choose where to go, with less thought on budget. That’s why I scour blogs looking forward to that one restaurant I can try and splurge on during my birthday. 

And I feel very very special at least one day a year.

I want my daughter to insist that her significant other make a big deal out of her birthday too. I don’t want him to take her for granted. So now, while I still can, I will make her feel special on her birthday. So that when I am gone, she will also insist that such tradition is continued.

2. Yes, I want her to feel equal to her classmates.

When I was young, I used to be jealous of my classmate’s new pencilcase. I wanted to hold it because I didn’t have one. At thay time, these types of pencil cases were so damn cool: 

1980s babies would know why these were a big deal back then. 

No matter what you say, schools can be very cliquish. There are kids who have the new pencil cases and the kids who are looking yearningly over the pencil cases.

There’s always those kids who gave the best parties and the nicest loot bags. We don’t really care who they were, but we waited in anticipation for a birthday invite because we know attending it meant the coolest prizes and lots of nice games.

In short, I don’t want her to be a loser kid.

I want her other classmates to still give her some recognition and to remember that on her birthday, daughter gave her something nice as a token of friendship.

3. It’s also a way of thanks for a year of friendship.

Related to what I mentioned above, I want my daughter to show her appreciation for a year of friendship.

These are her classmates who see and play her everyday. Most of them will eventually be her friends. 

On their birthday, my daughter gets a nice lootbag from them, also lovingly painstakingly prepared by the parents. Sometimes, when the parents are there, she also gets some special treat.

My daughter’s birthday celebration is a way for us to give back for everything she’s received the entire year from others. A sort of thank you for everything they’ve done for her. Now’s our time to give back. 

4. It’s precious time with my daughter I won’t be able to get back.

I work so I’m mostly very busy in the daytime. Usually, I only have evenings reserved for my daughter.

On her birthday, I make time for her.

I wake up super early to prepare everything. 

And while other mothers do this every day, I can’t so I take time on her birthday to celebrate it with her and make it a big deal. 

She smiled widely when she saw me. 

I know she is happy and surprised when she saw me in school.

Mami,” she said as she grabbed my hand. 

She doesn’t let go of my hand. She’s very happy to see me there. 

And that is why I am there to celebrate her birthday. Because no matter how busy we are, we still make time for those special moments. 

5. This is one way I show my love.

I may be the most dense and useless mother you may know. But in these moments, I take the time and effort to show her I love her. 

This is one of those times. 

Happy birthday my love!

Posted in baby, Early Learning, Education, Family, Kid Problems, Parenthood, Parenting, Updates | Tagged , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Don’t Be Boastful When Mad

My husband screamed at me today.

Two days ago, he asked me to help him to transfer money overseas. My supplier gives me better rates than his, so he asked for my assistance, which I timely gave.

Today, his supplier said he received the money but he wants us to send the money to his personal account instead of the company account. It is a ridiculous request since he was the one who gave my husband the bank account details in the first place.

It is not our side’s fault that he asked us to transfer money to the wrong account.

However, it becomes my problem when he asked us if he could return the money back to us, and we transfer the money back again to the correct account.

As I’ve told you, it’s a mess. It’s a big hassle and a mess.

So of course, my supplier got upset on why they have to correct an unnecessary mess. I expressed the frustration back to the husband on why his supplier wants us to correct his mistake.

My husband then got mad at me for making a big deal out of the situation.

You wanted me to correct your supplier’s mistake and of course, I will make sure it’s done,” I said. “My supplier said this is the last time they will do it for us anymore. Of course, I am upset because it is MY relationship that is placed on jeopardy.”

My husband then got mad because he doesn’t understand why my supplier got mad on such a simple request. “I don’t think they will not serve you anymore because of this. I want to talk to them and ask them why they are making a big deal out of this.”

“Why? If we give them a million bucks of business, would they say no?” he arrogantly continued. “They are not the only supplier in town. I am quite happy to pay more and use other supplier if yours are making a big deal out of this.”

My husband is a lovely guy, but sometimes, he has no empathy. Technically, it’s his side that made the mistake, not mine.

He should be mad at HIS supplier, not at MY supplier.


And when a man gets mad, he starts to make boasts like this.

Why? Do we even have to use them?” he said. “I’m okay with paying Php 5,000 bucks or more to my more expensive supplier. Why do I have to use your supplier if that’s the case?!”

I’ve had enough.

My supplier gives us favorable rates and charges me less. Every single savings add up. They are fast and give me no trouble. I have been dealing with them for years.

If you want, then I’ll fend for myself!” he boasted. “I’ve been doing fine for years. Why do I need your supplier?”

Let me count the ways:

  1. Well, first, he only needs to email me the transfer request and it gets done the next day. He doesn’t have to do anything except to email me the instruction.
  2. The savings can get really big depending on the transfer amount.
  3. I actually advance the money instead of him paying in cash.
  4. He gives a blank check to the other supplier which is very risky. The blank check is deducted straight to the company account so if the blank check falls into the wrong hands, bye bye.

But heck, a man’s arrogance creates even more problems for him. Who am I to correct my husband? Let him do the work his way.

So let us learn from my husband: Take care of your words when you are mad.

Sure, you may feel that you have “won,”  but such victory is empty.

At the end of the day, instead of having someone else do the work at a favorable rate, you have to do it yourself.

I apologized to my supplier for the hassle and the relationship lives another day.

Husband on the other hand refuses to apologize to me after getting angry and telling me to shut up, and will now handle most of his transfers.

Who is the bigger loser?

I don’t think it’s me.

So watch your words when you are mad.

Sometimes, words that are said in a fit of anger can offer a lifetime of regret. And if husband can’t stop to watch his words, then he will find less and less people to help him when he needs it.

Posted in Advice, Conflicts, Marriage, Men, Rants, Relationships, Work | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Lessons from Harvey Weinstein

Harvey Weinstein is a powerful Hollywood producer.


He is also a man who raped and sexually harassed many women. Weinstein used his position to place women in compromising positions and sexually abuse them. Here are just the impartial list of women that Harvey allegedly abused:

After the Harvey Weinstein story broke in the New York Times last October 2017, a flood of women and men started to complain about sexual abuse and harassment in Hollywood.

All of a sudden, sexual abusers became uncool, and everyone who had a long term grudge can come out and say that they too were a victim of sexual abuse. Here are the impartial list of people who have something to say.

Harvey Weinstein is not alone. Even Kevin Spacey was thrown in the mix.

kevin spacey.jpg

The sad part is, Harvey Weinstein’s misbehavior has been an open secret for YEARS.

We all knew that Terry Richardson was a predator, who objectified women and treated them like sh*t. There was a lot of exposes about him. Here is one example that came out in 2010 about how much of a jerk Richardson was — Meet Terry Richardson, the World’s Most Fcked up Photographer.

Here he is with Barack Obama.


And Vogue only cut his contract after the shit hit the fan.

What I am saying is this, in this day and age of fast Internet and the spread of information, nothing gets hidden for too long.

Gone are the days where people can kill and get away with this. Take for example this blind that alleged that the naughty Bill Clinton did something bad before he was President.

The biggest lesson is this: Don’t ever let your sense of power and entitlement get to your head. 

That’s the problem with having authority.

Sometimes, we take our position for granted. We forget that with more power, comes more responsibility. At the end of the day, everything catches up to us and we have to be even more accountable with the power.

The problem with powerful figures is that we forget that authority can be fleeting.

Take for example Robert Mugabe who has been president of Zimbabwe since 1987, whose power is threatened this week via a coup. That’s 30 years!

Over the 3 decades of power, Mugabe stole from his countrymen and amassed so much wealth at the expense of his countrymen. He may have lied, stole and rampaged his country for YEARS.

Now, if he is removed from power, there is a day of reckoning. Nothing gets hidden forever, and we have to face the consequences of our actions one day.

That is why, I try to remain humble and level-headed.

It’s really hard.

Many times, I feel other people are lazy or stupid or beneath me. Sometimes, I don’t understand why people cannot get it even though the answer is so obvious in mind. There are times as well that I am tempted to do the wrong thing just because I know I can get away with it.

I guess, that’s human nature.

But the Harvey Weinstein scandal and those that follows show that nothing remains a secret for long.

If you are a jerk, you will be found out as a jerk later on.

If you are a liar, time will tell and show the real depth of your character.

No matter how much you hide your stench, later on, the door will burst open and everyone will know what an asshole you really are.

So why even try? Why even try to open the Pandora’s box?


That is why, we need to live our lives as if people are watching.

Not for their benefit or for their approval. But rather, because we are decent human beings and it’s not right for us to do evil things just because people aren’t paying attention.

Because you’ll never know if people are watching and recording, or when shit will hit the fan.

Kevin Spacey’s career is now over.

While he is a phenomenal actor, Spacey will find it hard to reboot his career. It’s too bad. He doesn’t have to step into too many toes to be excellent. He is already a great actor as it is.

Too bad it got into his head.


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My friend J, who I have talked about in this post, “When a man chase after a woman and he’s not that cute,” has been busted by his potential lady love.

Long story short, the woman said she only wanted to be friends.


Of course, the man was heartbroken.

At 42 years old, he wanted to settle down and start a family stat. He thought that this beautiful, sexy and smart woman was his last hope.

Unfortunately, the woman just didn’t think he was her type.

I guess, women are picky when it comes to looks. The “I don’t look cute but I can love and take care of you forever” spiel did NOT work on her.

Hence, friend was depressed.


He changed his Facebook profile and cover photos, resigned from his post, and stayed at home and cried.

Loss is a powerful feeling.

To be honest, J did not really know my friend.

If he knew my friend, he can easily see just how incompatible they were.

She was indecisive and flighty.  He wanted to settle down.

She was still busy dating around and enjoying the company of men. He was already tired of going from one shallow relationship to the next and wants to start a family ASAP.

She was unsure of her future and is thinking of switching jobs for better job security. She lives in Singapore but is working with a work visa. He is happy where he is here in the Philippines.

And yet, he cried for her.

Because loss is a very powerful feeling.

No matter how incompatible we are, we react violently when that something gets removed from us.

It’s the same when I broke up with my last boyfriend. In fairness, I didn’t love or appreciate him as much when we were together. I didn’t treat him as good as I should if I truly valued him.

However, when he broke up with me, it was as if my world shattered. I didn’t know what to do. And I wanted him back, even though consciously, I knew we were not meant to be.

Funny how our heart does one thing, even though it knows it’s not the best thing for us.

Same with my friend.

He wanted her even though they really weren’t meant to be. If they were, she would have been more accepting of his love declarations.

That’s why, this is a lesson for us: Feelings are not the best indicators on whether we are a good fit for another person. Feelings can still fool us. In the end, we have to see through time and actions if the person is a good fit.

How about you? Have you lost something and made a big deal from it even though you know it’s not the right decision for you?

Have a great weekend!




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When a man chases after a woman… but he’s not THAT cute

A man in serious like/love, who is ardently pursuing a woman, is a man on fire.

My friend, who is pursuing my female best friend, is such a man.

Since she lives in another country, when she came to visit, he picked her up from the airport even if her flight arrived at 5:00am.

He spent a lot of money accompanying her and her friends in Palawan.

When she came back to Manila, he accompanied her shopping and took her to nice restaurants. Two restaurants for dinner per day just for her to taste Filipino food.

And on the last day of the trip, he drove her back to the airport as if he was her personal chauffeur.

A man in love goes far and beyond to get the woman he wants. He spends so she is comforted, and tries to keep in touch so that she can get to know him.

He keeps on texting me and telling me what’s going on with his day,” she said. “It’s kind of weird.”

It’s true — when I was in Taiwan and Hong Kong, guys do not just randomly text you to tell you about their day. They do not stick to you like glue and want to be in your company wherever you went.

Actually, the last guy who did that… I married. As they say back, “Kung may tiyaga, may ginhawa…”(There’s success with perseverance).

Back home in the Philippines, where people aren’t particularly tall, guys get the girls with an outpouring of attention, charm and personality.


Filipino guys are not particularly handsome. Their skin is usually mocha colored. They are not particularly tall and given our fatty pork diets, there’s almost always a belly.

But a Filipino guy is usually very charming sweet talkers. They know how to shower a woman with attention and to make her feel loved and cared for.

I asked my staff if they would give a man hope when he is in pursuit of her. They all answered, “Yes, if he will love and take good care of me.”

Filipinos are romantics, what can I say?

Unfortunately, my girl best friend is NOT Filipino. She is Taiwanese. Taiwanese women can be very practical.

And may be a bit superficial…

Since knowing my best friend, my husband has seen my friend get her heart squashed by multiple cute guys.

She briefly dated a cute young doctor whom she met in Boracay and had a passing fling. He lived in Los Angeles and she tried to keep in touch with him. In the end, he let her down by telling her he already had a girlfriend. JERK!

She dated a clean cut Korean consultant who had commitment issues. They broke up when she moved to Singapore.

In Singapore, she dated a New Zealander who kicked her out of his house for not cooking his dinner on time. In the end, it was his anger issues and their incompatibility that did them in.

Now, she’s dating around. Unfortunately, most of the guys she’s been seeing are a decade younger than her who don’t take her seriously. Older guys see her as too old. So she’s in a dating limbo where there doesn’t seem to be any better options out there.

Given the slim pickings, husband and I are betting on whether our Filipino friend will succeed in wooing my Taiwanese girl friend.

On one hand, she may not like him because he isn’t particularly tall (he is just my height) or slim. He’s not fat by any chance, but he’s not tall and slim. So if she is particularly superficial, she won’t really like him.

On the other, she is nearing 40 years old and has had her fill of tall yet arrogant assholes who don’t care about her. She’s already had a merry go around of men in Singapore, and the pickings for nice guys are pretty slim. She may give Filipino friend a chance just because he’s a nice guy who sincerely care about her and wants to take her seriously.

And while he lives in Manila and she in Singapore, his job can be remotely done and his talents are more in demand in Singapore than Manila. In short, it can work IF she wants too.

He has booked his flight to visit her in Singapore this November 2017.

Two days later, he’s changed his cover photo and profile photo to the following:


Uh-oh,” I called husband. “It seems our friend is busted…”

Your friend is kind of superficial,” my husband concluded. “Maybe it’s bad news.”

Apparently, friend couldn’t sleep the entire night last night because girl best friend was slightly discouraging. For men, chasing after women is a challenge, but only if there is hope. Maybe she has discouraged him from going?

Anyway, the story continues…. who will prevail?

Are women as superficial as we think?

We shall see…


Posted in Filipino Men/Women, Friendship, Ramblings | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

Bottlefeeding at almost 23 months

My baby is exclusively breastfed ever since she was born.

Despite me overstocking various brands of milk bottles, daughter refused to drink from the bottle. I had to sell all our surplus bottles just because she refused to drink if not from the breast. 

But surprise surprise, last week, she began drinking from the bottle!

Apparently, peer pressure comes at a super young age.

Our 22-month old daughter saw her classmates using the bottle, so she herself wanted to use the bottle too! 

And that is how, after almost two years, our stubborn daughter who refuses to drink anywhere but my breast started drinking from the bottle.

It’s true what they say: The child is ready when the child is ready…

Have a good week everyone!

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When husband calls

My husband calls me. 

He says he is hungry.

I look at my desk. Actually there’s still a lot to do. 

I find it a little bit unfair has the free time to roam around the mall while I manage the business. 

Our business. 

But I stop thoughts of negativity. Was it not also my choice that he takes care of our little girl so I can get things done?

So after a few minutes, I make a conscious choice of packing up some work home and leaving.

He is hungry after all.

And in times like these, we prioritize the husband. 

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My Yaya’s Key Performance Indicators

My baby has a yaya (nanny) who’s already been with us for a year.

Now, I’ve never really been too sensitive regarding dust or dirt, which is why I’m not too upset when she doesn’t really clean our living room. Anyway, her main job is to help us raise my daughter. Not clean the house.

But to make life simple, I have made official the three key performance indicators (KPI) I gave my yaya:

  1. Huwag mong patayin ang anak ko. 

In English, this means, do not kill my child.

Specifically, you have to watch over my kid and ensure that she enters no danger. You have to make sure she is safe at all times, and she doesn’t end up dead.

It only takes a few seconds of carelessness for a child to be damaged permanently. Her job is to ensure that my daughter is safe and protected at all times.

fallen child.jpg

2. Huwag mong walain ang anak ko.

This means, do NOT lose my child.

Whatever she does, she ensures that my child is returned home safely. This includes making sure she gets to school on time, gets home safe after school, and is looking after my child especially in large public places like the park or the mall.

3. Patabain mo ang anak ko.

This means, fatten my child.

fat child.jpg

She needs to feed my child timely and with the correct nourishment. My child should not look as if she is starving, and should be well fed at all times.

How about you?

What is your yaya’s KPI?

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When Your Baby is a Picky Eater

Karma really is a b*tch…

Last year, people were asking for advice on what to do when their baby is a picky eater.

My baby, who was super fat at that time, did NOT have this problem. Just by exclusively feeding on my breastmilk alone, baby was considered obese and was scaling at the 96th percentile in terms of weight.

So, my haughty advice for fellow mothers was, if their babies don’t want to eat, then they could just let the babies be.

Anyway, babies being babies will NOT starve to death. When they are hungry, they will find food.

In other words, if baby don’t want to eat…

beauty and the beast.jpg

Ironically, as soon as my baby started to eat solids, her appetite and her weight started falling down.

All she eats now for example is corn, nuts, beans, and a little bit of noodle/pasta.

She refuses to eat when fed. In fact, she would rather be self-fed.

We oftentimes have to convince him to eat or we turn off her TV.

In other words, what I used to chide other parents with, are now the same problems I deal with. Karma is truly a bitch, is it not?

Ha ha ha. Now the joke is on me.

Baby is still alive now, albeit thinner.

Till then, we will just serve her with what she likes. Good thing she likes brocolli!

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Will you compromise just a little bit if you’re not a spring chicken no more?

When I was dating my now-husband at 32 years old, my future father-in-law chided me, “But you’re not a spring chicken anymore!”


I wasn’t insulted as much as I was amused.

In the end, I had the last laugh.

I married his only son at age 33, had a child by the time I hit age 35, and still happily married at age 37.

My best girlfriend is encountering the same issues as I did. At 39 years old, she is gregarious, super sexy, easy going and yet very single.

So why is she still single, you ask?

Maybe it’s because of bad luck? She wasted a lot of time dating a string of idiots who was totally incompatible to her.

One was a Korean IT consultant who had mother issues and disappeared every time he felt stressed. Every time they would fight, he would literally disappear until weeks later when he would text her again to say hi.

The other was a Hong Kong teacher who wanted a housewife. He asked her to be at his beck and call, waking up early to go to the market to buy the freshest vegetables, cook for his lunch during lunch break, and then be waiting for him until he got back from school (work) to once again cater to his needs.

When she moved to Singapore, she dated a Kiwi dude with serious anger issues. He was stressed and anxious all the time, and wanted to be in control. Every time he wasn’t, he would shout at her. At one time, he told her to get out of his house, leaving her outside his apartment door crying, just because she got back late to cook him dinner.

Apparently, being late to cook him dinner was such a serious offense and is considered as her not caring enough for his health and well-being.

I would have dumped him right then and there — I am not a dog you tell to get out whenever you want to.

She spent an extra 6 more months with him.

bad bf.jpg

Now, she has another suitor.

Unlike her other boyfriends, he initiates contact and accompanies her when she goes shopping. When she was in town, he tried to spend as much time with her.

J makes me fat!” she would complain as he takes her to another nice restaurant.

On other days, she asked me why J was texting her all the time.

What does he say?” I ask her.

Well, he tells me about his day…” she replied. “As if I want to know that he went to a car club meet or to the gym.”

She must be the densest woman on earth!” my husband said. “She should know by now that J is interested.”

That’s what ligaw or courtmanship is here in the Philippines.

If a guy is interested, he will try as much as possible to get to know the woman. He will try to spend time with her and shower her with attention up until she agrees to be his girlfriend or break his heart.


Most girls eventually give in if the guy is sincere enough,” my mom scoffed. “It’s just about enough time and effort.”

I don’t know…

Superficial as it may seem, J is not as tall or as fair. And he’s a bit stocky.

He snores…. LOUD,” my friend complained. “I’m a light sleeper so he keeps me up at night literally! I can’t sleep!”


I wonder if heavy snoring is a deal breaker.

As a heavy snorer myself, I too have worried about finding love. I dated a dude before who was a light sleeper and he didn’t get enough sleep for the wrong reasons. Maybe that was why we ultimately broke up.

I hope not as J might be the last chance she has for a decent guy who truly wants to be with her for all the right reasons. Will she let her superficiality get in the way of true love?

He will go and visit her in Singapore this month (of November).

We shall see if she will welcome him, or will she turn him away.

At 39 years old, she is really no spring chicken anymore. And yes, because she is still pretty and sexy, she still gets a lot of male attention albeit more and more from guys who are 10 years younger than her.

We hope that she can find the love of her life. The only question is, is J it?

Abangan ang susunod na kabataan…


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Top 10 Tips in Traveling to Siem Reap/Angkor Wat

We were at Siem Reap last weekend for my birthday. Here are some takeaways from our trip:

1. The flight and temple tickets were expensive. The rest were not.

We booked a direct flight from Manila to Siem Reap via Cebu Pacific. The flight was 3 hours long and we left on Saturday at 7:30pm, arriving in Siem Reap International Airport at 9:30 pm. We then departed Siem Reap back to Manila at 10:30pm arriving Manila at 2:30am on Wednesday, missing only 2 days of work for a 3-day vacation.

The airfare was expensive given a budget airport. We paid Php 18,000 net per pax. I understand we can find another place cheaper than Siem Reap, but hey, since Bali’s Mt. Agung volcano was rumored to erupt soon, we had to change plans and settle for Cambodia instead.

Ticket for a 3-day temple tour is at USD 62.00 a pax. However, aside from these large ticket items, visiting Cambodia is still relatively cheap.

2. Do NOT exchange USD to the local currency at the airport or anywhere else!

In Siem Reap International Airport, you can exchange USD to Cambodian Reals at 3,850 Reals to 1 USD. Outside, the exchange rate in MOST restaurants is 4,000 Reals to 1 USD. Truth be told, the currency exchange in Siem Reap is making a lot of money.

Everyone in Siem Reap accepts USD. Actually, they prefer it. You will also get Cambodian reals as change when you purchase/buy something. Do NOT exchange USD to the local currency.

3. Hotel rates in Siem Reap are relatively cheaper. Book a hotel with free breakfast. 

We stayed in the Suorkear Villa & Resort in a 2-storey villa with private pool, paying USD 420.00 (Php 20,000) for 3 nights and 5 adults. This is still cheaper than a 4- or 5-star hotel in Manila.

Suorkear.jpgsuorkear 2.jpgsuorkear 3.jpgsuor.jpg

The bedroom is nicer in the photo, but the service is warm and attentive, and the public pool is as beautiful as the photo. It’s a bit out of the way and requires a USD 3 tuktuk ride to town (Note: The resort does provide free tuktuk rides to town up until 10pm), but if you would like to stay in a relaxing place, Suorkear Villa & Resort is a nice reasonably priced hotel to book.

We really enjoyed our breakfast and free coffee refill. They served a variety of Asian and Western dishes which include Asian fried rice, Khmer curry noodles, Asian stir fried noodles, Cambodian noodle soup, pancakes, french toast, American breakfast, among others.

Suggest you try out their Asian fare than their Western’s. It’s more sulit!

4. Shopping in Cambodia is cheap.

Even inside the temples, shopping in Cambodia is cheap if you bargain carefully.


We bought 3 pcs of t-shirts for USD 5. Pants were only USD 2 a piece. A drum that was marketed as USD 15 was let go for USD 6. To be fair, shopping is a joy in Siem Reap if you like their loose backpacker style.

Personally, I appreciated the products available.

Cambodia is VERY HOT and we went through at least 2 changes of clothes per day. We brought enough clothes to last us our 3 days but went through them by the first day of tour. Being able to shop for a cheap change of clothes was a godsend, and the products weren’t bad for the price you paid for!

5. That said, the weather in Cambodia was HOT!

We were sweating like pigs the whole time.


I sh*t you not — my husband changed clothes 3x. He usually doesn’t do that in Manila.

Siem Reap weather is a lot like Manila’s — hot, humid but less air circulation. So you feel like you’re in a hot oven with nowhere to cool off.

Restaurants are open air and not a lot of establishments have aircon. We ate at several establishments but none of them were airconditioned. I guess, they take saving electricity seriously.

If you go to Cambodia, bring a change of clothes. Better yet, buy clothes in Cambodia!

6. Our 3-day itinerary:

USD Price
7:35 PM 5J 257 Cebu Pacific Departure from Manila T3 to Siem Reap
9:30 PM Arrival at Siem Reap International Airport
Hotel: Suorkear Villa & Resort        410.40
Angkor High School Road, Sangkat Sala Kamreuk, Siem Reap Cambodia
Tel: +855 60 999 882
Check in: Oct 21, Check out: Oct 24 (1pm)
Breakfast Hotel: Suorkear Villa & Resort
Can swim a little bit and enjoy private pool
Lunch Lilypop Restaurant (10am to 10pm) 717 Reviews
#20 Taphul Road, Siem Reap 17259 Chicken amok, spring rolls, lok lak, khmer curry,
Tel: +855 86 879 255 papaya salad, smoothie
Try Me (8:30am to 10:30 pm) 292 Reviews
Taphul Road. It’s the road beside Caltex Station Amok fish, Lok Lak, Cambodia Curry, pesto pasta
Tel: +855 17 419 343
After Lunch Meal Fresh Fruit Factory Fruits on french toast, ice mountains (mango+passion fruit)
#155, Taphul Road, Siem Reap
Tel: +855 81 313 900
Afternoon Cool Sense Spa
60 Street, Siem Reap, Cambodia
Magic Four-Hand Massage With Warm Herbal Linen USD 25 for 90 mins
Traditional Khmer Massage (60 mins) USD 10, USD 14 for 90 mins
2-Hour Specialized Package USD 25
Free Pickup from Tuktuk
Dinner Spoons (11:30am to 10:00 pm) 521 Reviews
#142, Group 5 Pave Road, Wat Damnak Village, Mackarel, coconut chicken, beef skewers
Salakomreouk Commune, Siem Reap
Tel: +855 76 277 6667
Old Market Area
Between Street 9, Street 11, 2 Thmou Street and Pokombor Avenue
Pub Street
Red Piano to order Tomb Raider Drink
Angkor Night Market (**If asking price is $10, ask for $3)
Can eat fried banana kebabs, roasted corn on cob, banana chocolate pancakes (from corner
closest to Warehouse)
Can try Baray Spa for affordable foot reflexology for only $2 n 1 hour
8:30 AM Happy Angkor Tour Pickup. Have breakfast already.        180.00
Tel: Mony (Tel: +855-92-900 000)
**Ticket to Temples at USD 62 per pax        310.00
Morning Angkor Thom Elephant & Leper King Terrace
Bayon Ta Prohm
Royal Enclosure
12:30 PM Lunch at Local Restaurant (Palmboo)
2:00 PM Angkor Wat
Phnom Bakheng to watch sunset view
6:00 PM Back at Hotel
Dinner Aspara Show: Koulen Restaurant
Includes Buffet dinner and show at USD 12 per pax excluding drinks          60.00
5:00 AM Watch Sunrise at Angkor Wat
Back to Hotel for Breakfast
Banteay Srei or Ladies Temple Banteay Samre
Sugar Palm Villages or Landmine Museum Pre Rup Temple
12:30 PM Lunch at Local Restaurant (The Hut)
Off Route #6 | Steung Village, Prasat Bakong District, Siem Reap 00000, Cambodia
Tel: +855 12 926 391
1:30 pm or 2:00 pm Tonle Sap Lake at Kampong Pluk Village OR
Grand Circuit Road: Prah Khan, Neak Poan, Ta Som, East Mebon
6:00 pm – 8:00 pm Genevieve’s Restaurant 3968 Reviews
Bamboo Street Sala Kamreuk Commune, Siem Reap 3058
Tel: +855 81 410 783
10:30 PM 5J 258 Departure from Siem Reap to T3 NAIA
2:25 AM Arrival in NAIA Terminal 3

Downloadable Excel File: FINAL Itinerary – Angkor Wat Trip

7. Must Do in Cambodia!

For restaurants, must try dining areas are the following:

The Fresh Fruit Factory (Rated #1 in Trip Advisor)

Fresh Fruit2.png

Fresh Fruit

Order their lovely ice mountains and french toasts. We thoroughly enjoyed our Mango Ice Mountain (USD 5) and Alcoholic Coffee Ice Mountain (USD 6.5).

Worth every penny!

Lunch at The Hut Natural

Address: Off Route #6 | Steung Village, Prasat Bakong DistrictSiem Reap 00000, Cambodia
Tel: +855 12 926 391
The hut.png
We ordered the fish with lime sauce and it was DELICIOUS! Very fresh, fat, and succulent and priced at only USD12 a fish.
We also ordered the other dishes — fish amok, lok lak, etc. but nothing was as good as the fish. What’s more, the fact that the restaurant consists of several nipa hut tents with cool air and usable relaxing hammocks as part of the decor helped aplenty!
Please please please add this restaurant to your itinerary! We did this restaurant when we were temple visiting. You won’t regret it.
It seems that Genevieve’s is an institution in Siem Reap. Managed by a friendly Aussie who dedicated the restaurant to his long gone wife, the food was above average, the price still reasonable and the service great!
We were glad that we managed to squeeze Genevieve’s on our last meal.
The meats were tender and nicely cooked. We enjoyed every dish except for the beef in betel nut appetizer. Please skip this dish.
Yes, there were a LOT of tourists.
Yes, the food is not as much as the other restaurants.
But at USD 12 per pax, what do you expect?
We found the show to be impressive and well done, and we left the restaurant happy and fulfilled.
8. Overrated Restaurants
We didn’t like Lilypop Restaurant which was well-ranked in TripAdvisor.
They didn’t have any stock of Khmer Curry and Fish Amok. The service was sloooooww. The price was average (not cheap), and the food was just okay.
As to why this restaurant was well ranked, I don’t even know.
TripAdvisor ranks it at #39 out of Siem Reap restaurants.
Over priced dishes with small servings.
Relatively slow service with more arrogant waiters (compared to friendlier waiters elsewhere).
The food selection was limited and the taste merely okay.
We did not enjoy Spoons at all.
Given, the restaurant had a good ambiance but that’s the only thing it had going for it. To be honest, it’s a restaurant most Westerners will love, but there are other better restaurants elsewhere.
Please save your money and go elsewhere instead. Spoons is ranked #5 restaurant in Siem Reap.
Most tours will offer a tour of the Tonle Sap lake for USD 15 per person.
The fee comes with a private boat and a tour of the stilted village at Tonle Sap.
The only great thing we saw was a small crocodile farm where you can feed it a small sized goose for USD 10. Not impressive at all.
Please skip this tour!
It’s not that it’s expensive. It’s more of, there’s really nothing special of huts on top of stilts. You came to Cambodia for the temples, so if I had to do it all over again, I would just do the Grand Circuit tour and visit Prah Khan, Neak Poan, Ta Som, East Mebon.
Preah Khan Temple
prah kean.png
Neak Poan
Ta Som
Ta som
East Mebon
east mebon.jpg
9. The best time to go to Angkor Wat is when you are single and childless.
We had a senior and a toddler in tow. So climbing up the temples of Angkor Wat was not as easy for us. I think we would have had a grander time if there were no kids around.
survive siem.jpg
10. If you haven’t been, just GO!
This is my second time to Siem Reap and the place is as magical as it was before. The tourist industry is more mature and there are less annoying children trying to sell you useless trinkets for USD 1.
I hope that my commentary of Siem Reap will entice you to go. Despite the relatively expensive airfare, Siem Reap is a wonderful haven if you’re into culture and temples, delicious food and cheap items.
Posted in Advice, baby, Family, First Experiences, Food, Kid Problems, Lists, Personal opinion, Travels, vacation | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Language Miscommunication

I asked why the stir fried beef noodles my family took home last night had no beef. 

We were in Siem Reap for a family vacation. I stayed at home to be with my sleeping toddler.

They laughed.

Your husband repeatedly told the waiter that he wanted the beef noodles, and he wanted it for take away,” sister-in-law said. “He kept on saying, ‘Take away! Take away!’

“So they took away most of the beef from the beef noodles.”


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What did I learn from Touring the Slums (Part 2)?


7. It’s tough to be educated in Baseco.

There are two schools closely located in Baseco. The average teacher to student ratio is 1:75. When I was a child, the average is 1:45.

The big problem is not the student-teacher ratio. Personally, I feel that the largest problem is the road to school comes with a lot of temptations.

There are makeshift piso pay net centers in Baseco. A sample of Piso Net computers from OLX:

Piso pay.jpg

For many boys, it’s hard to stay in school if you are tempted with Php 1 for 5 minutes of computer and Internet use. That’s why, many piso nets do not allow children wering uniform to okay during schooldays.

There are many children who are also NOT in school in Baseco. How can you be encouraged to go to school if many of your friends are not, and are playing in their free time?


There aren’t a lot of children who would like to go to school. Many of them, given a choice, would rather play than study.

Given that many parents work to sustain their families, and there are so many kids per family, it’s really hard to monitor each and every child’s education. Given harsh circumstances, it’s better to ensure that the family is fed instead of ensuring the kids stay in school.

But there is less of a future to those who do not have good education.

Many kids in Baseco do not have the luxury of a good education. And hence, will remain in the cycle of Baseco till they too will have families.

8. There aren’t a lot of assistance from politicians.

The Baseco slum dwellers compared their experience with a Dutch NGO who brought 18 doctors, a lot of medicine, and ZERO media, to a very popular politician who went for a medical mission last year with 3 doctors and busloads of media.

Have you ever wondered why such charity is widely reported in the news? It’s because they  brought their own photographers to document the event!


Here in Baseco,” they stated a matter of factly, “They (politicians) only come during elections. And if they come, for sure, they will bring media.”

That’s the sad thing: Everything is just a publicity stunt.

Filipino politicians care less about their fellow countrymen than the white doctors who flew in all the way from the Netherlands, brought medicine and gave it out for free, and saw 150 patients every day for 7 days.

And here lies the hypocrisy of the Philippines: We always tell ourselves that we should love our own. We should love our countrymen. And yet, we fail them when they need us the most.

9. Gina Lopez did a lot of good in Baseco.

Surprisingly, the people were very appreciative of Gina Lopez’ work in Baseco.

Her mangroves still live in the area. Systematically placed, they protect the dwellers from large tides and adds greenery to the trash.


Gina built a community center, which ironically now has the name of Cynthia Villar on it. Technically, it was Gina Lopez’ project which Cynthia Villar finished. However, it is Villar’s name that is on the small building.

Much of the trash was cleared away though some remain. Garbage is collected twice a week in Baseco to keep the trash from piling up.

So authentic help is available for Baseco dwellers. It’s just that help came from the private sector, and not really the public one.

10. Pagpag isn’t something that’s eaten by all.

Baseco slum dwellers eat dried fish or mollusks, the latter of which can be bought from the local fishermen. They do not really eat the famed pagpag, which is leftover foods from restaurants that’s already thrown away but collected by scavengers to be recooked and sold to the poorer population.

Pagpag isn’t super expensive — around Php 20.00 can buy you a bag. Php 50 will get you a larger bag.

I saw where they sourced the pagpag,” our guide said. “It’s what the pigs eat.”

At the end of the day, many of the Baseco slum dwellers are still people, and they refuse to eat food fed to the pigs.  Still, it was good for me to ask and satiate my curiosity.

If you would like to see the slum tours by yourself, you can always sign up for Smokey Tours and they usually have a tour per request!

Have a good weekend everyone!

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Slum Living in Baseco Manila

We joined the Smokey Tours yesterday and visited the Baseco Slums in Tondo, Manila.

Baseco slums.jpg

The tours itself only cost Php 950.00 per person and includes a local tour guide and the transportation to/fro Carriedo and Baseco. Details and inclusions of the tour can be found here.

Here are some interesting things I learned from the Tour:

1. There is no running water in Baseco.

Water pipe installation cost money, money that Baseco residents do not have. Hence, many households are forced to buy water from neighbors who make water selling a business.

Tap water filling up a medium sized container is Php 5.00. A slightly bigger container is Php 12.00. Drinking water is Php 30.00. And water from the open deep well which is contaminated by trash and salt water is free.

water container.jpgPhoto credit: GettyImages

The water must be carried in plastic containers to the makeshift house for use. This is the water you use to bathe, wash the dishes, clean and drink. If you have some money, you can afford Php 30.00 to have drinkable water for your family. If you have less money, you can drink the water from the tap. If your really do NOT have any money, then the contaminated well will do.

2. That is why, common ailments for Baseco residents are diarrhea and asthma.

Without clean potable water, residents get diarrhea all the time. From the water they use to wash their dishes to the water they offer to their families, it’s not surprising how fast residents get sick despite already building up a strong immunity from birth.

baseco 2.jpg

Getting sick causes many problems. For adults, it can cause them to miss work, which makes them unemployable. For kids, it causes them to miss school and not be able to catch up with their fellow students. For younger babies, it can cause early death.

But how can you have clean water if there’s no faucet? And how can you have faucets if there’s no infrastructure for plumbing?

3. The residents poo in the water.

Without a proper plumbing or septic system, residents have no choice but to poo and pee in the surrounding water, which by the way, fishermen swim in to catch mollusks.

You can pay Php 5.00 to use the makeshift “toilet,” which is a wooden structure that hangs out to the side. Or you can just go to the water and poo/pee there, right by the edges of the South Harbor district of Manila Port Area.

By the way, the water is very close to the open aired deep water where residents get and drink free water.

baseco getty images.jpg
Photo Credit: Getty Images

No wonder sickness surrounds the Baseco slums.

4. The Baseco slums is HUGE.

Put it this way, there are 100,000 recorded residents in the Baseco slums.

The assumption is, this only counts the reported residents in the 56-hectared area.

The guide estimates that there are actually 200,000 residents in the area, counting in at least 30,000 households!

baseco 3.jpg

Janet, our guide, said that even as a resident, she can still get lost in the middle of Baseco if she is not careful.

5. Garlic peeling is a big industry in Baseco.

As residents lack the education to be competitive in the job market, many residents especially women fall into the job of garlic peeling using dull blades.


Each sack holds 14.5 to 15 kilos of garlic. Each sack takes an afternoon to peel and earns the peeler Php 50.00 per sack.

garlic peeling.jpg

While the acidity of garlic peeling burns the hands of the women, they still do it because at least, there’s a community of women who do it in Baseco. They can gossip, sing songs and enjoy each other’s company while garlic peeling.

Plus, it’s better than having no jobs. The money they make from garlic peeling, albeit small, can still feed their families, especially since many of them are the primary breadwinners of their households.

6. Despite their large sizes, households in Baseco do not have many breadwinners. Actually, many members of the households are unemployed by choice.

We talked to the elderly garlic peeler in the tour. She said she had 7 adult children living with her. When I asked why they do not help with garlic peeling so the family can earn money more quickly, she answered, “Kasi tamad sila. Walang trabaho.”

Translation: They do not help and are unemployed because they are lazy.

Alas, the biggest problem in Baseco is that many of the residents are NOT stably employed. Many of them stay in the house or in the neighborhoods making tambay (hanging out).

Maybe they do not have work because they are not properly educated — there are only two public schools close to the Baseco area, with an average of 1 teacher to 75 student ratio — but I think the bigger problem is that there is no incentive for children to study.

When I was a kid, my mom made sure we had the best tutors who will force us to study. My dad would hit us if ever we had a bad grade.

In Baseco, the parents have to work and are usually out of the house, leaving the children in the care of others. And while public school is free, children would still have to take the initiative in going to school. It is a long road from the house to the school, full of temptations to not go to school.

With nobody to ensure that they go to school regularly, many children do not finish school and end us underemployed just like many of their parents.

To be Continued…


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What to do when you encounter a crazy man who’s out to get you?

We went to a children’s party today. 

During one of the games, my husband who was babysitting (yaya was in day-off) sat our 2-year old toddler in one of the seats previously occupied by another kid when she stood up. 

The father or uncle who saw it got upset for the child. 

My husband did not notice the man’s anger and proceeded to win a small prize with our daughter. He did not know the man’s eyes was shooting daggers at him. 

The man aggressively went to my husband’s face and demanded an apology. Since my husband felt he did nothing wrong, he said nothing to the man and simply walked away with out toddler. 

The man then went to me, the wife, saying, “Your husband should say sorry. He pushed my daughter.” 

To which, I immediately said, “Well, if that is the case, I am sorry. Maybe it was just an accident?” 

The man still did not let the issue go. 

As the afternoon went on, he still continued to look heatedly at my husband and daughter. Of course, my husband simply ignored him. 

When my husband and daughter went back to me, he once again approached us, faced my husband and angrily said, “You pushed my daughter.”

“I already said sorry,” I said, inwardly laughing at how this man simply couldn’t let it go. 

Well he didn’t say sorry,” the man angrily replied, pointing to my husband who by the way was carrying our toddler in his arms. 

My husband paused and looked at him. Maybe for two seconds. 

Then he said, “I’m sorry.”

The man looked at him again. 

Then he slinked away. 

Anyway, how do you fight a man who refuse to take the bait? You can only fight a man who pridefully fights back. 

We continued enjoying the party. The magic show was on and we sat in front to enjoy the show. We didn’t see the man and forgot about him.

On our way out, we saw the man again by the entrance. He seemed to be waiting for us and his eyes followed us as we went to the parking lot. We simply ignored him as we carried our baby to the car. 

When we got to the car, we saw that the guy dented the front of our f*cking car!

The angry man kicked the front of the car and dented it. Photo of a similar dented car for reference:

Initial reaction of my husband was that he could fix it. He knows about cars and the problem isn’t big. The paint was still intact. The front bumper is made of plastic and could easily bounce back. 

My initial reaction was to laugh. 

Out loud. 

I couldn’t stop laughing.

This is the type of guy who shoots people in EDSA if he has a gun!!!” I laughed. “Oh my gosh, I can’t believe he still couldn’t let it go?!”

Okay, to be honest, it’s kind of a scary situation to be in. But I actually saw the humor in our sad situation.

My husband sighed and said, “I can fix it.”

I then told my husband that we should just get in the car and go. To hell with the angry man who couldn’t let it go. 

He has a LOT of anger issues. 

Maybe, he did this because he wanted to pick a fight. Since he couldn’t do it in the party, my guess is he purposely dented the car to have my husband come back and sock him, Maybe he was still in the entrance waiting for us to confront him. 

This guy thinks the world is street fighter! 

Wah, if he cannot let this petty issue go, imagine how much more enemies will he have in the future? 

If he cannot let an issue with a stupid chair go, and tries to pick a fight with a man who’s already said sorry, who by the way was carrying a 2-year old daughter and was babysitting the whole afternoon, then you can imagine what type of man he is!

That’s why I laughed.

Given the absurdity of his temper, he will one day pick the fight with the wrong person, who might retaliate hard and kill him. We don’t need to do anything to him right now…. given his temper, one day soon, he will get his revenge from somebody else!

That’s the problem of being angry.

Angry people always think they’re in the right. 

Regardless of reason, they cannot help but let the anger simmer because they feel the apology is fake, and still worsen the problem by trying to destroy your car! 

The heck dude?!


It’s just a stupid seat.

It’s a stupid accident.

And there already was a stupid apology,


But he didn’t.

So we drive away laughing.

We laugh because we believe that karma’s a bitch and if he’s like this to us, he should consistently act like an asshole to a lot of other people too. 

We laugh because his denting the car proves that he’s the asshole, and not us. He has serious anger issues. 

And we laugh because I now have something to blog about. And that there’s really no shame to walk away — especially when you’re dealing with the crazy man we encountered today. 

And he’s a father too!

Oh well, how would we know?

Would you have done the same? Have a good weekend everyone!  

Posted in Family, Family Drama, Filipino Men/Women, First Experiences, Marriage, Ramblings, Rants, Updates | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

A Shocking Discovery

I was browsing through my husband’s phone yesterday since my phone battery already died.

Since we were traveling to Angkor Wat with family soon, I was checking out activities I can add to our itinerary. Given our destination, I wanted to check out massage and spa establishments in the area.

So I googled, “Angkor Wat massage.”

To my surprise, this came out.


I tried several times but still, the same message came out. When I clicked, “Allow Website,” another page came out.


The f*ck?

I asked husband about it after he woke up from his nap.

Why is the page restricted?” I asked. “I don’t have such restrictions on my phone.”

Oh,” he replied. He seemed embarrassed. “I turned on the child lock on my phone so that I won’t be tempted in checking out porn sites. Apparently, massage and spa are included in the filters.”

“Well, what’s the code?” I asked.

Oh, I just inputted some random code and completely forgot about it,” he said. “That means, I can’t log on even though I want to. Removes the temptation.”

“Actually, the child safe lock follows you around even after you migrate to another phone,” he helpfully added. “It’s quite a cool feature.”

When we were dating, my husband made a promise to me to minimize his porn usage and to not drink alcohol without my consent. His answer to controlling is to just removing the temptation completely. I was NOT aware that he carried out this promise to such extent.

After finding out, I smiled. I truly love this man!

love is heaven 2

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A Father’s Love

My uncle is a single parent with an adult daughter.

He was separated from his wife years ago, and has resorted to maintaining a slew of long-term girlfriends. The current girlfriend has been in his life for a decade already.

The sexy and pretty girlfriend is straightforward and hot-tempered. To put it simply, she has a strong personality and wants to be followed all the time. Thankfully, half of the time, she makes sense. Half of the time, the girl seems crazy and unreasonable. She is not beyond destroying household items for example when in a fit.

At first, the daughter was thankful that her dad wasn’t lonely anymore.

There is so much that a daughter can do to offer a father for companionship. Everyone wants to be loved. What’s more, since their ages wasn’t too far away, she was happy to have a sister and protector.

However, as years passed, this fondness turned to bitterness as the girlfriend wanted to become a mother figure and tried to tell the daughter what to do. Right now, after a host of negative experiences, they aren’t close anymore. In fact, they are acrimonious to each other.

Being lonely, my cousin found love online, thankfully, with someone who was dusty blond haired and green eyed.


A cute 20-year old who thankfully has a job and is actually quite attractive. Fortunately, he found her cute too.

The only problem was, he lived in a European country.

So when an invitation came for her to visit him, , my young cousin begged her father for a chance to go. If you are from the Philippines, you will understand that it’s not easy nor cheap to get a Schengen visa.

But after months of begging, the tired father acquiesced. And he himself accompanied his daughter to Europe. And he saw in his eyes how her daughter fell even more deeply in love with the cute European.

The motions have set.

The dude did come for a 2-week visit in Manila.

Talks started for her to move to Europe on a sponsored resident visa.

And they both wanted to try to see if a relationship would work out.

The father cannot do anything to stop it.

Sure, he’s had his share of mistakes.

Maybe it’s the girlfriend so the daughter felt ignored and unheard. Maybe it’s his business that his daughter felt she had no place in Manila. Maybe it’s just the daughter falling in love with a handsome European man.

Regardless, she wanted to leave him and be with her dusty blond boyfriend halfway around the world.

And this is where the father’s love comes in.


IF it was me, I would not give my daughter my blessing nor any financial support to go.

I don’t care if she’s unhappy for the rest of her life, I think she’s making a big mistake by going somewhere halfway around the world, and entrusting herself to someone she knows just by talking over the internet.

Call me crazy but yeah. That’s just me.

If he turns out to be a serial killer or domestic abuser, she does not have the family or financial support to protect herself. She will not be a citizen of that country and will have nowhere to turn to. It’s not like if they live in Manila, even though they are living apart from me, the dude knows that if he fucks her up, we can easily fuck him up, and will then treat her with at least a minimum amount of respect.

But in the European country, she will live with him. If the relationship goes to flames, she will have to find another place to stay. She does not have the same support system as she has back home where she can always just call, and someone WILL be there to somehow protect her. And if she gets pregnant, there is still a family to support her even if the boyfriend leaves.

Alas, she is naive and idealistic and romantic.

And the father loves her.

So despite his better judgment, after her crying and begging him to help her, he supported her getting a visa to live abroad. She is on the final stretch in getting the visa and he cannot do anything to stop her.

I don’t know if she’s making the right choice in moving to Europe. I do not know if my uncle is making the right choice in letting her go. But such is a father’s love for his child.

What about you?

Would you have let her go?

Posted in Boyfriend, children, Europe Trip, Family, Family Drama, Kid Problems, Parenthood, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Quitting While You’re Ahead

Our store in Robinsons Galleria was the branch that started it all. 

It was the first branch we signed the contract on after my in-laws gave us the company to manage. We refurbished a brand new look and feel for our kiosk, and it became the jumping board in updating the brand. 

Last month. we pulled out. And was replaced by our direct competitor. 

To that, I say, wish them luck and hope that they do better than we did.

On one hand, I feel a bit bitter. That’s how you feel when your ex replaces you easily with another woman. No matter how incompatible you guys are, you’d still be somewhat hurt, 

It’s the same with this mall.

Foot traffic isn’t as much as it used to. At its peak, it was the go-to mall of everyone. That was before SM Megamall, SM North EDSA and SM Mall of Asia were not even as popular as before. We all used to go to this mall to hang out, watch movies and enjoy the free aircon.

But with new malls popping up every month, competition got really stiff and despite being in a nice location, people just didn’t go to Galleria as much. 

Do you think we made the right decision to leave the mall?” I asked my husband. “Do you think it’s like admitting defeat?”

“Well, do you think we can be profitable in this mall?” He pointedly asked. “Despite best efforts, do you think we can make money?”

“Not really,” I admitted.

Then they can have our spot,” he retorted. “Let them realize what we realized early on. That’s not necessarily a bad thing.”

It’s really tough to cut your losses. In a way, it’s like admitting defeat. That you cannot survive, and hence, you have to close shop and move on.

My in-laws remind me it’s a matter of economics. Sometimes, we hold on to something that doesn’t work because of sentiment. But sometimes, cutting loss is a much better decision. 

If you close shop, you cut down your expenses. To be fair, since evacuating, we were able to reallocate our resources and focused on our other existing stores.

Thanks to God’s blessing, our sales still remain the same levels. And we have saved up on rent and labor. 

So our competitor can have our slot. 

If they think they can make money in the mall, so be it. But not all that glitters is gold. 

And if you think something’s a rock, don’t keep on bumping your head into it just because you don’t want people to realize you’ve made a mistake in the first place. 

Have a great weekend everyone!

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The Two Week Employee

We hired a Designer two weeks ago. 

He was in his 30s, worked for a food packing company, and could seem to do the job. He showed us his impressive portfolio and I liked how his designs seem professionally done and ready for printing. 

We each promised each other the moon. 

Two weeks later, after paying his two-week salary, we let him go. I let him go.

I think that as I managed the business, I developed an instinct for weeding out people that I don’t think will fit the company long term. 

What did I not like about him? 

For one, I like people with initiative. Staff who will work even with minimum supervision. 

This designer would work and make a good show for it. However, he requires me to look over his shoulder to do fast, efficient work. If I am not supervising him, he would be googling or prolonging the speed of the tasks. 

Two, he talked far more than he worked. 

This is a warning sign. After weeding out people who were loud and incompetent, I wasn’t ready for another loudmouth to come into our office and destroy the peace.

On his first day, he already told us his complete personal story. And he would make comments even though he didn’t have any background on the subject. What’s worse, when he talks, he stopped working. And people will also stop working to hear him talk.

Sorry, but I like to keep the office productive. He wasn’t helping in keeping the office productive.

Three, he couldn’t do the work properly and required you to tell him what to do. 

If he was a fresh grad, I will be more accepting of his faults. Fresh grads require more supervision and guidance. But this is a man who had years of designing experience, and boasted that works he gave his previous bosses were so good they were ready to be printed out. 

The last straw when he gave me work that was half assed.

I asked him to take photos of our products, clean them via Photoshop and submit them to me.

To my dismay, I saw that he took blurry photos, and then didn’t clean them. Instead he short cut the process and just lightened them but the dirt and specks in the background could still be seen. 

What’s more, he submitted to me the rushed botched job.

I told him that being a designer, he should have work integrity. This meant that he needed to know how to filter his work and submit drafts only when he feels they are good enough. 

There are two ways to look at this: Should we have given him more of a chance, or should we let him go if we feel that he might not be a good fit for us long term?

I chose the latter. When I saw the red flags, I paid what was due him and let him go. As you get older and more experienced, you feel that life is too short to tolerate incompetence and/or incompatibility.

Sigh. It’s so hard to find good people nowadays. 

Last week, we interviewed 17 people and didn’t choose anyone for the position. We are interviewing again this week. Wish us luck that we can find the right people we are looking for.

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When your husband buys an expensive tub of ice cream…

My husband wanted to buy a php381 Ben & Jerry’s ice cream tub of Cherry Garcia yesterday at Rustan’s. 

Php 381 isn’t cheap. It’s almost the daily minimum wage of a waiter in the Philippines. 

I don’t think that an expensive tub of ice cream is worth the moolah since I feel they all taste alike. Like, how creamy can you get? 
But my husband was nice enough to take me to a restaurant for lunch I picked. And even though it wasn’t super great, he kept his mouth shut and went with the flow. 

So like husband who shuts up about my questionable restaurant choices, I shut up with his questionable ice cream tub. 

He happily opens the tub of ice cream and gives some to our daughter. They enjoy the rich, creamy vanilla ice cream with a mix of cherries and chocolate. 

I take a taste.

It’s not bad at all. 

I still don’t think it’s worth php381.00 a tub, but if it’s worth the smile in both of my loved ones faces, it’s well worth the money. 

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How to Fight With Your Husband

If you’re with someone, it’s inevitable that you will one day fight with them.


I personally have fought with my husband in our three years of marriage.

The biggest was during our first few months of marriage when I had a big meltdown in the middle of Ortigas Center, screaming at him and refusing to get out of the road even if it meant that I was at the risk of being hit by an incoming car.

Not my proudest moment.

But at the heat of the moment, I felt that that was a fight worth making. And if it meant dissolving our young marriage, then so be it.

What was the issue at hand?

It was that new hubby would not and could not put down his cellphone during mealtime. So even when we were having lunch, he would still be texting and Facebooking.

Hence, the meltdown.

We came up with a few rules of engagement that day. So far, in our brief marriage, these rules have kept us happy and sane. And I would like to share them to you so hopefully, your marriage/partnership will also benefit from our mistakes.

1. Keep fights clean and stay away from the Red Topics.

When we fight, we want to hurt the other person as much as they’re hurting us.

That’s why, we often go for the jugular, using vile words that we know should be off-limits, if only we can help ourselves.

They’re not bad words per se, but these are words that hurt the heart.

For example, if you know that your husband is always afraid that he cannot meet his father’s expectations, we cannot help but slide in the words, “And that’s why your father is always disappointed in you! You always fail to do what is right!”


If he had an indiscretion he was truly sorry for before, we cannot help but say, “And that’s why I can’t trust you. You cannot help but cheat on me for every girl that shows you the littlest of attention!”

If he is having trouble at work and can’t seem to catch a break, it may be words like, “And that’s why you can’t find a job. You’re a good for nothing and nobody will ever want to hire you!”

Sadly, it’s usually our loved ones that hurt us the most. Because they always know the worst thing to say. And when they speak, the words cut to the core.

For my husband, the big red no-no words are threats that I will leave him and our marriage.

Say whatever you want, but never tell him that you’re leaving him.

Discuss the topics with your husband that are off-limits and KEEP THEM OFF-LIMITS.

Stay within the topic.

If you’re fighting about his inability to call you back, keep the fight to the fact that he’s not answering his phone. Do not bring his family, his job into the mix. The more you stay on topic, the better you can in solving the problem, which is why the fight is there in the first place.

2. Do not involve other people as much as possible. Discuss the problem with your husband directly. Solve it with him directly.

Divorces and separation become more likely once other people get involved. When we tell other people our problems, they tend to butt in on the smallest of issues and petty problems become mountains.

fighting 3.jpg

I don’t like it when my husband complains about me to his parents. For example, I really don’t like to do the laundry, and I’m useless in housework. He knows this, and he cannot help but shake his head on my domestic ineptitude.

Sometimes, he cannot help himself.

During family dinners, he will once again mention that I don’t do the laundry. He said he meant it as a joke, but do it a couple of times and it becomes annoying.

So I told my husband to stop complaining about me to his parents. Marriage is hard enough and it’s crucial that we build our support system with the people around us. Even with my family, I build my husband up.

If there was a bad thing he did with me, I don’t go around complaining about him to other people. I deal them directly with him. Anyway, if I have the problem with him, complaining about them to other people will NOT solve the problem. If husband is the problem, only he can solve the problem.

3. Be very direct on what’s bothering you. Don’t beat around the bush.

Maybe it’s the way women are trained but we can be very passive aggressive when we’re fighting with our husbands. We don’t usually say what we want them to do, and instead, say many things that  has nothing to do with what’s bothering us.

If we are angry, we tell him to do whatever he wants, even though we want him to STOP doing what he’s doing.

And then get even angrier when he actually does it!

Ladies, let us tell them what exactly we want them to do. Men listen better to instructions, so we better be clear on what exactly we want them to do.

For me, I will usually tell him, “Stop complaining about me with your family. I only want you to say good things about me even if it kills you.”

In our house, we have the you-need-to-call-me-back rule. If we see a missed call from each other, we want them to call us back.

Keep instructions clear and specific. That way, we can get what we want.

4. Don’t ever bluff and say you will leave the marriage unless you meant it.

Many a marriages are destroyed because someone bluffs to leave the marriage, and the other person calls them out on it. Stop threatening to leave unless you’re actually ready to carry out that bluff!

It’s really annoying when you fight over petty things, speak words that wound the heart, and then threaten to leave at any time! Do that a few thousand times and eventually, your husband WILL leave you!

STOP BLUFFING AND THREATENING THAT YOU’LL LEAVE YOUR HUSBANDS IF YOU CANNOT SUSTAIN YOURSELF. There might be a day that he will leave you. And there’s nothing else you can do than cry.

A breakup is not a joke. Do not bluff and threaten to break up with someone if you really don’t mean it.

5. Admit if you’re wrong. Apologize if you are wrong.

That way, you’re not the unreasonable bitch who’s always right, even though she is wrong. Pick your fights and make sure to remain sane and reasonable, so if you really are right, your husband will concede too.

Sometimes, we always want to get our way.  We want our husbands to give in with us all the time. Otherwise, we will threaten to leave (See Rule #4). Don’t do that.

If you’re wrong, say you are wrong and apologize.

That way, if you’re right, your husband will do the same too.

6. Always end a fight with a resolution!

When we fight, we always end our fights with a resolution. This is how resolution is defined.


Finish the fight with the end in mind — in every fight, there’s always something that pissed you or him off, and you don’t want him to do it again.

Identify what is the root cause of the fight and resolve to avoid doing it again.

If there’s always a resolution to a fight, then a fight becomes worthwhile. If it stops you from getting pissed from each other, then a fight becomes a constructive fight. There’s a purpose to the fight, which is stopping you or him from doing something that upsets the other.

End every fight with a resolution, and if all fights end with a resolution that is kept, then you’re already on your way to a happy marriage.

Happy weekend everyone! Do you have any other tips on how to fight fair and square with your husband? Comment below.

Posted in Advice, Boyfriend, Conflicts, Family Drama, Filipino Men/Women, First Days of Marriage, Life lessons, Lists, lovelife, Marriage, Personal opinion, Relationships | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Small Biz Chronicles: My Stupid USD 1,200 Mistake

Fortunes are lost because of stupid 5-second mistakes.

I lost USD 1,200 (or Php 60,000+) over the weekend because of a stupid one.

I ordered a few boxes of goods for shipping to Manila. Usually, the boxes are heavy and are shipped by sea.


The problem is, my shipper shipped it by air.


When I was screaming my head off, the shipper just shrugged and said, “Sorry, but we shipped it by air because you didn’t write anywhere in the box that it is by sea.”

We have always shipped goods by sea. Our goods are not expensive but are bulky and heavy. Obviously, shipping should be done by sea. Not by air.

But it’s a Catch-22.

If we don’t pay the USD 1,200 bill, we won’t get our goods and we hurt our relationship with our shipper. Sometimes, you’d just have to chock these mistakes up by experience and grit your teeth.

The lessons here are:

  1. Not everyone has common sense. Make sure that your instructions are as fool- and stupid-proof as possible. Even the most retarded of employees should get it.
  2. In business, you win some. You lose some. Sometimes, I feel it’s better to be an employee. If you make a mistake, your boss will berate you but you don’t have to pay. This is a very expensive and painful mistake for me.
  3. Don’t take things for granted. It takes 2 seconds to write “Sea” in the box. I didn’t write it. Now, I have to foot the USD 1,200 bill.

Life is like that. Business is like that. If you make a mistake, you pay for it. So it’s better if you learn from your mistakes so you don’t repeat it again.


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Question: Should I marry someone even though I feel there might be somebody better out there for me?

I dated a guy who was great on paper for 2.5 years. He was smart, had a great job, was very responsible, and said he will love and take care of me for the rest of his life.He was also quite boring. 

Or I think I was just bored with him.

Maybe it was his low energy, or his personality, but when we were together, time seemed to drag on and I didn’t really look forward to seeing him every time we met. 

When we talked, we discussed which restaurants we would try next or which movie should we watched. We updated each other on our lives and our friend’s and we couldn’t go deeper beyond talking about what happened to whom and why. 

I guess he felt the same way because he broke up with me when he met someone else with a more similar wavelength to his. I was admittedly crushed and felt that I may have lost my chance for marriage to a nice guy, and maybe this was the best I could ever get.

Boy, was I wrong!

I met my now husband online dating, and from the time we met, our conversation simply FLOWED. Minutes turned into hours and we were exchanging ideas, not information. We talked about movies and how it related to us. We hung out and yet felt a deep sense of comfort as if we’re at home. 

Sure, we had our disagreeements. But it sure wasn’t boring. I looked forward to being with him and he does me. And since we’ve gone through our fair share of boring relationships, we tied the knot after a year of dating because we believe we couldn’t find anyone better for us and if we don’t get married, we’d regret it for the rest of our lives.

We spent our wedding night simply thanking God for leading us to each other. That’s how lucky we felt to have found each other.

So to answer your question, I’d strongly suggest for you to you wait.

Knowing what I know now, I would have chosen to be single than to spend the rest of my life with a man who I married so that I’d be a Mrs. I know I only married him to settle because I’m in a hurry, and will always be in the lookout for somebody better. I don’t think that would be fair to the poor shmuck, and honestly, it wouldn’t be fair for me either. Life is too short to be with someone who bores you out of your wits.

I’m glad I waited. 

Or was forced to wait.

The love I have now is worth far more than any of my previous relationships. And I feel I’m the luckiest girl ever to have married my husband. Fortunately, he also feels the same way. 

Good luck in finding that right person who’d let you feel the same. 

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Whoever said being a boss means bossing people around is LYING

My husband’s friend quit his cushy job to start his own business. 

Apparently, many believe that if you want to be a millionaire and be able to order people around, you need to have your own business. 

I don’t think I’m in the right business as I don’t order people around. In fact, I don’t even ask them to make me coffee. That’s technically not their job. 

Just today for example, I listened to my sales supervisors as they give their daily report. 

After reporting, I quickly made their payroll, and then interviewed around 15 people for a specific role. Because people were arriving en masse, I ate lunch late at 2:00pm. 

After I finished interviewing, it was already 6pm. I still had to pay some bills and edit a letter before doing two more interviews and heading home. 

Where’s me being the boss here?! Where is me ordering people around? 

No, being an entrepreneur means that you have to get the sh*t done and your hands dirty. It means doing things people don’t dare to do, and making calls people don’t want to make.

For example, I can always delegate the payroll for the head office. But I don’t. 


Because I don’t want my staff finding out how much each other earns. I believe this creates dissent in the workplace. 

When making job offers, I dictate how much everybody earns and are responsible on ensuring that the company pays what was agreed on. 

When hiring for the office, I do it myself. I interview, probe and make an offer. No other staff dare to hire on my behalf because they’re afraid to make a mistake. 

I don’t. 

If something isn’t finished, I stay up the latest to finish it. 

If my sales staff’s payroll is not done correctly, I make sure I stay behind and do it right.

If I fire a staff, I take the brunt of it. I listen to them cry and wail and complain but I stand firm on my decision. 

It doesn’t mean that I do everything myself. Quite the contrary — I have multiple people to supervise sales, and I delegate what I can.
But it doesn’t mean that I stop working, not does it mean that I sit on my desk and order people around. I don’t know a lot of bosses who have such luxury, and a boss who is not hands on will soon find himself in a bad position and made a fool.

So yes, I’m a boss. 

But it doesn’t give me the right to boss people around.

In fact, being a boss is a HUGE responsibility. 

It’s so huge because so many people trust you to steer the company in the right direction and grow it well. Because they’ve staked their livelihood and their families on you. 

For me, this is what being a boss is really like:

Being at the front when business is tough, and making sure that people are working hand in hand together to achieve a common goal.

How about you? What for you is being a boss?

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Inertia stops you from succeeding

Three years ago, when husband and I got married, my in-laws gifted us with a small, fledging retail business. “This will be your bread and butter,” they said.

I looked at the numbers and quickly became concerned. Rent was high and labor costs weren’t cheap either. And while 11 stores were not a laughing matter, the cash burn was higher given the revenue was hard fought. 

Our items were wants, not needs. And while everyone needs to eat, luxury and accessories were the first thing they cut when things got tough. 

But a gift was a gift, and very much appreciated. Anyway, nobody says no to a gift and if you look her closely, this fledging business could easily turn into a gem if you worked wisely. 

We accepted the gift with open arms. Happy that our in laws gave us fishing rods instead of fish.

I told my husband then we needed to expand. Given overhead, 11 stores were not enough and we had to increase our number of stores to spread our costs. 

So in a span of 3 years, we doubled our size and our revenues. Sure, we increased our costs but the revenue increase off settled our bills. 

Slowly but stably, our bread and butter is becoming just one. People were starting to know our brand and we were feeding more families.

And now, at the crux, lay another challenge: how do we grow? How will we be bigger? How can we make more money?

Expanding to 20 stores was great. We needed to do this to be stable. But 20 stores isn’t enough. We still had to grow to survive.

That’s how business is: you are only as great as your people. And your people will work hard if they think they are working on a goal bigger than themselves.

When people are challenged, they push harder. 

They persist and achieve more.

And it’s only when your people move beyond their comfort zone can a company achieve great things. 

That’s how Tesla achieves great things… it’s not when people are stable and comfortable. It’s when you challenge them to achieve the impossible that ridiculous things become a possibility.

Our company is NOT a Tesla. It’s not a Facebook or a Microsoft nor will it rank in any business magazine in the Philippines. 

Our people are not rich. We don’t have stock options to give them to make them millionaires. We ourselves are struggling so they struggle along with us.

But we are in a better place than 3 years ago. 

We have a nicer (and still modest) office. We have hired better staff and have come up with systems so we can expand further. Now, my people look up to me for my guidance. To help me help them enrich their lives.

I am scared. It’s scary when you do something you don’t know. 

I might fail, and nothing scares me more than failure. I’d hate my in-laws wagging their fingers at me saying, “See? That’s what happens when you get too greedy.”

But I’m not greedy.

If I was, I wouldn’t be in business. There’s too much headaches one must get into before achieving wealth.

But I am practical. 

And we must grow.

So wish me luck — wish me wisdom so we can grow. Because inertia is our biggest enemy. And we mustn’t let it win.

Have a good weekend everyone!

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Updates: A Cranky Sunday

The entire household has the cold.

Yaya was patient zero.

Then came baby girl.

Hubby got struck yesterday.

And I’ve been experiencing mild sore throat today. 

Baby girl can’t go to school due to the cold. When she sneezes, she gets sent home.

Husband becomes weak and cranky when he’s sick. “Can’t you be more considerate and stop talking?” He said as he slunk home.

For me, I still have work to do. Payday’s tomorrow and I have yet to prepare the payroll. Poor me.

Hope everyone else is having a better Sunday!

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Interview Chronicles: Top 5 Red Flags when Interviewing

I’ve interviewed thousands of people since our business is in retail and we have been expanding. 

When I interview, there’s a few red flags I look out for. The biggest bombs come after the question, “Why did you leave your last employer?” 

Here are a few red flags I look out for when I interview. When I hear them, I don’t hire the candidate. Take a look and see if you agree:

1. “For greener pastures or “For career growth.”

I like people who tell it to me straight. There’s few things I like less than bullsh*t, and when you answer that the reason for leaving your previous employer is for career growth, you’re not telling me the entire truth. 

People leave because they’re unhappy about something. Maybe they’re unhappy with the pay, their coworkers or with how they’re treated. These are completely valid reasons to leave a company.

But when you leave a company because of career growth, it shows me two things: 1) Your capability limits your growth in your previous job, and 2) You’re most likely to show little loyalty and run after the money. 

The first point possibly means you cannot climb the company ladder anymore so you’ve decided to shift gears. As I know there’s always a demand for reliable and competent people, you having reached the top of the ladder means that’s how good your work is. And if your boss hasn’t promoted you yet, there must be some good reason for it.

The second is most likely, you’re a job jumper. This means that every 1.5 to 2.0 years, you jump into another company because they’re offering you a little bit more money. This shows a lack of loyalty, grit and compassion for your employer, qualities I don’t like in my people.  If you’re bribeable to change jobs for just a few thousand bucks, I wouldn’t want you with us lest you dump me for another higher paying employer.

2. For personal reasons (e.g., mother got sick, family asked you to go home to take care of some legal issue, you got pregnant, etc.)


Life is unpredictable and bad shit happen all the time. People get sick, get hospitalized and die. There will be tragedy and unfortunate accidents, and such occasions call for you to deal with them properly.

But you don’t quit your job because of some personal issue. In fact, you should NOT quit your job when these issues arise.


Because you need funds to tide you over. 

If you have money, you can pay for your mother’s hospitalization bill. You can support your kids even if your husband leaves you. You can pay someone else to take care of your kids while you work.

While money is not the answer to your problems, it’s still a great way to help you with your problems. If you have money, many problems go away. If you don’t have money, you’ll feel powerless and you won’t have the financial artillery to get you through.

So if you have personal problems, deal with them. Don’t quit your job.

And if you quit your job because you’re dealing with a personal problem, chances are, you’re probably the sole responsible breadwinner of the family who can’t stop but save his/her family member when they’re in trouble. You don’t have the healthy support system to help you through.

If that’s the case, come the time there’s a next personal crisis, you will once again quit your job and now it’s me who is hanging.

3. My employers treated me unfairly. I should get this or this pay, or this or this benefit.

Sure there are bad employers out there who abuse their people. But given the strictness of the government, these very abusive employers are a lot less than you think. Instead, I’d like to think that many companies have a minimum set of standards that they uphold to. In other words, the abuse many employees believe they’re in just lie in their heads.

I don’t say this very lightly. In fact, I empathize with employees who have clearly been abused by their employers. As I’ve said, there are a few bad companies out there. But most of the time, the complaints staff have over their previous employers are not exactly valid.

Many applicants complain about the lack of benefits. But it’s the understanding of what benefits are mandatory or are merely icing on the cake that’s the problem. 

For example, staff complain about the lack of benefits. But upon further questioning, it turns out that they are complaining a lack of health card or HMO. However, the mandatory benefits are SSS, Philhealth and Pag-ibig. HMO card depend on company policy, tenure and need. They’re great to have but it doesn’t mean that if the company doesn’t offer HMO yet, they’re already an evil employer.

Many employers offer HMO but with good reason. My husband’s company offers accident insurance because the job is risky and they’ve had people who lost a finger or two while on the job. Many BPOs offer HMO because the graveyard shift screws up with your body and makes you easily susceptible to sickness. But if the company doesn’t offer HMO, it’s not a deal breaker. 

Some employers complain that their salaries hadn’t been increased every year. Their families and needs have grown and yet, their salaries had remained stagnant following only the minimum wage. 

Technically, companies need to follow the minimum wage. Above that, salary increases per year are not mandated by law. As a waiter for example, your salary follows the minimum wage for as long as you are employed. The wages do not really increase the longer your tenure, but they will be increased if you take on additional responsibilities or get promoted.

In short, salaries are rightfully based on performance and output. If you are good, I don’t need you to wait for five years before your salary is increased. I should increase it already after a certain period especially if I don’t want to lose you. However, they are not based because your wife gave birth to another child, or your husband lost his job. 

That’s why I don’t want to hire people who wrongfully complain about the pay or benefits they should have. Aside from what is dictated by law, there are no shoulds. And if you want to have that salary increase, don’t act like the victim. 

Take control of the situation and work harder and better. 

Then money will naturally follow.

4. “I do not get along with my boss / co-workers. They think I am (insert criticism here).”

If you complain about your previous boss or colleagues, more often than not, you’re the problem. Not them.

Again, there are some employers who are truly bitches and awful. But if you can’t get along with most of the people working in the companies you used to work for — mind you, the word is companies — you’re probably the problem. 

And I don’t want to have toxic, complaining and negative people to be part of my team.

5. If you did not leave properly.

Companies all have a set notice period. 

The standard in the Philippines is 30 days notice, but some places do allow for 15 days. There aren’t a lot of companies who will allow you to leave without putting in the notice period as you leaving immmediately causes operational disruption and a lack of turnover. 

So if you left without resigning and clearing properly, it sets off a big alarm that you’re the type who has no qualms in leaving other people hanging. If you’re unhappy, you leave. If you don’t feel like working, you don’t go to work.

If you are unhappy with your job, will it kill you to work for 15 or 30 more days to properly turnover your tasks and clear yourself properly? 

It won’t, right?

Why then would you just wake up and not come to work because you are unhappy? It shows irresponsibility, immaturity and unreliableness that I don’t like in anybody I hire.

There are many other red flags I look out for. But these are the top 5 so far.

How about you? What are your top 5 red flags when it comes to hiring people?

Posted in Business, Conflicts, entrepreneurship, Filipino Men/Women, Interview Chronicles, Lists, Work | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

To the best band there is… I’m so sorry and I cry with you…

My husband shook me awake last night, “Linkin Park is dead.”

“What do you mean it’s dead?” I groggily asked. Mind you, I was already half asleep by then. 

He showed me the article, “Chester Bennington is dead due to suspected suicide.”

My heart dropped. How could it be? 

I thought it was a hoax until I saw the article from TMZ. 

I still couldn’t believe it. 

Of all people in the group, how can lead singer, the one who makes a Linkin Park song sound like Linkin Park pass away? It’s because of Chester’s voice and passion that I fell in love with the band. I am a big fan since they released “In the End” back in college.

I became an even bigger fan when they released Meteora and launched the singles, “Somewhere I Belong” and “Breaking the Habit.”

My love affair with Linkin Park grew that they could do no wrong. Their album Reanimation was on repeat when I was in Hong Kong. Back when I was wallclimbing, I had “Pushng me Away” and “Numb” on repeat. 

When I was at work, I can be mesmerized by “Krwling” and the song made time fly by. 

I was ecstatic when they were featured in two Transformer movies. In a way, it was as if I was sharing my favorite band to the mainstream market, as if they needed even more fans. 

Linkin Park was a band that was somehow rock, pop, alternative and yet mainstream. Their music touched those with depression and angst. They reached out to the forgottens and the rejected. Personally, I just love their music. The rawness of it. The strength of their lyrics, and the musicality on how they put everything together.

Linkin Park is probably my only consistent favorite band.

I was such a big fan that they’re the only band I have committeed to see when they’re on tour and I’m in the same city. So far, I’ve already watched them in Hong Kong, London and Manila and I was ready for more.

Even though their concerts had less special effects and costumes than for example, that of Katy Perry, they had a lot of heart and brought passion into each performance. Nobody was lip singing at their concerts. They always gave it their all and brought true realism in every song.

I am dumbfounded, saddened and affected by the news. There is no one like Chester Bennington and a part of me died when he passed away. I don’t know if there is a Linkin Park after this tragedy, and I am oh so sorry that he passed away so soon.

R.I.P. Chester Bennington

What’s your favorite Linkin Park song?

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“Your Child is ‘Matigas ng Ulo’ (Hardheaded)”

My daughter’s teacher has been complaining about our 19-month old child. She said that our kid is strong-willed and hard headed.

The teacher also said that she has a tendency to hurt herself when she is frustrated. According to the teacher, our baby goes dabog dabog (pull a tantrum) when she doesn’t get her way, stomping her feet in frustration.

This unfortunate news was met with shock by the husband and the grandmother. 

They don’t know our kid!” they exclaimed. “She’s not even 30 and don’t even have kids. How can she be a good judge on whether a child is hardheaded or not? All kids her age are the same way!”

That’s what parental love is — if other people criticize your child, you become a protective tigress and immediately defend them. 

In my husband’s case, he can’t help but think that the teacher is picking on our kid, singling her out. “She’s been complaining about her over the last two days,” he said. “Does she complain about other kids too?”

My own mother is at a loss too. This is the first time a teacher has actually criticized my child. Most of the time, teachers love and adore her.

To be honest, I am a bit surprised too. 

My daughter is sweet and helpful. She is very active and likes to learn. In class, she’s usually in front listening intently to the teacher. And while she is stubborn and opinionated, a little bit of personality does not hurt anyone. 

Do you want a pushover for a daughter?” my husband asked. “You said you wanted personality. Well, you got personality.”

Personally, I think being defensive is an automatic reaction by any parents who love their child. It’s easy when other people adore our kids. It’s hard if other people don’t like our kids as much. 

I think maybe the teacher doesn’t like our child as much. In defense, our child doesn’t lean towards her as much with the other teachers. While she can easily show affection to other people, she is a bit wary with this one, which may cause the teacher to single her out. 

Regardless, I’d like to believe the alternative — that the teacher is telling the truth and our kid truly can be stubborn and hard headed. She is our firstborn daughter and the first grandchild after all. 

If that’s the case, this might be an eye opener for us. That our daughter may not be as sweet as we think she is, and we may have to adjust how we deal with her a bit so that she won’t turn into a complete brat. 

In the end, we chose our school for a reason. They chose their teachers following strict standards, and we have to respect that these teachers know exactly what they are doing.

It’s very tempting to paint the teachers as the bad guys. That they are wrong and we know our children better. 

But if we fall into that trap, we don’t do our kid or ourselves any favors. If we think we can do better, why don’t we homeschool them ourselves?

The truth is, we can’t do it better. 

We aren’t trained teachers and we don’t have the time to teach our children. The school has been there for decades and the teachers are properly trained and must follow a strict curriculum. 

Teachers deal with a lot of children everyday. 

Because they observe a lot of kids, they can see disturbing patterns earlier. If left unchecked, our daughter might become increasingly difficult. 

So even though the news is hard to accept, I thank the teacher for opening our eyes. For bringing this to our attention. 

Again, teachers are not the enemy. They are our partners in teaching our kids academic knowledge and common sense. It’s critical that we work together to maximize our kids potential.

How about you? Do you get defensive when your own child is criticized?

Posted in baby, children, Early Learning, Education, School | Tagged , , , | 2 Comments

Interview Chronicles: This must be one of the most unfortunate women in the world…

…So who really died? 😭😭😭

Posted in Filipino Men/Women, Interview Chronicles, Philippines, Work | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

I’m happy I had kids late

There’s a lot of young mothers in Manila. Many of them already have one child as teenagers, often due to callous attitudes towards contraceptive and the ignorant belief that that getting pregnant will not happen to them.

I got married at 33 years old, got pregnant at 34, and had my first baby at 35. 

Compared to many mothers in the Philippines, I’m a dinosaur. I have crows feet in my eyes and I can’t carry my baby for prolonged as much as I want to, 

Is it because of age? 

Not really… we have a yaya/babysitter who takes care of my baby in the daytime while we work. I personally prefer she carries my baby as I usually have something to do in the morning. I take care of my baby at night as yaya gets her rest. 

My husband’s only regret is the age gap. He is 39 years old now, and fears that by the time our little pea gets married, he will be a senior citizen. I on the other hand wish that to be the case. Honestly, I hoped she will get married in her 30s like her mommy.

This is a weird belief back here in Manila. Most people prefer to get married in their 20s. The median age for my friends to get married was at 26.

Marry before 26 and you’re considered a young mother. Do note that we graduated at the age of 21, so that’s 5 years in the workforce. You’d probably been dating your boyfriend for 3-4 years and feel that it’s time to take the leap.

Marry after 28 and you’re no longer a spring chicken. That means, future in-laws question your ability to reproduce grandkids and everyone wonders why nobody snagged you when you were younger, implying that maybe, something is wrong with you.

I have no excuses. I had a great single life!

Like all my peers, I graduated at 21. My 20s was a complete blast as I spent it living in three cities: Taipei, Hong Kong and London, 

I had tons of fun. 

While I worked hard in the daytime, I had an active social life. I would have dinner with various friends and people had to book me two weeks in advance to get a slot. From Tuesday’s to Sunday’s, my friends and I would go out and have fun, often starting with dinner, topping with drinks, dancing from 11:00pm to 2am, and then going to KTV before having breakfast at 6am at NY Bagel in Ren Ai Road.

I am surprised I didn’t get fat or pregnant from my adventures. Admittedly, I ate too much and tried to kiss a lot of dudes. 

Tried here is the operative word. Thanks to my dad’s strict upbringing, I couldn’t really get myself to sleep with anybody. I couldn’t really wrap around why I can just lose myself to a dude I don’t even know just because he’s cute.

But making out is fine. In fact, if you break up with someone, make out with someone really cute that evening. It’s a better way than indulging yourself to gallons of ice cream and is great in boosting your self-esteem and getting your groove back.

I wouldn’t be able to have such fun or move countries if I had a baby. In fact, one regret I still have was not getting my MBA in the US. My then boyfriend discouraged me as he didn’t want us to be too long distanced.

As we broke up, on hindsight, I should have taken the chance to get my MBA overseas. Oh well, lesson learned. 
I think there’s always a time for everything: a time for fun and a time to get serious. A time for dating around and exploring yourself and a time to settle down. A time to have a baby and a time to grow your business.

As a working mother, I honestly don’t have a lot of time for friends. To be fair, they don’t have that much time for me either. They’re also very busy with their families and their work. 

As I near my 40s, it’s very tempting to look back and see what I could’ve done better. 

I thank God everyday for my daughter, and appreciate the fact that He allowed me to get married late and live life to the maximum. I wouldn’t have had that much fun if I had settled down and had kids earlier. 

What’s more, I thank God that she is normal, as everyone has been warning me of the many dangers of having kids later in life. I thank God He has spared me of this hardship on my first child, and I hope He is gracious enough to bless me with a second who is normal as well.

Everyone’s life is different. Some prefer to have kids later. I’m fine with my own life schedule. 

How about you? When did you settle down and had kids and are you glad of your life timeline?

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How can you work if you are hungry?

I had a staff member start working for us last week. 

According to her, she was living with her aunt in Caloocan, and the aunt was forcing her to find work. “I only have php 5.00 in my pocket,” she said with tearing eyes. “I have to find a job.”

I hesitated to give her an offer. People who are destitute usually find it difficult to keep working, often because they don’t have the money to commute to work or to sustain themselves. They usually have many financial problems and have to resort to debt at usurious rates to live. The small money that they make are used to pay for a high interest, and once you’re in debt, it’s so hard to get out of it. 

Against my better judgement, I had her start last week.

I later found out that she walked to work. Given her call time at 12:00pm noon, she woke up early and walked three hours to get to the store. When she got there, she was tired and hungry and was so exhausted to work. 

She didn’t bring anything to eat, Ma’m,” my supervisor reported. “She had no money to buy food.”

Given her sorry state, she wasn’t able to sell anything. In fact, she came to work for 3 days and sold nothing at all.

It’s hard for people to sell if their stomached are empty and their mind is light due to hunger,” my supervisor said. “I even asked Myra to bring some extra food just to share with her.” 

Managing a business is a big responsibility. Presently, we are supporting around families and providing people their livelihood. Through their jobs, our people find confidence and security, and have a chance to raise a good family and to arise out of poverty.

But at the same time, it’s hard to help everyone else. A business is not a charity and it hopes that people can perform. And it’s hard to sell if you are hungry and exhausted. 

In the end, the girl left work. As predicted, she didn’t even last 5 days and she couldn’t sell. It’s hard to sell if you have nothing in your pockets or your stomach. 

This is one of the more heart breaking parts of our business. That you encounter people who need work BUT cannot work. They cannot perform or deliver, and hence, remove themselves out of the workforce. 

And without a job, you have no money. And without money, you have many problems. You want to help, but you can’t help everyone. All you can do is provide them with an opportunity and hope they can make it.

It’s days like this that make managing a business hard. But we trudge on as so many people are still depending on us.

Have a good week everyone!

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Review: Bijin Nabe Hotpot in S Maison Mall

We were at Conrad Hotel’s S Maison Mall for dinner last night because of the Toy Convention, and had the opportunity to try two of their restaurants: Bijin Nabe by Tsukada Nojo Hotpot Restaurant and Tsujiri Macha for desert.

There were no reservations available given the weekend and the lines were particularly long. Paradise Dynasty has a 1-hour waiting list (I kid you not), China Blue was fully booked, and we were lucky to try Bijin Nabe after a reasonable wait.

The restaurant itself is surprisingly small. As you walk in, there are one row each of tables to your left and the right, and that’s it. There’s only one passageway from the entrance to the end of the restaurant. 

Everyone was required to order the hotspot. If you ate there, franchise rules indicate you have to order their special chicken collagen hotspot (php750 for two pax). 

For a table of 8, that means we are required to order (4) hotspot servings. That’s php750 x 4 = php3,000 right off the bat.

Yup, they look like taho or rubberized breast pads to me…

The set includes some vegetable, two types of mushrooms, tofu skin, a few pieces of corn, a row of seafood ball mix, and an order of noodles or rice which is served last with a free extra helping of collagen soup.
It looks like a lot but it’s not if you’re sharing for four people. The chicken inside the pot is only 4-5 pieces, barely enough meat to eat. You can’t order extra meat for the chicken soup as the option isn’t available in the restaurant. 

As you can see, the chicken collagen quickly heats up and turns into soup. A small sake cup of soup is served to you by your waiter. He will also help prepare the seafood ball for you at your request.

The good news is, the soup stock is delicious. It’s rich, hearty and very yummy. Even my daughter who is a picky eater couldn’t help but slurp the soup. It’s THAT good. It’s probably one of the best chicken soup in Manila. 

The bad news is, the hotspot itself is NOT enough to fill you up. You really have to order the side dishes to complement your meal, and order we did.

The Nikumaki was a good appetizer. It’s a rice roll wrapped in thinly sliced meat. We cut each piece in 4 pieces and shared. It’s delicious too. 

The chicken with leeks was nice, but at php260, we were expecting bigger.
We ordered the original Chicken Nanban (php295) which was good. I especially loved the creamy egg sauce. Masarap I-ulam with plain rice. 

Just a reminder though, each other is 5 medium sized pieces which again is not enough, unless only one person is eating this as a viand.

We also ordered the prawn fried rice which was the only disappointment for the night. The serving is small, the taste is bland, and it’s like fried rice served in a local carinderia. Please skip the fried rice and order plain rice instead if you wish.

We finished everything. Well almost everything as the fried rice was left half finished. When we were done with the hotspot, we were given an extra serving of soup and mochi noodles, and we finished all of that too. In the end, it was a decent meal with small servings. So even though every dish is still reasonably priced, in the end, because serving size is small, you still have to order a lot which will still rack up your bill.

In the end, we enjoyed our hotspot experience. I don’t know if it’s enough for u to travel all the way to Conrad for, but I do know Bijin Nabe is still better than many of its neighboring restaurants.

The service needs some work and the servings need to be bigger, but hey, you go there for the soup and it’s not a bad thing to make your customers wanting more. In the end, I will still recommend you guys to try, albeit go on a weekday when it’s not that long of a wait. 

Recommendation: Go and try it. Bring extra cash. 

Bijin Nabe by Tsukada Nojo

2/F, S Maison Mall, Conrad hotel

Tel: +63 2 809 1268

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No means no

My daughter is 18 months old. 
And for an 18-month old, she has a good memory. 
Just imagine, two months ago, we brought her to Kidzoona Robinsons Galleria. 
Today, as we go to Galleria, she holds my hand and tugs me back to Kidzoona.
We have yet to have lunch so I say no. As a result, she is at the floor, crying her eyes out. 

No daughter, we will eat first. And then go to Megamall, and there, I promise you will play.”

Of course, baby girl doesn’t listen. In fact, she continues her tirade on the floor. I bring her in Pancake House where her favorite food, spaghetti, is on the table.

Nope, no banana. Instead, she continues her tantrum, stands up and stomp her feet. 

She does so while I eat, yaya eats and we finish our food. 
Afterwards, when she is exhausted, she finally stops, and then quietly eats. 

She doesn’t eat a lot, just a few strands of spaghetti, but she eats. 

Disciplining is a problem because if her father or her grandmother was there, they would bring her to Kidzoona if she cries.

Oh well, I’m neither her father or her grandmother. So no means no. 

Am I ashamed of her tantrum?

Not really. I know I will vindicated when other people watching us start having toddlers. 

What’s more, it’s important that the child understands that they don’t always get what they want. 

I think there should be less tantrums in the future. 

Good luck to me!

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HR Mode On

Since my HR assistant left, I’ve been doing a lot of interviewing and orientation. My heart breaks whenever I see another single mother who’s been beaten or cheated on by her ex boyfriend, and cannot seem to get her sh*t together.

You have to be on the ground to really understand just how sad the Philippines can be. You don’t really see it when you window shop or eat at BGC. You see it when you talk to these minimum wage earners who’s dragged down by life.

I feel bad because often times, it’s their own fault on why they’re in their mess,” I tell my husband. 

They knew the guy was an irresponsible good for nothing and they still had multiple babies with the dude.

They knew the job was merely temporary and yet, they still tried the job and left once their 5-month contracts ended.

They left their previous jobs for the stupidest of reasons, only to stupidly jump into another job. At the end of the day, the job’s fine. It’s the applicant who is not.

They knew that they have to work to feed their family. And yet many of them abandon the work because of family, only to borrow money to find another job because their family can’t survive if they don’t work.

They make wrong decisions in their personal lives and suffer greatly as a result. 

Many people are poor and suffering. But many poor people can also improve their lives with enough hard work. Money doesn’t just come to the lucky but also to those who work hard for it. But often times, many Filipinos don’t want to work hard.

I’ll try to expedite finding an HR personnel before I go out of my mind.


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Late Night Discovery

Some good and bad news:

Bad news: I’m not yet pregnant. Even though so many people are chasing me for a second kid. 

Good news: I just got my period last night! Wohoo! 

How can that be good news?

Well, here’s a fun fact — my last period was in the end of January 2015. That was almost 2.5 years ago!

Many moms get theirs within the first year of their baby’s life. I got mine when she hit 18 months old. It’s been a LONG time.

And without my period, I can’t really get pregnant. So no second baby for us. 

Anyway, just want to share some light in a somewhat dark week. We are still finishing our turnover in the office but so far, everything is moving relatively well. Happy Sunday!

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Lesson of the Day: Engagement

I read an interesting article by Business Insider, “My 11-year-old son auditioned at Juilliard, and we both learned a lot about how top performers practice.”

As I read the article, I can’t help but ask, “How engaged are we really with our life? Our work?”

The reason why I’m asking is because I think many people merely cruise through life. 

Many of our habits are automatic. We brush the same way, dress ourselves with little thought and then sludge through work until we punch out the clock. 

I realize that many of my achievements were made when I am actively engaged with what I am doing. 

That means, I’m very conscious about what and why I’m doing something. It’s not automatic. Instead, I give active thought to what I am doing.

The results are different — If you are engaged, you do things more carefully. You complete the loop more thoroughly. And the results are better than if you’re mindlessly just going through the motions.

Think about it — are you engaging your life? And if you engage, don’t you think that life would even be more beautiful?

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There’s been a lot of movement in the office…

…so apologies for not updating as often as I should.

Just this week for example, I’ve let go of two people. One for extreme negligence, habitual absenteeism and tardiness and complete disregard for work, while the other is because she simply can’t do her job. She’s worked for us for two days just to try it out and it hasn’t worked out. 

Another staff member is resigning after realizing that she hasn’t been doing her work very well. She’s been doing multi-level network marketing as a sideline and she wants to do it now as a main line. 

My former employee taunted me tonight that more people will leave, but all I thought was, “So be it.”

If people don’t want to work and want to focus on their drama, that’s the problem. There’s still a lot of work that needs to be done. Problematizing about people who are leaving anyway should not be my problem. 

So I don’t feel bad about it. 

In fact, I feel pretty darn good.

While it’s been challenging the last couple of weeks, I know that it’s all for the better and cannot wait for the day that we finally get rid of our office’s “problematic people.”

Yes, it’s bad for me to say. But it’s the truth. While change is uncomfortable, it is necessary and given how small our business is, every person is critical. And if they don’t want to be with us for the journey, it’s better to look for someone else.

Happy week ahead!

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The Lord answers prayers

I have a bit of issues in the office, and given that everything is happening at the same time, it’s been a very stressful time for me. 

Two of my staff share the responsibility of monitoring our inventory. One is a manager while the other is a 22 year old junior. 

Unfortunately, they have not been doing a good job. Unbeknownst to me, the manager has been short-cutting some of the controls, misplacing documents, and doing a sideline apart from her main work. Hence, given her sloppy work, they are afraid that they’ve lost a lot of items from the vault. 

My husband wanted to not charge the junior personnel. “Why should we even charge her if her superior couldn’t manage her well?”

The junior personnel was one of our first hires. When we gave both of them the responsibility of managing the store vault, we ensured that they knew that they had to be careful and conscious with what they’re doing since they are directly responsible for the items and will be charged for any items lost. 

It’s just unfortunate that her superior is burara (disorganized). As monkey see, monkey do, if the leader is unsystematic, the junior is as well. 

But how can we punish one but not the other?

That evening, the Bible verse went to a chapter that indicates we should have no favoritism. It was James 2.

On the second day, I was wondering how to do things as the task at hand was so big. I couldn’t really wrap my head around it.

So I open the Bible again that night and the chapter was about no favoritism and to seek advice from others. 

On the third day, I ask advice from my mentor and her staff and they were very helpful on pointing me to the right direction on what I needed to do.

By this time, I have verbally hired three replacements for the vacuum that is coming. So the problem isn’t as worse as before. But I doubt myself a little bit.

On that fourth evening, I open my bible and it goes to James 1:1: 

Trials and Temptations

2Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,a whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. 6But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. 8Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.

The Lord is indeed very good. He is overseeing all things. Even in times of trouble, He is still in control. And there is always something He wants you to learn, that is why He exposes us to problems.

So even though I now have many problems, I have faith that it will be okay. I have peace in my heart. I will bury my head to work and fix them one by one, looking at God for guidance. 

How about you? Do you have problems today? Have you sought him for guidance? I hope my true story gives you hope that He is in control and He will make sure everything is okay if you seek Him.

Happy Sunday!

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Tag Along Baby

My husband is fixing the zamboni machine at an ice skating rink in an SM mall. 

We bring along our daughter with us. We picked her up from home and bring her along with us. At present, she is just walking around and trying to keep herself busy. Given her age, she finds the white polar bears interesting.

My parents always brought us with them when we were young. After school, they’ll pick us up and we will tag along with them wherever they’ll go.

We would go with them during business meetings. Even when my dad plays mahjong, my brother and I will be in the other room with my mother, doing our homeworks or watching VCDs. 

It’s nice to see that we’re doing the same thing with our own offspring. 

We bring her to the office everyday since she was 1 month old. By the time she was 4 months old, she’s been to more than 20 malls around Metro Manila. 

But I like it. 

When I see her much exposed to various experiences, it makes me happy. I feel that I am reliving my parents’ footsteps.

And I liked how I turned out.

How about you? Does your child accompany you often? What are your beliefs in child rearing?

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Don’t borrow money. Just cut back.

For many Filipinos, it is easier to borrow money when times get tough. And to return the money when we already have money. 

The problem is, it’s not easy to borrow money. If you have a habit of borrowing money, people will start to avoid you. They don’t want to be around you because you keep on borrowing, and not really paying.

That’s why, people would borrow money from loansharks, who lend money at unscrupulous rates. The term, “5/6” is very common, which means if you borrow 5, you have to pay 6. In short, that’s 20% interest to borrow and pay money within the timeline agreed.

Our messenger is such an example. His wife does not work and they have two young kids to feed. Given her poor health, he has resorted to borrowing money from SSS, and when that wasn’t enough, from the local loan shark. 

The issue was, his wife didn’t understand the financial muck he has put themselves in and has continued to spend beyond their means. She also didn’t want to work, which contributed further to their financial constraints. 

The problem with debt is that it’s so easy to get into but so hard to get out of. 

Once you’re in debt, it’s a struggle to get out of it, and all the money you make is now for the payment of debt and interest. 

Our company does not provide advance, vale or credit notice to our people. In the Philippines, it is quite common to do so especially in blue collared jobs like construction. 

I have asked my father-in-law about it and he had strict rules against loaning money to his staff.

He said that even during the Spanish times, it’s common for a master to lend his people money to help them out. But there is actually a sinister way on why this system is in place — once the person cannot pay anymore, the person becomes indebted to the master, and will have utang na loob.

A person who has utang na loob can often find himself giving more to pay off his debt. In the olden days, the family would be under the master’s employ to pay off their debt. And often times, you will sacrifice yourself and your dignity because you are indebted to your master with a debt you cannot pay.

I want to treat people with respect and dignity so I do not give people money in the form of debt,” he said. “That for me is cruelty and you are not really helping them, but harming them.”

“The best thing we can do as bosses is to pay them fairly and on time,” he said. “But we do them no favor when we help them get mired in debt.” 

That is why it’s our company policy to not allow any borrowing or loaning of money in the workplace. 

We tell them during their first day that we will pay them fairly and timely, but we expect them to be financially responsible and to limit their expenses to their salaries. Violators run the risk of being terminated. 

But it’s hard to stop borrowing money, especially when you have the habit. 

There’s actually a joke — people who borrow money from others are often the ones who get angry when other people say no.

Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around? Why should we get offended when other people do not lend us money? 

Personally, borrowing money for me is embarrassing. I am ashamed when I have to ask people for favors. It shows I cannot do it on my own. That I need people to help me get off my own mess. 

But not everyone is like me. For many people, especially to those who have made it a regular habit, borrowing money is the norm. They don’t feel embarrassed, and they have no qualms asking you for money. 

But debt would always have to be paid. 

Nothing is for free. If it is, it would’ve been called a gift, not a loan. And money once borrowed, well, it’s just so easy to spend.

Have you noticed how easy it is to borrow and spend, but how hard it is to pay something back?

But pay back we have to, and at much significant cost. And it’s not uncommon to have people pay for their debts, only to find out that they are merely paying for their interest and not for the principal. 

So please stop being in debt. 

It is much easier to cut back on expenses than to be in debt.

If you don’t have a lot of money, cut back on expenses. 

My daughter’s favorite foods for example are pasta noodles, rice, and pandesal bread. We joke that she can live a simple life and still be okay. 

I used to live in an apartment that was half the price of my colleague. It was in a more local neighborhood and in a marketplace, but it was also cheaper and the money I saved allowed me to buy other things. 

I wore clothes bought from the thrift market. In Taiwan, everything I wore was from the night market. A skirt was NTD100 each (or php150), back at a time when ukay ukay was still unpopular. 

I ate simply and loved the food court. It’s only now that I am older that I let myself eat more luxurious things, but back when I was budgeting, I would choose cheaper restaurants and didn’t shy away from eating in the side streets. Anything to save money.

Instead of taxi and Uber, I would always take the public transportation. My company had a free bus and I would take it because it saves me money.

If you really want to, it’s easy to cut back — just don’t spend too much money. Have a budget and stick to it, and when you don’t have any money anymore, adjust and live simpler. 

Money can go a long way if you don’t keep up with the Joneses.

Money can be your best friend or your greatest enemy. If you put money in the bank or in bonds where it earns interest, it will make money for you Day in and out.

But at the same time, money as debt can be a cruel master. No matter how hard you work, it’s so hard to get yourself from the mess.

So are you savings positive or debt positive? Do you have debt? What are your experiences with having debt? How do you manage it and do you think it’s possible for you to cut back so you can get yourself out of debt?

Posted in Advice, Filipino Men/Women, Personal opinion, Philippines, Ramblings, Work | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Why do we only have one child? 

I didn’t believe my college friend when he warned me that the second kid was the hardest to make. 

When he told me that, I was newly married and not even pregnant. How could sexy time even be a problem?

“But it only takes 5 to 10 minutes?” I exclaimed in my naïveté. “What makes it so hard?”

Now that I have my first kid, I now understand how hard it is to have the second. 

Ask Pea when we should schedule our sexy time,” joked my husband. 

But why should I even ask a 1-year old about our sex life?” I asked. “What does she have to do with that?”

Apparently a lot when you exclusively breastfeeding your daughter and she co-sleeps with us. 

There seems to be a conspiracy to ensure that she remains the firstborn and the only child. 

When she is awake, she is a big flurry of activity. She will ask you to read her multiple books, or play with her. Her attention is quite short so there’s a lot of mess to be expected when she’s around.

So after playing with a new toy, we’d have to clean up after her. And she will only doze off when she’s completely exhausted, and by that time, you’re completely tired as well. 

And even when you do have some energy left for some sexy time, daughter WILL wake up when it’s time to do the deed. 

For some insane reason, if you are tired, she will sleep through the night without fail. But if you are not tired, she will wake up when you attempt to touch each other.

How many times have we tried for sexy time and then find her wiggling and crying for some milk? I’ve already lost count.

So when a friend asks us why we only have one child, blame the kid. Not us. 

We have tried for a second one, with try being the important word here. But we do need time to make a baby, and once you have your first, time is such a limited resource.

It makes me wonder how the older generation managed to birth 6-10 kids at a time. For me, having a second kid is already a challenge. 

How about you? How did you manage to have a second child? And was it easy to take care of two kids when both are toddlers? What are your thoughts?

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Restaurant Review: L’Entrecote at Burgos Circle

Today is Mother’s Day! So in lieu of my second year of motherhood, my husband agreed to take me for a nice lunch at BGC.

We ate at L’Entrecote in BGC, a restaurant I’ve been wanting to try months ago. And what better time to try a slightly more expensive restaurant that’s out of the way than Mother’s Day!

I love celebrations that honor me because it’s a time when I can get away with ordering stuff beyond our budget. If husband had his way, he would have been as happy eating at his favorite Chinese restaurant. 

The white bread is nice and hot, and the generic butter goes well with it. The aircon seems to be broken so it was quite hot at the restaurant.

Since we were at the first floor, we heard much of what was being said by the general manager to the servers. “Smile more!” “Be faster! Followup on onion soup!!!” and generally ordering people to be professional and do their work faster.

I don’t blame her. Service today was slow, and there were many issues, service wise. 

For example, there was no bread knife for the bread. There was no butter that was served with the bread until we asked. When we asked for a bread refill, the inexperienced lady server “dropped” the bread to our plates instead of gently placing them along with the bread. 

My husband finished his mushroom soup (php 280) before my onion soup was served. It wasn’t Campbell’s but it was nothing special either.

My onion soup (php245) was a bit tasteless and had more water than flavor. A bit of a pity because soup is not very easy to screw up.

The salad that came with the steak came and the sauce was okay, but nothing special. We ordered the double so we had two plates of garden salad as below. See for yourself on how appetizing it is.

The US Angus Striploin “Double” steak (php2580) came after awhile and it wasn’t seared enough. The meat was tender but it’s not a steak where you bite and all you can say is, “Wow.”

No, it wasn’t a wow. 

In fact, it wasn’t anything at all except that it was just an ordinary 12 oz. medium steak. Many other steak elsewhere were better. 

Given it’s php2,580 price tag, it was clearly overpriced for an average 12 oz. meat.

The only saving grace was the steak’s herb and butter sauce, which I used to dip the frites in. It was delicious and quite different.

But again, while I’m glad we finally went to L’entrecote after months of pining for it after reading good reviews off the Net, I honestly don’t think it’s really worth a visit if steak is really what you’re looking for. There are better steaks elsewhere in the same price range found in House of Wagyu, the Fireplace and Mamou.
The deserts were also slightly disappointing. I think the prices were reasonable at php190-300+ a pop, but it’s really nothing to celebrate about.

Then again, it is the thought that counts and I am glad my husband brought me to L’entrecote to finally shut me up. 

Our final bill was php4,000 inclusive of taxes and it’s a small price to pay to quiet my curious heart and to scratch this restaurant off my list. 
How about you? How did you spend your Mother’s Day? Where did you spend time with your family?

L’entrecote Bistro

Unit A, Bellagio 2, near Burgos Circle, Bonifacio Global City Taguig

Map here.

Posted in Dates, Family, Food, Restaurant reviews | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Plight of the Single Mothers

There are many single mothers at the place I work in. A lot of them had their first child as a teenager, and most of them in their 20s.

Who are the fathers?

Well, half of them did not take responsibility, leaving the mother and child to the whims of life. While the other half are still there, hanging on and somewhat taking some sense of responsibility. Many of them are just living in and unmarried.

Why don’t you get married?” I asked.

Well, we’re still saving up for marriage,” they said. “It’s expensive.”

“Yes, it can be expensive but so many people get married without spending too much,” I countered. “All it takes is for you to get married civilly and hold a celebration at home or in a cheap restaurant.”

The old adage runs true: Kung gusto, may paraan. Kung ayaw, may dahilan. In English, it means, when there’s a will, there’s a way. Literally, it means, if you want to, there’s always a way. If you don’t want to, there’s always a reason.

As I ask more questions, it comes to light that it’s usually the guy who don’t want to get married. Maybe, despite fatherhood, they’d like to hold on in whatever bachelorhood they still have left.

This arrangement are not always fair to the woman. It is not uncommon for women to live-in with their partners for many years, only to find them cheating with someone else.

And it’s a Catch 22.

If you leave the cheating bastard of a live-in partner, what will happen to your child? Be illegitimate?

And if you stay, what will happen to your self-respect?

That’s why, it’s better to ask the right questions before you become sexually active.

Questions such as, “If I get pregnant, would you take responsibility for our child?” does damper the sexual excitement, but there is honestly no excitement in getting pregnant out of the wedlock and guys leaving you both behind.


According to the Philippine Statistics Authority in their 2013 study, 10% of women aged 15-19 years old are already mothers. In 2014, more than half of total birth recorded are to unwed mothers. That’s 880,524 children recorded. 62% of the babies in the National Capital Region are illegitimate.

This isn’t a global trend — in other countries, almost 80% of total births are legitimate babies.

Figure 4.png

Apparently, 20% of teenagers are actively having sex with almost half of them uneducated well and coming from low income families (Source):


This just breaks my heart.

Why are there many single mothers in the Philippines?

For one, the Filipinas are complete romantics. While money is important to us, love and family are even more important.

In China, women will refuse to marry men unless they have the three Cs: Cash, Car and Condo. It’s so ridiculous that it’s news in China when a woman marries a coal miner, a man who has little money.

Here in the Philippines, women will be with you if you are nice to them. Show them some kindness and some sincerity, and they are mostly yours.

That makes us the best of partners and the most gullible ones.

I’ve talked about this previously in my post, Mien Bao (Bread) or Love (Ai).  There comes a point in time when we should be practical when it comes to decisions that affect us long term.

Two, sex education is sorely lacking.

“This might be your last year to access birth control!” a CNN Philippines cover story declares last March 31 as news come to light that by 2018, women may not have access to any more birth control. By 2020, condoms should only be the allowed contraceptive in the market.

I am a supporter of contraceptive pills as birth control. Since I am a breastfeeding mother, I use Daphne. I have used birth control pills for years, usually to help me regulate my periods.

But aside from my personal requirements, for me, if you are sexually active, please use contraceptive pills. They are effective and prevent unwanted pregnancies before it start. It’s better to prevent pregnancy than to be stuck with a child who’s unprepared with life.

How do you use pills?

Merely take them religiously one pill every day for 21 days. They must be taken around the same time without skipping. If you forget, you must take one immediately. If you skip too often, you are no longer protected and must use other forms of contraception going forward until the next cycle.

You are protected after completing one cycle (21 days). That means, when you start taking birth control pills, you still have to use condoms or abstain from sex on your first month. You are already protected from the second month of taking the bills.

If you cannot be disciplined enough to use birth control pills or condoms, abstinence is a great birth control alternative.

Lastly, we have to be more vigilant about our women. We must make them aware of the consequences that lie in the future if they proceed with being sexually active without protection.

I didn’t think it can happen to me,” moaned a young mother who got pregnant after doing it “once.” 

Yes, you can get pregnant even if you do it once. It is also possible to get pregnant if you just insert it. And if you don’t get pregnant, if your partner has STD, then it’s highly likely you will get STDs too.

When I was in Taiwan, I remember being very behaved and careful due to my fear of pregnancy and STDs. There’s also the fear of parental anger. I thank God for giving me strict parents that helped me from staying out of trouble.

It’s really tough to be a single mother.

My husband is a great help to me.

He walks the baby when I need some alone time. He changes the diaper and bathes the baby when yaya isn’t there. I can imagine the immense burden women have to go through if they raise a child alone.

Everyone dreams of a good husband who can be a good father. But not a lot of people are willing to wait until everything is in place before making a baby.

My path to motherhood was a shaky one. People who know me intimately know that I was anti-marriage or anti-kids till I got married and had my own child. I had my daughter when I was 35 years old, an age when many mothers fear that their kids will be autistic or with Down Syndrome.

I am glad that I waited.

Life is so good right now because I waited for the right man and the right time.

To those who are single mothers, I salute you. It’s not easy doing it all alone, and I admire you for your courage and for being determined to earn a better life for your kids.

To those who are not yet mothers, please, reconsider. The odds are against you and statistics say that you should get pregnant when you are least prepared. I hope that you can take better take care of yourself and make the right decisions, for the good of your future child and yourself.

Good luck mommy.







Posted in Advice, baby, children, Pregnancy, Ramblings, Updates | Leave a comment

Today is one of those challenging days. 

One of the biggest issue surrounding a worker in Manila is that it’s very difficult for them to keep their professional and personal life separate. 

Especially as women, we have accepted our fates as responsible breadwinners, burdened mothers, martyred wives and subservient employees. 

Lagi na lang tayo kawawa (We are always the pitiful one).

If our family gets into trouble, the breadwinner would have to financially contribute if not pay for everything. The rule of the game is, he who is working must pay for his/her sibling’s education and the household expenses. Sucks to be the eldest responsible daughter if you ask me.

If you have a child(ren) and they get sick, it’s the woman who has to worry about who has to take the baby to the doctor. If they have problems in school, we’re the one who faces the principle.

If we are married, we worry about our husband’s vices be it alcohol, gambling or women. Woe is to a woman stuck with an irresponsible deadbeat husband who doesn’t give her the love and respect in the world and even dares to cheat on her. 

What’s worse, despite working your butt off at work all day, you are greeted by a messy unkept house, dirty laundry and hungry kids when you get home.

There is really no rest for the weary. 

Admittedly, it’s hard to be a woman. Because most of the time, being a woman means taking care of everyone AND everything.

You have to take care of your parents, your siblings, their families, your husband, your children, the household help and the chores. No wonder women are so exhausted at the end of the day!

That’s why, it becomes a problem when you have an office full of women. 

Given that there’s a lot of burdens women carry on their shoulders both inside and out of the office, it’s inevitable there will be days that personal issues will creep into the office and affect one’s work. 

Today is one of those days. 

My office assistant took off at lunch to deal with a personal issue, leaving her work undone. She had to train and orient four new trainees, and because she left without too much warning, I had to cover for her. 

I know it’s not a medical issue. It’s a family issue. And her personal issue is affecting her work. 

So what do I do then? 

Well, the best thing to do is to take it one day at a time. 

I got myself into this issue, by allowing this to happen, but I know that I’ll come up with a solution in a month’s time. So instead of complaining about it, I’d keep my head up and stay optimistic.

Two, I will have a serious talk with my assistant tomorrow on what her priorities are. Our company has a 30-day notice period, so if her priorities lie elsewhere, I know o have to start preparing for Plan B. 

Three, I will learn a lesson and not get myself into this muck again. 

I now understand that my staff cannot separate her family and professional life and cannot be depended upon. If she can do this once, she can do it again. 

Anyway, tomorrow is another day. If anything, it’s just another challenging day of being an entrepreneur. 

Wish me luck that tomorrow will be a better day!

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Why I love the Philippine mall culture!

Whenever I have foreign guests flying into town, I book them in a half-day cultural tour in Intramuros and ask them to visit our big malls.

Come to SM Megamall!” I’d exclaim as I book them at the BSA Towers. “Its just right in front of the hotel. Just cross the street!”

Manila has been criticized for its penchant for big malls. Filipinos have no money and the city has less space, and yet, big malls are being built in every community as if they are mere 7-11s or Family Marts.

How can one city where space is an issue have this many malls?” another author asked. Her article was published in Rappler and she criticized that malls don’t say much about our history except to highlight our materialisticness and consumerist attitudes.

I respectfully disagree with my fellow kababayan on multiple accounts. I am actually very proud of our malls. Here is an aerial view of the SM Mall of Asia:

But why you may ask?

Well, it’s all about perspective. While many people see our supermalls as hunks of steel and concrete full of materialistic shoppers, I see something else. I see:

1. The thriving of local businesses and the ingenuity of the Filipino entrepreneurial spirit.

Whenever I go around the Philippine malls, I see a healthy mixture of both international and local brands. As I walk across the shiny floors and window shop various stores, I cannot help but appreciate all the small to large businesses that make up the malls.

A lot of Filipinos made their money through the help of the malls.

Case in point is Potato Corner, a small store that sells flavored French fries that boasted php1 billion of sales in 2015.

Potato Corner bags P1-billion sales in 2015

Homegrown food cart business Potato Corner had 2015 as its banner year by hitting over P1 billion ($21.36 million) in sales.

The 23-year-old company benefited from a robust domestic market, plus expansive growth network, ABS-CBN reported on March 9.

Potato Corner, whose franchisees swear success through the brand has over 550 Potato Corner stores worldwide: 90 are located in overseas markets such as Australia, Indonesia, Panama, United Arab Emirates, and the US.

There are many other success stories out there. Stories like Silverworks, Unisilver, Penshoppe, Genevieve and Gozum, People are People, Lydia’s Lechon, Chowking, Greenwich, Belgian Waffles, and more!

So while the author sees shoppers, I see local businesses. All owned and managed by entrepreneurial Filipinos.

I see jobs being created. Imagine how many cashiers and cooks Greenwich employs?

I see families being supported. Imagine how many kids can go to school because their parents have jobs? How many family members can afford to stay at home because their daughter and son are working in the mall.

I see the economy running, generating income and creating stability for the country. While other countries like China and the USA have to rely on infrastructure and government spending to make their economy go around, we Filipinos can depend on the trusty retail market to keep our economy stable.

Why do you think we Filipinos have been relatively protected from all the financial/economic crisis hit globally, aber?

2. The togetherness of the Filipino community.

In other countries, you can see people shopping. But look very closely and you can see them mostly shopping alone.

The Singaporean mother buys grocery for her family. The HK corporate yuppie shopping for clothes or shoes. The Taiwanese millennial enjoying the quiet.

But the Filipinos?

Oh, the malling is a group event.

As teenagers, their favorite hangout place is the mall. There, they window shop and watch the latest blockbuster movie. They exchange gossip over cups of Bo Coffee or if they’re financially challenged, Zagu or Fruitas.

The Filipino family goes to the mall together on daddy or mommy’s rest day. Despite their meager income, they have enough moolah to enjoy the aircon, but Jollibee for their kids, and a little more extra for a few games in the arcade.

My dad and mom, as retired senior citizens will also go to the mall. Every Wednesday, they would watch the free movie (because they’re seniors) in Rockwell and then sit by the McDonald’s sharing a hamburger as they people watch and for time to pass by. They will finish all the English movies available that week before restarting the cycle again.

I don’t see lonely people in the mall.

I see happy people in the mall.

Happy because even though life is hard, php100 is still enough to buy you food from the food court and a little extra for dessert.

3. The mall is one big convenient store. SM was correct in its tag line, “We got it all for you.”

I just love the fact you can buy anything —including the kitchen sink — in many of our supermalls.

If you want office and school supplies, you can find it at National Bookstore.

If you want affordable food with different cuisines, there’s always the food court.

If you want to buy bread, fruits, milk, potato chips and shampoo, there’s always the supermarket.

If you want to fix your home, you can find whatever you need at Ace Hardware.

If you want to buy furniture and fixings, there’s always SM Our Home and an array of different furniture stores on the 4th floor.

If you have kids, you can let them run around at Toy Kingdom or ride the token car at World of Fun arcade.

There is a section of the mall, called Cyberzone, selling all high tech items including PCs, mobile phones, cameras and other accessories.

If you want anything else, there’s always the SM Department store. Again, whatever you need, the mall has it. Why would you want to go anywhere else?

4. The mall as the great equalizer.

No matter how pretty or smart you are, no matter how big or expensive your house or car can be, and no matter how screwed up your marriage is, every mall goer will still go through the same security check, breathe in the same oxygen, and shop at SM Department Store.

I love the fact that our malls are our society’s great big equalizer. Especially as the poor gets poorer and the rich gets richer, I admittedly get off in the fact that our malls are so ubiquitous,  nobody can escape the allure of the supermall.

In some countries, megastars like Britney Spears and Kim Kardashian can still close off a retail store for “privacy.” VIPs still get some extra special treatment.

Not in the Philippines.

Here, you get to touch the same clothes showcased in H&M as celebrities do. You get to see them in the same restaurants you’re eating in.

Sure, Heart Evangelista is wearing an Hermes bag that costs as much as your house, but you’re still in the same Mango or Zara store as her.

The mall is a great reminder that no matter how rich or poor we are, we still shop at one of Manila’s supermalls when we have time.

5. Lastly, the mall is part of the Filipino culture, like it or not. 

If you spend most of your weekends at the mall, it inevitably shapes who you are. We were trained to be spoiled because of the mall.

If you want to buy anything, you go to the mall.

If you want to tambay (waste time), you go to the mall and enjoy the free aircon.

If you want to see the latest offerings and whatever is on trend, you go to the mall.

In the mall, all you have is to brace the heavy traffic to and fro the mall. But once you are there, you don’t really have to leave until closing time.

There is food, stuff to window shop, the movies and amusements to keep you entertained till the mall closes.

Sure, people may criticize you for not wanting to stay in the outdoors and enjoy the Philippine lovely beaches and mountains, but seriously, who would want to brave going out of town given the Manila traffic?

The mall is part of our culture. We can’t escape it no matter how hard we try. So instead of complaining about it, why don’t we savor it instead?

There are many things bad about the mall. But there are many good things as well. I hope that you can see what I see as well so you can see the good in the mall and not just the mindless consumerism seen by others.

How about you? Do you see what I see?

Posted in Business, entrepreneurship, Lists, Philippines, Work | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Parenting = Being the Bad Guy 

Yesterday, we had to admit my daughter into the hospital.

She’s had on and off fever for three days straight, and her white blood cells are a high 38,000 count. The average count for white blood cells for babies her age is just a mere 15,000.

Last night, she’s had an x-ray, results of which were normal, and had her IV inserted. It’s terrible too her crying like a banshee for 15 to 20 minutes as the resident doctor struggles to put the IV in.

Every time she sees her IV, she cries. Loudly. It’s enough to break any mother’s heart.

But the IV is a necessary evil. Since her appetite has dropped, the IV is the one that’s giving her sustenance. What’s more, it’s how the antibiotics are given. Without the IV, we would have to prick her more than necessary.

I talk about the IV because my daughter hates it. She keeps on saying “Bye Bye” to anyone who would listen because she’s tired of the hospital and wants to go home.

Do I want to punish my daughter? No.

Does it bring me joy to see her thrash around, cry and scream and struggle? No.

Do I want to keep her in the hospital longer than we should? No.

But we need to admit her in the hospital. We need to put the IV in and we give her antibiotics. We know she hates where she is right now, but we force her to stay because it’s for her own good. If she doesn’t stay in the hospital, she won’t get well. Her fever might get worse and goodness knows what will happen.

And I think that’s what parenting is…

Parenting is making tough decisions on behalf of your child. Children hate it when parents say, “It’s for your own good!” But if you really think about it, this is true.

We don’t do things to please our children. We don’t go and ask them what they want to happen. They’re kids.

More often than not, they don’t have the experience, the means or the maturity to make the right decisions. For example, if you ask my 17 month old daughter what she wants, she would want to go home.

She would not want the needles and the IV nor would she want to stay in the hospital and undergo tests.

But if she went home, what will happen to her? Will she get better? Of course not. In fact, shell just get worse.

So we keep her here in the hospital, against her wishes. And we shut our ears from her loud cries and keep her in her IV.

And she’s very miserable about it.

But what can we do? Sure, as good parents, we want them to be happy but parenting involves making unpopular decisions for the good of our children.

We are not their friends. We are their parents. And we do things for their own good even if they hate us.

So as our kids get older, I will remember the time my daughter is helplessly stuck in the hospital getting antibiotics to heal her.

I will remember this when she doesn’t want to study and want to go out with her friends to the mall.

I will remember this when she wants to do an overnight with her barkada.

I will remember this when she wants to date somebody who I believe isn’t good for her.

I will remember this when she makes a decision that isn’t good for her.

And I will tell her, firmly, no.

And that it’s for her own good.

Sure, my decision might be wrong and she may hate me, but I can live with that than to support her as she make big mistakes. I will keep to my principles but be open to her trying to change my mind. I will change my mind if I think there’s reason to do so, and not because she said so.

Most parents will not agree. Permissive parenting is popular nowadays. Parents want kids to be happy and are supportive even though they think their kids are making the wrong decisions.

Not me, I’ll stick to my guns and wait to be persuaded otherwise. Because I love her and want the best for her. And I want her to be truly happy, and that involves making the right life decisions.

Have a great weekend!

Posted in baby, Baby Stuff, Early Learning, Family, Parenthood, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Wives: We are the Problem!

I am a part of a popular mommy group.

Many of them complain about their husbands.

A few complain of their husband’s addiction to video games. “I am exhausted and take care of the baby 24/7, while his nose is stuck in his PS4!” they’d cry.

A few tearfully ask about what they’ll do when their husband is a womanizer. Should they save their dignity and flee, or stay since he promised they will change?

A lot complain about their hateful in-laws. “My mother-in-law hates and disrespects me! She tells me what to do and I hate it! She never asks for my opinion!”

A lot suffer through depression and bouts of negativity. They feel guilty that they’re not good enough mothers, wives and women. Some feel ugly and unattractive. Others don’t seem to have a loving affinity to motherhood and seem to hate their kids. While others are just lost in their unhappiness.

You should be careful about getting involved in such negativity,” my mom advises. “Bad vibes follow if you listen to them close enough.”

Maybe it’s just me, but reading through all their posts make me feel so blessed. Sure I complain a lot, but none of my complaints are as hopeless as others.

I have my husband, my dear daughter, and a close-knit family. What more can I ask for?

But as I analyze other people’s problems, I can divide them into two areas:

1. They were problems before, and are still problems now. Complaining about the problem will NOT solve the problem.

Case in point, the philandering husband was a already playboy even when you were dating. There were mysterious text messages from “friends” even before, and you’ve always suspected he’s had dalliances but refused to accept the fact. He may have cheated and gotten caught, but was quickly forgiven after begging for mercy.

Or, the guy was financially irresponsible even before marriage. He’s supported his entire family and have stayed in a dead end job which paid less than it should. He would keep up with the Joneses and spend for unnecessary things even though he was in debt.

It was a problem then and it’s still a problem now. People never change. It’s just that women thought they could change him.

Whoops, big mistake.

And now that they’re married, the girl is stuck. Annulment is almost impossible to get and with a child or two in tow, they now have to think about the good of the family, and keep the family unit intact even though they’re abused, disrespected and cheated on.

Marriage does not solve problems. Do NOT get married just because you already have a child with him. Getting pregnant is already a problem. Marrying the jerk who got you pregnant is not the solution.

If you marry the wrong man, then marriage will become the problem. Not the solution.

2. Problems are problems if only we problematize about them. Sometimes it’s how we view things. 

Problems will always be there. Babies problematize about getting sweets. Pre-teens will problematize on how to belong. Teenagers problematize about how to get their crushes to fall in love with them. Adults will problematize about jobs and money, while old people problematize about their health.

The only way a person will not have a problem is when they are dead, and it’s a long way to go.

To be honest, everyone has problems. You, me and everyone else.

But the difference is this — problems become bigger or smaller depending on how you see and settle problems.

Worrying about problems will not solve it.

Stressing about our problems will not make them go away.

Complaining about our problems will just exacerbate them.

In fact, the more you worry and stress about your problems, the bigger they get. Even the smallest issues become mountains the more we problematize about them. Problematizing about issues make them larger than they actually are.

However, if we try not to think about them, and instead strive to solve them step by step, then our problems become smaller.

All problems become easier to deal with when we can just stop and breathe and then come up with concrete solutions to solve them.

So mindset is very important. Staying strong and positive in amidst issues is important. Not giving up and attempting to tackle the problem one by one is important.

And I think that’s the difference between happy and unhappy wives.

Happy wives focus on their blessings, and thank the Lord everyday with what they have. Even the poorest of people have many things to be thankful for, if they just open their eyes.

Dissatisfied wives may have everything and still feel unhappy, alone and angry at their spouses.

Unhappy wife = unhappy life

And imagine you marrying a woman who is constantly dissatisfied and unhappy, now, that’s hell on earth. Because an unhappy wife will nag. As they say in Proverbs 27:15, “A quarrelsome wife is like the dripping of a leaky roof in a rainstorm…”

A leaky roof is very very annoying. You just want it to shut up. The fact that it leaks, and continues to leak, will not solve the problem. Calling the plumber is a solution. Be the solution and NOT the problem.

So to everyone, when you have a problem, think very carefully. Yes we all have problems but maybe, we are the problem.

We are the problem because we knew we have a problem with our partners, and yet we still continued to proceed with marrying the dude.

Or, we are the problem because we only see the problems, never the solution.

Ladies, let us be the solution. Not the problem. And once we see our responsibility in creating our issues, then maybe this is the first step in solving our problems and having a happier marriage.

Posted in Advice, Boyfriend, Husband, Kid Problems, lovelife, Marriage, newlywed life, Relationships, Updates | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Money Can’t Buy Class

The Met Gala is one of the biggest fashion events of the year. Celebrities and attendees have a chance to WOW everyone with their interpretation of a theme — this year it was Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garçons — and show off their style, talents and creativity.

I especially loved the looks of Rihanna, Katy Perry, Ruth Negga, Priyanka Chopra and Cara Delevigne. They stuck to the theme and ran with it.


On the flipside, there was always the Kardashians, followed by the Hadids, who always try to shock out-nude each other.

To be honest, it was a bit of a disappointment when two young beautiful celebrities, Kendall Jenner and Bella Hadid, came in in their underwear. Or shall we say, almost nothing attire, wearing with sheer dresses that leave little to imagination.

Kendall wore a La Perla Dress that featured 85,000 crystals sewed into a dress, while Bella wore a meshed pantsuit by Alexander Wang.

Bella and Kendall.jpg

I have no problems with their fashion choices, and in fact, their clothes, or shall we say semi-nude attire/lingerie, featured their impeccable butt cheeks and bodices.

But it does signal to us how low society has brought us — that we have to resort to exposing our bodies and show up half-nude to grab attention. Why, are women reduced to just a pretty face and a sexy body?

Here’s the dilemma women have gotten ourselves into. We want to be treated with importance and respected, and yet we reduce ourselves to flesh, boobs and butt.

Look at me! Ravish me! Look at me as a sexual being!” we scream as we show off more skin, leaving none to the imagination.

And then we complain on why men treat us with perversion, disrespect and callousness. “We are women! They should respect us!”

Why? Is it fair that we demand respect from the opposite sex, when we have done nothing to prove that we are worthy of that respect?

If we act like any other girl in a seedy bar, is it right for us to demand that they treat us like queens and princesses?

I think that women have to re-evaluate how we want to be seen and treated.

Yes, I understand that we would want to show off our beautiful bodies because we worked really hard on it. The Hadids and Kardashians spend oodles of money trying to look good. It is not wrong to ask people to appreciate how they look given that they’ve worked so hard and spent so much money perfecting it.

Again, I have nothing against the Jenners, Kardashians or the Hadids if they show up in one of the flashiest fashion galas in lingerie or a swimsuit. The fact that they’ve even scored an invite meant that they are deserving to be there.

However, it would have been a great opportunity for them to highlight themselves apart from revealing what their boobs or butt cheeks look like. There is always some beauty in keeping the human body mysterious, reserved only to those deserving to see it.

But not the Kardashians. They just couldn’t help themselves.

And whereas the older Kim needed a sex tape to be popular, the younger Kardashian decided that she didn’t need a sex tape anymore to let people see her butt cheeks and boobs. All we have to do is to google “Met Gala Kendall” and everything is revealed to our very eyes.

A pity.

Kendall is actually one of the prettiest Kardashian there is. She is tall, beautiful and seems eager to run away from the Kardashian name. Through some support and some great decisions, Kendall has risen quickly up the ranks to be a top runway model and brand endorser.

Alas, there is only so much that a woman can do before reverting back to her own ways and doing the Kardashian thing of going almost naked in and out of the Met Gala, dating overrated rappers, and having your boyfriend fondle your butt in public while being documented by your younger sister who follows in your footsteps.


Sigh, I had high hopes for Kendall. And so far, she’s been doing all the wrong things. She hasn’t been so lucky in terms of endorsements: The Pepsi debacle was bad in all fronts, and so is endorsing the disastrous Frye Festival.

There is hope yet though. Kendall is only 21. And it’s only just May 2017.

All I can say is, I wish we had better female role models out there who can elevate themselves beyond going nude or acting lasciviously.

There are many way to feature female greatness. We can do so through our intelligence, hard work and our desire to bring positive changes to community. We can gain respect based on our ideas, our contributions and our achievements.

Sure, it’s boring when you are celebrated because you’re a Bar top-notcher — congrats by the way to Caren Mae Calam of the University of San Carlos in Cebu, who topped the 2016 bar examinations besting over 6,000 others who took the exam — but it’s one way to show people you don’t have to go nude to earn respect.

I hope there will be more Caren Mae Calam in the world than there are Kardashians.

And while the Kardashians, Hadids, and the Jenners may have more likes, more hits and more Instagram followers today, there will be a time when they will crash and burn and the world goes off to the next best thing. Meanwhile, women who highlight all other assets aside from their bodies run steadily along, making the world a better place.

I’d rather be a boring Calam than a popular Kardashian. How about you?

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What are the steps for a successful startup?

It’s all about execution. No matter how great your ideas are, if you do not execute your idea, you won’t become successful.

Case in point, we have a small accessory retail business. Currently we have 20 stores in major malls but are still growing. We want to grow to above 100 stores in a few years. When we look at our bigger competitors, I can see they sell similar products as ours but execution is key.

Sure, it’s easy to get in the market. Just throw in enough money and you can make some sort of a presence. But, the trick here is to throw your money with caution.

Throwing money is easy. Getting it back with profit is not. So think first before you throw. Estimate some numbers, see if you have any capital to survive.

Next is managing the business. In my retail business, it’s all about the people. Finding good people can be a bitch and seriously, I had to fire two area supervisors in three months because they just couldn’t cut it. One couldn’t handle people well while the other couldn’t sell. It’s hard to know this just from the interview. You really have to give them a try to see if they’ll work out for you.

Lastly, it’s having the patience doing the same mundane thing in and out. Seriously, there’s nothing more boring than writing out checks, depositing sales in the bank and balancing your books. I do that. I also source merchandise, cost them, clean and repair them and then tag them for distribution. Payroll is another headache and while I do have people to help me with it, you still have to double check their work.

All of this becomes harder if you have limited resources. Money isn’t unlimited and so is time. And how about energy? Woe is to a person with a spouse who cannot understand the sacrifices you have to make as a businessperson.

For example, Sundays are devoted scouring new mall locations. Last Thursday, I was counting inventory. In the evenings, I balance my books. Nothing is glamorous about it. Just tedious hard work. And lots of resilience to keep going at it even when it’s no longer “fun.”

If you have what it takes to do a startup, then do it. Have a good idea then EXECUTE. Many people can start but few can sustain. Hopefully, you’re one of the few who can sustain.

Posted in Advice, Business, entrepreneurship, Finance, Personal opinion, Reflections, Work | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

My Husband’s Walking the Baby

It’s 2:30am and my husband is walking our 16-month old baby.

Baby slept a tad bit early and woke up at 1:30am, fresh from her “nap” and pushing for some action.

So husband took the bullet and is around the area walking the baby. 

He just called a few minutes ago asking me if I wanted something from KFC which opened after renovations.

“I can eat a zinger,” he muttered. I can hear baby in the background. 

When everyone talks about romantic love, the kind of love my husband gives is when he walks the baby in the hopes of tiring it out. I think they may have to walk around Family Mart too if he wants it to sleep.

Love love my husband. Busy day tomorrow so your wife will now drift off to sleep while you walk the baby. 

Posted in Updates | 1 Comment

Do What You Love and You’ll Never Work a Day in Your Life

It’s a popular adage that you need to do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life. And if you cannot find what you love, don’t settle. Keep on looking for it until you find it.


To be honest, I find this to be 80% BULLSH*T.

If everyone did what they love, many would be jobless.

For every person who succeeds in Hollywood or in Silicon Valley, there’s a gazillion over people who remain destitute and jaded. We’re talking about a Selection Bias here, and I always thought that many people who got rich became so because they were very lucky and was at the right place or the right time, or had the wits and deviousness to get ahead.

My husband’s best friend is a 30-year old talented artist. Specifically, he can sculpt figurines from scratch through the use of resin, styropor, glue, paint and fiber glass.

He used to have a cushy job in a Philippine public company. However, as he looked around at all the tycoons who were getting rich by the minute, he shook his head and wanted a piece of the pie. For him, having been educated in top schools, he was wasting his intellect working for somebody else. Why work for someone else if you can be your own boss?

To be rich, you have to have your own business,” he said. “I am wasting my time just by being an employee. As an employee, your earnings as limited. If you’re the boss, the sky is the limit.”

As a result, he quit his job.

In his defense, he simplified his life. He got rid of his rental and lived back with his parents. He started doing his figurines full time.

“Before, I have to do what my boss wants to do,” he said. “Now, I can do what I want to do.”

His interests lie in making medieval houses and WWII items. “They make me nostalgic. Medieval villages tell us of happier times when life was void of consumerism and greed.”


Yes, but it also tells of times when there was no electricity and hot water,” I replied. “Who would want to live in a period where you’ll most likely be the slave?”

Yes, but you can also be a knight or a baron?” he optimistically opined.

The problem with medieval homes is that not a lot of people like them. In a country where people are worried about a roof over their heads, a medieval house is not one of the best things to collect.

Until Hollywood came out with the Lord of the Rings movie franchise, not everyone was keen to relive the medieval days especially since we never really went through the medieval period. Heck, a house is a house. How do we know what house differs from the other?

But I want to make houses!” my husband friend’s proclaimed. “I can make the most beautiful houses, and make it to a diorama.”

Well, aside from the Christmas nativity scene, the Filipinos aren’t really keen on collecting town dioramas. It just doesn’t do things for us.


So here’s the dilemma of my husband’s friend — he quit his corporate job to do medieval houses and WW2 dioramas, only to find out that there is not enough demand for them.


As he went through the motions of hawking out his big inventory of houses, he had to face reality that not a lot of people wanted to buy them. Not everyone believed in his dream. Sure, they were great houses but not a lot of people wanted to buy a lot of houses for their collection.

They’ll just be junked if you buy them,” said another acquaintance. “Nice to have, but useless anywhere else.”

The solution came shortly by the fact that there is enough demand for Transformers, Gundam and Star Wars diorama. Thanks to Hollywood, there is renewed interest for robotic machines. Thanks to nostalgia, there’s also enough grown men to shell out money for them.

For example, a plastic Transformer toy can cost Php 6,500 in Toy Kingdom. That’s 13x of the daily minimum wage. And that’s just “one” toy.

But I don’t feel any feeling with Gundam or Transformers,” my husband’s friend moaned. “I want to do houses!” 

The problem was, he was one of the few who loved houses. Hence, he had no income.

So my husband persuaded him to start doing other things. His friend was a very talented man. It would be a shame to put that talent to waste. Besides, his friend was running out of cash. There is a limit to how much cheese and bread you can eat.

Begrudgingly, his friend agreed. They started to do more products that had higher demand. Sales started to pick up. Income started to come.

And then his friend started complaining again. That he didn’t want to do these items. That he wanted to follow his dreams and do what he wanted. That was the reason why he quit his job in the first place.

And here lies the problem of many wannabe entrepreneurs. 


They want to be rich. They know what they need to do to be rich. And yet, they want to be rich THEIR way. Even if nobody really wants to buy their stuff.


I am also an entrepreneur. Most of my days are spent berating my sales staff, paying the bills, and sending out memos. None of these are happy and cool.

Of course, there are some happy days too — like the time my staff cried and thanked us for providing them livelihood, like after a busy Christmas when most of our stores hit their quotas, and like the time I see we are making a difference in our people’s lives and seeing them stabilize their families and life.

But honestly, not all days are happy. Most days are exhausting, stressful and problematic.

If you’re not happy being an entrepreneur, why are you still being one?” husband said. “Nobody is forcing you to be one anyway!”

Actually, its hard to be an entrepreneur. Once you start your business and have people under you, it’s hard to just give up and fold your business just because you’re not feeling it. So many people are depending on you to keep your company well capitalized, well-managed, and smoothly operational.

My point is, managing a business is like getting married. Once your business is open, you have to do whatever is necessary to keep it open, even if you don’t enjoy it.

A lot of people mistakenly think that being an entrepreneur means being your own boss AND doing whatever the hell you want. This is WRONG.

Being an entrepreneur is a HUGE responsibility. People are counting on you to make the right decisions and to keep the business afloat. It means making the hard decisions even if you don’t want to. It means sticking in your business even everyone has already abandoned ship.

There are days where I don’t like myself. Especially when I have to lay people off just because they don’t make the cut. Or when I run out of stocks because I didn’t order early enough. There was a time I almost ran out of stocks because of supplier delays.

Being an entrepreneur is loving the work. Not because you love it in the first place, but rather because you have grown to love it. And by hook or by crook, you’re not going to give up just because it gets hard.

My husband’s friend is wrong. You don’t become an entrepreneur because you love what you’re doing. Sure, you can start a business because you love your product or service, but the longevity of a business does not depend on feelings alone.

Instead, it depends on a deep sense of responsibility to your customers, to your investors, to your staff and also to yourself.

Feelings come and go. But a business, well, hopefully, you hold onto it as hard as you can. It is only when you make a deep commitment that a business can truly thrive.

So yes, do what you love. But most importantly, running a successful business involves loving what you do. Even if what you do don’t love you back.

Happy Holy Week!




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When your husband annoys you during a Coldplay concert

Years before, I told myself that if Coldplay was holding a concert in the same country, I would definitely watch it. Apparently, they’re one of the few bands that put on a great show and authentically sing in their concerts.

So imagine my surprise when Coldplay came to play in Manila. And while the tickets cost an arm and a leg, I managed to scour Php 15,000 for two silver tickets (Note: That’s more than one month of minimum wage) just to watch the show.

Now, husband is NOT a Coldplay fan. “I change the radio channel once the DJ puts them on,” he murmurs. Well, he’s not a Linkin Park fan but he did trudge along the Linkin Park concert with me when they visited.

But he’s married to a crazy wife who insists on watching Coldplay. As they say, happy wife, happy life.

So the entire day yesterday, he was murmuring and dragging his feet. We left the office at 7pm already and we arrived at SMX Concert Grounds at 9pm after walking for 1 kilometer since it was so traffic.

Aren’t you happy that you’re married to a wife who doesn’t complain because she’s walking a kilometer away?” I chirpily asked.

What do you mean?!” he asked. “You wanted this!!!”


Okay, husband was obviously not in a jolly mood. But nothing will deter me from enjoying the concert. Not even a sour husband.

We arrived 10 minutes before the show started. And while we were in the Silver section, there were still a LOT of people and we could only see the following view from where we were standing:


For Php 7,500, the view is not so impressive. But then again, a Coldplay concert is the great equalizer as there were a lot of better dressed well-to-do concert goers who are also standing like us. Here’s the crowd behind us, haha!


Now imagine one of the coolest bands to ever come to Manila playing at a pricey expense. People are singing along and moving to the beat. And guess what husband is doing?

Yup, that’s husband sitting on the floor at the Silver section of the concert, deleting his trash photos, answering emails, and Facebooking.


I was upset. I mean, given how much money I’ve spent on Coldplay, the least he can do was accept his fate and enjoy the show. Why does he have to sit on the floor to make a point?

To be honest, I wanted to get angry and pout. My heart was troubled and I couldn’t understand why husband wouldn’t like to play along especially since we’re already at the concert?

But as I began to get angry, I decided to see things from his point of view. Sure, it wasn’t his choice to watch Coldplay, and yes, he will make it seem as he’s miserable. But then again, he IS there with me watching, and he did walk 1 kilometer on foot just to make it to the start of the show.

And while he could’ve been more galant about it, honestly, fighting with him does nothing to improve the situation. He will continue to sulk even more, and he may even not want to accompany me on other crazy expensive adventures.

Anyway, we are at the show just like I wanted. So instead of being all pissed about it, why not I just enjoy the show as it’s the reason we are there in the first place?

So I did —- I sang to the songs, moved to the music, and saw Coldplay play in the Philippines for the first time ever.


And I think that’s what marriage is — it’s a series of giving, taking and compromising. Like husband, he knew he couldn’t really change my mind from going to Coldplay so he went along with it. And for me, I know that he might not enjoy it, but heck, he’s there, so let’s just enjoy the concert and have him as the driver.


So whenever people tell me how lucky I am with my husband, I can look at it in two ways. If they know how annoying husband can be at stubborn times like this, they can surely empathize with me. But if you really think about it, the fact that he is still with me against his will is still a plus for him. Hence, you can look at the positive or the negative. Your choice.

For me, I choose to see the positive. I get to watch Coldplay. My husband gets exposed to Coldplay. And in the end of the concert, he did actually put his phone away and went to get me something to drink.

At the end of the concert, I kissed his cheek and said, “Thank you for going with me to see Coldplay,” as he grumbled a little more. “You know I appreciate it when you accompany me.”

I can see him soften a bit. I think he was expecting a fight but was pleasantly surprised to not see a confrontation. “Yeah, it’s fine. As long as we don’t see Rihanna when she comes to town,” he said. “I don’t like Rihanna.”

So we’re not watching Rihanna when she comes. That’s fine. She’s not my ultimate favorite band anyway. But at least, we got to see Coldplay. Which is fine by me.

In summary, marriage is about giving and taking. You won’t always get what you want but who said that you should win every battle you experience with your partner? And while we cannot really control our partners, we can however control how we react to the situation.

We can size our partners up and fight the entire night OR we can be sweet and look at the good side, and fight for something more improtant another day.

I choose to diffuse the situation and enjoy the concert.

How about you? Would you have handled it differently?


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Does your staff have Tom-K?


My father-in-law has a rule that he will hire AND keep people who has TOM-K. After 25 years in the business, I think he knows what he’s talking about.

Now, what does Tom-K mean?

T – Tapat (Integrity)

O – Oras (Time to fulfill the job)

M – Malasakit (Empathy for the Company)

K – Kusa (Initiative)

As you may have noticed, Competency is not included in this list. That’s because competence is already a given when you hire someone. You hire someone because you already know they can do the job. That’s the basic requirement. But, you keep someone if they have Tom-K.

Why is Tom-K important for staff longevity?

T – Tapat or Integrity

Tapat or Integrity is important because you need staff you can trust and rely on.

Trust is different from relying on. Relying on is someone you can call when your house is burning and you need help. When there’s an emergency, even if it’s in the most inconvenient of times, you still have the peace of mind that you can call them and they will come.

I have had reliable people before. They’re the ones who chip in when other staff members abandon you. They’re the ones who agree to stay late just to finish a project. They’re the ones who will help you pack up even if it’s after midnight. They’re the ones who don’t go to the family reunion because you sorely need their help.

But integrity is important. For example, what use is a reliable person if she isn’t honest? What if you can depend on her to be there, but secretly, she’s stealing from you? I’ve had such experience as documented here.

When you’re running a business, you need someone you can trust. Someone you can ask to deposit Php 1 M in cash, and won’t run away. Someone who knows the difference between right or wrong.

It doesn’t matter if he is your messenger or your second-in-command. What’s important is you can entrust them to be honest with their work, and to put in their best work even if you’re not constantly watching.

Now, that’s true integrity.

O – Oras (Time to do the job)

What use is an employee if they’re unavailable? I have a very competent assistant right now who has been late a few days in a row. Consequently, work stops when she’s still not there.

My business is in retail and we are open especially on holidays and weekends. To be honest, the only time we are closed is when the mall closes. What if the person want to spend time with their family during holidays? What if they want to take 2 week vacations?

If a person cannot show up to work, then what use is that person?

You need a person who can follow office hours and be there when you need them. If the job requires overtime, they should understand this and not grumble and complain. If the job needs them to answer their phones even if they’re on vacation, then so be it.

Find someone who has the time to do the job, not someone who’ll come up with a million reasons why they can’t be there.

M – Malasakit or Love/Empathy for the Employer

The employer-employee relationship is strictly transactional. People give you a level of service because you pay them. If they go on an overtime, you pay them overtime pay. Everything is professional and by the book. You really get what you pay for.

However, for a business’ longevity, love and empathy need to exist between the employer and employee.

What does this mean?

This means that the employee need to have the heart for the employer. Business is sometimes up and down and it’s hard if an employee abandons ship when you need them the most. Given that they are staking their livelihood onto the company, it’s crucial that they also embody their employer as if they own the company.

It is only then can the employee be excellent. No matter how talented or excellent an employee can be, it’s useless if the employee does not act in your behalf as if they own the company.

Sure, I can always get sales staff who can man our branches and sell our product.

But only those who love their job can reach the quotas and sell. Because they know that sales are the lifeblood of the company, and without sales, the company will shut down. Even if they’re only manning one branch, they do whatever it takes to contribute their share.

Sure, I can always get supervisors who will rove and go around the store.

But only those who love their job who can really get mad when sales are down. They just don’t get mad. They get furious. They push your staff to work harder than they’ve ever had before. When people love their job, you get excellence.

K – Kusa (Initiative)

Initiative happens when you’re not looking. When you’re busy doing other things, you need staff who are doing their best work even when you’re not there.


It’s such a hassle when people don’t have initiative, when they need constant supervision for them to work. If they need a babysitter, then why should I hire them?  That’s why I like staff who I can trust to do the work even when I’m not there. Who don’t just show off to impress, but work because that’s how they really work, even without people looking.

It’s these people with initiative who go the extra mile. And as a business owner, you want the extra mile. Because it is this extra mile who can make your business successful.

When my husband’s dad told me about Tom-K, I just shrugged it off. Anyway, TOM-K should already be a given in any job, right?

No, it’s not a given. In fact, it’s actually rare.

So, continue to do your business. But if you’re looking for people who will stay, look for those with TOM-K. You won’t regret it.

Posted in Advice, Business, Dad's Advice, entrepreneurship, Work | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Planning a Wedding? Here’s a Super Helpful Must Have List for You!

I just thought of starting a wedding planning series to commemorate my brother’s wedding. So lucky for all the readers who are planning a wedding soon!

If you are a woman, congratulations for getting the man of your dreams to propose! I am sure it wasn’t an easy decision for him to make. No man would want his freedom curbed so easily and not everyone has a billionaire like Christian Grey who will romantically propose despite a super short sexual engagement and hand you a big rock that will make everyone green with envy (though if you have such engagement, congrats to you too!).

If you are a man, prepare yourself to spend A LOT OF MONEY and experience a whirlwind of emotions as you book uber expensive wedding suppliers who may over-promise and yet underdeliver on your wedding day. Prepare yourself to having your lovely fiancee possibly morph into a Bridezilla and become a high-maintenance demanding woman who insists on having the wedding of her dreams.

In short, for many couples, a wedding can be the best day of their life or their worst. It’s a day that comes after months of stressful and expensive preparations, only to end with a whimper at the privacy of your hotel when both of you will toast and say, “Finally! It’s over!” 

Please note that my wedding planning advice is most catered to those living in Manila. However, those who are getting married elsewhere can get some valuable advice as well. Anyway, everyone appreciates all help they can get, right?

So let’s start with an Excel list — Before you start your extensive wedding planning, it’s crucial that you have a list on hand so you know what are the things you need to worry about, and book suppliers accordingly.

Because I love you guys, the list can be downloaded here as well. Please credit my blog whenever you use such list — Nameless in Taipei – List of Wedding Preparation Must Haves

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I will talk about crucial parts of wedding planning and the pitfalls one must avoid as we go along (let us build the suspense). Pitfalls include choosing the venue, the food, and the photographer and videographer. These are decisions that impact a wedding, and can make or break it.


But the list above is already wonderful in terms of what you need to look into. Please download it and use it as a guide. And do comment when you feel I’ve forgotten an item.

Good luck with the wedding planning!

Posted in Advice, Wedding saga | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Mien Bao (Bread) huo Ai (Love)?

In Taiwan, there’s a saying, “面包或爱.”

This literally mean, “bread or money.” This implied that if we’re lucky, we can have both. But if we’re not, we may have to choose between marrying for love or money.


By ourselves, we are complete romantics. The romantic fiction and rom-com movie industry wouldn’t rake in hundreds of millions of dollars if otherwise, and every little girl will dream of their own knights in shining armor.

No matter how we look, we always dream of a handsome manly man, who will swoop us off our feet, and ride us away to the sunset. And of course, it’ll be perfect if he’s a man of nobility and wealth so we never have to worry about cooking and doing the laundry anymore.


In the daytime, he is a man of respect, and everyone bows down to him. But in private, he is submissive to our needs and exists to serve us in bed. How many romantic fiction novels talk about a well ripped man whose hard abs excite and has the stamina to please us all throughout the night?

Cue in the reality with our own partners — “Husband, are we doing the deed today?” I asked him last night.

To which husband replied, “Not tonight, I’m a bit exhausted. Maybe next week after the show.”


And while we are financially comfortable and not starving, we do not live in a castle with servants to do our bidding. My clothes are the same since I got pregnant, my husband drives second-hand cars and my year’s salary can buy me ONE Hermes bag.

I went out with a man whom we shall call Steel Magnate when I was single. He was tall, single, in his mid-40s, a self-made man and was wealthy. On our date, he talked about investing in a few hectares of land where he was building a foundry.

The deal is Php 10 billion,” he said matter of factly. He wasn’t even bragging. It was the truth.

And while we clicked, we didn’t really pursue the friendship. He didn’t understand why I should be working for my brother. For him, as a woman, I didn’t really neede to work.

And since I was at least a decade younger, I didn’t understand his current life of playing golf, hobnobing with other successful businessmen, and living the now good life. My mindset was that we still had to work for our successes. I wasn’t there yet and couldn’t let go of the nagging feeling that I must still work to achieve something.

Steel magnate was definitely the 面包. If we actually got together, life would be mighty comfortable and he can afford giving me a few Hermes bags here and there.

My husband was more of 爱.

Like many businessman’s sons, he wasn’t financially uncomfortable, but we are still poor enough that we can appreciate what a million pesos meant.

We currently manage two differing businesses, and it’s slow moving compared to Steel Magnate’s billion peso business. What billion? We are happy to have a few millions, and even then, most of our capital goes to pay our rent, overhead and labor. We are lucky if we still have some left for us.

When we bought our current office, we had to take out a 10-year business loan, and our return on investments will only come through a decade later. In short, we had to work for everything we have.

Our house was lent to us by his father, and sometimes, I worry about paying our association dues, which amounts to a few hundred pesos a year. Electricity bills surprise me, and sometimes, we wonder how lucky we are that we can pay our credit card bills on time.

But we love each other.

We make each other happy.

And we have a lovely family via a daughter whom we believe is cute. Hahaha.

So looking back at the question, 面包或爱, I think the answer is, there is happiness in marrying for love. But there is even more happiness in marrying someone whom you love, and ain’t too poor. Not too rich or poor. Just good enough.

How about you? Did you marry for love or money? Tell me your thoughts.

Posted in Advice, Family, First Days of Marriage, Life lessons, lovelife, Marriage, Relationships | Tagged , , , , , | 1 Comment

A Sister’s Advice to a Brother on his Wedding Day

Dear Brother,

Welcome to the married club!

Finally, you’ve decided to get married! And if you wonder why I’ve been less opinionated as of late, know I do so because I wanted you to make the most important decision in your life — who you marry — by yourself. Granted that you’ve been with (wife’s name) for so many years, I am sure you’ve made an informed choice. You’ve thought about it long and hard, and decided that she is the right person for you.

Marriage can be a burden or a blessing depending on who you picked as a spouse. If your choice is correct, you’ll think you’re the luckiest guy in the world. Dad made the best choice of his life by marrying mommy. Without mom’s help, I doubt his business would not have flourished nor could we have ended up where we are now. A lot of what daddy became was because of mom. I hope that your now wife can help you in a similar way that mom helped dad. And not just in business, but in life and family as well.

Being married to the right person can be such a relief.

It feels like coming home. You finally found your partner, who can help you carry life’s ups and downs. You have a close confidant you can constantly discuss things with, a helper you can share life’s load with, and a wife who can be a great mother to your children. It’s a very lovely feeling, and it feels like hitting the jackpot. I sincerely hope you feel the same way about your now wife. I know my husband that feels very lucky with me, hahaha!

To be honest, I was quite impressed with how (wife’s name) handled herself during the wedding planning. I was expecting to get a Bridezilla who would insist in getting her own way. We both know of brides who insist on getting a particular type of flower in her wedding. One of my friends insisted on a Php 250,000 wedding dress to be worn only for a few hours. But (wife’s name) seemed to be far from it. She was reasonable of the budget, thorough when booking suppliers, and kept a cool sense of humor despite many hiccups. It’s a great preview to what marriage with her can be, and if she can keep it up, then you’re in for a real treat.


Despite our rocky beginning, husband and I are very lucky to have found each other. To be fair, we don’t fight very much. The last meltdown we had was during our first two months of marriage — when he insisted on using his phone during mealtime — and we’ve had minor disagreements here and there. But that’s also because we don’t fundamentally disagree too much. We share similar views on working, parenting, sense of humor, and living our lives. The fact that husband had one failed marriage also made him more flexible with dealing with me. What’s more, after 16 sessions of pre-marital counselling, we’ve realized it’s better to be married than to be right. Regardless, when we fundamentally disagree, we do have strong shouting matches that last 2-3 hours. Thankfully, this doesn’t happen very much, so we’re happier than most married people out there.

Why? Well, while other people may see only two people with strong personalities coming together, husband and I actually do a lot of day-to-day compromising. We get to the point and tell each other a) what’s troubling is, and b) what we want the person to do.

We talk about our issues directly, and resolve them on the spot. Once we resolve the issue, we come up with a list of things NOT to do so the issue won’t be repeated.

I hope you and (wife’s name) communicate well. Marriage is for life, and people who can’t work out their differences end up with miserable marriages. And it’s awful to be stuck in marriage you don’t see eye to eye with. Many marriages are like that by the way. Don’t believe all happy posts that Facebook shows you. Happy marriages are rarer than you think, and the two people have nobody to blame but themselves on the disintegration of their marriages.

To have a smooth marriage, you have to understand and accept two facts of life: 1) Hindi na magbabago ang asawa mo dahil nagpakasal kayo. If anything, maglalala pa ang bad habits niya, and 2) When you fight, you must quickly figure out how important the matter is to you or her, and kung kanino mas importante yung issue, let that person have their way.


Look, (Wife’s Name) will not really going to change that much. You’re not going to change that much. The more you accept each other’s faults, the more peaceful life will be.

Remember the stuff that annoys you about (wife’s name) when you were dating? They won’t go away. Anything that irritated you before — her indecisiveness, her utter dependence on you, her need to constantly diet to avoid gaining weight, and her irritation towards her mom’s favouritism, among others — it’s just going to get worse. People don’t really change because they get married. In fact, they get even worse!

For example, husband was surprised that I hated to do housework. He thought given my mom was masipag, I would be the same thing. He thought I would change despite the fact that I told him early on that I didn’t like to do housework. Never did he realize that I would be this lazy. So as you can see, this laziness was an awful surprise for him after we got married!

But smart husband, he accepted this as my fundamental flaw: I’m okay with working in the office and balancing the books, but I’m just weak at housework. I simply can’t be bothered.

Now, what if husband insisted that I start doing the laundry and cleaning the toilet? If that happens, then we will fight every day. But since he knows I’m lazy when it comes to housework, he himself picks up the slack and does the laundry (if his mom is away), and cleans the bathroom regularly. Edi walang away, right?

Fact is, even though after marriage, you won’t change much, and (wife’s name) won’t change much. Deal with it. So instead of trying to change each other, know which battles you can win or lose. Work around each other’s weaknesses, and start complementing each other now, weaknesses and all. After dating each other for 7+ years, you already know what (wife’s name) is like, and given you’ve made your decision na, it’s better to accept her, weaknesses and all. Buhat buhat mo na ‘yan habang buhay.

Two, a happy marriage is all about giving and taking. You can’t win every time. You can’t lose every time either. Marriage is literally an endless number of give and take.

One great thing about husband is that when all is said and done, he admits he is wrong when he is wrong. Likewise, I admit if I am wrong when I am wrong. Marriage is a series of decisions you will jointly make, and battles to be fought, but at the end of the day, you have to ask yourself how important an issue is to both of you, and is it worth going to bed angry?

If husband feels an issue is more important to him, I usually let him get his way. If I feel that an issue is more important to me, then I insist I get my way. Take for example the Santorini sunset — even though he thinks a sunset is the same all around the world, I wanted to see the sunset. It was important FOR ME. And there will be a lot of resentment if I don’t get my way. So in the end, a sunset is not worth upsetting your wife over. Spending an afternoon just to see the sunset will not kill him. And it would make his wife really happy. So at the end of the day, we still saw the stupid sunset.


Remember the sunset story when you fight with (wife’s name). Ask yourself, who finds this issue most important? If it’s really important, fight for it. If you don’t care either way, let her have her way. And that’s why while I got my sunset, husband and I still ended up eating Chinese food multiple times in our honeymoon. I prefer eating local food but Chinese food is more important to hubby. So I let him get his way.

As you can see, you win some, you lose some. And that’s what a happy marriage is all about — knowing which battles to win, and which battles to let the other side win.

Marriage is growing up, and starting to be more responsible for your decisions. If you make good decisions, your family will benefit. If not, your family will suffer.

After I got married, mom stopped paying for my Globe and credit card bills. I started paying for our condo’s association dues, electricity bills, gasoline and water bills, and boy, do these bills rack up! I remember shaking my head in surprise just how expensive marriage can be! Whereas before, I was happy spending money online shopping, I now have to be conscious about expenses because every decision I make impacts us financially.

It’s the same as decision making. Given that I married into husband’s family, I feel that I have to be more careful in making the right decisions for our family. Every right decision I make in life and in business propel us forward. Every wrong decision steps us back. Marriage is a conscious step towards adulthood. No longer can you live irresponsibly and have your parents save you. You’re married. Now start being an adult.

That’s why, you have to think carefully on how decisions will impact you and your family. It’s no longer just about you. It’s about your family as well. Make sure that you and (wife’s name) share the same definitions of what the “right” decision is. Seek counsel and think carefully before deciding. It’s your job to help each other make the right decisions. And when both of you make more good decisions than bad, and then the life you will lead will be more stress-free.

Always appreciate your family and never forget your roots.

Mom only has both of us left. And even though you and (wife’s name) are married and living in (name of home), please do not forget mommy, or let (wife’s name) overstep her.  I know a wife’s happiness is important, but a good spouse also understands that we are first and foremost good children, and must do right to our parents.


We both know naman that we are lucky that our mommy will not ask for too much or even abuse. She makes good judgment and without her, we are nothing. As for me, I have already talked to husband and we both agreed how much we appreciate mommy. We are happy to take care of her whenever she needs us. Husband is happy when he sees mommy happy playing with (granddaughter’s name).

But knowing mommy’s pride, she may not want to ask for my help, and instead will ask for your help. Please be there for her as well when she needs you. Always welcome her with open arms and make time for her no matter what happens. And while we know that we are a good spouse to our partners, we are her children beforehand, and we owe everything to her. This is an obligation I am more than happy to keep and I look forward to ensuring that mom will be comfortable and happy for the rest of her life. Agree?

Even though you are married, we will still always be there for you no matter what.

You know you can always count on me to be by your side if you need me. You can always count on my help. Never be afraid or shy to call. Mom has talked about regular dinner outs for just the two of us. Let’s make it happen.

If we don’t look out for each other, who else will? While we think the best from our marriage, I believe that the fact that husband knows you and mom are behind me no matter what, lets him respect me more as an individual. He knows he cannot bully me too much. I think that’s the importance of family backing. There is strength in numbers, and even though it’s important to rely on your spouse in marriage, many times, you still have to rely beyond your marriage, and that’s where family comes in.

I am very lucky to have you and mom behind me. Marriage is hard, and being part of another family apart from your own isn’t easy. But know that you are not alone, and as you are behind me, we are also behind you supporting you. It is important that your spouse appreciates that. Maybe that’s also why husband loves being married to me. He not only loves me and daughter, but also the mother-in-law who cooks steak and buys him toys, as part of the package. That’s what a good marriage is all about.

I hope this letter gives you relief and happiness on your wedding day. While dad could’ve cared less of me getting married, I am ultimately happy with my choice of a life partner.

I remember being in the hotel room with husband after our wedding. We were just talking about the eventful day, and laughing about his boo boo. It was very relaxing to be with husband. As we talked, we both realized at the same time just how lucky we are to have found each other. We may not be perfect. We have our faults. And it’s truly a miracle for both of us to get married (haha, you didn’t help!).

But there we are, married and finally together after a tumultuous courtship. And it’s a great feeling being married to the person God meant for you to be with.

I wish you and (wife’s name) will share the same fate. I pray and hope your decision is a good one, and here’s to a happy marriage and a lifetime of adventure with your new wife! I love you!

Much love,

Posted in Advice, Boyfriend, Conflicts, Dad's Advice, Family, Family Drama, Favorite Posts, First Days of Marriage, Husband, Life lessons, Mom's advice, Parenthood, Personal opinion, Philippines, Ramblings, Updates | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Think about your guests when planning your wedding

A wedding is a happy ceremony celebrated between two families, as an event to cement one’s love for each other. Truth be told, a successful wedding is one where two people marry the persons of their dreams. No matter how much money was spent, what’s important is that you pick the right person to spend the rest of your life with.

Regardless, while the wedding is between the two families, I do believe that the bride and the groom also have to think about their guests when planning their wedding. During my wedding, while preparing for the reception, I remembered feeling an outpouring of love and care for us from our guests.

In a way, by thinking about your guests’ comforts and happiness, you have a smooth and happy wedding ceremony and reception. Happy guests clap more, cheer more, and eat more. Irritated guests leave earlier and talk about your wedding on your way home.

So to make a great wedding, here are a few things you have to particularly focus on before planning a wedding:

1. Think of your guests when deciding your venue. Avoid outdoor venues if you can.

I dislike beach weddings and garden weddings.

They’re hot, outdoors, prone to weather risks (What if it rains? What’s Plan B?), and inconvenient to people walking with heels.It’s difficult for guests to look pretty if they’re walking on uneven surfaces or sand.

What’s more, some guests may be allergic to wildlife. My husband suffered red eyes while I had red elbows because the wedding was outside. Guests who are irritated because of the heat, sweat, sand and allergy, are unhappy guests.

And while we don’t really care about guests who complain — as there will always be guests who will always complain no matter what — it’s better to think carefully and think on behalf of your guests when picking the venue.

Ask yourself if the venue may be too far? If it’s far, don’t hold your wedding from Monday to Saturday. Do it on a Sunday when it’s less traffic.

Ask yourself if the venue is comfortable to the guests.  Especially if you require that your attire be formal, do remember that if you hold your wedding in the open air, beautiful long gowns get dirty and it’s hard to walk when your heels are 3- to 4-inches high.

2. Think about your guests when deciding on a caterer.

First, you have to see what type of guests you’re inviting.

Depending on how high the level of VIP, plan your menu accordingly. Do NOT serve cheap food if you have Erap Estrada as a ninong. As they’re accustomed to good food, they will know if the food is cheap and tinipid lang. 

I always see the food you serve in the wedding as your gift back to your guests for taking the time off their busy schedule to come and celebrate with you. It’s a wedding after all and they’re expecting a delicious feast especially after suffering several inconveniences just to come to your wedding.

And for goodness sakes, if you’re inviting more than 300 guests, serve the food plated or on a round table. It’s more than enough to come dress in long gowns and high heels. We hope that once the program starts, we can enjoy our food in peace without falling in long lines just so we cannot starve.

Make sure that guests are well-fed and aren’t starving. Tell the caterer to serve enough appetizers and canapes before dinner if you’re starting late, and please keep the drinks flowing. On my wedding, I made sure there were unlimited alcoholic drinks as liquor makes for happy guests.

3. Think about your guests when starting the reception. Hungry guests = unhappy guests

On my wedding, we started at 4pm sharp. After the wedding, we made sure that cocktails and canapes were immediately served, and our only order was to keep the drinks flowing.

We started dinner at exactly 7pm. By hook or by crook, we were going to adjust to our guests and not vice versa. We made sure our caterer knew this, and rushed the first course after we started the program between 7pm and 7:15pm by the opening prayer.

There were no relatives singing bad songs. There were no long games about “How do you know your groom/bride?” Just a handful of good speeches made by people who meant something to us to accentuate that the day is a celebration of love justween the both of us.

We were done with our reception by 9:30pm. People went home early that day, which they appreciated.

4. Think about your guests when taking photos. Have your photographer be ready and by your side wherever you go.

My greatest wedding regret was that we only took photos of half of our guests. My husband suffered a little emergency after the first dance and we had to take a 30-minute breather just to correct it.

Consequently, we ran out of time and couldn’t take photo with all of our guests table-by-table. At the end of the day, I think it’s important to remember who took their time to come to your wedding. Likewise, it’s important to remember guests who didn’t bother to show up despite RSVPing.

At the end of the day, as time goes on, you would want to have photos of those who attended your wedding to look back to. So do tell your photographer this is your wish so they can make it happen.

5. Lastly, think about your guests even after the wedding.

To end, while it’s great you’re happy after finishing such a tiring event, you still have to take the time to show appreciation to your guests. To be honest, I spent the next 3 days texting and thanking each guest we went for their presence and for taking the trouble for attending the wedding.

In a way, it’s like the cookie test. You don’t have to give cookies, but people do appreciate a token of appreciation now and then.

Say thank you for them attending your wedding. If you already know what gifts they gave, do send them a note that you’ve received the gift to show appreciation.

Do this for every guests no matter how many they are. A guest list of 300 or 1,700 does not differ. These people took the time to celebrate with you, and it’s crucial that you thank them for their efforts.

Once again, think about your guests when preparing your wedding. And while this day is between you and your partner, you can never go wrong by thinking of your guests too.


Posted in Advice, Dad's Advice, Family, Wedding saga | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

To save your marriage, love your MIL… even if it kills you

My staff has recently married after a short engagement. When I asked her about her marriage, she commented that she feels embarrassed when her mother-in-law (MIL) does her laundry.

Her MIL is a housewife and used to do her husband’s laundry when he was a bachelor. The MIL has opined, “They are working and since I’m alone in the house. So, it’s better for me to do the laundry just so I have something better to do.” 

My staff is embarrassed to let her MIL literally launder her dirty laundry. In their household, she does the laundry for herself. To be honest, for many households, many women still choose to launder their own undies, bra and lingerie.

To be honest, I hate doing the laundry. I’m okay with cooking, cleaning up and doing the dishes, but ever since, I’ve always disliked doing the laundry and cleaning the toilet.


In fact, I hate it so much that I can tolerate not doing the laundry for 3 months or not cleaning the bathroom for a year.

True story.

To be honest, every guy I’ve dated could not tolerate my pigsty habits and have volunteered to launder my clothes every week.

And I let them.

But I digress.

Actually, now that I’m married, I still don’t do the laundry. My MIL does the laundry for us (gasp!). And while this information is enough to make my own mother cower in shame for not training her own daughter better, I still feel that it’s okay.


Because I know that I’d pay for my MIL doing the laundry in the future… and I am happy to be at service when she needs me.

For other people, it’s laundry. “What?!” they exclaim. “You let her do your laundry?! How shameful!”

For me, it’s strategy and a long-term play.

I know it’s not just about doing laundry. It’s in fact a long-term play for my MIL to show her affections for me, so that I will treat her and her son better.

It’s the same way of my mom cooking lunch for us every day even though we live in a different house. Every morning, she has our driver bring us lunch, and it usually contains my husband’s favorite foods like steak, shrimp and crab.

When our parents or parents-in-law does these acts of kindness, we don’t deny them the appreciation. We don’t tell them, “No, thank you. I can do it myself.” Instead, we accept these kind acts for what they are — favors that will be repaid in the future.

My mother-in-law knows that I will do whatever she asks of me. This is our silent understanding. Even if it’s something my husband would hate to do, she has my unwavering support.

This is my cost of doing laundry.

My mother knows that when she needs to ask a favor from my husband, he can never say no to her. For example, she borrowed a car from him. There’s no way he will say no to her after all the steak and shrimp he ate.

This is the real cost of in-laws being nice to us. And given that we are aware of such transactional dynamics, and understand how important it is to honor and respect parents, I look forward to payback time when it happens.

So fellow wives and mothers, it’s NOT about the laundry.

After marriage, we are constantly campaigning for our in-law’s affections. If you’re not, you should be. The Bible says to honor your parents, and even after you’re married, you should honor your spouse’s parents as well.

A lot of wives and mothers complain about their MILs. Many marriages become strained because they hate their in-laws.


They bitch and complain about their in-laws, and are surprised when their in-laws don’t like them too and try to sabotage their marriage!

I am aware how powerful in-laws can be, and how important support can be.

I know of people whose parents helped them get an annulment. Do you think that would happen if the wife worked to make their in-laws like them like a daughter?


Ladies, we need our mother-in-laws support. We need to love them like we do our own mothers. If we hate them, we do so at our own risk.

Because when we fight with their sons, you need a mother in law who would beat the shit out of her son for hurting “the only good woman you can ever have.”

We don’t want a mother-in-law who would volunteer in helping their son get a lawyer so he can divorce your ass.

Again, it’s a long-term game and we should be campaigning for our MIL’s affections. And not pit their son against them.

And if you chose to ignore my advice, do so at your own risk.




Posted in Advice, children, Conflicts, Family Drama, Marriage, Mom's advice, Motherhood, Relationships | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Mommy Review: Gymboree Magnolia

Like many mothers, I have enrolled my baby on both Gymboree and Kindermusik. For Kindermusik, my baby has finished a semester and one unit in two of their branches. For Gymboree, we have only availed of their Php 600 trial class in their branch at Robinsons Magnolia.

What Gymboree Magnolia Looks Like

Here’s what Gymboree Magnolia looks like — padded floors and materials, with wooden and plastic slides. Despite its “safe” environment, you still have to supervise and watch your child especially as they can always bock their head if they fall.

Gymboree 1.png

As you can see, there are still some hard corners a child can hit himself/herself with if you’re not careful. It will not kill your child, but it’s enough to give them a bruise.

Gymboree 2.png

Given that it’s inside the mall, the area is lighted with fluorescent and can be a bit dark. There’s no natural light pouring in, which is one limitation of a mall area that cannot be helped.

The area is clean though and well maintained. It just doesn’t look bright and brand new, but heck, that’s not what we’re there for.

The price can be a bit confusing.

Instead of charging the parents per class or per semester, Gymboree charges an annual membership fee of Php 2,000 before you can enroll your child to a class.

Gymboree 3.png

There’s a lifetime membership of Php 4,000 which you can use most likely until your child is 5 years old. After which, I don’t think Gymboree will hold their attention any longer.

The class rates are cheaper when you enroll to more classes. If you enroll your child to Gymboree 4x a day for 48 weeks for example, class is almost half the price at Php 500 + the 1-time annual fee of Php 2,000.

For simplicity sake, I made this chart so you can understand the price per class better. I don’t like confusing marketing so this chart will help you decide which classes are for you:

Gymboree 5

Being a member, you can avail of the gym free play schedule, a sample of which is as follows. As you can see, despite paying for the annual membership fee, you still cannot come and play whenever you want. Instead, you follow the schedule given by the branch.

Gymboree 4.png

As you can see, prices are NOT that cheap for an hour’s worth of play. I will talk about the program later on so you can see if it’s worth it for you or not. But in comparison, the price I pay for Kidzoona with 1 baby child is only Php 450, so a Gymboree class is almost equivalent to what you pay for in Kidzoona free play.

A Kindermusik class is Php 875 for the same hour (but with no annual fee), so technically, a Kindermusik class is slightly cheaper than Gymboree for the same amount of time your son or daughter spends in class.

Thankfully, Gymboree is one of those programs where you can try first before you enroll. Trial class was Php 600 for my child. That way, you can see if this class is meant for you before you part with your hard-earned money.

There are several classes available for Gymboree depending on age

Gymboree 6.png

Since my daughter is still less than 18 months old, we availed of the free trial class for Gymboree Play & Learn 3. After her class, we also checked out the Play & Learn 4 class, and it’s mighty similar to Play & Learn 3 except that the children are more active, and there’s a small up in terms of difficulty.

At first, the class begins with the child and their caretaker embarking in a brief sing-along, sang acapella by the teachers. This was followed by the first activity where the child, with some support, is asked to:

  1. Crossing a makeshift bridge with pillows,
  2. Climbing a wooden slide
  3. Walking across the plank
  4. Getting the colored pillows and
  5. Placing them in a plastic box at the end of the plank before
  6. Coming down the steps facing backwards

Gymboree 7.png

Yes, it’s that complicated. I think the 1-year old children finish the activity with TONS of help from their adult companions. For children who are older, they can do the activities with a lot more ease, but it’s still almost the same steps.

Thankfully, given that there were only 4 kids in the class, the teacher-student ratio was terrific.

For this session, there were two teachers and one assistant for a group of 4 students.So even though that some of the kids couldn’t even walk, everyone still managed to finish the activity in 10 minutes or so time. There’s a lot children can do with adults’ help!

After this activity, they had to climb another slide, push down pillowed shapes down the holes, before rolling two balls after reaching the top, and then sliding down.

Another activity was climbing up the stairs with assistance, moving across the pillowed tube before sliding down after reaching the end:

Gymboree 8.png

Another activity was sitting on a circle, singing songs, playing with some toys, and then appreciating the blowing bubbles song.

Gymboree 9.png

The class lasted 1 hour 15 minutes. As a whole, there was singing, a lot of movement and activity, and some free play.

My Thoughts on Gymboree

I can only talk about the trial class we experienced last week so do take my advice with a grain of salt.

Personally, Gymboree is a great program for you to plunk your child in if you want them to be occupied by an hour or two per day. After Gymboree, you can enjoy some merienda as a family in the foodcourt outside.

However, if you are operating on a limited budget and can only pick one class, I would suggest you sign up for Kindermusik instead. I say this with much caution especially since I know that a lot of mothers are big fans of Gymboree, but analyzing the two programs as a whole, I feel that Kindermusik is more cohesive, more professionally ran, and honestly speaking a better program than Gymboree.

Not that Gymboree is bad, but it’s just that the quality of Kindermusik Philippines is simply above average. From what I’ve heard, Teacher Jeannie of Cubao and BGC Chapter is one of the best Kindermusik teachers in the world. Now, how rare is that?

Kindermusik’s pricing scheme is also more straightforward than Gymboree. You can pay per class, or for a semester, and the prices don’t really vary too much.

And effect wise, while my daughter was tired after Gymboree, I felt that she enjoyed Kindermusik a lot more. The songs are catchier and are more ingrained to her brain. For example, if she pulls a tantrum, all I have to do is to sing to her and she immediately breaks into a smile.

Regardless, given that these two programs have trial classes available, you can go and see for yourself which program is better for you. If you have any questions, please feel free to contact Gymboree directly. Details are as follows:

Phone Customer Service: (632) 817-0951 local 251
Customer Service Hours: 9am to 5pm
Email Customer Service:





Posted in Advice, baby, Baby Stuff, Early Learning, enrepreneurship, Kid Problems, Parenthood, Parenting, Updates | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Make the Right Decisions Before You Get Married

It’s a week before my brother’s wedding, and his greatest problem yesterday was what type of Tempur bed to purchase.


Apparently, there’s three types of Tempur Beds — hard, soft, and softest.


My husband and I have the standard Tempur bed bought on sale almost three years ago. My husband deems it as one of the greatest life-changing things he received when he got married.

Men are so easy to please: So long as they’re fed, get enough good sleep, and have some quiet time, they’re happy.

When I got married, I made sure we had a nice bed to sleep in and luscious pillows to place our heads in. Consequently, my husband is forever indebted to me in changing his sleeping habits forever.

But before I digress, my main point in making this blog post is that we devote more resources in researching for the right type of bed, the right type of tupperware and the right type of car than in picking the right type of spouse for us.

My brother and his fiance spent long hours every night poring over online reviews to pick the right hostel to stay in their one-month long honeymoon. While the time spent on premarital counseling was only 1-2 hours per week, for 5 weeks.

In the Philippines, only one session of pre-marital counseling is required by law before getting married.

People who are avid readers of my blog know that I wasn’t a big fan of my future sister-in-law. Much tears had been shed and fights had been made because my brother disliked my husband while I disliked his choice of partner. Here’s a post I made on the matter.

I’ve read so many complaints from fellow wives about red flags they spotted from their husbands when they were still dating. Given that they wanted to get married, they ignored these problems and had lived regrettably to tell the tale.

But when all things had been said and done, by God’s grace, I am glad that I had married my husband. All of my brother’s fears were unfounded. But I was very lucky and blessed.

Now as my brother will start his next phase of life, he will have to lie in the bed he picked in.

On the plus side, I am glad he’s making the right decision of his own. Given that it’s your life, only you can decide who you can marry.

And given how relatively smooth their wedding planning was, I am quite optimistic of their marriage. Truth be told, his soon-to-be wife was not as bitchy or as demanding as I thought she would be. She was able to playfully pull in the punches, and seems to be a great fit for my brother.

Nonetheless, it’s my brother’s choice. And marriage is forever. *gulp*

One more week to go before his wedding!  Yehey!

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Dad’s Words of Wisdom: Being Hands on in Business

When we got married, my husband’s father gave us a very small business to manage. It was supposed to be our “bread and butter.”

When he gave us the business, it wasn’t cashflow steady. It was not profitable and we were running at almost break-even, often times losing money.

But it was a great platform for us to learn the trade.

My husband’s dad emailed us the following to encourage u to be hands on in business. He wasn’t kidding. Today, I am the one who source and price the product, and manage sales and operations. It’s a tedious role, and sometimes, it hurts my head to see how my work is never-ending.

And yet, he was right with the pleasure that comes in managing your own business.

I am sharing this to you because words of wisdom from older, more experienced people, are always handy. Plus, I would like to document this well.

Hope you enjoy his words of wisdom:

In business, you always hear the word “hands on”. There is no substitute to be a “hands on” in managing your own business. Because, by being “hands on”, you will know every phase, every in and out of your business.
This is very contrary to working for a big multinational organization or conglomerate. Because your job is what we call “de kahon”. You are literally confined in a box, both in your office table and duties & responsibilities.
Managing one own’s business give you the flexibility to unleash your own talent and making a go for it.If you work in a corporate setting, you are constrained or limited to do only what your boss told you to do.
I have decided to pull out (staff name) from (company name) after the transition period to give you and (husband) the flexibility of getting your own people. That being the case. I suggest that you should treat yourself as a “hands on” boss to janitor.
That means, you learn and can do everything yourself.
Once you know what you are doing and what needs to be done, you can then hire people to help you do particular tasks. You will then know whether the person you hire is up to par or not. From there, you can start building up your own organization.
It is difficult for a 40 years old servant to serve a 20 year old master (although there are exception) compare with a 20 year old servant to serve a 40 year old master.
History has more stories about the 20 year old servant who has been loyal and have serve his master well if they are treated well by the master. They remain loyal until the dead of his master.
I have make out a list of things that are to be done continuously non-stop. You should learn how to do this yourself. Because when push come to shove, and all your hire hand resign or desert you, you should see to it that you can still operate.

Otherwise, you are dead.
Posted in Advice, Dad's Advice, entrepreneurship, First Days of Marriage, Updates | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Second Chances

A friend of mine told me that his son was sullen and depressed following a failed marriage. He married young at 21 years old, at a time his now wife was 3 months pregnant, much to the chagrin of everybody.

We warned him not to get married. Everyone told him it’s a bad idea,” the father muttered. “But he insisted. He wanted to do right with this woman.”

What followed this bad decision was two now teenage kids, at least 5 years of long distance relationship as the woman migrated to the USA to study and practice nursing, him and his family following suit, and then him returning back to the Philippines when he couldn’t take it anymore.

It’s been three years since he returned,” the dad said. “And it’s hard to be separated.”

My husband knows about separation. He has been married at 26 years old to another woman — no kids thank goodness — and had his marriage annulled after 6 months of marriage. Apparently, they were fighting all the time.

You know it’s a bad marriage when your wife becomes bridezilla and sulks in the wedding just because the wedding coordinator got the song incorrect,” he said. Apparently, the wife wanted with lyrics, instead of just getting the instrumental. She was also unhappy with the waterfall decor they ordered.

The first wife was a little hot tempered. In defense, my husband was no saint either, and given their relatively young age and their immaturity to refuse to compromise to each other, the marriage was kaputz as soon as it started.

Geez, so you asked your parents to help you get annulled,” I said.

Yup,” he said, apparently not as guilty that his parents paid for his wedding AND his annulment. “The worst decision I made was to get married at 26,” he said. “The best decision I made aside from marrying you was deciding to push through the annulment at 26.”

What I do know however was that following the demise of his marriage, my husband spent the next decade enjoying his bachelorhood. Of course it got old pretty fast, and he still moans of the money and time he spent in Reserve Ortigas trying to pick up random chicks.

At that time, I didn’t believe that any good girl would want me,” he said. “Random girls, sure. But good girls? Nah.”

Well, the Lord has been good.

We met in late 2013, got married in mid 2015, had our daughter in 2016 and now she’s 15 months and walking.

Who would have known?

So yes, I’m the second wife.


In my defense, we legally got married and everything. We had the CENOMAR, marriage license, tinghun and wedding reception, although his parents invited a different set of friends this time around. It’s kind of weird to be invited to a wedding with the same groom twice.

Do I feel this to be weird?

Not at all.

Apparently, love stories are complicated. The guy or girl you think you’d spend the rest of your life with may not be the partner you’ll end up with when you die.

A sales staff of ours was married to another man when she started with us. In the course of her employment, she met another man who was more responsible, moved out of her house, moved in with him and is now pregnant with her son.

My makeup artist was a single mother with a pre-teen child. She met her now husband later, they fell deeply in love, and now they have another baby boy.

There are second chances anywhere and everywhere. Life is funny that way. And despite the wrong decisions we may have made, time has a way to make us feel better and help us redeem ourselves.

My husband, given his past, has become a better wife and father because of his sad experience.

Yesterday, I was really tired and had to go to bed early. Daughter, like any toddler, refused to do so.

My husband spent an hour walking around the area with daughter to tire both of them out. I think they both slept at 2am, stinky and hot after the night excursion.

I doubt that my husband would have done so if I was his first and only wife. He would not think his life right now would be as precious without having experienced what life would be without his family.

So I am a firm believer of second chances.

Yes, we may make the wrong decisions and fail at life, but that doesn’t mean life is over just because we make mistakes.

Let’s be the train that keeps on going, while we still can.

Have a good week everyone!


Posted in Advice, Boyfriend, Family Drama, First Days of Marriage, Husband, lovelife, Marriage, Updates | Leave a comment

My List of Baby Essentials – Here’s my list from my own experience. What’s yours?

Baby Equipment - Page 1Baby Equipment - Page 2Baby Equipment - Page 3Baby Equipment - Page 4.jpgBaby Equipment - Page 5Baby Equipment - Page 6Baby Equipment - Page 7.jpgBaby Equipment - Page 8Baby Equipment - Page 9

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How to Make Your Wife Happy

When my baby was born, I was caught up with babywearing, and hoarded carriers. My mom bought me an Ergobaby 360 before our daughter was born, and since it was too hot and bulky, we bought the Baby K’Tan for our newborn.

Unfortunately, while the Baby K’Tan is light and convenient, it’s also catered to the body size of the wearer. This means that given that I, my husband and our yaya have different body sizes, we had to get three Baby K’Tans for our family (XS, M, L).

When the Babywearing Philippines Facebook group started talking about the Love & Carry Air carrier, a lighter and cheaper alternative to the Ergobaby 360, I knew I had to get it. At Php 3,950 for a set with two free drool pads, it was for me a steal. So I bought.

Then, there was the Bitybean which was on sale at Php 2,800 at a baby fair. The lightest, safety certified carrier there is, the Bitybean was for “travel” since you can just roll it up and chuck it back in your bag for emergency use.

Yes, I’m a crazy hoarder, I know.

I always tell myself that I’d sell them one day, but so far, I haven’t. My husband knows not to argue with his unreasonable wife.

*In the background, my husband shakes his head in shame*

Now this month, while baby is 15 months old, I saw that the Lillebaby Complete Airflow combined all the features of the Love & Carry mesh and the Ergobaby’s front facing capability. Since it was made out of mesh, it was way lighter and airier than the Ergobaby 360.

I wanted to buy it. It was impractical but I wanted it and checked out the sites for the last two weeks.

It’s for our next trip,” I told husband. “I know that baby want to front-face and this is the safest carrier there is.”

“How much is it?”

“It’s Php 7499.75.” I answered as husband promptly fell off his chair.

You don’t need it,” was his curt answer.

I know… I know… after owning almost every single carrier in the book, I didn’t need another one.

Yesterday however, we were going around SM Department store, and as luck might have it, it was their March Wednesday sale. If you have an SM Prestige card, you get an extra 10% off.

I automatically headed over to the Lillebaby counter. Aha, it was on sale! And it was discounted!

I couldn’t help myself, I looked around for my husband but he wasn’t there. He was taking some of our shopping back to the car.

I felt guilty and tried it. I still wanted it but I knew husband didn’t approve. And we have talked about saving money.

So I decided to carry the Lillebaby Complete Airflow box around while I shopped for the item I really needed to buy, a plaid long-sleeve shirt for my daughter for her last day of school.

As I looked around, my husband found and called me, “Hey Bonita!”

I jumped in surprise, feeling a bit guilty for bringing the Lillebaby box around.

I wanted to buy this carrier but I know you won’t approve,” I said meekly.

He looked at me.

I was expecting to be sermoned, but it never came.

Then he broke to a smile and said, “Okay, if you want it, you can go and pay for it.”

I was floored and over the moon.

I proceeded to pay at the counter, and was very happy.

Then as I carried my precious package out, I remembered that this is what marriage is all about. It’s not fighting about winning or losing, but rather in giving the other person their way sometimes.

At a relatively cheap price of a Lillebaby Air, which by the way was at 10% off, my husband made me a very happy and appreciative wife for a night.


Sometimes, each of us can be very irrational. And as rational human beings, we try to stop our partners when we want something unreasonable.

No, it’s not practical,” we’ll say. “You don’t need to buy it.”

It happens when my husband buys another Transformer toy (he’s a collector) at Toy Kingdom. “Why do you need another version of the Devastator?” I’d ask. “Transformers value do not appreciate the same way as Lego does.”

It happens when he spends most of the entire night painting his Gundam models.

It happens when he asks for the driver that afternoon to deliver one of his pet projects to a customer, and I’d have to Uber to and fro the pre-school to pick up our daughter.

But who am I to complain?

As the Lillebaby example has shown, I am irrational too.

I am irrational as I buy my nth baby carrier even though we already have too many carriers.

I am irrational as I purchase more books for my baby in Amazon, even though she still can’t read.

I am irrational as I think about enrolling my daughter to her second pre-school, while being enrolled already to one. I was a Montessori child, so I was thinking of having her go to Montessori in the morning, and her playschool in the afternoon. Please note that she is only 15 months old.

A happy marriage is a balance — sometimes, husband gets irrational. Sometimes, wife gets irrational. But regardless on who is irrational, it’s important to acknowledge that marriage is for the both of you. It’s not a zero sum game where one wins and one loses.

It’s about giving way and making each other happy from time to time, as long as your family can still budget and afford it, no matter how irrational it seems.

Have a great week everyone!

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The Cookie Test

My husband tells me that he comes from a family that doesn’t say “Thank you” a lot. He chides my family for being overly polite and for saying thank you too often that it almost comes out as fake and meaningless.

My mother used to dislike the fact that every time she does something nice to my husband and to my husband’s family, they forget to say thank you.

I won’t do nice things for them anymore if they’re so unappreciative,” she’d huff and puff.

Personally, I think I’m mostly a kind and generous person. And I like helping out people whenever I can.

But I also do like some appreciation for the kindness that I do. And if people do not reciprocate, then I am discouraged to help them again next time.

Why help them if they don’t say thank you or show appreciation? It’s not as if I need to help them.

Again, my husband reminds me this thinking is wrong.

My husband tells me that when you want to be generous and giving, you shouldn’t expect anything in return. “It’s wrong to give just because you think your goodwill will be reciprocated. Then the good turn doesn’t come from the goodness of your heart.”

Well, I’m human and I don’t care.

If people don’t show appreciation, then I don’t need to help them next time.

This happens often as I donate my milk. As per my previous post, I have already donated more than 3000 oz of milk over the last 10 months.

Now, whenever I give milk, I don’t ask for anything in return. Some people offer to pay but I refuse. I do accept a token of appreciation now and then for milk bags — they cost around Php 10 a piece — or sometimes a box of brownies or cookies.

The Cookie Test.jpg

I usually get some token of appreciation most of the time I donate. The best people who receive my baby’s breastmilk are those who:

  1. Pick up the breastmilk themselves, with or without the baby in tow
  2. Show personal appreciation on getting the milk
  3. Give a small token of appreciation such as some fruits or some brownies for the milk

When this happens, my heart grows bigger and I usually donate to them when they ask.

Sometimes however, there are some mothers who don’t know how to say appreciation. Like there was a mother who messaged me on Facebook for milk, asked her driver to pick it up, and never even said thank you.


There was another mother who asked for some milk, which I gave generously of. Her driver picked it up, and she did say thank you. But when she asked again the second time, her driver was 1.5 hours late, causing my girl to wait for him till 9pm overtime (since pickup was from our office).

Sorry! Should I give her something for overtime? Really sorry,” she messaged me.

Well, after waiting for more than an hour at night, I sent my girl home because she had a family to go home to. I went to the office to meet her driver to again give this mommy my milk.

Of course, it was just a normal driver with a huge cooler. It wasn’t even the mother who requested for milk twice. And no, there were no tokens of appreciation or cookies.

I gave the driver 125 oz. of milk and he left.

What is the lesson here?

I think the lesson is this, in society, it’s crucial to give and take. Sometimes, we help and sometimes we receive help. What’s most important when receiving help is to always say thank you and to show appreciation, hopefully with some sort of small token.

How much does it take to actually pick up the precious milk gold yourself so at least I know who I am donating to?

How much is a box of cookies? Php 75 or Php 80?

How much does it take to show people you really appreciate what they’re doing, instead of leaving them to feel that you’ve taken them for granted?

Again, it’s not the cookies that matters. But it’s how you react when someone is helpful to you that shows what type of person you are. On whether your parents have taught you the correct manners or not.

To be honest, I cannot wait for my daughter to grow up. I will teach her the cookie test. Even if my husband’s family is not a thank you saying family, I will teach my daughter to properly say thank you and please because it’s the good thing to do.

Never do I want anyone to feel they’ve been used or taken advantage of just because my child is not taught correctly how to show appreciation. It shows a lack of class and good manners.

So yes, saying thank you too much may run a risk of people seeing you as fake.

But failing the cookie test — such as not saying thank you or properly showing appreciation — is an even bigger abomination.



Posted in children, Family, Rants, Updates | 1 Comment

A Reason for Everything

I believe that there is a reason for everything. When things don’t go our way, there’s usually a hidden plan behind it.

I remembered when I was in Taiwan, I applied for a marketing position in DeBeers, one of the world’s leading diamond sourcing and retailing companies. I had the marketing education and the interest, but had difficulty in their exam where they asked me to translate an English article to Chinese.

At that time, I could speak fluent Mandarin, at least for a foreigner. But Chinese reading and writing were still my weaknesses and I failed miserably.

I remembered being very disappointed after not getting the job. Who wouldn’t right?

But what can a girl do?

I continued working for the company until I received another call from a headhunter. Apparently, a leading investment bank was looking for a coordinator, and my extra-curricular activities gave me the experience and background to do the job well.

After six months, I got the job… and it is still one of the best jobs I’ve ever had.

I would not have gotten the plush job if I was accepted by DeBeers.

The same goes for my love life…

I dated several men from different cultures and nationalities. My first boyfriend was Japanese, the second was American-Born Chinese, and then an Irishman, before moving on to a Filipino-Chinese.

From the Japanese guy, I learned that it’s important to date a guy whom you share the same language with. Do you know how hard it is to express yourself when you’re mad when all you can say is, “Wo hen seng qi?” (I’m very angry) and “Wo bu gao xing!” (I am very unhappy).

Regardless on our initial attraction to each other, I couldn’t be Japanese enough and he couldn’t get that. He wanted me to know how to be polite and know how to be Japanese. Even though my directness was initially cute, it became tiring in the end.

We mutually agreed to end it after more than a year of dating.

For the American-born Chinese, when I met him, he was recently divorced, single and ready to mingle. He was great, don’t get me wrong. But he was still discovering himself after being in a long-term relationship with his wife.

Lesson learned: Don’t date a guy who recently got divorced. No matter how charming he is, wait for at least 2 years before dating him.

I think I was one of the first women he dated after his divorce. Then, he dated another lovely woman who was a year younger than I was. I think he left a lot of broken hearts in his wake because he was still finding his way.

That was selfish of him of course, but perfectly natural. Again, he wasn’t ready for any serious dating. He finally reconnected and re-married the real love of his life after he broke up with the younger woman.

But what I learned from this relationship was that dating divorced or separated men were okay. Despite the social stigma of dating divorced men in the Philippines, I remained unaffected.

That’s why, when I met my now husband who had been married and annulled his marriage 10 years ago, it was fine. Of course, my mom almost had a heart attack and we went through a gazillion couples counselling sessions, but the fact that I would be the second wife didn’t really faze me much.

I think it was because I dated divorced ABC that led me to being more accepting of my annulled single husband.

The third guy I dated taught me that I had to date physically and emotionally available men. Long distance was a bitch, and unless you can be public with a relationship, then it’s better not to proceed.

By the time I dated third boyfriend, I learned how to let go of men who weren’t really healthy for me. And while I have no regrets on dating him, as soon as I found out there was no future, I got out of the relationship as fast as I could.

As for fourth boyfriend, I realized how important it is that you and boyfie must share the same wavelength.

While fourth boyfriend finally shared the same culture/background since he was similarly Filipino-Chinese, was emotionally available and gave me all I wanted, and was completely single, we didn’t really share the same beliefs and principles.

For one, he wanted me to be a housewife like his mom. I would rather die than to cook, do the housework, and clean the toilet on a regular basis. That’s just not me.

He also wanted me to be subservient. I was the opposite of submissive. In fact, I was a complete b*tch to him.I guess that’s what happens when a guy is too nice to you. You sort of take advantage of that kindness.

I didn’t really get him too much. He found me to be too direct, tactless and aggressive. We were really not a good match.

We stayed for 2.5 years because I didn’t know anything better. Fortunately, he dumped me for another woman who was better suited for him, and I learned how important dating someone who “gets” you and can make you laugh.

It sucks when you date someone you don’t share too much in common with, and all you can do when you eat is stare at the food or your mobile phones:


I cried for 4 months after we broke up. I guess I was not used to rejection and it hurts to be replaced.

But I learned to trust the process and moved on. I kept an open mind and dated guys who I wouldn’t otherwise consider. I went on blind dates, group dates and tried online dating.

Then I met my now husband.

And suddenly everything made sense.

We shared the same background and culture, and grew up in the same type of household. His mother and father worked in their business together, and we lived 5 kms from each other. And unlike boyfriend four, he gets me.

So you snore…” he said after we got married.


Yes…” I answered. To be honest, snoring is one of the habits I’m ashamed of. When I sleep, I sleep like a log. But apparently, I snore pretty loud for a girl.

Boyfriend #4 was a light sleeper so that was a problem. I remembered being ashamed that I snored and he couldn’t get a good night’s sleep.

“Well that’s fine,”  he said. “Our baby snores too.”

As for the laundry, he’s appalled that I don’t do any housework, cook or clean for him. His mother actually does it for us. Actually, for all of my relationships, all of my boyfriends did my laundry. I really hated doing the laundry.

Oh well, I’d rather you work and help me in business than cleaning our toilet,” he said.

Now that’s a relief. It’s great when someone accepts you for who you really are.

Point being, there’s always a reason for everything. 

For every disappointment or heartbreak comes a bright light. I don’t think there are any accidents in life. And I think that every little thing that happens to us opens us up to the next scenario, which would not have been possible if ever we did not go through the thing we did.

Sometimes, I wonder what life will bring. I’m a Christian so I do believe in God’s promise that He is in control, and everything will be okay (Jeremiah 29:11).

But as I look back in my life, I realize that everything brought me to these moments and I’m thankful.

How about you? Have you realized that your life is built in steps, and all the things that happened in the past opened you up to today? Let me know what you think.

Have a good Sunday!

Posted in Advice, Boyfriend, lovelife, Marriage, Updates | Tagged , , , | 2 Comments

My Thoughts on Early Learning

I’m a big fan of early learning for my child.

I began hoarding books when she was born, scouring pre-loved book depositories for bargains and ordering from the rest. Here’s one site where I get my second hand children’s books in the Philippines.

At seven months old, she attended her first Kindermusik class.


She came home so excited and despite her young age, will drum her hands whenever she hears us singing. Our baby really loved her Kindermusik classes. Here are some of the schedules for those who are curious about the classes.

Kindermusik classes are once a week, for an hour per time. It includes 15 minute free time and 45 minutes of continuous singing and parent/yaya participation.

I strongly recommend Kindermusik to any mother. I believe the class semester cost Php 18,500. We enrolled her to a monthly class that cost Php 3,500 (or Php 875 per class). If you can afford it, they’re well worth your time and money.

Afterwards, I enrolled my daughter to a pre-nursery class.

The pre-nursery kindergarten exposes children to reading at any early age. The earliest you can get in is 1 year old. Our baby started at 11 months old, the youngest possible age.

Classes is 5x a week, at 1.5 hours per day. The ratio of teacher to student is 1.5 teacher to 1 student. In my daughter’s class, there are 2 teachers and 1 assistant, so the program really focuses on your child.

I remembered her first day — there was some free time with music and toys, followed by some singing and book reading. The book on her first day was “Where is Spot?”  Afterwards, the teacher will teach them about phonetics.

Since parents are not allowed to come in anymore after the first week to allow children to be more independent, we aren’t privy to what’s going on in her class. However, I do see a slight uptick on her need to read books every evening.

When we get home and after she bathes, there’s reading time. She will toddle and get a book from her bookshelf for me to read out loud.

So I guess early learning classes work. As a working mother, I cannot babysit my daughter full-time, and I don’t want to leave her with the maid all the time. It’s good to have some formal teaching environment for her to socialize properly and to hopefully absorb some good information from trained teachers.

Some mothers laugh at me and chide me from being a tiger mom. “What if your baby gets scared of school because you expose her to formal schooling so early?”

That’s the issue — I honestly believe that babies are very resilient and adaptable creatures. The schools I enroll them in are actually playschools, where they mostly do play and all teachers are hired to ensure that learning becomes fun for them.

There are no grades or pressure to do well. There’s no honor roll or competition among babies. Instead, all they have to do is show up while a bunch of adults entertain them.

In a way, early schools teach kids that learning is FUN.

Instead of scaring kids, I think early schools show them that teachers are friends and schools can be fun places. And if that doesn’t set a positive tone early in their education, I don’t know what else to do.

How about you? Will you enroll your kids to a playschool while they’re very young? At what age do you think they should start schooling?


Posted in baby, Baby Stuff | Leave a comment

When Someone Betrays Your Trust

I found out two months ago that my assistant has been stealing money from the company. She’s been doing it since February 2016, and has gradually started siphoning money from the company account to her personal bank account.

When I discovered it, I couldn’t believe it.

This was a woman I entrusted money to. Whom I foolishly believed would NOT steal. Who I’ve worked with since I started with the company.

Here was a single mother of a 7-year old boy, whom we hired after she was ceremoniously dumped by her live-in partner for another woman. She was amicable and friendly, positive in thinking and work, and seemed adamant to do good for the future of her little boy.


And yet she stole.

She stole for her son’s medications since he had asthma. And she stole to fund her sibling’s application to work in Saudi Arabia, and to be a sugar mommy to her uneducated and poorer driver boyfriend.

I found out last December and I was sad for a week. Here she was, lying to my face. My husband and I went to our lawyers and they convinced us that the best way to approach this is to bring this charge to the National Bureau of Investigation (NBI).

Unfortunately, that meant not confronting her as soon as we found out. “Cooler heads will prevail,” our lawyer said. This is not only a criminal case, but if done improperly can be an HR headache. “There must be due process,” he warned.

It is apparently not uncommon for fired employees who stole money to report to the Department of Labor to ask for their backpay for being unfairly fired.

So we waited till we built the case.

We spent two months observing her, first by removing her from a position where she can steal even more money, and to slowly but surely transition her work to another co-worker so that even if she ran away, the company operations would keep running. And we made sure that every single offense was properly documented to protect us from possible labor complaints labor on.

Of course, that meant giving her her 13th month pay, which is by the law, and continuing to employ her until she received her NBI subpoena. We even had to include her in our Christmas party where she gave a sweet speech on how good the company was to her.

Ha! If only people could see the hypocrisy of her words!

I am not a fake person, so it was a struggle for me to treat her fairly and nicely as if nothing happened. In the beginning it was hard. This was someone I trusted, and she has severely, blatantly and grossly betrayed this trust. At home, I was saddened and sickened on how she could do it.

But after awhile, I focused more on our business and our people, and things were a lot easier to bear.

Hence, when she was served her NBI subpoena this week, it was finally a sweet relief after months of waiting. The NBI was delivered to our office by courier, and was opened by her at her desk.

Then, we talked to her.

At first, she denied the allegations, saying that she will help find the money. “It’s just there, ma’m,” she countered as she flipped through our company passbook.

But when I told her that the money was NOT there, that I’ve checked, triple checked and checked again, and the money was still not there and only she had access to the money, she broke down and confessed to everything.

She confessed how she stole the money. How she slowly took money from the company account until the amount was too big for her to pay.

She confessed on where she spent the money. She spent it on her son, and her sibling’s application to Saudi, and on her boyfriend, among many other things. The money is now gone, and there’s no way she can recuperate the money.

She confessed how she stole our company ledger in the attempts to hide her crime.

And she confessed how she forged my signature in November 2016 to steal cash.

Basically, she confessed everything. I already know about everything and have sufficient proof to tie her to all of her illegal activities, but it was still nice to get some closure and an answer from her own words that she took it.

According to the Revised Penal Code  of the Philippines, Article 308 and 309, given her crime, she is liable to be jailed for 20 years:

“Article 308. Who are liable for theft: Theft is committed by any person who, with intent to gain but without violence against, or intimidation of persons nor force upon things, shall take personal property of another without the latter’s consent.”

You may file a complaint for theft against your housemate who took your cellphone before the Office of the Prosecutor of the place where your cellphone was stolen. To successfully prosecute her of the crime of theft, you must prove the following elements: 1) that there be taking of personal property; 2) that said property belongs to another; 3) that the taking be done with intent to gain; 4) that the taking be done without the consent of the owner; 5) that the taking be accomplished without the use of violence against or intimidation of persons or force upon things (Luis B. Reyes, The Revised Penal Code (Book Two), 14th Edition, page 686).

The penalty for the crime of theft shall depend upon the value of the thing stolen. Since the value of your cellphone is P18,000, the penalty to be meted out to the person liable to the theft is that which is provided in Article 309 par. 1 of the Revised Penal Code, to wit:

“Article 309. Penalties. – Any person guilty of theft shall be punished by:

1. The penalty of prision mayor in its minimum and medium periods, if the value of the thing stolen is more than P12,000 but does not exceed P22,000, but if the value of the thing stolen exceeds the latter amount the penalty shall be the maximum period of the one prescribed in this paragraph, and one year for each additional P10,000, but the total of the penalty which may be imposed shall not exceed twenty years. In such cases, and in connection with the accessory penalties which may be imposed and for the purpose of the other provisions of this Code, the penalty shall be termed prision mayor or reclusion temporal, as the case may be.”

Add forgery to the list of crimes and if caught, her son will be 27 years old when she gets out of jail.

She broke down and cried in front of us. She said how sorry she was, and how we haven’t really been bad employers but she was only forced because she needed the money.

Now before you feel bad for her, please know that I have other people under my employ who earns a lot less than her.

Her salary was high enough for a supervisory position and her bonus last year was probably more money than she’ll ever earn in a single month. This is a person with money, who foolishly became Mrs. Santa Claus to her relatives and boyfriend, stealing money from the company because she didn’t think she’ll get caught.

No, she didn’t need more money. She had more than enough. She was just stupid enough never to say no when her family and boyfriend asked for money and felt that the company bank account was a convenient ATM machine.

So I don’t feel bad for her. She stole money from ME. From the company. If she knows she will feel bad, then she shouldn’t have stolen money in the first place.

Good people do NOT steal. People who steal are THIEVES.

And if you steal, the law takes the case out of my hands and put you in jail.


For her offense, that’s 20 years (excluding forgery) of jail.

Again, we have a very strong case. There’s nobody to blame but her, and the fact that she even forged documents to steal more money is damning.

But cool heads must prevail — I told her that because she stole the money, she must return the money in full.

The more you return, the shorter your sentence will be,” I told her. “But if you do not pay it back, there will be an arrest warrant for you this year and you WILL go to jail. And if you go to jail, who will take care of your son?”

People celebrate when a relative becomes Mrs. Santa Claus and give them financial assistance. But how many relatives and friends will actually be there for you and your family IF they know you are a criminal in jail?

Think about your child,” I implored. “Do the right thing.”

It’s obvious what will happen to her child if she doesn’t do the right thing. Multiple studies show how children of incarcerated people suffer. Some answers are here, here, and here.


As a mother, I pity her child. I think a child must be innocent of her parents’ mistakes, and yet, it can be traumatic for any child to know that his/her mother is in jail for doing the wrong thing.


Despite being a mother, I still believe that crime does not pay. I believe that the world must be balanced, and despite how I feel, crime should be corrected. The law must met out the correct punishment.

It’s all about the principle. For me, there is doing the right thing and the wrong thing. Always do the right thing. And if you do the wrong thing, the universe will come and bite you in the butt so hard you don’t know what hit you.

In fact, what I did is more than fair — the whole process in getting her arrested for jail will take 3-4 months. If she can come up and return the money in full, we will drop charges and she can chock this experience to one bad dream.

Given your experience with us, you can find a better job elsewhere,” I advised. “But if you don’t return the money, you will end up in jail. The police WILL find you. We will make sure they do their job. So do the right thing.”

I honestly don’t know if she will follow my advice. Most people don’t. That’s why they get into trouble. That’s why she stole money in the first place.

But I hope she doesn’t underestimate my act of kindness as a way to flee. As a mother with a child, you can’t flee too far. You can’t run away for years. Justice will still be served if not this year, but the next or the next.

70-30 she will flee. Let’s see if she will face her crimes. But at least, there’s a good preliminary conclusion to this investigation. Now, let’s see what happens in the next couple of months.

Any comments, please let me know.


Posted in entrepreneurship, Filipino Men/Women, Finance, Philippines, Work | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Do You Have a Prenup?

My brother is marrying his girlfriend next month. While other men experience the 7-year itch, brother has chosen to forget the itch and actually put a ring on it.

And when two families get together, there are legalities both sides have to think about. Take for example, the concept of conjugal property. Apparently, there are 3 kinds of property regimes for married couples in the Philippines. They are:

  1. Absolute Community of Property (everything you both own before and during the marriage is conjugal),
  2. Conjugal Partnership of Gains (whatever you own before the marriage is yours alone but whatever you earn during the marriage is conjugal), and
  3. Complete Separation of Property

If no agreement was made at the time of the marriage, then the default regime is absolute community of property. That means, everything you own and everything he owns coming to the marriage are now mutually AND jointly owned by you.

This is great if you are marrying up.

Without any prior agreement before the marriage, a person marrying a richer spouse finds himself/herself co-owner of whatever asset her richer spouse have. Great, if you married a billionaire!


It sucks though if you’re marrying down.

If you’re the richer of the two, all of a sudden, everything you own is now co-owned by your spouse, regardless on what happened in the marriage.

For example, there are many instances of spouses who lied, cheated and abused you, and yet, when it’s time for you to divvy up your assets, you find yourself still giving that lying cheating SOB most of your money.

Here are just a few examples.

That is why, before marriage, instead of thinking about just the love and happiness you share right now, you might have to wisely consider signing a pre-nuptial agreement.

*Everyone gasps*

But that’s cruel!” people will exclaim. “That means you will leave your (poorer) spouse in the dirt in case the marriage won’t work out!”


Are you accusing her of gold-digging?” they’ll say. “She’s not a gold-digger. She’s actually in it for true love.”

Uhmmm… here’s the clincher — If you really think hard about it, there are no risks to you in having your future spouse signing a pre-nup. Sure, he/she may be unhappy at the concept of complete separation of property if in case the marriage don’t work out. But if you think about it, you are actually protecting yourself against a future that MIGHT happen, and if they sign it, it really means that they’re only after you, and not after your money.

I’ve thought about it carefully and thoroughly.

Think about it, first, signing the pre-nup actually encourages the marriage to prosper. If it does not survive, then both of you cleanly keep your properties separate as if the marriage didn’t happen. Haing signed the pre-nup, it’s in everyone’s incentive to keep the marriage going.

Two, the prenup only kicks in IF the marriage doesn’t survive. Given that you’re so in love, why be afraid of a future that you think will not happen? If the marriage lives to an old age, don’t you think that the spouse will enjoy the lifestyle and its fruits while being married to the wealthier spouse?

For example, Melania Trump does not fly coach while President Donald Trump flies in his private jet. If Donald Trump flies in a private jet, Melania joins him too.

Three, the fact that a prenup is a point in contention might reveal that the poorer partners’ intention might not be as clean in the first place. If money is not truly a factor in the union, the prenup is no big deal.

That’s why, I believe it’s important to see your future spouse’s reaction when you ask them to sign the prenup.

If they understand the concept of it and signs it without too much pomp and fuss, then you might have a keeper. But, if the person picks a fight about it to you, then, you might have to be careful. The marriage may be about the money after all.


Here’s what most pre-nups indicate — That the assets and its fruits of both parties are kept separate throughout the marriage, though it’s possible that you may keep a joint account for your expenses. The assets of each spouse does not go to the other at the time of death. Instead, it goes to your heirs or children, which is where the money should go in the first place.

I’ve actually signed a pre-nup before marrying my husband.

In fact, it was his father’s idea.

To put it in context, his father has asked all his children’s future spouses to sign a prenup so it wasn’t a really big deal for me. I was expecting it since dating him.

When I read the prenup, I admittedly felt very comfortable. I was okay with the concept of his assets being passed on to his heir at the time of his death. But I was uncomfortable when I read that if he dies, I would not own any of his assets, as if the marriage didn’t take place. It was not a very romantic document to sign to.

But I understood its practicalities and signed it. No fuss, no complaints, no big drama. Just signed it, had it notarized, and each having a copy.

And because it’s Valentine’s, I’m happy to share with you the contents of my prenup in case you need it.

Save yourself the trouble and get yourself a prenup. I signed it. My husband signed it. And we are still happily married.

Don’t get stuck with your pants down just because you’re in love. Love might not be binding but a Prenuptial Agreement is.

Happy heart’s day!



                This Pre-Nuptial Agreement (“Agreement”) made and executed this ____ day of Month 20__ in ____________, Philippines, by and between:

Husband’s Name (hereinafter referred to as the (Husband-To-Be), or (“Husband”), with residence at Husband’s Address;

– and –

My Name (hereinafter referred to as the [Wife-To-Be], or (“Wife”), with residence at My Address;

(Each person will be called “Party” and collectively, “Parties”).


WHEREAS, The Parties intend to get married in the near future after the signing of this document and have agreed to set forth their agreement insofar as the regime which will govern their property and financial relationship. The matters set forth herein are intended to remove any doubt and/or question by establishing the limits or eliminates the rights of a Spouse in and to the property and income of the other Spouse, according to the terms set forth herein.

The terms set forth herein constitute the agreement of the Parties, which may change the normal operation of law in the event of death or termination of the marriage during the lifetime of the Parties. Accordingly, each of the Parties hereby agrees to accept and carry out the terms of this Agreement in full and complete satisfaction and waiver of all his or her legal rights in and to the property and income of the other Spouse.

This Agreement shall become effective only upon the marriage of the Parties and shall be invalid, null and void in the event that the planned marriage of the Parties does not occur.

NOW, THEREFORE, IN CONSIDERATION OF the contemplated marriage of the Parties and the promises contained herein, the Parties agree as follows:

  1. Full Disclosure.

Each of the Parties understands that, for this Agreement to be valid and enforceable, it must be based on a full mutual disclosure of each Party’s financial status to the other Party. Each of the Parties has made a full, complete and fair disclosure of all his or her property, liabilities and income to the other Party by an itemized list delivered to the other Party which are attached to and made a part of this Agreement. All of Husband’s financial net worth and income is set forth in Exhibit A, which Husband verifies is true and accurate. All of Wife’s financial net worth and income is set forth in Exhibit B, which Wife verifies to be true and accurate.

Each of the Parties further states that he or she has fully reviewed the financial Exhibit of the other Party and has become familiar with the financial status, circumstances and condition of the other Party before signing this Agreement.

  1. 2. Separate Property.

As used in this Agreement, the term “Separate Property” means all rights, titles, and interests to property, whether real property, personal property, mixed including cash and investments/securities/bonds and similar financial instruments wherever located, invested or found, which is owned separately by either Party as contained in Exhibits “A” and “B” hereof. The term “Separate Property” shall also include the following:

  1. All income produced by or from any Separate Property, the rights to all appreciation or gain, the rights to all proceeds from the sale thereof and the exclusive right to manage, operate, dispose, invest and exercise absolute ownership over such property;
  2. Property obtained or acquired in the future after the date this Agreement is signed (“after-acquired” Separate Property) which is/are: (i) obtained through sale, trade, exchange, development or improvement of currently owned Separate Property; or (ii) Purchased from separately owned money or funds or through loans or credit separately obtained by one of the Parties; or (iii) Combination of (i) and (ii);
  3. Property and/or funds obtained or received by one of the Parties by way of gift or inheritance; and,
  4. Any and all successor businesses, including proprietorships, partnerships, and corporations. In general, after acquired Separate Property of a Party usually comes from currently owned Separate Property, or separately obtained credit, or both.

Unless otherwise specified in this Agreement, neither Party shall have any right, title, or interest in, nor any claim against the Separate Property of the other Party, whether currently owned or after-acquired during the contemplated marriage or after its termination during lifetime or upon death. Accordingly, each Party shall have the exclusive right: (a) to dispose of or transfer any or all of his or her Separate Property by inter-vivos (lifetime) or testamentary (at death) including by will, trust, or gift, or by any other disposition, and, (b) Each Party shall have the right to mortgage, encumber, hypothecate, or pledge his or her Separate Property, at his or her sole discretion as if their contemplated marriage had not occurred.

The Parties understand that if they are married, it may be necessary for a Spouse dealing with his or her own Separate Property to obtain the other Spouse’s signature on certain documents in order to satisfy the requirements of lenders, title companies, applicable law, buyers, sellers or others. Therefore, each Party agrees that, when so requested by the other Party during the marriage, he or she will cooperate, join, and sign documents, including contracts, deeds, mortgages and gifts which transfer an apparent interest of the Spouse. However, the participation of the non-owner Spouse shall neither create any personal liability on him or her  or against the property of the non-owner Spouse nor shall it create any interest, right or claim to the owner-Spouse’s separate property. This notwithstanding, nothing herein shall prohibit either Party from leaving any of his or her Separate Property to the other Party by will, trust or other such method, but this provision shall not create any right or claim by the other Party.

  1. Jointly Owned Property, Accounts, Living Expenses and Obligations.

During the term of the marriage, the Parties may acquire jointly owned property. For all property other than their personal residence, such acquisitions may be made either from joint funds or through separate contributions by each Party. If made from separate contributions, the Parties may by separate agreement specify the interest of each Party therein. Further, in the absence of any separate agreement, each Party will be deemed to have an equal interest in such jointly acquired property.  The respective interest of the Parties shall be documented and reflected in the pertinent ownership/property documents.

For their living expenses and other joint needs, the Pa